In the wake of last night’s Golden Globes Awards, it became apparent The Muppets were being overlooked (largely because their movie, Muppets Most Wanted, doesn’t open until March), but that didn’t stop them from being pissed off about it.
After two weeks fighting “The Christmas Crud”, we are back and jumping right in with an exclusive look at the new Starz historical series, BLACK SAILS. We talk to the cast and creators about why this isn’t just “another pirate movie” and how Michael Bey is a big part of it all. Remember, BLACK SAILS premieres on January 25th on Starz. Plus more news from The CES and Stephen Moffat promises non-stop WHO in 2014.
THE POINT covers it 24/7! Take us ANYWHERE! The Point Radio App is now in the iTunes App store – and it’s FREE! Just search under “pop culture The Point”. The Point Radio – 24 hours a day of pop culture fun for FREE. GO HERE and LISTEN FREE on any computer or on any other mobile device with the Tune In Radio app – and follow us on Twitter @ThePointRadio.
James Gandolfini, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Catherine Keener shine in this heartwarming comedy that A.O. Scott of The New York Times calls “a small miracle of a movie.”
Divorced mom Eva (Louis-Dreyfus) may be falling for Albert (Gandolfini), a sweet, funny, like-minded divorcé. But as their relationship blossoms, Eva befriends Marianne (Keener), who’s always complaining about her ex-husband. When Eva realizes that Albert is the target of Marianne’s rants, she begins to question her own perceptions about first impressions and second chances.
The Blu-ray combo pack’s special features include exclusive second takes, promotional featurettes, and a look at the theatrical trailer for the film.
For your chance to win the Enough Said Blu-ray combo pack, answer the following question by 11:59 p.m., Wednesday, January 15. The decision of ComicMix;s judges will be final and the contest is open only to readers in the United States and Canada.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus is best known for playing the character ______ in the show Seinfeld.
– Carrie
– Elaine
– Jennifer
– Jody
Like so many kids of my generation, Walt Disney was my baby-sitter when I was a kid. “Uncle” Walt sometimes showed up on The Mickey Mouse Club. He was the genial host of The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday nights. He was the bestower of Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Daisy, Goofy and all those amazing cartoons.
Alas, I grew up, as kids tend to do. I learned more about Disney, the man and the business. The business was well-known for its penny-pinching, and Walt, personally, was a right-wing, union-busting anti-Semite. These are not the kind of institutions I tend to support.
And yet ….
The reason for these musings is that I just saw Saving Mr. Banks, a lovely movie about the making of Mary Poppins. And it is a lovely movie, even though it is almost surely inaccurate. It stars Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks as P. L. Travers, the writer of the Poppins books, and Uncle Walt. The biggest problem most people seem to have with the movie is that it whitewashes Disney.
The story the movie tells concerns the tensions between Travers and Disney over the kind of movie to make, based on the books. I didn’t read the books as a child, but I did read them aloud to my son when he was a boy, and they are both lovely and quite different from the film. I don’t care, I enjoy them both. Similarly, I like both the Disney Peter Pan and the book, which, again, is quite different. In both cases, one is entertained and uplifted by the various stories in the various media.
My favorite part about the movie (besides B.J. Novak is that it is about a relationship between a man and a woman that is not even slightly romantic nor sexual, but still emotional and involving and affecting. Hanks is not the least bit like the Walt Disney I remember, and I don’t really care. The character works in the story, which is what I want from my cinematic experience.
It made me think about my feelings for Disney. On the one hand, his politics were, reportedly, terrible, and his business policies hurtful to a lot of hardworking creative people. On the other hand, he made some of my favorite films. On the third hand, he was a human being with a family he loved who loved him, and the same kinds of human insecurities and failings as the rest of us. These contradictions are what make each of us interesting, each of us a worthy star of our own life story.
None of this is to say that, Constant Reader, will necessarily like this movie. I’m not even sure I can say it’s great art. It made me think about art and commerce and families and the love and respect we owe each other despite (sometimes because of) our sins.
Together with my senior discount, it was well worth the afternoon.
SATURDAY MORNING: Marc Alan Fishman
SUNDAY MORNING: John Ostrander
MONDAY MORNING: Mindy Newell
The natives of the planet Clabdabalum use a language which is, at its purest, non-verbal – in fact, non-communicative. However, over the millennia, it has been corrupted by verbal elements. (In Clabdabalum version of the Genesis myth, Adam and Eve are tempted by a grammar text.) This pidgin lingo lacks every part of speech that we Terrans use except one: pronouns. The Clabdabians have only one pronoun and that pronoun has no tense, nor does it have a gender, which is not surprising considering that the Clabdabians themselves have no gender, which may be why they’ve never made it big. (They may or may not have tenses. It’s hard to tell.)
Having only a single pronoun to work with, the Clabdabian writers’ output is pretty sparse and so they have not yet evolved the need for editors. Some might say that this is a sign of advanced intelligence, but I’m not among them. (Editors are splendid creatures who miss godhood by only a dangling participle or two.) But, a Clabdabian might ask, what does an editor do, exactly?
You’re waiting for an answer, aren’t you?
Well, wait! I won’t offer a concise definition because mine is not a one-size-fits-all universe. There seems to be a number of ways to be an editor and I suspect that those who eventually become good at the job decide what has to be done and then find strategies to make the task doable with their own strengths and preferences. They’re also well-advised to beware of their weaknesses and devise tricks to compensate for what they lack.
Okay, now that we have that settled… I will, shyly and timidly, proffer another suggestion. It’s not a good idea to do what I did during my first brief attempt to be a DC Comics editor, way back in the 70s, and that was to make the scripts I edited resemble the scripts I wrote. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, the best I could hope to achieve with this ill-conceived ploy was to get second- or third-rate O’Neil and what I really should have wanted was first-rate (fill in the name of your favorite comics writer). That doesn’t mean give the writer total freedom to do as the writer chooses; I have great respect for people who follow their own muses and produce what they want to produce when they want to produce it. But they, bless them, do not work for companies owned by others, as do many comics writers and almost all movie and television scripters. This need to follow… let’s call them “guidelines…” does not preclude a writer becoming emotionally and intellectually involved in the work. The great Raymond Chandler said that the trick for the commercial writer is to give the boss what he’s paying you for, but get what you want in there, too. He proved it can be done and so have legions of others.
I doubt that any of them were Clabdabian but hey… you never know.
P.S.: “Snut” is the pronoun referred to above.
P.P.S.: Here’s an excerpt from an e-mail I received from Jim McLauchlin:
Hero Initiative is a beneficiary of Amazon Smile. If you sign up Hero as your charitable choice, a percentage of qualified purchases will go to Hero at no additional cost to you! Info: http://smile.amazon.com/about
An easy way to support a worthy organization.
THURSDAY AFTERNOON: The Tweaks!
FRIDAY MORNING: Martha Thomases
On November 15, Reddit users discovered a mysterious website called Survivor 2299 that had cryptic text, messages buried in its code, and a clock counting down to December 11. With clear aesthetic references to popular post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland video game series Fallout, gamers got excited. It’s been more than three years since game publisher Bethesda released the previous installment in the franchise, and all signs pointed to Survivor 2299 being a precursor to the fervently anticipated announcement of a Fallout 4 release date. But on December 6, I was among a number of gamers disappointed as Survivor 2299 was revealed to be a hoax. Dashed hopes aside though, I was left wondering how a community that’s generally considered quite savvy was fooled by (or at the very least, enticed to seriously consider) a hoax that lasted almost a month. The answer I’ve landed on: we’re steeped in pre-hype hype.
Naturally, the debut of a major product or entertainment property is going to be preceded by marketing efforts to make consumers excited for its release. To get the best day one numbers possible, Apple and Warner Bros. spend a considerable amount of money making sure everyone and their brother know exactly when the latest iPhone and Batman movie come out. But while these companies and others like them may’ve once been content to start their marketing push just a few months before a product launch, they now begin tantalizing consumers much earlier, and with much less information.
I blame the teaser trailer. A few quick shots strung together or fifteen seconds from a single scene may not be enough to communicate what a movie is about, but it’s more than enough to make people start tweeting about how badly they want to see something. And if boosting anticipation is the goal, releasing a teaser weeks or months before the full trailer accomplishes that goal handily.
But the pre-hype hype hasn’t stopped there. A movie’s teaser trailer may be the first advertising general audiences encounter these days, yet within recent years studios have caught on to a way to create buzz for films even earlier, and amongst a more targeted demographic: the San Diego Comic-Con panel. Movies don’t have to be completed for studios to start talking them up to crowds at the show. Heck, some films are even promoted there before going into production, with simple information like casting announcements taking the starting position in the hype parade once occupied by the teaser trailer.
Not surprisingly, this mentality of conventions being the place to start generating hype goes beyond movies. Video game companies reveal far-off game release dates to fans at E3, the event that is to the gaming world what the San Diego Comic-Con is to comics. And of course, Apple’s new tech announcements are so anticipated that their press conferences are treated with the reverence of a convention, complete with save the date cards and the promise of live streaming for those who can’t make it. With an already assembled crowd representing the people most likely to enjoy a forthcoming product, why wouldn’t companies capitalize on the fact that a tiny tidbit is enough to get die-hard fans eagerly anticipating things they won’t be seeing for months?
Actually, to be fair, I should point out there is a movie studio that wouldn’t start up their hype machine at Comic-Con nine to twelve months in advance of a film release like so many others do. Marvel Studios starts even earlier. By announcing titles in the third phase of the plan for their cinematic universe, they’ve managed to create hype for films that are still years away from theatrical release. And though it seems unnecessary to start parceling out information years in advance like this, I have to admit I’m already pumped for Ant-Man and will probably only get more excited about it with each hype-bolstering move Marvel Studios makes until the movie’s 2015 release date.
Now if only Bethesda would take a page from Marvel’s book and give me a real Fallout 4 date to look forward to, even if it’s not in this decade.
TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis
WEDNESDAY MORNING: Mike Gold
I have a list of movies that is as malleable as a rubber band. Okay, certain movies, such as The Bridge on the River Kwai or The Searchers or The Best Years of Our Lives are always on that list, but their positions- 1, 2, 3, and so on- tumble around in my mind like clothes in a dryer. Other movies appear and disappear like the crew of the Enterprise on the transporter pad.
Gone With the Wind, for instance. This is a movie that hops on and off my list all the time. On the list because of the incredible “brought to full life” performances and spectacle, and off the list because, as a devotee of Margaret Mitchell’s Pulitzer-winning novel, in which all the characters are given full, rich personalities, I can’t stand the way Scarlett is portrayed in the second half of the movie; this is a product of Victor Fleming’s direction, who was brought in after George Cukor, the original director, was fired less than three weeks into filming, and of Fleming’s rewrite of the script so that Rhett Butler became a more sympathetic character and Scarlett O’Hara much less so.
There are two explanations for Cukor’s firing. The first is that that Clark Gable— who supposedly wasn’t enthusiastic about playing Rhett Butler, and only agreed to do it after producer David Selznick agreed to help Gable obtain a divorce so that Gable could marry Carole Lombard — was not happy with the choice of Cukor as director. Cukor was known as a “woman’s director,” and Gable was worried that Cukor’s attention to Vivien Leigh and Olivia de Havilland as Scarlett and Melanie would overshadow any direction that Cukor gave Gable in playing Rhett. The second, and probably true, reason is that Cukor knew that Gable had worked as a gigolo in the gay Hollywood scene before breaking out into stardom, and that this, understandably, made Gable very uncomfortable working with him. So the actor threatened to walk off the set unless Cukor was replaced. But just as Cukor as known as a “women’s director,” Fleming was known as a “man’s director;” he gave very little advice and just shot the movie, wanting no dilly-dallying or investigation into a character’s motivations and he was not in the least respectful of either Vivien Leigh or Olivia de Havilland and their talents- oh, and by the way, for you GWTW fans, Leigh and de Havilland continued to secretly meet with Cukor at his home when off the set to investigate their characters’ motivations and how to play them.
Gone With the Wind was on Turner Classic Movies a couple of weeks back, and of course I watched it. And it’s on my list again. It also made me pick the book and start reading it again.
And then there is The Sound of Music. The movie is based on the true story of the Von Trapp Family, escaped from the 1938 political annexation, or Anschluss, of Austria into the Third Reich. Directed by Robert Wise (who directed Star Trek: The Motion Picture), the movie stars Julie Andrews as Maria and Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp. It was filmed on location in Austria, including Salzburg and the Nonnburg Convent, where the real Maria was a postulant. The music, of course, is unforgettable and iconic- in fact, midnight sing-alongs of The Sound of Music, a la The Rocky Horror Picture Show have become quite the thing- but more than that, and it’s something that makes the movie more than just a beautiful travelogue of the Austrian Alps, it’s the Nazi threat and the looming-on-the-horizon beginning of World War II that underscores what could have been just a “sappy” love story.
By the way, Carrie Underwood got a lot of grief from critics and non-critics, i.e. “pundits” on the Web, last week for her performance in NBC’s live broadcast. Okay, she was a little stiff and a bit ingenuous, but that lady can sing. There were also complaints that the teleplay “messed with the script,” moving songs around, leaving out the gazebo, and not having Captain Von Trapp engaged to “the Baroness.” Which annoyed the hell out of me, because the teleplay was based on the original Broadway show which starred Mary Martin as Maria and Theodore Bikel as Captain Von Trapp and ran for 1,443 performances, from 1959 to 1963. Which means that it was the movie that played with the original script. Jesus, people, know your musical theatre history before you complain!
Anyway, it’s not a movie that appears on my list, but when I do watch it, I am enchanted and captivated, delighted, thrilled, and yes, just a bit weepy at the ending as the Von Trapps “climb every mountain” and “ford every stream” to escape the Germans’ every-tightening noose into Switzerland.
And then there’s Mary Poppins.
I remember going with my family to see it. I also remember my father not being entirely willing, but doing it because, well, that’s what fathers do. And I also remember my father really enjoying himself. Starring Julie Andrews (hmm, is there a theme here?) as the magical, mystical nanny and Dick Van Dyke as her friend Bert, the one-man band player, chalk painting drawer, chimney sweep Cockney, and deliverer of wisdom to sacked-from-the-bank Edwardian fathers, the film is based on English writer P. L. Travers’s series of books. Believe it or not, I never read the books, and I didn’t know what to expect on this family outing, except that I had a girlhood crush on Dick Van Dyke (or Rob Petrie) and my mom told me he was in the movie, so I was looking forward to it.
We all came out of the theatre singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” and it became a badge of honor at school and at sleepaway camp that year to be able to spell it backwards (s-u-o-i-c-o-d-i-l-a-i-p-x-e-c-i-t-s-i-l-i-g-a-r-f-i-l-a-c-r-e-r-p-u-S and if you think I can do that without looking at the word while typing it out you’re giving me a lot of credit!)
And I still find myself singing “A Spoonful of Sugar” while cleaning the house and “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” when seeing kids play with them in the park and singing “Feed the Birds” when I see pictures of St. Paul’s in London. And after watching previews of Saving Mr. Banks (which I’m definitely going to see) I downloaded the score to my playlist on iTunes.
That puts Mary Poppins on my list of top movies…
For a while at least.
Next week: …AND CHECKING IT TWICE. My favorite Christmastime movies.
TUESDAY MORNING: Jen Krueger
TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis
Despite being one of Marvel’s most insanely popular characters, Wolverine has struggled a bit on the big screen. Sure, Hugh Jackman defied expectations when he first signed on to play the Canadian mutant. After, in the comics, the guy is short and stocky whereas Jackman is over six feet tall. He fit the ensemble in the X-Men trilogy of films quite nicely, playing off James Marsden’s Cyclops as both vied for Jean Grey’s love only to both watch her die in X-Men: Last Stand.
If there was any character ready for a spinoff film, it was Wolverine but X-Men Origins; Wolverine was a bit of a messy disappointment, overstuffed with other mutants and telling his poignant backstory. Still, the character was tantalizing for 20th Century Fox so they went back to the drawing board – and the comics – for inspiration offering up this summer’s The Wolverine, figuring if the article helped define Batman as darker and more serious, it could only enhance the hero’s second outing.
Director James Mangold, who demonstrated he could do character and action in Knight & Day, worked with screenwriters Mark Bomback and Scott Frank to strip mine the first Wolverine miniseries, the best of the lot, you know, the one from Chris Claremont and Frank Miller. While they pat themselves on the back for honoring the spirit of the mini, they also left out its darker tones and themes of obligation. About the only things in common is Japan for the setting and the kick-ass women, Mariko and Yukio. Beyond that, give me the miniseries over the overblown film.
I’m told the movie makes more sense in the unrated extended version now available on some DVDs. 20th Century Home Entertainment sent the standard combo pack, containing the Blu-ray, DVD, and Ultraviolet digital copy. As a bonus you can also download a Marvel Infinite Comic, an original digital story although I could never read it as it failed to properly load on both my laptop and iPad.
Since Jean’s death, Logan has isolated himself from humanity and mutantkind alike, speaking only to her phantom image, well handled by Famke Jameson. He’s lured back to the society by Yukio (Rila Fukushima), on behalf of Yashida (Ken Yamamura/Haruhiko Yamanouchi), whose life Logan saved during the bombing of Nagasaki decades earlier. He has since built up the most successful technology company this side of Stark Industries and is now dying. He offers Logan a chance to have his mutant healing ability taken away, letting him live out a normal lifespan. Although he refuses the offer, Logan is on hand long enough to see all the political and familial machinations going on, coiled tight to be unloaded the moment the man dies.
During the funeral, Mariko (Tao Okomoto) is attacked and Logan rushes to her aid as does her lifelong friend Harada (Will Yun Lee). At some point, though, Wolverine comes to realize his healing factor has been compromised and he’s suddenly injured and not getting any better.
While Logan and Mariko are on the run, they fall in love and Logan regains some of his humanity once again. Still, things can never remain idyllic so she’s taken, leading us to several set pieces that skip all attempts at ingenuity and characterization in favor of boring action with a climax taken from the first Iron Man. And while the script starts with the miniseries as a source, it borrows throughout the comics so we get Viper (Svetlana Khodchenkova) with littler explanation of who she is and what she really wants and the revelation that the claws are actually bone protrusions, something that may be addressed in next summer’s X-Men: Days of Future Past. The end credits segue from this story to the next film, a gimmick that every studio with Marvel characters now seems obligated to include.
While pretty to look at, the movie speeds along and never really lets any of the characters move beyond their logline definitions so all seem flat. The actresses do nice work with the little they’re given while the guys all feel way too thin.
Jackman’s Wolverine is nuanced. A tortured soul who watches everyone he loves die (except for Mariko – for now at least) as he ages past other friendships. The Logan in the miniseries tamed his soul through Japanese culture but that angle is sadly missing from here.
The Blu-ray transfer is lovely along with fine sound so watching is a pleasure and the story makes as much sense as it needs to. There are a handful of extras including “The Path of a Ronin”, a multi-part, 53:44 Making Of documentary that explores many facets of the character and the film’s production. You also get a brief alternate ending (1:34) where we see him presented with the yellow and blue costume. Finally, Bryan Singer turns up for a set tour (2:47) for the next installment. There’s also a Second Screen App for those who want additional content.
For this week’s column I’m going to talk about two books that I’ve read recently, both of which I enjoyed although they are vastly dissimilar. The books are The Minor Adjustment Beauty Salon by Alexander McCall Smith (published by Pantheon) and Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson (published by Delacorte Press). Both of them are series books: the former is the fourteenth and latest in the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series and the latter is the first in a planned Reckoners series.
The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series takes place in Botswana, which is in southern Africa, and the series follows the agency’s founder, Mma Precious Ramotswe and her friends, family, and co-workers as she solves small mysteries. Nothing is huge in these novels – the main mystery of the new book is about someone who is slandering the owner of the beauty salon in the title – but its very warm. The biggest mystery in the series, to me, is how the author, Alexander McCall Smith, captures the characters, all African, and the setting so wonderfully. McCall, Smith is a white Scot, now living in his homeland, was born in Rhodesia but he also lived in Botswana, helping to create and teach at the University of Botswana, and evidently knows and loves the land and its people.
The books in The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series exemplify the pleasures of good serial fiction. The characters become familiar, as does the setting, and we come to both as old friends. Its not that the series is unchanging but often the changes are small, as befitting the tone of the books. Still, in this one, momentous events occur but they may only seem that way if you’ve read the entire series. If you’ve just come into the series and this is your first encounter with Precious and her friends, I don’t know if the events would mean as much.
In any books in a series, you have better ones and lesser ones. This year’s visit is one of the better ones.
Steelheart couldn’t be more different. Part science fiction, part super-hero exploit, it takes place slightly in the future. There’s been an event that gives certain people extrahuman abilities but the catch is it also appears to make them crazy and unleashes the darker side of their personalities. They’re supervillains and there’s no one around to stop them, especially the title character, Steelheart. However, he – like all other “Epics” (as the superhumans are termed) – has a weakness and, if you can find it, you can maybe kill them.
The novel isn’t really Steelheart’s story – it belongs to David, a young man who, years before, saw Steelheart kill David’s father. David has devoted his life to finding out the weaknesses of Epics, especially Steelheart, so they can be killed and the stranglehold they have on normal human society can be broken. To this end, he seeks out and falls in with a shadowy group called Reckoners who are normal humans also looking to kill Epics. David makes a case for going after Steelheart and that’s the bulk of the novel.
The book reads like an epic comic book but also asks some interesting questions along the way. Steelheart has created Newcago out of what was Chicago and rules like a ruthless tyrant but there is also some kind of order. Electricity works (some times) and there is some sense or society working, unlike other places. Remove Steelheart and will that still be true? Will the ordinary people thanks the Reckoners for their “freedom”?
The book is well written, the pace is fast, and the characters are interesting. I guessed one or two of the twists (that goes with the territory; as a writer myself, I can sometimes see the tricks in another writer’s hand) but I didn’t get all of them and did not guess the climax. It’s a fun read and there’s more on the way. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this one become a movie.
Both books are currently in hardback but are almost certain to go into paperback some time next year. Both are worth reading.
MONDAY MORNING: Mindy Newell
MONDAY LATER: Introducing Jen Krueger
TUESDAY MORNING: The Debut of Jen Krueger
The dame walked into my office just before closing. An older woman, dressed like every other woman in this city in a black leather jacket and black pants. You wouldn’t look twice at her unless you were allergic to cats, because she was covered with cat hair.
“I require your services, Mr. Spade,” she said, a trace of the midwest in her voice. “I’ve lost something very precious. Perhaps it was stolen. In any case, I must have it returned to me. I’ll pay you anything if you can find it.”
I looked here up and down, paying attention this time. Did she have money to spend? “Tell me about the case,” I said, motioning to the chair across from my desk. “Let’s start out with your name.”
“Thank you. I just don’t know what to do.” With this, she wiped a tear away from her eye, using the sleeve of her jacket.
I handed her my handkerchief and waited while she pulled herself together. After a few minutes, she took a deep breath and spoke. “My name is Martha Thomases. That’s ‘Thomases’ with an e-s on the end. Like it’s plural.” She said this as if it was something she had said a million times before.
“My story. I can’t find it anywhere. I think it’s stolen.”
“Can you give me a description,” I said, taking out my notebook.
“It’s been with me since I was a child,” she said, as if that give me any idea what she was talking about. “I really must have it back.”
I looked at her with the pen in my hand. “A description,” I said. “What is it like? When did you last see it?”
“Well,” she said. “I don’t know that it has value to anyone but myself. It’s a story about a girl who grows up, her relationships with other people, the things she has to do to get ahead.”
“That’s describes a lot of people’s stories,” I said, still not writing anything down. “How would I recognize yours?”
“It’s mine,” she said, as if that gave me any clues. She saw my stare, and stammered, “Usually there is something about fathers in it.”
“That gives me something. Anything else?”
“And there’s super-powers,” she said. “Someone will be able to fly or read minds or something. And there will be capes. Dark blue capes.” She tried to repress a shudder of pleasure at the memory, but couldn’t keep the smile from her lips.
Why hadn’t she told me that first. “Now we’re getting somewhere,” I said. “When did you last see it?”
“Just the other night,” she said, crossing her legs. It might have been a sexy movie if she hadn’t been wearing sneakers. “We stayed up late with a bottle of wine. In the morning, there was no trace.”
“Perhaps your story left?” I said, trying to be diplomatic.
“No, never,” she said. “We’ve been together more than 55 years. Someone must have stolen my story.”
“Who would do that?” I said. “Do you have a list?”
“There’s a lot of writers out there who need stories,” she said. “I just don’t know who would take mine. What good would that do them? It’s my story.”
I stood and put out my hand for her to shake. “Let me make some calls,” I said. “I’ll get back to you with an estimate, and we can proceed from there.
She walked away, and I watched her go. Not a bad caboose, but she was old enough to be my mother. What did a woman her age need with a story, anyway?
Still, a job is a job. I made a few calls that afternoon, but they didn’t tell me much. I was going to have to go out on the street. I put on my coat and headed for the bookstore. They’ve got a lot of stories there. Maybe someone heard something.
I went up to the clerk at the information desk. “I’m looking for a story,” I said. “Something with capes. Flying. Maybe a father.” I didn’t want to give away too much.
The clerk pushed a few buttons, and a long list appeared on her monitor. “You want the graphic novel section,” she said to me, pointing to an aisle at the back of the store.
I walked back, looking over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t followed. I wasn’t prepared for what I found. Shelves reaching to the ceiling, filled with books that had spandex-clad characters with capes on the cover. I picked up a few that had dames on the cover, but there were so many I couldn’t tell if any of them came from my client.
I went back to the clerk. “These are all the same story,” I said. “How am I supposed to tell them apart?”
“Not at all,” she said. “All of the stories are different. Every writer takes the elements and makes them his or her own. It’s like meatloaf. Everybody makes it differently, and everybody makes it the best.”
I went back to my office, no closer to the truth than when I left. As I unlocked my door, I saw a package on the floor. I took it to my desk and unwrapped it. It was a statue of some stupid black bird from the Thomases dame. I picked it up, and saw an envelope underneath. Inside was a check and a note. “Dear Mr. Spade,” it said. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I just needed a walk to clear my head and my story came back to me. It is the stuff that dreams are made of. So easy to misplace. Thank you so much for your time.”
I’ll say you’re welcome when the check clears.
SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman
SUNDAY: John Ostrander
Columns / Glenn Hauman / News
Stephen Colbert, we have your writer for “The Chronicles of Amber”!
January 20, 2023
The Law Is A Ass #460: Those “For Life” Sentences Are Nonsense
February 24, 2022
