The Needs Of The Many… yeah, right… by Michael Davis
I’m not a joiner.
I’m too much of an asshole to belong to any organization. I have no patience for debates when it comes to making a decision. I hate focus groups and polls. I would rather live and die by my own choices without the benefit of a vote.
I know, I know. I told you I’m an asshole.
Just so I am very clear, when it comes to business I’m all about listening and being a team player unless what’s on the table is so asinine I have to speak up. When I say I’m not a joiner, I’m talking about organizations outside of the work place. Why my distain for “joining?”
One reason could be, when I was a kid, ten years old, my stepfather was having a drunken conversation with me. Yes, a drunken conversation with a ten year old. Look, DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE HIM! Listen, it WAS a weekday – what else was he supposed to do? Get a job? Take care of my sister and me? Let my mother quit one of her three jobs? Don’t be silly and for god’s sake give the man a break.
In his own slurred speech way he was telling me I should join the Boy Scous. Most times I would have known better that to give him a “Is you stupid” smartass come back.
Hey, in a black household you do not talk back to your parents. I’ve made this point before. Super Nanny and Nanny 911 feature NO black families. If I would have tried any of the antics those white kids get away with on the show, I would have been shot.
On this fateful day I forgot the rules of the black household…
My stepdad (in one of his rare visits to the apartment) wanted me to join the Boy Scouts. “You can make fire from sticks, hang out in the woods, climb trees, swim and do all sorts of fun stuff.” I responded, “That does not sound like fun to me.” “Really?” He asked, looking around to see if there were any cops around just in case I came back with a smartass answer. “Then, what does it sound like to you?” I backed up slowly making sure that I had an exit close to me before I said “That sounds like a bear looking for food because he’s a dumb animal and has to live outside in the woods.”
He glared at me taking a step slowly in my direction and said. “A lot you know. Bears don’t make fire from wood.” I could see the front door from the corner of my eye so I thought I had a chance to get away. What that in mind, I fired back “I said it was a dumb animal so why would I want to join a club which does the same thing as…”
I really don’t remember more than that, the bullet creased my forehead just as I reached the front door. The next bullet hit me squarely in the back, if not for my bulletproof vest that would have been all she wrote. As I fell I reached under my shirt for my .38 I was determined to bust a cap in the man thus ending the smell of Colt .45 in my home forever.
As if that really happened! Yes, I joke, I kid. Most of that story was true and I’m sure my ComicMix readers are smart enough to know what I was making up. It was a Mac 10, not a .38…duh!
If you are new to this column, as I’m sure that some of you are, you can stop shaking your head and making that “What in the hell…” face. How sure am I that I have new readers? Well, I mentioned to my friend, sometime collaborator and brilliant artist Tatiana that I was writing an article featuring the Society Of Illustrators Of Los Angeles (S.I.L.A).
“Oh, really?” She asked, the fear in her voice as evident as the fear in Sarah Palin’s face when she realized the Supreme Court was not a TV show. “Don’t worry.” I said. “It’s all good.” A smile returned to Tatiana’s face. So I’m sure that Tatiana has let her follow S.I.L.A. members know about this article.
Tatiana is Vice President, Show Chair and a board member of S.I.L.A. She has heard me rage against the organization machine for as long as I have know her. So she was understandingly concerned that I would write an article damning the society and all things that have to do with organized groups.
Ah, Tatiana, ye of little faith. Why, oh why would I write anything bad about S.I.L.A? Because of you and the efforts of others on the S.I.L.A board has not a comics and graphic novel category been added to the prestigious show? Tatiana was so taken aback by my apparent good will towards S.I.L.A. that she sent me the email below:
The Illustration West show is the largest Illustration competition worldwide, outside of New York and for the first time in the 47-year history of the competition, the Society of Illustrators of Los Angeles as added a category specifically for the contributions of the Comic Book and Graphic Novel category. As the Illustration West 47 show chair, I have extended the deadline for the Comic Book/Graphic Novel category exclusively for the ComicMix community to October 8th.
VERY cool eh? S.I.L.A (by the way I HATE that name. It does little to brand the Society as an illustration organization and it’s NOWHERE as cool as M.O.T.U) has extended the comic book and graphic novel category a week from this writing JUST FOR the ComicMix community. I’m sure that Mike Gold will run the above passage before my article sees print so it is indeed an entire week granted to us at ComicMix.
S.I.L.A (ugh) will most likely not see a massive amount of comic book submissions this year. There was very little promotion for the comic book and graphic novel category but that’s OK. These things take time and the Society is committed to the industry as evident by their appearance at the San Diego Comic Con this year.
“This is a good thing for the comics industry.” I told Tatiana in a recent phone call. I could tell that she was feeling quite a bit better about my article. That was until I mentioned… Alpha Kappa Alpha!
(Insert scary music here)
The fear returned to her voice. “What are you going to write about MY beloved sisterhood?” Before I could answer Tatiana”s voice turned from fear to anger. Dear sweet even tempered Tatiana who would not harm a fly turned into girl from the hood.
“Look Davis. Be very careful what you say about A.K.A. We are EVERYWHERE you Mother F…”
I got you again! No, Tatiana would never say those things. And I must add that there is absolutely no evidence that the bomb found under my car was placed there by Tatiana or by any member of A.K.A.
Let me be very clear, Alpha Kappa Alpha, Alpha Phi Alpha, Kappa Alpha Psi, and every other Fraternity and Sorority god bless you and I respect your right to exist.
I’ll say it again so when I get angry comments I can point to this sentence and thus reduce you to “is you stupid?” status.
Alpha Kappa Alpha, Alpha Phi Alpha, Kappa Alpha Psi, and every other Fraternity and Sorority god bless you and I respect your right to exist.
As Mr. Spock said – and I’m sure most Fraternity and Sorority members will agree – “The needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few or the one.”
To which I first say: “Vulcan asshole.” Then I say: “What about me? What about my needs?”
I resent the uppity attitude of some Fraternity and Sorority members. I roll alone and if you feel like you need your brothers and sisters by your side then that’s cool, just do not assume that you are better than me or others because you have a secret handshake or Greek symbol tattooed on your ass.
To be fair the VAST majority of those I meet in the Fraternity and Sorority world are really cool. But even Tatiana would admit there are some uppity Mofo’s in the bunch.
And fair warning to the next uppity member I meet who gets in my face. I’m thinking about forming a group called Busta Kappa In Your ASS.
Now, if I saw a real upside of joining something then I would consider it. Heck, if I knew that joining the Klan would get me a threesome with a hot Japanese super model and her sister… I mean if I knew that joining the Klan would serve world peace then I would be ironing my sheet now.
Wait a sec…now that I think of it I have joined some things. I joined ComicMix because Mike Gold told me that ComicMix was going to be like working with friends and family. He was right. I have never felt more at home with any other group than I do at ComicMix. That’s not to say there are not problems, but what family does not have those?
I’m also a Friars club member. I almost forgot about that.
I have nothing against those people that join organizations. In fact there are many MANY great organizations that do great work. S.I.L.A (ugh, ugh, UGH!) is doing great work and because of that work the comics industry will have a voice and be recognized (rightfully so) in the illustration field as an art form.
No, I have nothing against people that join organizations; it’s just simply not for me. Recently I was asked what I do when confronted by an organization whose goal is helping people, something I’m really big on.
What do I do? I write a check…duh.
There’s also this, as Groucho Marx once said, I would never join any club that would have ME as a member.
But if you want me to join your club, here are a few must-haves.
• My membership must be free.
• No metal detectors at meetings.
• I don’t have to attend meetings.
• I must be addressed as M.O.T.U.
• There can be no other black members. (I must be able to play the race card if I need to)
• No punk ass other members who take forever to make a goddamn decision.
• There must be Asian women who LOVE black men who have their own death ray… like me.
If you can meet those criteria – and there is punch and pie – then sign me up!
Oh, there must be chicken as well!
Media mogul Michael Davis is astonishingly cute.