ComicMix Six: The Six Worst Movies of 2014
5. [[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]] – I don’t know what I expected from a Michael Bay produced remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but I didn’t expect a Megan Fox star-vehicle. Fox simply isn’t up to the task of carrying a movie at this point, or likely any point, in her career. She just doesn’t have the acting chops and she ends up blown of the screen by CGI turtles or, honestly, a stiff wind. Along with the dreadful acting all around Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the first movie I’ve seen that was so slick it made me feel vaguely nauseous; like watching a movie covered in a thin layer of grease. Generic action movies shouldn’t make me feel so uncomfortable in the theater.
4. [[[300: Rise of an Empire]]] – I sincerely wish they had never invented the process of shooting film in slow motion. I would hate giving up The Matrix but it would almost be worth it to have never heard anyone shout “This is Sparta” and to have been spared both the original 300 and its pointless progeny 300: Rise of an Empire. A movie of sound and fury signifying nothing, 300: Rise of an Empire is a new low point in Hollywood’s hopeless addiction to sequels as it is a feature length film stretching out the epilogue from the first movie that felt more than satisfying at less than five minutes. Does anyone else find it overpoweringly strange that Frank Miller has spent 30 years slowly becoming his version of Superman from The Dark Knight Returns?