Michael Davis: Cowards
– Bruce Wayne
“Comic book fan boys are a superstitious cowardly lot and some are big pussies as well.”
– Michael Davis
Yeah, I said that.
I know quite a bit about pussies, so I speak from a place of wisdom. Although the vast majority of pussy I know about has almost nothing to do with comic books, less than that with fans and zero to do with boys or men for that matter.
Just to be clear, the big pussies I’m talking about for this particular rant are those winey little bitches whom think that their will should be the will of the industry. The latest fan bitch fest is over Ben Affleck playing Batman.
Fan boys are bitching like teenage girls who just had something bitter spilled all over their brand new braces.
Give that a sec…
Look, back when Warner Bros. (WB) announced Michael Keaton was going to be Batman, comic book fandom lost their freakin minds. The outrage was so immense that WB rushed outtakes of Keaton playing both Batman and Bruce Wayne to make sure the fans knew that Mr. Mom was up to the task.
Die hard fans just did not give a shit. Nope, they just kept that outrage up until Batman broke every box office record they had at the time.
Then – and only then did the fan boys come around. Keep in mind this was 1989, before the Internet. I was on only 1 at the time and even I remembered that.
People, it’s called acting. That’s what actors do. They act.
Yes, Daredevil was a horrible movie and Affleck had a great deal to do with that but everyone was excited as a 16 year old realizing he was right about to get some poon tang when they announced Affleck was going to be Daredevil.
It was only after seeing that movie fandom lost their minds, and rightfully so. Look, I’m a big a fan as anyone of Kevin Smith but let’s face it not all his movies are great. But because Kevin is so damn cool you almost never hear any crap from fans about his movies. That shit just boggles my mind. Kevin gets an almost universal pass from comic book fans no matter what he does. I mean a shit monster? Come on!!!
How asinine was that, eh, shit?
But give Affleck a pass?
The last time I looked, the Oscar count was Affleck two and Smith zip.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t really give a darn about Oscars, to me it’s just another Hollywood gimmick to sell tickets. I’d rather sit through a bad Kevin Smith movie than subject myself to some bullshit like My Left Foot for some other important movie. I like my movies to entertain me. Look, I lived Boys In The Hood so I don’t really need to spend any money on that or films like Peaches. Unless it’s a Bill Duke or Reggie Hudlin film, I stay away from black movies like I do gay sex.
The last real black film I saw not directed by those two men was Black Dynamite and that was just hilarious. Before that, I think the last black film I saw was Malcolm X.
But, (sorry Peter) I digress. I would sell my child for an Oscar. Not because I think it means anything but Oscar is a poon tang magnet. I’m a lot of things but stupid I am not.
Stupid with a capital Asshole.
My favorite actor in the world is George Clooney. When I met him I was like a little bitch, he’s just so damn cool! My favorite comic book character is Batman.
Imagine my sheer ecstasy when I heard my man crush was going to play Batman. I lost my mind!
But that movie was god awful. Now, my favorite singer in the world is Frank Sinatra and Oceans 11 (the original) is on my top ten films ever. What did I do when I heard Clooney was going to play Frank’s role in the remake?
I lost my mind!
This is the second time my all time favorite actor was about to play one of my favorite characters (Danny Ocean) and he nailed it!
But, if he didn’t I would have said so.
Like I said, my favorite comic book character is Batman and if I can wait and see what Affleck does so can everyone else.
Until I see him do it, I have nothing but high hopes that he can pull it off. Yes, he was horrible in Daredevil but that mofo was badass as Superman.
Yeah, he was Superman and he was great.
If you don’t believe me just check out the film Hollywoodland.
So until you see him fuck up Batman don’t assume he will. In the mean time shut the fuck up fanboy.
WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold Belabors This Point
THURSDAY MORNING: Dennis O’Neil Does That, Too