Imitation Bizarros? by Mike Gold
Many years ago my dear friend, mystery novelist Elaine Viets, took a look at the growth rate and postulated that by, well, roughly now virtually every American would be an Elvis imitator.
Luckily, we came to our senses. Or maybe not. Either way, I love logic.
Another dear friend, the late Bill Martin, would go crazy reading Bizarro stories because of their lack of internal consistency. That’s why I loved Bill; he would actually think of such a thing. But damn it, he died too soon. Had he lived he would see that we are coming to a world not unlike that of the Bizarros, but with a day-to-day internal consistency.
For example, last week I pontificated upon the impact of our rapidly deteriorating economy upon the comics and popular culture community. It was absolutely brilliant; you should re-read it. As it was posted at 6:46 AM Central time (yeah – we’re out east; don’t ask!) I wrote the column before the big vote in Congress. The one that was voted down. People felt a $700,000,000,000.00 bail out was too expensive. OK, fine. I can dig that. Later that day, the Dow Jones Industrial average dropped 777 points. I love symmetry.
People freaked. Damn! We’ve got to put a stop to that! How can we get that fixed? I know! Let’s add some pork to the bill – spread some additional loot around and buy us the needed votes! So within five days a $700,000,000,000.00 bill that was too expensive evolved into an $840,000,000,000.00 bill that was just right! It was so well-greased that the bill was actually printed before passage and given to Still-President Bush for signing at the appropriate time.
This, folks, is Bizarro logic. And it prevails.
By the way, did the stock market react in gratitude for each and every American chipping in about $3000 to pay for this bill? Nope; the market dropped another 157 points.
I ask you this. Would a Bizarro-Elvis imitator have to be, well, the real Elvis? Don’t think about it; check and see who just bought your bank. Just accept the prevailing Bizarro logic. As if you have any choice.
In the words of the great, great man: “Me am not scared at all.”
Mike Gold is editor-in-chief of ComicMix.