MIKE GOLD: Movie Theaters Suck

Mike Gold

ComicMix's award-winning and spectacularly shy editor-in-chief Mike Gold also performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com and on iNetRadio, www.iNetRadio.com (search: Hit Oldies) every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week – check www.getthepointradio.com above for times and on-demand streaming information.

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11 Responses

  1. Kyle G. says:

    I can completely understand all of your issues with going out to a theater and to be honest I feel the same way regarding each point. The only reason I (and I truely hope others) feel compelled to see movies when they hit theaters is the need to see the story. It’s the same reason I can’t ever wait for a trade over the month issues, some stories I just need to see what happens as quickly as possible. If that means getting a glint from the jerk texts from the front row of the theater or turning around and giving an annoyed look to the parents of the kids who keep talking so be it. Until I can get my own 55″ screen.

  2. This is why I only go to the theater the very first showing of the day or sometime during the last week of a movie’s run.

    The only exceptions I can think of in recent years were Cowboys & Aliens, when I had free passes for opening night (the screenwriter is from my city), and the newest adaptation of True Grit, which I could not possibly wait 6 weeks to see.

  3. Jeremiah Avery says:

    For me, it’s aggravating when people bring their toddlers into an R-rated movie. I’m not paying $11, plus the train fare back home, so I can hear some kids crying.

    Too many are treating the movie theaters like it’s their living room. When I do go to the movies (3 or 4 times a year is actually a bit much for me nowadays) I try not to go opening weekend and try to pick a time that would have less people attending.

    There are some small indie movie theaters near me, which came in handy when I saw “The King’s Speech” last year and “The Artist” this year, but the big blockbusters at the larger theaters usually bring too many of the jerks and I’d rather hold off so I can actually hear what’s going on.

  4. Mike Gold says:

    I should add a personal exception. In the case of movies such as, oh, say, The Aristocrats or The Devils or The Exorcist, I’ll go to the theater to enjoy the audience reaction.

  5. Jess Willey says:

    I pretty much agree. The last two times I went to the movies were very different things. When I went to see Thor in 2D (with captioning on the film) there was a litany of complaints about it during the movie. The friends I went with knew I was hearing impaired and that I forgot to pack spare batteries so we chose to go to that screen instead of the 3D one ten minutes earlier. It was loud enough that even if my power supply went out I don’t think it would have been a problem.

    The Muppets on the other hand– the audience- about 80 percent children was a different story. Everyone was well behaved and really seemed to enjoy the film. What does that tell you? 1) An audience of most 3-9 year olds is better behaved than a group of people 10-35 year olds. 2) Singing chickens will make a three year old accidentally spit Sprite from his nose.
    Which is fine– because I had almost the same reaction to Sarah Silverman in The Aristocrats. Only I had a cherry Icee. That’s a lot more painful.

  6. J.C. says:

    There was no comment made of the adult-only theaters (and I don’t mean X-rated) that have popped up in the last few years.
    Have you viewed at an iPic theater? Not only can you reserve your ACTUAL SEAT in advance (unlike fandango, which merely gets you IN the theater), the waiting area is fantastic-if you arrive early enough, a waitstaff brings a menu and takes drink orders–omg: alcohol in a movie theater!
    Then a concierge gets you to your seat-and what a seat! It’s like enjoying my la-z-boy at home. Need additional food/dessert/popcorn/beer/wine etc.? Press the button and you can order even during the film.
    Just be careful of some nimrod removing his shoes next to you and having bad footodor. Plus, although the sound system is exceptional, conversations taking place nearby can still be annoying.
    The other alternative (similar to iPic although seating is not as comfortable) is one of the Hollywood theaters in Woodridge or Naperville…obviously run by someone who LOVES the cinema…met Peter Fonda and Christopher Lloyd during a celebrity event showing of Easy Rider and Back To The Future.

  7. David of the Impeccable Taste says:

    My wife and I were getting sick the the megaplex experience (not to mention their prices) so we sought out an indie theater. Man alive I’m glad we did. We live in Toronto, we like to get out of the house and enjoy a dinner and a movie (home systems while great keep you stuck at home). We found a local cinema with reasonable prices, cheaper concessions and more to see besides.

    When we went to see the new Sherlock Holmes there was a piano player in the lobby as well as a local art and sculpture exhibit. Painted murals adorned the walls featuring cinematic moments and movie stars/characters. The employees seemed genuinely happy to be there, they were joking with patrons and chatting amicably. The screens were smaller then a megaplex sure (still bigger then a TV of any size) but the sound system was up to date and the setting was very much one of comfort and relaxation. After the showing we knew this would be the only cinema we were going to for the foreseeable future.

    The next movie we saw was Tin Tin and this time they had a talking parrot and snake handler in the lobby…how cool is that? The audience in both showing were very respectful (Canadians CAN be rude for your information) with parents who brought kids to Tin Tin whispering to them to keep their voices down and no cell action that I could detect. Good theaters are out there, if I found one in Toronto I’m sure New York will have one with good experiences as well.

    • Mike Gold says:

      To my experience, which is considerable but sadly not within the past four or five years, Toronto is a fantastic city for movie fans. Outside of one of the earliest, biggest and most hideous megaplexes (on the north side of the Eaton Center at Yonge Street and Dundas), terrific theaters abound with polite, considerate and attentive customers.

  8. Mindy Newell says:

    I still love going to the movies. What I hate are the megaplexes that squeeze 3 zillion movies into a building that used to hold just one.


    • Mike Gold says:

      Yup. Welcome to the 21st Century. It started about 35 years ago, but still… You want to see a new movie, you gotta go to a monsterplex.