Lipstick Jungle Fever, by Michael Davis
Next week I have to be in Japan and I will most likely hate it there also. Why do I hate it here in Mexico? Well, beside the fact that my ability to get on the Internet is hit or miss and I may have to send this column in is by re-writing it from on one of those “Internet café” computers – better known as “suck the money from the American assholes” – there is the massive attack on my very being to buy a damn timeshare.
From the moment I stepped off the plane I was harassed like a freshman pledge during Hell Week. I was offered everything from free meals to cold hard cash just to “come to a short presentation.” Telling these people I was here on business did nothing to stop their assault. I could have been shot in the head and they would have asked me if I wanted to stop to take a look at some timeshare property on the way to the hospital.
Why will I hate it in Japan next week? Because I hate to travel and I hate being in any country where I know they hide some resentment to America. I know that some people in Mexico and Japan have issues with us. From what I see when I look around Mexico the people are friendly and helpful…but every so often I see daggers in their eyes. I was told the average wage here was six dollars a day.
We spend that much on a cup of coffee from Starbucks.
I don’t think that’s why some people here hate us. I think they hate us because of malls.
Yeah, I said malls. I needed to buy some stuff so I went to a mall. I’m thinking that at six bucks a day as a living wage there should be some great bargains at the mall. The mall I went to was no bargain, in fact it was crazy expensive.
Then I realized something. Those malls in Mexico are not for the Mexicans.
So here I sit in a country where most people make six dollars a day and I’m sure they hate me. I’m even surer that they think that Americans are idiots. We live in the richest country in the world and the two candidates are not talking about terrorism, or nuclear weapons or oil prices. No, they are talking about lipstick.
I overheard a rumor from three people from the States that Barack Obama was not an American citizen. I heard that and I began to laugh. I thought that was really funny. Who would not think that was funny? It is so damn ridiculous that it had to be a joke.
Then I realized the people who told me were NOT laughing. They thought, no, THINK, that it may be true. I’m amazed that there are people this freakin’ stupid in the world. I called Denys Cowan to check on the progress of a deal that we are working on and he told me about the “lipstick” comment, which blissfully I had no idea about. After talking to Denys I searched out a CNN network that was in English.
What the Chuck is wrong with the world? How is it possible that an off the cuff comment (the same comment that John McCain used weeks ago) about putting lipstick on a pig is worth any airtime?
I have come to the conclusion that we are not “The Ugly Americans,” the term used to describe our arrogance by the rest of the world. No, we are the STUPID Americans. This type of stupidity simply boggles my mind. There is no way that Obama called Sarah Palin a pig. He made a quip about McCain’s policies being the same as Bush’s. Only a complete idiot could have interpreted that quip as calling Palin a pig. Well, idiots or Republicans.
Wait a sec. Did Sarah Palin not call herself a dog? Did she not say “The ONLY difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom is lipstick?” So if Obama would have compared her to a dog, would this have been a problem? This is the stupidest thing to grace a presidential campaign in the history of presidential campaigns. Well, the Republicans want to make this a big deal and I cannot believe that there are some people who want Obama to apologize.
I don’t blame the Republicans, I really don’t. They are in an election and they have shown they will do ANYTHING to win. I know that. I know that the Obama “swift boat” attack is coming. I know what they are capable of and because I know this I can’t get mad. How can I get mad when I KNOW what to expect?
What gets me mad is how much like sheep some people are in this country. WHY is this important? WHY, WHY? WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS??
Let’s see since Sarah Palin called herself a dog and she’s a girl then can I call her bitch without getting in trouble?
I will get into a bunch of trouble because of the Republicans playbook. There was a GIANT leap on behalf of the Republican spin-doctors to say that Obama called Palin a pig. So it stands to reason that me calling Palin a bitch would just not go over well. However, she called herself a dog when she said (and proudly I must add) that hockey moms and pit bulls were only separated by lipstick.
Well here goes. I think that because Sarah Palin compared herself to a dog and a female dog is called a bitch so then Sarah Palin is a bitch.
There, I said it! Come after me right wing radicals! Come get me, Rush! Drag me through the mud, McCain! Come destroy my character, George Bush. Do a commercial about me and my tactics, Karl Rove!
What’s the matter? Did you not hear me? In my opinion because she compared herself to a dog I’m calling Palin a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!
Is it because this is such a stupid thing to even think about? Yeah. I agree. Making this an issue is simply stupid and even stupider because it’s taking place on the world stage.
This is as stupid as kids fighting over sneakers or a fight over a parking space that ends with someone shot. We all sit at home and marvel about how idiotic those people who get into these kinds of stupid squabbles are.
What really makes this stupid is the amount of people who pay attention to this crap. Time Magazine says that 80% of America thinks that the country is going in the wrong direction. We are a nation that spends six dollars on a cup of coffee and the main focus of the election this week is goddamn lipstick and whether or not Obama called Palin a pig.
What will the world think if 80% of the USA thinks the country is going in the wrong direction and we elect the very people who put us on that track in the first place.
What will they say about us in the rest of the world then? Will they say that we are a nation misunderstood? Or will they say “If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, the GOP thinks it’s a smear?”
ComicMix columnist and media mogul Michael Davis loves bacon. And, evidently, raw meat.