Category: Columns

Mindy Newell: Review Redux

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Cat Grant: One time at a party, Paul McCartney swore to me that he and Yoko were the closest of friends. He was more convincing.

Cat Grant not accepting Kara Danvers’ statement that she (Kara) is not Supergirl

Rey: There are stories about what happened.

Han Solo: It’s true. All of it. The Dark Side. The Jedi. They’re real.

Listen Up! Spoilers Abound, So If You Don’t Want To Know, Don’t Read This Column.

A few weeks ago, four days before Christmas to be exact, I said that I loved Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and had problems with Supergirl.  While I still love Episode VI of a saga that took place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there are two things that bother me. Silly things, to be sure, but just enough to pick at my enjoyment a teensy bit:

I miss the 20th Century Fox fanfare that opened all the other Star Wars movies.

Composed in 1933 by Alfred Newman, head of the studio’s music department, the extended version – which is the one that became so integral to the films – debuted with The Robe, the first film to be shown in Cinemascope. But it had been phased out by the late ‘70s by the then-struggling-to-survive studio when its savior, George Lucas – who had always loved the logo, the sweeping spotlights, and the fanfare – insisted on its use in his “little space opera fantasy.” Then, when John Williams developed the theme to Star Wars, he used the same key as the fanfare, and has said that it was meant to be an extension of Alfred Newman’s work.

And so, ever since May 25, 1977, all of us have felt their heartbeats quicken, felt goose bumps prickle their skin, and felt the hairs on the back of our necks stand up in anticipation and salute as those drums, those trumpets, those sweeping spotlights acted as a clarion call to that galaxy so far, far way where an epic adventure happened such a long time ago. It became such an intrinsic part of the Star Wars universe that it’s now part and parcel of the soundtracks of the first six movies

Seeing a Star Wars movie introduced by Sleeping Beauty’s castle – a “side effect” of Disney’s ownership of the franchise – just ain’t the same, folks.

The only pilot I want to see flying the Millennium Falcon is Han Solo – with Chewie at his side, of course.

Seeing the Falcon in action again after 30+ years, soaring and doing loop-de-loops and evading TIE fighters, was almost like a religious experience, except for one thing – it wasn’t Han and Chewie at the controls. I can’t really explain it, I know it’s kind of dumb: after all, Lando Calrissian flew the “fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy” in Return of the Jedi – but I’ll tell you a secret: I always objected to that, too.

Just to get the bad taste out of my mouth, I’ll tell you what I did absolutely love in The Force Awakens:

The climatic scene between Han Solo and his son, Ben, now known as Kylo Renn, on a catwalk stretching across a seemingly bottomless abyss inside a technological marvel.

A perfect callback to the climatic scene in The Empire Strikes Back, as another father – Darth Vader, once known as Annakin Skywalker – confronted his son, Luke, and revealed truth to him as they faced off on another catwalk high above a seemingly endless abyss inside another technological marvel.

Also a few weeks ago, in the same column (four days before Christmas to be exact), I listed some of my complaints about Supergirl. Well, with the advantage of having watched new episodes of the series, I take back much of what I said:

“We met Aunt Astra and we know right away that she’s evil. She might as well have had a mustache to twirl. We shouldn’t even have known who she was – tease us, fool us. Mix us up. Maybe sometimes she’s good, sometimes she’s bad, maybe she’s somewhere in the middle. What’s her relationship with Kara? And since we’re supposed to be identifying with Kara, that should have been her deal as well.”

It’s almost as if the writers read my column, although of course that’s incredibly egotistical of me, and besides, I’m pretty sure that Astra’s back story and relationship to Kara was already in the show’s “bible.” It turns out that Astra is a villain depending on what side of the argument you hold to – is she an “eco-terrorist,” or an “eco-hero?”  Some argue – as Astra does – that desperate times call for desperate measures, that the needs of the many outweigh needs of the few, or the one. And her relationship with her niece, Kara, is becoming way more complicated as truths about Kara’s mother are being revealed.

“Kara was stuck in the Phantom Zone for years. And this hasn’t had any lasting affects? No emotional or psychological hang-ups? No anger issues at her cousin for dumping her in some strangers’ laps and flying off? No PTSD from seeing her parents, her civilization, her planet from being blown to kingdom come? Did the Danvers even attempt some sort of therapy? She should have trouble forming relationships, she should have trust issues, jeez, let’s see some anger.”

Confrontations with her Aunt, with her sister, Alex, with Cat Grant, with James and with Winn, with Maxwell Lord, with General Lane, and even her hologram mother…

The perky girl is still perky and kind and bubbly, but she’s letting the spunk and anger out, too. You go, SuperGRRRL!

“How many times and in how many ways can Kara talk about proving herself? This fast became a one-trick pony that quickly wore out its welcome and became a whine that is repeated in each and every episode as expository statements to her sister, to Jimmy, to Winn, to Hank…hey, Kara, take a tip from Yoda: “Did not you see Strikes Back the Empire Does? Do, or do not. There is no try.” Seriously, I’m waiting for somebody to tell her to just shut the fuck up already.”

She ain’t whining no more. Well, no so much, anyway. She’s absorbing Nike’s words of wisdom. Just Do It.

One thing that does piss me off big time!:

J’inn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter, a.k.a. Hank Henshaw, used his morphing ability to impersonate Supergirl and paid Cat Grant a visit as Supergirl just as the real Kara walks into her boss’ office, thus convincing Cat Grant that Kara Danvers isn’t the Kryptonian Maid of Steel.

No! No! No!

The sad and hackneyed use of a friend of the superhero impersonating said superhero so that said superhero could be seen at the same time and in the same place as said superhero’s secret identity – Batman impersonating Superman to throw Lois Lane off the scent, for instance – oh, come on! That went out back in the 1960s, for cryin’ out loud!

I’m holding on to the hope that Cat Grant is only playing dumb.

Ed Catto: Censorship and the Ties That Bind

WWE1v1_CASE_LARGEA reviewer for GoodReads offered up her thoughts in a December review of the upcoming Wonder Woman: Earth One graphic novel by Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette. A negative review took the creators and the publisher to task for what she perceived to be deviant fantasies. Several geek-centric sites, including Bleeding Cool, noted how this sparked conversations and negative comments from fans, both for the anticipated book and the reviewer’s ethics.  The review has since been taken down.

These discussions erupted just as I had finished reading The Language Police: How Pressure Groups Restrict What Students Learn by Diane Ravitch. My Aunt Carolyn lent it to me, and I procrastinated in reading it. In the end, I was so glad I read it. It tells the disturbing tale about how interest groups, from both the left and the right, have influenced the content of accepted textbooks in American schools. But this censorship is ultimately ineffective in serving their own agenda. What usually happens, as you all know, is that kids proclaim school books (especially in History and English) to be boring and turn to all the other media that’s at their fingertips.

Language Police Diane RavitchBut the efforts and impact of these special interests groups is all very Orwellian.

The censorship cited in The Language Police is astonishingly deplorable. I can understand the conflicts of teaching Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when the n-word is so prominently featured. That’s an understandably tough issue to wrestle with. But the censorship goes so far beyond that. There are early examples of the publisher changing the Ray Bradbury novels to accommodate outspoken crusaders’ issues that include a lack of a racially diverse cast and the use of religious concepts. It doesn’t stop there, and continues today. When Ravich talks about poems being changed with gender neutral language, it becomes pathetic and bizarre.

Women's Movement WWThere’s a story about my Aunt Carolyn to share at one point or another. Back when she was an English teacher at the local school, she purchased several issues of Classics Illustrated, with her own money, and passed them along to her students. Her principal was furious, collected those comics and destroyed them.  Was this because my hometown, Auburn NY, participated in those Wertham-inspired book burnings in the fifties? Hard to say, but I hope to get to the bottom of it one day.

Back to the matter at hand. These DC “Earth One” series retell the early days of established characters with a modern slant. And the pages revealed of Wonder Woman: Earth One do show a lot of chains and bondage. But in many ways, that hearkens back to the origins of the character. On one hand, Wonder Woman fans realize that many of those early stories showing women in chains was a metaphor for the issues with which women were dealing. The inevitable bursting of the chains foretold the eventual triumphs of the women’s movement.

WW historical SketchOn the other hand, Wonder Woman’s creator, William Moulton Marston was complicated individual, and lived much of his life with a level of duplicity that is astounding to modern audiences. Today, he would be regarded by many as a phony and a blowhard. Personally, his living arrangement, with essentially two wives and four children, was kept secret from the world and seemingly contradicts the pursuit of truth that was at the core of this “invention” of the lie detector and his creation of Wonder Woman and her magic lasso.

In The Secret History of Wonder Woman, Jill Lepore provides a fascinating and well-researched look behind the curtain at Wonder Woman, her creators and the women upon who the heroine and her supporting cast were based.

Secret History of Wonder Woman Jill LeporeMy concern comes not from what Marston believed or preached, not from the interpretation of those beliefs by Morrison and Paquette, but the rush to judgment of this graphic novel before it’s even published. There’s enough censorship going on right now and we certainly don’t need more.

The other big part of this concerns the idea of when the fans “ownership” of a character transcends that of the creator or the creator’s original vision. Recently, we’ve seen this topic revisited with Star Wars. Many fans revere the original trilogy, but take creator George Lucas to task for getting it wrong with the three prequel movies. In another Orwellian twist, it’s easy for indignant fans to condemn him for his lack of understanding of the mythology he created.

Likewise, fans of Wonder Woman may be upset to fully understand what her creator meant for her to represent. To them, Wonder Woman, as a character and a mythology, has grown and matured far past anything the original creator envisioned. And they take great umbrage at interpretations that differ from their own.

CWjRuJwU4AA_rF4Who’s to say what’s right? It seems to me that Geek Culture is made up passionate fans and there’s room for many fan interpretations. Some may be more valid than others depending on one’s vantage point, but all demand a level of respect.

This past Christmas, we sent two young nieces a Wonder Woman gift pack that included including ComicMix’s own Robert Greenberger’s excellent book Wonder Woman: Amazon, Hero Icon, DVDs from the Wonder Woman 70s TV show, apparel, comics and the DC animated movie). But if it were available, this new Wonder Woman: Earth One book would probably not have been appropriate for them.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not appropriate for other people and that certainly doesn’t mean it should be censored. I hope Wonder Woman continues to break chains, freeing not only women, but all of us, with love and wisdom. And I hope she can continue to challenge us along the way too.

cbldf* * *

Now’s probably the time to nod to the hard working folks at Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. If you aren’t familiar with the work they undertake, or need a refresher course, swing by their site: CBLDF.org

John Ostrander: Anybody Out There See The Force Awakens?

Poe Dameron

Not so long ago in a movie theater not too far away. . .

(WARNING! Danger, Will Robinson! Spoilers spoilers spoilers!

If you have not seen SW VII and you don’t want to know what happen , avoid this article. In order to discuss it, plot details will get revealed. You’ve been warned.)

Okay, so I’m late to the party. Again. I finally went to see Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens this last week after about a gazillion other folks had seen it (it has grossed over a billion dollars worldwide).

I’m not an average SW fan. I’d labored in Uncle George’s sandbox for about a decade, writing Star Wars comics for Dark Horse. So I know the territory pretty well. As I’ve noted elsewhere, I was a fan from before the first movie came out, as I’d read the novel of the movie. So my credentials are pretty good.

I really enjoyed myself. Episode VII now joins Episodes IV and V as my favorites. I am sorry to say that my prediction on these pages from a few weeks ago turned out to be true. This is one time Han definitely should have shot first.

There are those (especially fans) who have quibbles and some of them are fair. There are re-cycled elements to the plot, most especially a planet killing (in this case, planetary system killing) weapon like the Death Star. This time it’s called Starkiller Base. You kinda wish the bad guys would think up some other threat. It makes them Vader One Notes.

Speaking of – the main baddie is dressed in black with a black armored mask and uses the Dark Side, pretty much like Darth Vader and is, in fact, Vader’s grandson. (See? I warned you there would be spoilers.) He appears to be conflicted (as Vader supposedly was) and there “is still good in him” but does some pretty rotten things, as Vader did, and I’m not certain I think he’s worth redeeming. He orders an entire village killed. He’s an accomplice in killing off an entire planetary system. He kills his dad, for crying out loud! (And once again, Star Wars has characters with daddy issues.)

Luke Skywalker has gone missing and everyone seems to be looking for him. He was training a bunch of new Jedi but one went bad and killed the others and Luke went off into self-exile. Why do the Jedi keep on doing that? Something goes wrong and they go off to pout somewhere. Yoda did it. Obi-Wan did it (he was supposedly watching over Luke but he also was in self-imposed exile).

There is a father-son confrontation on a metal crosswalk that doesn’t end well. Spaceships still travel at the speed of plot. The climax includes an X-wing attack on a small target to destroy the Big Bad Weapon as time is running out for the good guys.

I understand the desire to use former plot elements; this is re-starting the franchise and calling back to the first film (now called Episode IV). That’s what ignited our love for Star Wars in the first place. Having a story that reminds us of all that is not necessarily a bad idea. And it executed real well. Great visuals and, for a change, a really good script with sharp dialogue.

Above all, there were plenty of new things as well, key among them were the younger cast members. Don’t get me wrong – I just about cheered every time the older ones showed up. “Chewie. . .we’re home.” just about killed me. Heck, just seeing the Millennium Falcon for the first time was great. What was key is that the new Luke Skywalker figure is female – Rey, played by newcomer Daisy Ridley. Yes, yes, yes – Leia was always a hero, but not like this. This is a Force using, lightsaber swinging hero and it’s a she. That is huge, IMO. And I think it’s going to have a powerful impact on young girls seeing the movie.

And the other new central hero, Finn (played by John Boyega) is black. Star Wars, in the past, has had trouble working in minorities, for whatever reason. This puts them front and center. Also, I don’t recall a character like Finn before in SW; he’s a turncoat stormtrooper who can’t be the bastard that he’s ordered to be. He rebels, he defects, and – yeah – he also swings a lightsaber.

Our third new hero, Poe Dameron, is the hottest pilot in the Resistance and is played by a Latino, Guatemalan born Oscar Isaac. Yes, Jimmy Smits is Latino and played Bail Organa (Leia’s adoptive father) in the prequel trilogy so Isaac is not the first Latino to play a major role in Star Wars but Poe Dameron is a hot shot X-Wing pilot and that’s just sexy.

The latest Star Wars reflects the changing face of the United States and that makes it feel far more contemporary. It speaks to now while retaining what we’ve loved about Star Wars. And it’s just great fun. I’ll be eagerly waiting Episode VIII and, in the meantime, will go back again to see Episode VII many times. It’s taken a couple decades but there is a Star Wars worth viewing again.

May the Force be with us all.

Marc Alan Fishman: Iron Batman v. Super Captain America

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In the not too distant future we’ll be privy to both Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Overly Long Titles and Captain America: Civility and Zombies. Seemingly, both will deal with complimentary issues pertaining to the culpability of collateral damage surrounding the super-inhabited world. In lesser terms, it’s pretty clear when you level a city (or level half of one, and almost use another as a projectile) someone has to pay. And no, I don’t mean asking Tony or Bruce-Bruce for a spare billion to cover the insurance.

At the core of both movies – and yes, I’m speculating – we’re dealing with the balance of proactive protection versus reactive process improvement. Regulating and regularly checking the populace for gifts is certainly one way to do it. It’s no different, one might postulate, than registering a weapon they own. Iron Man’s stance, as is Mr. Wayne’s, is cemented in fear of the unknown. How are we to protect the ones we love when the man down the street could be a psychopath with a gun or just Mr. Psycho? Forcing the population to divulge their hidden talents by way of polite force might be one way to hedge your bets. Because you don’t know when someone might grow up to be Speedball.

That being said, does creating such a registry or law become a civil liberty issue? In the comics, it’s the basis for Cap’s catharsis. Cry freedom, Mr. Rogers. And to Superman’s point: holding him in check when there’s literally nothing on Earth that can do that is just a waste of resources. The best you can do is trust that Big Blue will keep us safe. Being proactive effectively allows for the proliferation of some unforeseeable doomsday device built to destroy a hero gone wild. And if you build it? Well, it’s inviting someone to fire it – whether Kal-El is cuckoo or not. Better, I suppose, if you make plans to build it after the first building accidentally collapses due to super-fighting? I guess I’m unsure.

The topic is very real when we live in a nation that needs an executive order to help suppress out-of-control gun violence. Could you imagine the field day Fox News would have if New York was actually attacked by invading aliens? I can here the subsequent call of candidate Donald Trump to first “build a wall between dimensions… and make the Chitauri pay for it.” and then “…ban all super powered people from being in our country until we figure it all out”. If not Trump, perhaps a war mongering Chris “The Blob” Christy, Ted “Bomb Them Till They Glow Like Dr. Light” Cruz, or Dr. Ben “Sleepwalker” Carson would chime in with a retort that the destruction of Metropolis occurred not because newly freed political prisoners from the Phantom Zone were exacting revenge for their lost world… but because President Obama didn’t allow the NSA access to General Zod’s Facebook. But I digress.

The truth of the matter is that there’s no right answer. Batman and Iron Man have every right to want to be as informed as possible about the dangers of the world. They are tinkerers and toy-makers of the highest degree. A problem is built to be dismantled, and put back together better; be it your shrapnel-filled heart, or the world at large. So too though is Captain America and Superman’s right to say that our country was built on the ideology of freedom. That a man is innocent until proven guilty. For as much damage that befell Sokovia or Metropolis, there is no blame to be had towards those who tried to protect it. Ultron and Zod pulled the triggers. The heroes merely jumped in the line of fire. They couldn’t help the falling debris. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few. Wait, that was Star Trek!

So, whose side will you be on? For me, I’ll be on the side of being entertained. Because my bleeding liberal heart in the real world still longs for the day Scarlet Witch whispers “No more guns.”

Martha Thomases Is…

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It’s a new year with 52 opportunities to find great new comics. There’s a whole slew of comic book properties on various screens, now and scheduled for the near future. The convention calendar is crammed with more and more opportunities to socialize with other fans, and discover cool new fandoms.

I’m exhausted.

Every week, when I sit down to write this column for you, Constant Reader, I try to think of a subject that is dynamic and engaging enough to encourage conversation. What do we, as a group, care about? What do we value? What do we love? Are these different feelings (I’d say yes)?

I’m exhausted.

Every week, there is likely to be a new outrage or injustice that demeans our collective humanity. These issues are important, and should be discussed, ideally with the goal of finding a solution, not just blame.

But I just can’t.

It’s cold here in the Northeast, at least when it’s not unseasonably warm. I never know how to get dressed so that I’m a) comfortable and b) not always removing or adding garments in a heap at my feet.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s the perfect climate for a cozy chair, a mug of something soothing, and a big old stack of books. Or maybe a full DVR and a pile of knitting would better suit the mood (although keep that mug!).

That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? Because we love the graphic story medium and all the entertainment it brings us, whether in the original form or in interpretations by other artists. Because reading something written and drawn by others is the closest we can get to telepathy. Because a good story in any form both transports us to a new universe and, at the same time, gives us a fuller understanding of our own.

There’s a lot to be said for simple enjoyment. I just don’t feel like saying any of it this week.

Tweeks: 2015 Mash-Up

Happy 2016 everyone!

This week we bring you a 2015 Mash Up so you can binge a whole year of highlights in under 10 minutes and feel caught up enough to start fresh on another year of new Tweeks episodes.

We might have missed a few videos here and there (super fans….can you figure out which ones?), but we touch on all the greatest hits: San Diego Comic Con, WonderCon, VidCon, D-23 Expo, Long Beach Comic Con & Expo, the movies, comics & TV shows reviews, the interviews, the songs we couldn’t help but sing, and our Challenged Challenge.

Also, Maddy loves jump cuts, so this was fun.

Dennis O’Neil: The Times They Are…

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So where are we and how’d we get here? An easy one to answer: we’re in the first week of 2016 – that’s SIXteen and don’t forget it when you write your next check. That’s the where and you can add a “when” to it. How’d we get here? Short answer: Continued breathing.

It’s not exactly tradition, but it is a widely practiced custom, to get in a reminiscent mood and look back at the twelve months just passed and comment on them. So here we go, peering into the rear view mirror, and…

Not a lot to see. For us, it was a quiet year, maybe the quietest in decades. Not much travel, not much shooting off my mouth in public. We stuck pretty close to Nyack, and we could do worse; nice town, Nyack, which is probably why we’re still here. The year before last – that’d be 2014 – was a monster, and so a placid stretch may have been in order. We are, after all, no spring chickens.

We lost some people because that’s what happens. We can’t change that, but we can remember and grieve,

The 2015 pop culture scene was pretty chipper. I did nothing as a participant, but I don’t mind sitting in the audience, especially since our local 21-plex has installed luxury seating. There were the usual spate of profitable movies crowned, as I write this, by the new Star Wars flick which has earned, thus far, a billion and a half dollars – that’s billion with a B – and I wonder which country SW’s creator, George Lucas, will decide to buy. (George: we had a good time in Argentina. Just a suggestion.)

On the tube, we had a classic yin-yang situation in the two female heroes who made their video debuts: Supergirl (= bright and cheerful = sunny yang.) Jessica Jones (= dark and grim = shadowy yin.) This is okay. It’s a big venue, with plenty of room for everyone.

The rest of the comics-derived heroes seem to be doing all right, and there’s another posse of them heading our way. I have to admit I never expected to see Hawkgirl on a tv screen but hey, Shiera, welcome to my living room and next time, bring your husband Carter along (unless in the television continuity you aren’t married, in which case Carter can come as your boyfriend. Always happy to greet boyfriends, especially if they have wings. And are you guys still from the planet Thanagar?)

By the way, I’m aware that she’s sometimes known as HawkWOMAN; either name is fine with me.

But what’s this? Somehow, we have crept out of 2015 and into 2016, morphed from reminescers to anticipators or even prophets, and that’s not us. Prophecy is a game for either con men or industrial strength optimists and this former spring chicken, being neither, will pass. Just let my brain soften a bit and maybe I’ll try it.

Molly Jackson: The Men Of Angoulême

AngoulêmeLast week, my column looked forward to all the potential of 2016. Sure, 2015 had its rocky moments but it also had some great ones. Well, 2016 has arrived and is ready to smack my enthusiasm back down.

This week, the Angoulême International Comics Festival announced the nominees for their lifetime achievement award, Grand Prix Angoulême. This is the 43rd year of the French award, which is considered a great honor to win. However, this year not a single female creator was nominated. That’s unusual considering there is a (albeit just one) past female recipient, as well as a number of past female nominees.

Creators are already taking to the internet to decry this. Grand Prix nominee Daniel Clowes has even removed himself from the running in protest. I do believe that he will not be the last. Other past attendees have also taken a stand against this, stating that they will be boycotting the award votes.

I’ll admit error here; I haven’t followed the comic awards as closely as I probably should. Mostly, creator friends that are posting on Facebook or the follow-up PR emails announcing the winners is the closest I really get to any award show. Still, when a comic I like gets noticed, I am happy for them. When a creator gets recognized for their work, it is a wonderful thing.

One thing I do know is that award competitions have had to grow and change with the changes in the industry. Web and indie comics have definitely affected the field. The changing diversity has affected comic awards too.

In searching for any women comic creators, I found a long list of winners from 2015. Women cleaned up at award shows, with hits like Lumberjanes, Bitch Planet, or Ms. Marvel. After 43 years of this lifetime award, I can understand that it is more men recipients than women. However, I don’t understand the no women. Plenty of women have been building careers in comics over the past 43+ years, despite the challenges they’ve faced. Their hard work and dedication should be recognized.

I think the biggest reason for my disappointment is because the past years’ winner is the head of the nominee selection for the next year. A comic creator was in charge of this and failed to look past gender lines. I don’t know if it was done intentionally or not, but someone who works in the industry failed.

In 2016, isn’t it about time that gender diversity wasn’t an oversight?

Mike Gold: Remember The Nickel Hot Dog?

Jimmy OlsenThe beginning of each new year fills us with hope for a better future. You’d think that after a while we’d catch on. After all, we have the same exact hope year after year after year. And after we acknowledge our need for such optimism, we go out and shovel the snow.

For some reason I need not investigate, this first week of 2016 has me in the thralls of nostalgia. This disease is common to comics fans; I think it comes as part of our shared O.C.D. But I’ve been thinking about how much fun I had when I was a wee tyke on my perpetual search for new comics.

Back well-before the days I started yelling at the clouds, I lived for The Great Hunt. We had no idea what was coming out each week, although we did know when certain monthly titles usually arrived at our sundry sundry stores. This, of course, was long before Phil Seuling started selling comics to comic book shops (and, initially, comic book “clubs”).

Growing up in a big city I had plenty of options, but my friends and I had to hit many stores in order to make certain we were able to buy everything – well, almost everything – that came out during the week. Some stores didn’t get comics from certain publishers; for some reason, on the north side of Chicago it was particularly difficult to obtain an array of titles from Charlton, Harvey (particularly those titles that weren’t meant to be funny), United Features and ACG. I only knew of one place that stocked the United Features titles and, then, only briefly. DC, Marvel (distributed at the time by DC), Archie, and Dell were just about everywhere. Woolworths stocked those weird I.W. titles.

Fantastic FourBack then, new comics came out on Thursdays and we would hit the drug store across from our grammar school while the last school bell was still ringing. Often, we would get there before the clerk opened the bundles so we invested our wait time gazing at the Robert McGinnis covers on the paperback rack. On Saturdays we would take our trek down Devon Avenue where, in the stretch of two-thirds of a mile, there were seven separate stores that sold comics and we’d  hit each and every one. There were two other outlets that were in different but nearby neighborhoods and we’d visit them individually or in smaller groups.

This is not to say that we didn’t do other things while on our weekly comics journey. We would lag baseball cards, chomp down Vienna hot dogs and fries fried in lard, tell jokes, play pranks, and generally act our age. We’d wind up at the home of one of our crowd and read our comics and turn our buddies onto stuff we liked, while listening to rock and roll on the radio or on the turntable. And we’d be home in time for dinner.

I remember the day Jimmy Olsen number 57 came out. It was the first comic book I had seen at the 12¢ price point. I gawked at that cover in fear and wonder, thinking DC must have been violating some sort of law by charging more than one thin dime. Shortly thereafter, Marvel (again; distributed by DC) met DC’s action. Dell went up to 15¢ but, as the odd-man-out, they had to recede to the then-common 12¢ cover price.

I should point out that DC upped the price after many months of saying “STILL 10¢.” At the time, I didn’t see that as a threat. My mistake. Inside they ran a message explaining costs go up and when comics got their start hot dogs cost a nickel. When, some 15 years later, DC upped their cover price I was on staff editing publisher Jenette Kahn’s “publishorials.” I topped her piece with the headline “Remember The Nickel Hot Dog?”

Bill GainesA year or so later, Mad Magazine publisher Bill Gaines revealed he tracked inflation with the “hot dog index,” an invention of his own creation. He compared everything to the price of a Nathan’s hot dog when he was a kid. At that time hot dogs went for just under a dollar (New York had what was called “the hot dog tax” where they didn’t tax food under a buck), and comics were 35¢. Of course, we surpassed the relative cost of a hot dog within the next decade and our medium has never looked back.

About eight years later, when DC raised the cover price to 15¢, they re-ran that “Remember The Nickel Hot Dog” letter, pretty much word for word.

Prices go up. Stores go away. We invent new means of distribution. Comics live on.

Emily S. Whitten and the Date with Deadpool

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So last night the Deadpool movie marketing folks tricked me into watching The Bachelor’s season premiere by teasing a Deadpool TV spot during the time slot. And the first thing I want to say about it is… twenty seasons, you guys? This show has been on for twenty seasons? Man, our culture’s addiction to reality TV really is sad. As is the lack of dignity inherent in the show’s premise.

That said, it is kind of addictive. I mean, even after the Deadpool slot aired, I couldn’t stop watching. Why? Because, seriously, these Bachelor contestants are quite possibly crazier than Deadpool ever was. I mean, in just one episode as the contestants were introduced we had a dentist wearing a red rose hat that was bigger than her head who then proceeded to actually give the Bachelor (Ben) a mini dental exam right there; a woman wearing a rubber unicorn head that she couldn’t even see out of; a woman who brought along her pet, an actual mini horse (okay, that was kind of awesome) who also swears like Debra Morgan from Dexter; a woman wearing footie pajamas when everyone else was in formal wear because Ben is the “onesie” for her (*sob*); and a woman who thought the best first activity to do with your potential husband was to smash baguettes against a curb like a violent maniac. Because gluten is baaaaad, y’all.

There was also a woman named Tiara (who names their child that?) who I won’t pick on for her job as a “chicken enthusiast” because there’s nothing wrong with people being fond of their pets, right? Even if they’re tiny hamsters. And also because the pictures of her reading and brushing her teeth with her favorite chicken are hilarious. But let’s not forget Lace, who one of the other contestants actually described as “50 Shades of Craaazyyyy!” And she really is, getting drunk on the first show, alternately exhibiting entitlement, disdain, self-confidence, and low self-esteem, and calling Ben out after receiving a rose because she thought he avoided eye contact with her during the rose ceremony on purpose. Good luck with that one, Ben!

As an alternative to The Bachelor, though – have you ever wondered what a date with Deadpool would be like? Where he would take you? What you would eat? Whether he would, in fact, show up wearing nothing but white socks and 312 candy necklaces? After watching The Bachelor and the Deadpool spot, I did; and comics writers have too. Therefore, we know that if you ever dated Deadpool…

  1. You might find yourself spending time with sweet, vulnerable, sensitive Deadpool who wuuuuvs you, like Siryn did.
  1. He could be such a pain in the ass that within minutes, you’d find yourself punching him in the face like Copycat.
  1. You may discover that he secretly (or not so secretly) likes a woman with curves like Big Bertha, but also unfortunately lose your dinner after seeing his face (poor Wade).
  1. You could enjoy a nice, relaxing day at the beach with Wade Wilson as your personal masseuse (but only if your name is Nathan Dayspring Askani’son Summers Cable Soldier X, also called Priscilla, Savior of the World. Wade doesn’t break out the WD-40 for just anyone).
  1. You may spend a night as the newest couple of contestants on Dancing with the Stars (what, Deadpool’s totally a star now. He’s getting his own movie and everything! And Death is famous everywhere).
  1. Or, maybe Deadpool would just buy you a new apartment (after being responsible for the destruction of your last one, which is what happened to Outlaw) and then you’d engage in some quality time together to break it in.

Who can say? In other words, dating Deadpool means you’d never have any idea what kind of a day or night you were going to have. And given Deadpool’s unpredictability, I’d probably rather watch A Date With Deadpool than more of The Bachelor, even with the amount of crazy we’ve seen in just one episode. However, since we can’t have that show (maybe someday?), I guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got (and, okay, I’ll be honest, I might have to watch another episode of The Bachelor. I kind of want to see what Lace does next. …Damn you, Deadpool marketers and weird tie-ins!).

Here’s hoping next episode a contestant brings along her pet alpaca or something. Until then, Servo Lectio!

 

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