Monthly Archive: July 2014

Box Office Democracy: “Transformers: Age of Extinction”

Transformers: Age of Extinction is 165 minutes long.  This should really be the entire review.  Either you want to watch nearly three hours of Michael Bay throwing robots at the screen or you don’t.  If you’ve seen any of his movies you’ve basically seen this one, there isn’t anything new just the older stuff louder, brighter and longer.  Apparently this is something that has a lot of pent up demand.  People can’t get enough of this.  Isn’t that depressing?

I admit there’s something intrinsically seductive about his visual style.  Everything is so slick and the camera moves are so majestic that it’s very easy to just settle in and let your eyes bliss out a little bit.  This is broken up a bit when the giant robots have to fight because event through four movies Bay hasn’t quite figured out a good visual shorthand for keeping the robots separate so the big fights, when not in slow motion, have a tendency to just look like a bunch of rolling metal until things shakeout and you can determine who won.  This is made dramatically more difficult by a new kind of Transformer introduced in this movie that transforms by turning into many tiny cubes and then floating in to a new form.  This just fills the screen with the equivalent of giant dust.  Bay is definitely capable of using the visual language of film and communicating a kind of poetry with it I just wish the poems weren’t profanity-laced limericks.

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Emily S. Whitten: Neil Gaiman’s Recipe for An Amazing Evening

Truth Is A Cave in the Black MountainsThis recipe was originally concocted in August 2010 for the Sydney Opera House’s “Graphic” Festival. On June 27 it was recreated at Carnegie Hall, to the great enjoyment of yours truly. It is a rare and delightful treat, which is only due to be served three more times at present. This connoisseur of unusual cuisine highly recommends that you go and experience the moveable feast in London or in Edinburgh if at all possible. And if not possible, well then, at the very least I can share with you what made this epicurean oddity so enjoyable.

The Truth Is A Cave in the Black Mountains, Original Recipe

Ingredients:

Act One:

  • Begin with decadent caramel layer concocted of Doctor Who theme and several excellent original songs performed by FourPlay String Quartet
  • Follow with heady gingerbread slice of Gaiman reading his new, slightly creepy, illustrated version of Hansel & Gretel (out this October!)
  • Bake in thin layer of intermission made of chocolate marshmallow cookies (courtesy of Carnegie Hall’s Citi Cafe)

Act Two:

  • Delicately blend haunting strains of string quartet, complex concoction of elements in Gaiman’s illustrated Scottish folk novelette as it is read aloud, and edgy art of Campbell being projected above the stage at Carnegie Hall into rich textured layer of eerie action, regret, violence, love, and vengeance.

Encore:

  • Top with delightfully dark chocolate mousse and evilly humorous fluffy whipped cream of Gaiman singing Leon Payne’s “Psycho” to the strains of the quartet’s strings in order to “leave the crowd in a cheerful mood,” before exiting to a standing ovation.

It truly was a unique and delicious evening. This food (and art) critic gives it five stars.

 

Box Office Democracy: “Think Like a Man Too”

The original [[[Think Like a Man]]] was one of the worst movies I saw in 2012.  It was an overplotted mess of a comedy that tried to even the scales on gender relations and succeeded only in as far as it made every character seem like an atrocious human being.  The biggest sin that Think Like a Man Too commits is that it makes me feel bad for the first movie because this one just completely throws out any uniqueness they had and exchanges it for another cliché Vegas party movie that we’ve all seen a million times.

The original movie had a point of view.  Women needed to think like men to get men to do what they wanted which was overwhelmingly commit more but in one case was let go of everything he liked.  This movie substitutes that point of view for mother-in-law jokes that feel like they would be at home on the primetime comedy lineups of CBS or TBS.  Maybe they were going for something about focusing on having a good time on your bachelor/bachelorette parties but that really doesn’t seem like thematic content fit for a feature film.

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