Disney Invades Iraq? by John Ostrander

John Ostrander

John Ostrander started his career as a professional writer as a playwright. His best known effort, Bloody Bess, was directed by Stuart Gordon, and starred Dennis Franz, Joe Mantegna, William J. Norris, Meshach Taylor and Joe Mantegna. He has written some of the most important influential comic books of the past 25 years, including Batman, The Spectre, Manhunter, Firestorm, Hawkman, Suicide Squad, Wasteland, X-Men, and The Punisher, as well as Star Wars comics for Dark Horse. New episodes of his creator-owned series, GrimJack, which was first published by First Comics in the 1980s, appear every week on ComicMix.

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9 Responses

  1. mike weber says:

    Sounds good to me.If Disney's busy jumping into the quagmire with both feet, it won't have time to do to New Orleans what it did to Times Square, which i've been afraid it *would* since about the third day after Katrina hit.

  2. Vinnie Bartilucci says:

    Contrary to the title, I don't believe Disney is actually part of this plan. JO just used them as an easy to recognize name to draw attention to the piece. Disney is too busy preparing its invasion plans for Cuba. I know in my heart that off the coast of Florida are a series of boats; one owned by Disney, one by Microsoft, one by, ahem, "Organized Crime" and probably a couple others. As soon as the news comes down that Castro is dead, those boats are gonna hit the gas and drive hell bent for leather for Cuba. Whoever hits it first is gonna OWN the place. We're all just waiting for Castro to die out of courtesy.

    • Mike Gold says:

      Actually, I wrote the headline. I picked the Disney reference off of John's column, but the creative license speeding ticket is my bad.But I can easily imagine The Evil Empire invading Cuba. It'll be great fun to see the Mouse on his knees shooting craps. From Lansky to Castro to Disney. Poor Cuba.

      • Vinnie Bartilucci says:

        Wasn't trying to cast aspersions; it was a perfectly reasonable headline, intended to generate interest, as opposed to mislead.Cuba is the last great frontier America has for expansion. The speech in Godfather 2 still rings true today. It's gonna be *crazy* when that place opens up. Ten years, max. They may pull an L Ron Hubbard and pretend Castro is alive after he dies, precisely to stave it off.

        • Mike Gold says:

          I don't know that it's the aura of Castro (which is all they've had for a couple years) is what's keeping Cuba Communist. Most Cubans grew up under Castro, and most of those that are older remember Batista as a puppet of Lansky, Luciano and Eisenhower. Cubans' lives were no better under Batista, except for a handful of very rich people.I think Cuba is likely to go the way much of Central America and South America is going, which is hardly pro-USA. We'll try to bribe them into giving up their turf, but I think the only way the US will have any influence in the area is if we invade the place and overthrow the government, exactly like we did in Hawaii.

          • Vinnie Bartilucci says:

            Which is pretty much what I think will happen. But unlike certain activities drawing ire from the populace which shall remain nameless, I think this will be a corporate takeover. Cuba is small enough that I really believe it can be bought, literally. As opposed to the Batista situation where the money was only being made by the government, they could hand everyone in the damn country a million dollars. And since there's not all that much to buy in the country, the companies would get it all back and more in a couple years. They did a gag in The Onion where they said that what the US planned to do in Iraq – just hand the 40 billion out to each Iraqui. Crazy thing is…it might coulda worked. Give the people of a country money to keep them happy and quiet. Sound familiar?Cuba has no big allies, no one from neighboring countries that can sneak across the border without being seen (to the best of my knowledge, the Middle and South American submarine fleet is exceedingly small), it's like our own little Galapgos Islands. And like the Middle East, they have something we want – lovely weather (most of the time) and a great location. Played right, they could end up with the highest income per capita in the western hemisphere, and STILL have a great heath care system.Or they could get greedy, keep it all in the ruling class, have that massive abyss between the rich and the poor, and it'll all repeat again in 30 years.

          • Mike Gold says:

            Cuba has no big allies except Venezuela, which is big by virtue of its oil holdings.

  3. Alan Coil says:

    People are still getting killed INSIDE THE GREEN ZONE, and this dweeb thinks he can build a theme park OUTSIDE the Green Zone.My suggestions:Whack-A-Mole Baghdad—skateboarders randomly appear at the top of their jumps, and snipers try to pick them off.Baseball Toss Baghdad—if you can knock over 3 milk bottles with a mortar from 500 yards, you win a stuffed animal.Burst A Balloon Baghdad—based on the carnival game where you use a stream of water to expand and explode a balloon, the object here would be to use a water hose to be the first to get your suspect to confess.Shirley, there must be more…

  4. Vinnie Bartilucci says:

    "Baseball Toss Baghdad—if you can knock over 3 milk bottles with a mortar from 500 yards, you win a stuffed animal."Considering how hard it is to knock those damn things down, that may be harder than it sounds. Woody Allen used to do a joke about a hurricane laying waste to Coney Island, and the only thing left standing were those three milk bottles…