Author: Michael Davis

Fae Desmond Saves The World, by Michael Davis

Fae Desmond Saves The World, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • July 18, 2008

Europe was gone.

England put up a gallant fight but was no match for his power. France did not put up much of a fight. The closest they came to a confrontation was a giant banner that said “Please Don’t Eat Us.” The Middle East was a wasteland. Most of the United States was destroyed but still fighting.

Fighting…Galactus! Galactus the world eater!

July 23, 2008, all the superheroes were dead or dying. Marvel’s best, DC’s finest and the greatest of Dark Horse and Image. All dead. When Galactus first appeared decades ago Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic of the famed Fantastic Four, had figured out a way to stop Galactus from destroying Earth. It was the first time Galactus had ever been stopped.

When Richards first heard Galactus’ ship was over Europe before the rampage, he and the Fantastic Four flew the Fantasticar out to confront him. Mr. Fantastic would calmly approach him secure in the knowledge that Galactus would keep his word not to destroy the earth. Reed Richards was so sure of that word that when they had first met he had handed over the only weapon that could destroy Galactus, The Ultimate Nullifier.

He handed it over to… Galactus. Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic, one of the smartest men in the world… freakin’ idiot.

The Human Torch flew beside the jet vehicle as always making wisecracks the entire way. The entire trip was filled with laughter and in fact the foursome had decided to take a few days in Europe after they saw what Galactus was up to.

“Most likely he just wants me to find him a world to eat that tastes like chicken.” Richards joked.

When they approached Galactus Richards said “Why are you here, old friend?” Galactus standing over 200 feet tall stared down at Richards in the hovering Fantasticar. “I am not your friend,” The booming voice of Galactus responded.

“Why are you upset with me?” Richards said, now starting to worry.

“Look, Richards this is the deal, I’m here to eat your world.”

The Invisible Woman turned to The Thing, “That does not sound like Galactus!” “You’re right, Susie!” The Thing said and then yelled at Galactus. “Hey big man, why are you going back on your word?”

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The Asshole Express Card, by Michael Davis

The Asshole Express Card, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • July 11, 2008

I wear Bat-Man and Spider-Man cuff links. I have dozens of watches that feature comic book characters. I’ve worn a Bat-Man tee shirt with an Armani Suit to a gallery opening. Hell, on occasion I still wear my Bat-Man sneakers I was given by Paul Levitz in 1989.

I hate to fly; I stay up all night before my flight so I’m knocked out asleep on the plane. If I can’t get to sleep I will take out some comics and read them until I get sleepy. On more than one occasion I have gotten looks from those sitting next to me that clearly showed me their disgust. Those I let go, too small throw it back.

Once a lady asked me “Why are you reading those silly books? You are a grown man; you should be ashamed.” I took out my calling card and presented it to her. My cards are doubled sided. One side says “Michael Davis, Ph.D;” the other side says M.O.T.U. and has my contact information on it. The lady asked me what M.O.T.U stood for. “Master Of The Universe,” I told her. She told me that was silly as well. She then flipped the card over and saw the Ph.D. Her face dropped. She said “Now that’s impressive.” I told her “No, what’s impressive is I learned to read by reading comic books and also learned not to judge others by my own stupid prejudices.”

She left me alone.

Yes, I’m a grown man with a Ph.D. That does not make me smarter than anyone, it simply means I’ve accomplished something of note in my life. No degree can instill in you the common decency not to impugn someone’s right to read whatever he or she wants. Hell, I should have whipped out some porn just to drill that point in deeper.

For over twenty years I’ve been talking about American comic creators and publishers standing up and taking the respect we deserve as an industry. Some of us do, and Frank Miller, Steve Geppi, Kevin Eastman, Mike Richardson, Scott McCloud and Peter David are a few that come to mind. Of course the greatest champion of comics as a TRUE AMERICAN art form was and will probably always be Will Eisner. However, these and other notable folk does not a movement make. I think what is called for is an industry wide movement to draw attention to the power and influence of comics in this nation.

I’m going to start by tearing up my American Express card. They have really pissed me off.

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Is You Stupid? by Michael Davis

Is You Stupid? by Michael Davis

 

I have no real theme this week but I’d like to share some random thoughts. These are some of the things that make me ask…is you stupid? Not to be confused with “Are you stupid?” Is you stupid is a much better way to express my frustration. Just saying is you stupid sounds right in some situations. It lets the person you are talking to know they are stupid but… with a smile.

Not to long ago a good friend of mine called me and asked me to take a look at a project. It was not his project, he was shopping it around for a hotshot TV producer. I was told that this project would make a great comic book series and I was asked if I would get involved and present it to some publishers.

I have been lucky enough to close some major deals with major publishers and know some power brokers. This is outside of comic book publishers, which are no longer the only game in town for comics. As I write this I’m on a plane to New York City for a meeting with Harper Collins Publishers. I’ve been selling comic book universes to major publishers since 1996. The Action Files, a series I created, has been a Simon & Schuster universe since 1997. I’m proud to say that I saw the trend with comics and major publishers before it was a trend.

Anywho, my friend of almost twenty years tells me that he has a series that will be bigger than The Matrix. It was created by a big time producer and they want me involved. Truth be told I don’t really do a lot of pitching of other people’s projects anymore. It’s simply too much trouble. If I don’t create it, then I have little incentive to try and get it sold. As I said – too much trouble. My only exception these days is introducing young talented creators to people who may be able to help them. Help with advise for the most part because that is sorely lacking in our field.

So I’m pitched this series that will be “bigger than The Matrix!” and…

It sucked.

I mean really sucked as in very bad. So I ask you what do you do? Do I say, “Wow. That sucked?” Nah that would be insensitive and you know me. I’m Mr. Sensitivity. Or perhaps I say “My god, this is worst than that sitcom about slavery (a real show) that was on TV for half an episode before the network put down the crack pipe and realized what they put on the air.”

 

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What Happens In Vegas… Sucks, by Michael Davis

What Happens In Vegas… Sucks, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • June 27, 2008

What many of my readers don’t know is – I’m an artist, trained at some of the finest art schools in the country. I’m also an educator, having written curricula for an art school and created reading programs for high interest low-level students grades four to six. I have quite a few proclamations from various cities for my educational work and my mentor program. I even have part of a school campus named after me.

I’m not telling you this to impress you, but to impress upon you that I know a wee bit about the arts.

Education and training aside, I belong to the “I know what I like club.” I truly believe that art is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t care how big the artist is, I’m not jumping on the bandwagon because his or her last painting sold for a zillion dollars. As an example, take the artist David Hockney. I don’t like his work but I respect the career he has built for himself.

I also think that Thomas Kinkade is the luckiest man on earth. I much prefer and miss Bob Ross and his “happy little trees.” For my money, his “happy little trees” pimp slap anything done by either Hockney or Kinkade. That may be because I just liked him as a man and that translated into why I like his work so much. Truth be told, his work was more of a gimmick – but I don’t care: I like what I like. Hockney or Kinkade are huge successes and deserve to be. They create the art and let it speak for itself. Critics love it or hate it, people buy it or they don’t.

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Bat-Man and Mr. Right, by Michael Davis

Bat-Man and Mr. Right, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • June 20, 2008

Above Gotham City, Bat-Man looked down at the two hoods. From his vantage point they could not see him, nor could they hear him as the sounds of their hurried footsteps and thoughts of their impending criminal act drowned out all sounds real or imagined. Bat-Man swung above them watching, waiting for what he knew was coming. True to his instincts, the two men settle on a victim. The middle-aged man had no idea that he was about to be robbed. Then again, the two thugs had no idea they were going to be beaten… badly.

“Hey, buddy.” One of the criminals said. The middle-aged man turned around. His eyes went immediately to the gun the man was holding. The two gangsters smiled, they loved the fear in the marks eyes. “You know what this is. Give us your money.” The victim’s name was Larry Wright. His friends call him “Mr. Right” with an “R.” That’s because he is so right wing and so conservative. Mr. Right has a lot of friends, but too bad for him none of his friends were there to help him. As if they would. No, he was alone… or so he thought.

“Did you not hear me?” The man with the gun shouted. “Give us your money!” Mr. Right could not move. He could not understand why he could not move or speak. He was frozen. Why could he not simply hand the man his wallet? Was he scared? How could that be? He was Mr. Right he was the man who speaks out he was not scared of anything.

“Faggot! I’m talking to you!”

The man with the gun yelled as he walked towards Mr. Right with the gun leveled between the frozen man’s eyes. “Hey. Faggot! I’m taking to you.”

Somehow, Mr. Right found his voice. “I’m not a faggot.”

Without a sound, Bat-Man dropped onto the two thugs. With one swift move he disarmed the gunman with his Batarang while kicking the other man with a roundhouse that almost took his head off. The disarmed gunman launched himself at Bat-Man. Bat-Man smiled as he drove his right fist into the gunman’s face and, immediately, his left fist into his stomach. The force of one blow bent the man over the other stood him upright again.

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The Walk Of Fame, by Michael Davis

The Walk Of Fame, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • June 13, 2008

Whenever I meet a celebrity, I say one of two things: either Can I have some money? or Black people love you. Which one depends on the star. When I met Al Sharpton it would not have been cool to say black people love you… because they don’t.

I’m kidding. It’s just much more fun to say black people love you to someone who’s not black. The looks on their faces are mostly priceless… mostly. I work in television and have the opportunity to meet a bunch of Hollywood types – actors, directors and producers. When I meet someone on business I’m not quite the knucklehead I am when I meet someone at a party or some other random place.

I’m always interested in what people who don’t work in the industry think of celebrities. If you read my column regularly you know I’m hard on some Hollywood stars and their behavior.  So I thought I would take the time to give you a few of my many positive encounters.

The first time I ever took a drink I was in the ninth grade and I was trying to be cool. My friend Earl and I were going to a party and we each had a bottle of really cheap wine. Earl had a bottle of Wild Irish Rose and I had a bottle of MD2020. That’s short for Mad Dog. How did two 13 years old kids get their hands on those bottles of wine? We went in and gave the clerk money, that’s how.

What about ID’s?

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Yes We Can…by Michael Davis

Yes We Can…by Michael Davis

Yes We Can… unless we are stupid.

I’m always amazed at just how stupid, petty and small-minded some people can be. Remember the onslaught of bad press and savage criticism Barack Obama had to deal with because of Jeremiah Wright? The millions of TV news stories, the billions of You Tube hits, and the zillion chat room comments? Jeremiah Wright’s antics almost torpedoed Barack Obama’s shot at the Presidency. Rev. Wright’s sermons were broadcast recently but they were old sermons that someone found and put out for the entire world to see long after they were first spoken.

The furor had all but gone away making Rev. Wright’s recent TV news tour the worst possible moment for him to defend himself with regards to the Senator.

The title of Senator Obama’s book was The Audacity Of Hope. The Rev. Wright gave that title to the Senator. I hear that the Rev. Wright is writing a book; you think the title will be The Audacity Of A Dope?

Nah.

Rev. Wright has not made any other comments lately. I would like to think that he realized that there is something bigger out there than his attempt to get his side of the story out. I know a few people who know the man and from what I hear he’s a real decent and very smart guy. But we all have moments of bad judgment and I’m sure that was all it was, a bad judgment call. As I said we have all had those moments. I have had a few… thousand.

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Sex In The City, by Michael Davis

Sex In The City, by Michael Davis

No less than eight women and two gay men, all friends of mine, have asked me whether or not I was going to see the Sex And The City movie. I’m lucky (or unlucky depending on your point of view) to be able to see Hollywood films before their release. I have seen Sex And The City. Before you go on, I must tell you that I am going to reveal important plot elements as well as the surprise ending.

The plot of the films is this: four friends, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, are now all over forty and dealing with life at middle age. Carrie and Mr. Big are planning their wedding. Mr. Big finally tells Carrie what he does for a living and how he got his nickname.

The scene played out like this:

Carrie: Now that we are going to be married, don’t you think I should know your real name and what you do for a living?

Mr. Big: Yes, Carrie, but you better sit down.

Carrie sits down. She has a look of fear and anticipation on her face.

Mr.Big: I love you, Carrie. No matter what happens between us please know I love you.

A tear starts to roll down Carrie’s cheek.

Carrie: You… you’re scaring me Big.

Mr.Big: I’m sorry baby. Look, there is no other way to say this so I’m just going to say it.

Carrie is now shaking and the tears are flowing freely. She begins to sob.

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Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut, by Michael Davis

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut, by Michael Davis

…sometimes you don’t. Today, I do.

Let me warn you in advance this article will have little if anything to do with comics, movies, or politics or any other popular culture obsession I tend to write about. This article is about how I feel, as in how I feel. I tell you this for two reasons; the first is my apology if this column wastes your time, the second is because I think of my readers as friends and writing this may help me feel better.

So in a very real way I’m looking for a little help from my friends.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been a bit depressed. I mean really depressed. I’ve had no pep, nothing seems to move me, I’ve been sleeping a lot and I have very little motivation. When I say sleeping a lot I mean a lot. I’m getting eight hours of sleep a night. A normal night for me is five hours max. My mood accounts for my last two lackluster articles. Hey, I know they were not great and anytime I do a fluff piece on a personal favorite artist of mine like Sinatra then I’m really at a lost for something to say.

This behavior is SO not who I am. Coming from a family with deep roots in the medical field I was told by more than one person that I might be clinically depressed.

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Cool Like That, by Michael Davis

Cool Like That, by Michael Davis

 

What is cool?

As comic book fans we are pretty much in the forefront of what cool is. The history of comics is an encyclopedia of coolness. If it were not for rock’n’roll, comics would be the absolute standard of coolness. Take a look all the stuff that comics are responsible for in popular culture.

We each have our own gauge of what cool is. Me? I’m all over the place with what or who I think is cool. I think George Clooney is cool and I have little respect for “movie stars,” as any regular reader of this column knows. I think that Gary Shandling is cool and one of the funniest men on the planet. I think that DC comics are cool even if I have had issues with them and they have with me. I think American Idol is cool mostly ,because so many so-called “hip” people think it’s lame. I think HGTV is cool. I think that Stan Lee is cool because he has earned that title. I think that Prince and Patrick Swayze are cool. To me Alan Greenspan is cool and so is Brian Williams.

The shows Family Guy and American Dad are cool but so is every one of those Law and Order shows. Mike Richardson and Dark Horse comics are cool. The staff at Comic Con International and the staff at The Westin Horton Plaza Hotel (especially Jean) are cool. I think the Amish are cool. I know that ComicMix is cool.

 

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