Fri Oct 17, 2008 — by Michael Davis

The Top 10 Reasons The Comic Industry Must Destroy The Fashion Industry ... by Michael Davis

Straight, No Chaser

I sit here amazed that I still live in the HELL HOLE which is Los Angeles. I’m getting more and more pissed at myself for being here. Why? Well, earlier this week there was a real possibility that I could have lost my home to one of the many massive fires that went through part of L.A. like McCain went though “Joe the goddamn plumber” references.

WHAT the Hell was that about? With all the Joe Six Pack and Joe The Plumber stupid anecdotes being thrown around, I can see the next ad from McCain:

VO: John McCain. An American Hero.

Image: McCain in his military Uniform.

VO: John McCain spent 5 years as a P.O.W.

Image: McCain in captivity.

VO: His cellmate will tell you that McCain stood firm in the face of the enemy.

Image: G.I. Joe Action figure.

G.I. Joe: He never threw me away … never.

VO: I’m John McCain and I approve this message.

As Peter David says, I digress.

Instead of being pissed at myself (which is clearly silly as I am damn near perfect in every way) I will instead address my ire at the fashion industry. It’s no secret I HATE the fashion industry. One of my first rants when I started writing this column was about my confrontation with a super model and her boy toy. Or as I like to refer to her, that skinny little Ho that needs a sandwich so she can throw it up bitch.Long story short: she told me to get a real job when I mentioned I worked in comics. A model telling anyone to get a real job is like a porn star having issues with YOUR morals.

This is the same fashion industry that owes the term “super model” to us in the comics industry. Without that term (which WE own) what would they call these “ultra” models?

Wait, I know … Lucky Bitches.

The fashion industry has a long history of pretense and uppity treatment of all those who make up what WE are: geeks and nerds. Take a look at how we are treated in film and TV. The nerd is always treated like an asshole who longs after the “Super mode…I mean the Lucky Bitches.” The show Ugly Betty, which for some STRANGE reason I like, is a perfect example. Betty is a nerd, pure and simple her treatment on the show ranges from pity to out and out meanness. People, this show is not a parody.

I dated a designer for Calvin Klein once until I told her boss at a party to “Kiss my black ass and lay of the Botox!” Why? Because she kept suggesting I go home and change my outfit before I embarrassed my date. Now, my invitation for her to kiss my booty came only after half an hour of this abuse. I had simply had enough and THIS was the last straw. The fashion industry has a long LONG history of making nerds and geeks look like losers and assholes ... until now.

There is a major fashion movement going on called Geek Chic. This will be all the rage until the fashion industry decides we must return from the “cool” they have been so wonderful to bestow on us. Soon, very soon they will decide we must return to the stuff they wipe their 8-inch heels on. So with that in mind I give you the Top Ten Reasons We Must Destroy The Fashion Industry and their Super Mod … Lucky Bitches:

10. We can read.

9. They think the Watchmen movie is about security guards.

6. If it does not begin with “Knock, knock” they will NEVER get our jokes.

5. They think Frank Miller owns a beer company.

4. “What are you talking about?” is the answer you will get when you ask them “Mac or PC?

3. If you ever answer Yes to the question “Do I look fat in this dress?” they will kill you, your family and your race.

1. During sex she’s not screaming your name, unless your name is Hair.

Kiss my ass, you Lucky Bitches.

Michael Davis and his buddy Denys Cowan were inconvienced by the new Fox reality show The Los Angeles Fire-of-the-Week. 

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