Dennis O’Neil: Meet Lenny Grimmish
So that snot-nose college boys thinks he’s putting one over on me, hah? Foreign bastard. I mean, look at his name. I don’t even know how to say it. True Dough? Tree dee- you? First name Garry? Yeah, sure it is; Prob’ly something like Garovitchsky. You see what he’s doing with his comic strip…did I say comic strip? What I meant was commie strip. Anyway, you see today’s paper? This Tree-dee-you is reprinting crap he did I don’t know how long ago…twenty, thirty years!
Now, in the first place, I don’t pay for crap that’s that old. If I read the news section, I wouldn’t want to read about stuff that happened twenty-thirty years ago. You feed me stuff that’s twenty-thirty years old, what you’re doing is stealing my money ‘cause I don’t pay for stuff that’s twenty-thirty years old. It’s like them sissy-boys and their wine…just shows how stupid they are, plunking down fifty-sixty dollars for wine that’s fifty-sixty years old. Not that I seen ‘em do it. Fella on the train told me about it. Anyway, his Tree-dee-you is too lazy to do new commie strips so he’s feeding us old stuff, thinks we’re too dumb to notice.
But that ain’t the worst of it. See, the old stuff don’t even look like the new stuff and so what the snotnose is telling us is that his commie strip has changed. Sure it has. Damn well told it has. ‘Cause he changed it! What he’s trying to do is, the sneaky sonuvabitch, he’s trying to make us think that stuff changes. Planting the idea in our heads. Planting the idea in our kids’ heads! So pretty soon we’re going to believe that the earth is way old and not just the six-thousand years we know it is and that evolution is right and holy scripture is wrong and all that dumb type of stuff. Did I say dumb? Just look out the window. See anything changing? When was the last time you seen your Aunt Sadie change into a monkey? When did you see a monkey change into Aunt Sadie? Boy, they sure must think we’re stupid.
Know what I bet Tree-dee-you watches on the teevee? I bet he watches that Cosmos thing that on Fox on Sunday night and how come it’s on Fox anyway when Fox usually knows better? Anyway, it’s full of stuff about everything changing and some of it doesn’t even look like anything I ever seen. Prob’ly whoever’s making the pictures is taking drugs. Not that I really watched it ‘cause I got better things to do with my time but it came on one night and before I could find the remote I accidentally seen some of it and boy-howdy, I tell you it made me sick.
I gotta go now, but remember, they’re watching you and they’re out to get you.
Photo by NCMallory