Emily S. Whitten: Deadpool’s New Year’s Resolutions
As everyone knows, it’s a time-honored New Year’s tradition to not only make resolutions about all of the things you are really going to do better in the coming year, but also to share them with friends so they can encourage you to not be a bum and totally forget about all of your well-meaning promises. So naturally, my bestie Deadpool sent me a draft of his list and, just as naturally, I figured all of you would want to see it so you can be inspired towards your own lofty New Year’s goals. Therefore:
Deadpool’s List of Stuff I’m Definitely Going To Do Sometime In 2015… Probably:
- Wash that weirdly pulsating pile of uniforms in the corner of the bedroom before it escapes and eats New York. Use actual detergent and stuff.
- Kill/maim/otherwise injure more bad people
- …Don’t kill/maim/otherwise injure any more good people?
- Send Ryan Reynolds flowers (again) (and another cell phone with me as #1 on speed dial!)
- Make paper-Mache Dogpool sculpture with that pile of Taco Bell receipts I keep tripping over (fulfills therapist’s requirement for “fun therapeutic crafts”)
- Karaoke with Doctor Doom! (Track down Doctor Doom and drag him to karaoke)
- Break record for Most Twinkies Eaten In One Sitting
- Be in the next Avengers movie! As Iron Man’s best bud. (freeze Cap again?)
- Finally figure out how to get drunk with a healing factor
- Read all of my back issues of Soldier of Fortune
- Be nice(r) to old ladies (in memory of my beloved Bea)
- Replace Spider-Man’s web shooter fluid with neon Silly String. Again. :D :D :D
- Perfect my patented Triple-Decker Killer Hot Fudge Sundae (needs more caramel?)
- Always get paid for jobs before accepting them. Especially when Taskmaster is involved.
- Find Bob a life.
- More. Chimichangas!
Hope that helped you to figure out all the amazing things you want to resolve to do in 2015! Good luck with that.
And until next time, Happy New Year and Servo Lectio!