Tagged: Michael Davis

And now, the end is near;

And so I face the final curtain.

My friend, I’ll say it clear,

I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life that’s full.

I’ve traveled each and every highway;

And more, much more than this,

I did it my way.

For whatever reason ComicMix has decided not to continue featured articles from me and our other columnists. Three weeks ago I turned down an offer to write for another site because I’m to busy for another deadline. That’s what I told the site. Truth is I have two things going for me, the first is I’m damn sexy, the second is I’m loyal like a puppy. O.K. I have one thing going for me, I’m loyal like a puppy. No, wait I do have two things going for me: I am damn sexy, even if I do say so myself.

Now I find myself with a bit of free time and you know what?

I don’t want to write for another site.  I like it where I am.

Look, I’m living the goddamn life of Riley here. I’m creating TV shows, I’m writing books, I’m about to run another entertainment company, I’m doing just fine without the weekly drag of coming up with stuff for ComicMix.

But I love this shit.

I have a great life and I have few regrets. One thing I like about me is I put it all out there. Love me or hate me, I put it ALL out there. Won’t you guys miss that? You need a guy like me to love or hate. You need me to piss you off and you need me to make you laugh. Of course I’m speaking of ALL the ComicMix columnists and using myself as an example. You need us. Not just me…really.

If I may take a moment and just talk about me…Asian girls…YOU NEED ME.

Look, I’m trying to be serious here. I’m sorry to get off track. On the serious tip, Asian girls you REALLY need me.

Anywho, I mentioned I was loyal like a puppy and my loyalty makes writing for another site not sit well with me. I mean ComicMix was unlike any other site out there and a great deal of that is because of the columns. You hear that powers that be at ComicMix? We helped build you. We help create the ‘mix’ in ComicMix.

You need us.

Don’t you?

Well then if that’s the case, I’m now officially pissed!!! You motherfuckers think you can just use me? Did you think you COULD STEAL MY IDEAS? DID YOU THINK YOU COULD STEAL FROM MICHAEL DAVIS? FROM BEN SIEGEL? FROM MEYER LANSKY??

Sorry. I was watching Bugsy. 

I’m just kidding about the pissed part also. I’m not pissed. How could I be?  This was a wild ride and a lot of fun, but really, won’t you miss my rants? Won’t you miss my Death Ray? Won’t you miss how I get all deep and tell you stuff that you never expected from me? Won’t you miss the witty way I connect two seemingly impossible points?  Won’t you miss my annual Comic Con columns? Won’t you miss my tales from the hood? Won’t you miss, is you stupid?

Hey, now that I think of it; powers that be at ComicMix, IS you stupid?

Nah, I know it’s all about the business, guys. Or maybe not. Maybe just maybe the powers that be just hate me and instead of doing away with me (they can’t because of my massive power in the industry. Oh you think I’m kidding about that massive power? You have no idea who the Frank you are dealing with buddy. You try getting 25 rooms at Comic Con the WEEK before the con because some idiot canceled the rooms you had set up. Hell I got those 25 rooms back with ONE phone call. Then get that same idiot who thought she had some juice and canceled the rooms in the first place to apologize to you like the little bitch she was. Tell me how that works out for you. You get Ludacris, yeah THAT Ludacris to host YOUR Comic Con party. Tell me how THAT works out for you) wait a sec, where was I? Oh yeah, maybe just maybe the powers that be just hate me and instead of doing away with me they get rid of all the columnists just so it does not look like it’s all about me. Why would the powers that be go though all this trouble.

Why? WHY you ask?

Because I’m black.

See that? Did you see what I did? In one, way to long paragraph I bragged about my power, dropped some serious knowledge about my reach, insulted some hotel executive and made a joke.

Won’t you miss that? Wait! The one thing missing is a sad story from my childhood; and an Asian girl reference. So insert the following passage in there someplace:

My stepfather came home drunk. This was not rare but this time he had a puppy. Man, I was glad to see that puppy. That puppy meant to me that my stepfather was trying to do the right thing; he was trying to reach me with that puppy. “Is that for me?”  I asked already knowing the answer in my heart. The very same heart that was filled with love for this man at this moment. “IS WHAT FOR YOU?” He answered…loudly. “The puppy.” I said with a smile. “WHAT PUPPY?” He said again, loudly. I started to answer assuming this was his way of playing a game with me when I noticed something strange, my stepfather had tipped his head back and was bringing the puppy to his lips…

He was trying to drink the puppy. 

I found out later that he dropped his beer coming out of a bar and when he went to pick it up, he picked up the puppy instead.

“Ugh.” He said as the puppy (perhaps sensing danger with his puppy sense) peed in his mouth. “Tastes like piss.” He said while pausing…before he tipped the puppy to his mouth again.

Won’t you miss that? I know, I know so will I. Wait; I forgot the Asian girl reference. Here you go:

“Tastes like piss.” He said while pausing…before he tipped the puppy to his mouth again. Years later I would tell that story to an Asian girl hoping for understanding, hoping for love. Hoping she would love me… long time.

SEE? Won’t you miss all of that? Sure you will.

Well this does not have to be goodbye. I’ve gotten a lot of requests over the years (some with $ backing behind it) to write a blog. So that’s what’s I’m gonna do. I love ComicMix so much I’m not going to write for another site I’m going to write for me.

You can find me every Friday (I hope) at michaeldavisworld.com. I may or may not do more than one a week but I like this Friday thing. All this said, if Mike Gold wants me back at ComicMix I’m there. I have nom idea how I will do without the massive amount they were paying me there. I guess it’s back to my paper route; I have to get my milk money somewhere. 

I hope that I have been an interesting read at least. This is the 90th article I have written and I have loved this run. I’m grateful for the time I’ve spent here and look forward to seeing you all at michaeldavisworld.com.

I also wish ComicMix well. It’s still my favorite site on the net and Mike Gold will always be my friend. Regardless of him firing me…because I’m black.

Thanks, to all my follow columnists and to the un-official columnists, Vinnie, Russ, Marc, Reg, Jeremiah and last but not least my boy Shane. I’ll leave you with this:

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught.

To say the things he truly feels;

And not the words of one who kneels.

The record shows I took the blows –

GOBAMA!!  

(more…)

I’m not a joiner. 

I’m too much of an asshole to belong to any organization. I have no patience for debates when it comes to making a decision. I hate focus groups and polls. I would rather live and die by my own choices without the benefit of a vote.

I know, I know. I told you I’m an asshole. 

Just so I am very clear, when it comes to business I’m all about listening and being a team player unless what’s on the table is so asinine I have to speak up. When I say I’m not a joiner, I’m talking about organizations outside of the work place. Why my distain for “joining?”

One reason could be, when I was a kid, ten years old, my stepfather was having a drunken conversation with me. Yes, a drunken conversation with a ten year old. Look, DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE HIM! Listen, it WAS a weekday – what else was he supposed to do? Get a job? Take care of my sister and me? Let my mother quit one of her three jobs? Don’t be silly and for god’s sake give the man a break.

In his own slurred speech way he was telling me I should join the Boy Scous. Most times I would have known better that to give him a “Is you stupid” smartass come back.

Hey, in a black household you do not talk back to your parents. I’ve made this point before. Super Nanny and Nanny 911 feature NO black families. If I would have tried any of the antics those white kids get away with on the show, I would have been shot.

On this fateful day I forgot the rules of the black household…

(more…)

I actually had a comic book article all ready to go this week. Then I turned on the news and heard that McCain wants to cancel tonight’s presidential debate to lend his hand to solving “our” financial problem.

You must be kidding me.

My Manhattan home is mere blocks from Wall Street. Trust me, its still WORLDS away to me. There’s a famous bronze bull that stands tall there. I swear that bull would come to life and chase me away like’s it a German Sheppard and it’s 1964.

“Ours,” my ass. Nope, this is all yours, G.O.P.

Oh, McCain is willing to make up tonight’s debate by substituting it for the vice presidential debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden, I guess so Palin will put down her shotgun and help save the country in this time of need.

Obama said he wants to have the debates stating that the county wants to hear from the two people who are running for President to see what they have to say on the subject. He also said a President will be called on to handle more than one thing at a time…duh.

I wonder why the G.O.P will not let reporters talk to Palin? Hey, Mr. Right, why the chuck won’t you let reporters talk to her? This woman will be half a heart beat (that’s right, half) from the most powerful job in the universe (except for mine) and she is being shielded like she’s radioactive.

I would not hire a baby sitter to sit with YOUR kids without talking to them. I can’t believe this. Why is there no OUTRAGE at this?? Remember McCain said “I can’t wait to unleash her on Washington!”

“Unleash her?” “UnLEASH her?” Oh, I forgot. Pit bull with lipstick.

Nope, more like pit bull shit. I have a pit bull; they are not afraid of anything. Palin hides behind her handlers like a scared puppy. I ask again, Mr. Right, why can’t we talk to the bitch? Hey, she called herself a dog; I’m just using the correct word for a female one… bitch.

When in the HISTORY of Presidential politics have the American people been denied access to their V.P. candidate?

(more…)

I’m in Mexico. I hate it here.

Next week I have to be in Japan and I will most likely hate it there also. Why do I hate it here in Mexico? Well, beside the fact that my ability to get on the Internet is hit or miss and I may have to send this column in is by re-writing it from on one of those “Internet café” computers – better known as “suck the money from the American assholes” – there is the massive attack on my very being to buy a damn timeshare.

From the moment I stepped off the plane I was harassed like a freshman pledge during Hell Week. I was offered everything from free meals to cold hard cash just to “come to a short presentation.” Telling these people I was here on business did nothing to stop their assault. I could have been shot in the head and they would have asked me if I wanted to stop to take a look at some timeshare property on the way to the hospital.

Why will I hate it in Japan next week? Because I hate to travel and I hate being in any country where I know they hide some resentment to America. I know that some people in Mexico and Japan have issues with us. From what I see when I look around Mexico the people are friendly and helpful…but every so often I see daggers in their eyes. I was told the average wage here was six dollars a day.

We spend that much on a cup of coffee from Starbucks.

I don’t think that’s why some people here hate us. I think they hate us because of malls.

Yeah, I said malls. I needed to buy some stuff so I went to a mall. I’m thinking that at six bucks a day as a living wage there should be some great bargains at the mall. The mall I went to was no bargain, in fact it was crazy expensive.

Then I realized something. Those malls in Mexico are not for the Mexicans.

So here I sit in a country where most people make six dollars a day and I’m sure they hate me. I’m even surer that they think that Americans are idiots. We live in the richest country in the world and the two candidates are not talking about terrorism, or nuclear weapons or oil prices. No, they are talking about lipstick.

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