Tagged: Michael Davis

Thank you. Thank you very much… by Michael Davis

Thank you. Thank you very much… by Michael Davis

Every Thanksgiving the media does reports on what makes people thankful. It’s always the same things. Husbands are thankful for their wives and kids. Wives are thankful for their husband and kids. Older people are thankful for good health. Kids are thankful for their Mom & Dad. Blah, blah, blah…

blahblahblahblahblahblah!

Give me a break. I mean come on; everybody loves his or her family. Well almost everybody. I forgot about the Menendez Brothers.

I love my family, as I’m sure you do but besides them, I wonder what people are really thankful for?

I think I may know…

Men are thankful for women and power tools. Women are thankful for shoes and power tools (…give it a moment). Skinny people are thankful for fat people. Fat people are thankful for meat. Black people are thankful for Lincoln and videotape, especially in Los Angeles. White people are thankful for golf and vacations. Super models are thankful for books on tape. Liberals are thankful for rent control and gun legislation. Conservatives are thankful for gated communities and guns.

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Unconventional reading

Unconventional reading

Some of us not being nearly as young as we used to be, yesterday’s National convention in NYC pretty much wiped us for the weekend.  Other ComicMix folks will be in attendance today, but we’re resting our aching back and legs and never-you-mind, and catching up on the past week of columns:

And, although it goes without saying, don’t forget to click on our free online comics as well!

If I Ruled The World, by Michael Davis

If I Ruled The World, by Michael Davis

Everybody that hates my guts just got a chill when they read the title of this article. Michael Davis ruling the world? Oh HELL NO!

As unlikely as that scenario is (I said unlikely but nothing is impossible and I am working on it) but in the unlikely event that I do someday rule the world this is how I would roll.

How will I come to rule the world? With love, kindness, respect and with unrelenting optimism. If that fails, I am the only person who will have a powerful DEATH RAY that could wipe anyone or anything off of Earth.

WORLD POLITICS

The French will shut the hell up about how they superior in all things art. The US will recognize other countries rights. Canada will just go away. On second thought, let’s keep Canada and get rid of France.

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Striking the right notes

Striking the right notes

As the WGA strike begins its second week, ComicMix staffers and columnists applaud our fellow writers, remind readers to keep turning to United Hollywood and Deadline Hollywood Daily for the latest news, and promise to keep entertaining you as best we can!  Here’s what we’ve had for you this past week:

May the WGA get everything it wants and well deserves!

With Great Power… by Michael Davis

With Great Power… by Michael Davis

It’s no secret that I think that people who worship celebrity are idiots. I mean, come on; do these people really think that Britney is thinking about them? Every night on a popular entertainment news program they have something called “Britney watch.” That is just nuts to me. This show follows Britney Spears everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! If she goes to Starbucks there are camera crews watching her sip from a cup. I’m not kidding.

Most of the people we hold up as stars are also looked up to by many as heroes. Really? With that in mind I wondered what would happen if our super heroes acted like today’s stars.

My apologies in advance to DC, Marvel, Archie and everyone else. Hey guys, satire is good for the soul!

High above the skies of Metropolis an epic battle rages. For hours Superman and the evil super villain have traded blow after terrific blow. Neither asking for quarter neither granting any. Finally Superman looks into the face of the evil super villain and shouts, “You can’t win evil, super villain!” The evil super villain produces a green rock from behind his back. He thrusts it out at Superman who withdraws in terror! “ Kryptonite!” Superman says the word as if its very mention is painful to him. The evil super villain flies closer to Superman who is struggling to remain airborne. “Now you will die!!” The evil super villain declares as Superman plummets from the sky!

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An extra hour to read

An extra hour to read

Move those clocks back and use the exta time to settle in with ComicMix columns, why don’tcha!  Here’s what we’ve brought you this past week:

Now that’s an hour well spent!

Dumb Ass, by Michael Davis

Dumb Ass, by Michael Davis

DNA pioneer James Watson says blacks are genetically less smart. He told a UK newspaper whites are more intelligent. Watson, the man who along with Francis Crick won the Nobel Prize for discovering the double-helix structure of DNA, is facing a HUGE backlash after claiming that black people are genetically less intelligent than whites.

 

I don’t know what the uproar is. He’s right. Well he’s right when it comes to me. I’m sure he’s smarter than I am.

Or is he?

I’m a pretty smart guy but I doubt if I’m smarter than a Nobel Prize winning scientist.

Or am I?

Mr. Watson tells the world that black people are dumber than white people and expected kudos from the world for his insight.

That’s like me saying Hitler was a hero and expecting a parade for my words of wisdom. Some small minded sick fools may believe that, but just how stupid would they be to say it?

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Worldly Serious

Worldly Serious

Out in the land of baseball humidors, the Beantown Bombers seem poised to win it all.  But here at ComicMix we like to think our columnists hit home runs every day.  Or at least we’re somewhere in the ballpark.  Here’s what we’ve served up for you this past week:

I have to retire all my baseball puns until next spring now, don’t I?

Because I Said So, by Michael Davis

Because I Said So, by Michael Davis

My mother is almost 60 years old. She has been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for almost 40 years. I don’t smoke. In fact I think it’s a stupid habit and I’m glad she told me not to do it.

She told me not to smoke. I listened. I’ll get back to that in a sec.

As I write this there is a raging debate over who can adopt and raise DOGS in this country. The talk show host Ellen DeGeneres gave a dog away she adopted. The agency said (and it was in the contract Ellen signed) you couldn’t give away an adopted dog so they went and took the dog away from the little girl Ellen had given the dog to. So Ellen goes on her talk show crying like a girl and tells the world of the injustice that has been done to this little girl. So what happened? Well the dog agency owners start to get death threats and Ellen’s legal team threatens “legal action” against the dog adoption agency.

What do I think? I could care less about Ellen, the dog agency, or the dog.

I am a wee bit concerned about this: why there is so much of an uproar about who raises a dog and virtually none about who raises kids?

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Darn you, Westinghouse!

Darn you, Westinghouse!

On this day in 1925, the first photoelectric cell was publicly demonstrated by the Westinghouse Electric and Mfg. Co. at the Electrical Show at Grand Central Palace in New York.  That palace no longer exists, having been replaced by an office tower, but it seems photoelectrics will always be with us in one way or another.  Heck, you’re probably soaking in them right now.  And with that cheery thought in mind, here’s your weekly one-stop ComicMix columnist shopping:

As you can see in our previous item, Ric is across the ocean from us, probably having the time of his life, and will return next week.  And now to return to my current masters, the television/DVD combo…