Season 11 of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Released!
ABC’s Dancing with the Stars announced the star-studded celebrity participants for the upcoming 11th season! This fall taking the stage will be:
- Brandy, who will reignite her career right out of the grave it’s been sleeping in since it keeled over in 1998.
- Jennifer Grey, who will prove once more why “Baby” shoulda’ stayed in the corner.
- Margaret Cho, who will show off all the fat she shed back in 2005, when people still didn’t find her funny. Cho, famous for calling herself a “fag hag” will be an instant fan favorite for the target of DWTS… the “hyper-gays”.
- Audrina Patridge, who was on some show on MTV called the Hills. I had to look that up on Wikipedia, so that pretty much shows you just what class of celebrity passes for a “Star” on this show.
- Florence Henderson, who will remind us why she was on VH1’s “Surreal Life”… because even on a show surrounded by Z-listers, ole’ Carole Brady can brighten a screen long enough for you to remember her acting ability is much like her star power. By the way, did you know she’s hocking internet service for seniors now? I rest my case.
- Bristol Palin, who will prove to America that with a little charm, a little limelight, and a mother who looks like Tina Fey… anything is possible. Just a quick network note, if for any reason Bristol needs to attend to her child, her spot will be replaced by someone with as much ‘star cred’ as Bristol; Remember Joe the Plumber?
- Michael Bolton, who will show the wit, class, and grace he’s always shown when in the public eye. In order to combat the instant narcolepsy effect that will occur when people see him, ABC will cut all his performances in with clips from Pokemon.
- Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who will, to no one’s surprise, dance all numbers without a shirt. This should create high drama with the judges, and gay population rooting for Chunk-Lite Cho.
- David Hasselhoff, fresh off his comedy central roast, will dance as long as he is paid in plastic bottles of Vodka, purchased from the drug store down the street from the set.
- Kurt Warner, this season’s token athlete, fresh off his 2008 Super Bowl loss as an Arizona Cardinal. We’re not actually knocking his NFL career, he was amazing. But as a dancer? We’re hoping for a career ending injury.
- Kyle Massey, who we also had to look up on wikipedia, is from Disney’s That So Raven. Seriously? Is Raven Symone too good for the show, that they instead hire a 4th rate Keenan Thompson?
- Rick Fox, the second token athlete… with 3 NBA championships under his belt, and a recent 2009 loss on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Fox is set to ballroom dance his way back to the lowest tier of page 20 in People Magazine.
We can’t wait to tune in to see who eventually takes home the golden dance shoes. In an unrelated story, Spike TV is bringing back the third season of it’s hit show, 1000 Ways to Die. SPOILER ALERT. #957? Watching Dancing with the Stars, 10 seasons after it peaked.