Tagged: Michael Davis

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 2, by Michael Davis

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 2, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • February 1, 2008

Last week I decided to write the worst TV show pitch in history since that is all that seems to get on the air these days. My show is called I’m An Asshole If I Watch This Show.

It’s Fantasy Island meets Bambi meets Lord Of The Rings meets Don’t Forget The Lyrics meets any reality show meets Leave It To Beaver meets Cheers!
 
Last week I introduced you to the regulars of a karaoke bar called Ass Funk. A young Asian lady named Denise Lee had come into the bar to drown her sorrows because her daddy had presented her with what he said was proof that the man Denise was going to marry was a Hobbit. Her fiancé Bilbo Baggins assured her he was not a Hobbit and that her father was just afraid of losing her.
 
When last we left Denise she had fallen off the Karaoke bar stage and been pimp slapped… 
 
Hey…wait a sec.
 
You see that link in my first paragraph? Well click on it and you’ll get last week’s column. Why the heck am I rewriting all this? On my horrible show there would be no damn recap. So here’s the rest of what a typical story line would be on my show…
 
Bilbo Baggins is staring at his ring while he tells Denise to go ahead and have him checked out. That way she will have an answer her father can never question. Denise resists this but Bilbo insists, saying “I have nothing to hide. I’m not a Hobbit. There are a lot of three feet tall people who don’t wear shoes and have the ring that rules all rings out there. Your father has raised the question, it must be answered beyond any doubt.” Denise sees the logic in this and decides to take the envelope her father gave her to the police department so she can get the proof she needs. Before she leaves she turns and asks Bilbo where he’s from. “I’m from the Shire.” He says without thinking. “Where’s that?” Denise asks. “It’s eh…in the hood near South Central.” He blurts out.
 

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Good For What Ails You

Good For What Ails You

  • News
  • January 27, 2008

There’s something in the air, and unfortunately your author has caught it.  But it’s well worth rising from one’s sickbed to bring you the weekly roundup of ComicMix columnists!  Isn’t it?:

Apologies for not adding in Andrew Wheeler’s "Manga Friday" columns before now, but he’s only started numbering them himself.  And by the way, the best thing about being sick?  Erm, well, nothing, actually…

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 1, by Michael Davis

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 1, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • January 24, 2008
 
There’s a show on The E Network called Keeping Up With The Kardashians. After watching that show once I am now convinced we are living in the last days of The Apocalypse. 
 
I won’t even get into why the show makes me want to shoot puppies and beat old  – it just does. Let’s just say The Kardashian family is full of a bunch of elitist assholes and it is my hope that their limo breaks down in the hood and they have to ask some poor people for help. 
 
No, that’s not right. Forgive me for being so mean. Truth is, I hope their limo breaks down in the middle of a gang shootout and they are each shot in their plastic asses. 
 
Oh, by the way, the Kardashian women have HUGE asses so a bullet won’t hurt. 
 
I have sold four TV shows in my career. “Sold” meaning I had meetings at a network and they made a commitment to “develop” the show. 
 
‘Selling” does not mean the show will ever see air. Trust me, being in “Development Hell” is no fun at all. It occurs to me while watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians that I have been barking up the wrong tree. I have tried selling shows that have some kind of redeeming message and it seems what some in America really want is the stupidest crap you can think off. 
 
So I’m officially jumping on that bandwagon!
 
I have come up with the worst possible TV pitch in history…except for MTV’s Sweet 16 or The Janice Dickerson Modeling Agency. Even I can’t come up with shows worst than those.
 
Here’s my pitch Mr. Network Executive:
 

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What happens at ComicMix…

What happens at ComicMix…

  • News
  • January 20, 2008

Wow, new ComicMix contributors Shira Gregory and Rick Marshall have really done a yeoman’s (yeo-people’s?) job filling in our news section, haven’t they?  Even I can’t keep up!  In fact, they’ve posted so fast and furiously that many of our regular columnists have fallen off the "More News" window, so it’s a good thing I do a recap every week:

And I hear a rumor that things are getting steamy over in our comics section.  Have I missed any male pulchritude?  Some of this stuff isn’t safe even for those of us not currently at work!

ComicMix does time

ComicMix does time

  • News
  • January 13, 2008

Thank goodness OJ Simpson and Marion Jones are serving time, making the world safe from rich,  self-indulgent (and presumably murderous, in one case) black former athletes!  Can rich treasonous white oilmen be far behind?  Well, yeah, actually.  Welcome to America, 2008!  Fortunately, our ComicMix columnists have just the thing to take your mind off these weighty matters, and here’s the roundup of what we’ve done this past week:

At least they can’t take away our dreams yet, so I can still fantasize about Karl Rove being frog-marched into a precinct house, can’t I?

I Want That! by Michael Davis

I Want That! by Michael Davis

  • News
  • January 11, 2008

Wow!

What a difference a week makes! I mean can you believe what happened last week? I write a column about politics and personal choice and I get zillion comments and now the biggest event in the history of the USA political system occurs! This event makes me so proud to be a black man! 

History was made last week and I’m sure you saw it unfold on television as I did. I still cannot believe that…

Britney Spears lost her mind and went to the hospital.

Wow! I, one day will be able to tell my grandkids that I saw this crazy little twit get carted away in an ambulance. She looked like she was on the kind of drugs that make hard core drug addicts say “Oh Hell no, I’m not taking that! I’ll stick to heroin.” 

Did you see the number of police cars that were there? 

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Caucus for ComicMix Columnists

Caucus for ComicMix Columnists

  • News
  • January 6, 2008

Well, about 19% of eligible voters in the first atypically-populated state with way too much power to decide the country’s fate have spoken, Presidential campaign-wise, and rendered moot at least three candidates on the Democratic side, who are no longer Biden their time as they Dodd-er back to Washington with Gravel-y voices.  Thank goodness Kucinich didn’t drop out yet, his name is awfully hard to pun.  Meanwhile, a couple of our weekly ComicMix columnists have become a bit political of late; with the campaign season being so long there’s almost sure to be more where that came from.  Here’s what we’ve given you this past week:

Say, did you know there was also a Republican caucus in Wyoming?  How come Iowa and New Hampshire get all the press?  (Just ’cause Wyoming Democrats caucus separately, two months from now?) If I were Cheyenne I would sue.

I Like Sex, by Michael Davis

I Like Sex, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • January 4, 2008

 

Happy New Year!!
 
Ah, an election year! It’s time we express our will as Americans! It’s time we hear about all the grand new ideas that our candidates have to offer!
 
It’s time after seven years of…eh…of…
 
I’m not sure what the last seven years was about, but it’s time to elect a new President! 
 
As long time readers of this column know, I am a Liberal Democrat. What you most likely don’t know is I should be a Conservative Republican. Yep! I’ll say it again: I should be a Conservative Republican! 
 
Why?
 
I hate big government.
I’m tough on crime.
I believe in a strong military.
I want America to the biggest and strongest MF on the planet. 
 
There are plenty of other reasons why I should be a conservative. The reasons I’m not are few and simple. 
 

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Hail the new, ye lads and lasses

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses

  • News
  • December 30, 2007

While it’s been a rather quiet week news-wise, our weekly ComicMix columns have seen lots of activity.  We were particularly honored to host an online wake of sorts last Thursday, reuniting members of the old CompuServe Comics and Animation Forum (myself included) in the comments section of John Ostrander’s touching remembrance of Paul "Zeus" Grant.  Here’s what else we’ve written for you this past week:

We wish everyone all you wish for yourselves in 2008 and beyond.

The Top 10 Reasons I’m Glad it’s 2008, by Michael Davis

The Top 10 Reasons I’m Glad it’s 2008, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • December 28, 2007

 

Happy New Year!!
 
Soon it will be 2008! An entire new year! A fresh start! A new beginning! A new lease on life! I love it, love it LOVE IT!
 
Before my last rant of 07 begins, I should address some things. I’ve been asked repeatedly as to why my last two columns were a bit, shall we say… reflective?
 
Somebody even asked me why last week’s column were gloomy and downright depressing. Well, as I said in my very first column 46 weeks ago, I would always carry a real point of view in this space. 
 
My point of view.
 
I just can’t join the crowd and march to the same beat as everyone else does. As Sammy Davis Jr. said “ I got to be me.”  
 
Who is Sammy Davis Jr.? 
 

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