Michael Davis: I’m not that guy
I’m a pretty simple guy. I see clear distinctions between right and wrong, good and evil, love and hate and Republican and Democrat. In this age of political correctness and doing the right thing I don’t make decisions because they’re popular. I make decisions because I think something is right.
Remember the days when someone punched you in the face and you could punch him (or her) right back without having much to worry about — well, besides getting your ass kicked. After the fight (or, in my case, ass whipping) you and the other party would decide to be friends or continue to hate each other. Either way you knew where you stood with that person. NOW if someone punches you in the face — YOU may get sued — and worst, with the current state of our world you don’t know where you stand. I don’t know about you but I would like to know where I stand after I’m punched in the face.
I grew up in the projects in New York City during the days when a threat sounded like this: "I’m going to kick your ass, Davis." Back then my response was "You will have to find me first, lady." Now I simply call my lawyers.
Nowadays you can get caught on videotape robbing and pistol whipping a little old lady in a wheel chair while she was feeding her kitten and not go to jail. All you have to do is blame it on your Dad who was never home or never told you he loved you.
I’m simply fed up with those who have an excuse for everything and take responsibility for nothing. I’m also fed up with people who write columns like this and never take a stand. You know the kind- they end like this:
…and so Larry walked free. He knew that pistol-whipping that blind 101-year-old grandmother as she fed her one week old three-legged kitten was wrong. But Larry also knew that his father should have come to his softball game when he was eight. The jury understood and maybe we should as well. Maybe we should look at ourselves before we judge Larry. Or maybe Granny asked for the beating when she said to Larry " Hi."
Well this kind of "what the…" will never be seen here. In my column you will know exactly where I stand.
My approach to the world is the way Frank Sinatra ordered his drinks.
Straight, no chaser.
I see things from a very distinctive point of view. Any point of view can be lost in this — crazy, no one is responsible for his or her own actions and they blame it on not getting enough hugs as a child. My point of view is to have a point of view.
I am fully aware that this is a popular culture column. Comics and related media will be an important part of my ranting. I do however reserve the right to write about anything. Truth be told if you think about it everything is popular culture.
So if you are looking for the same old "I hate what Marvel has done with Thor. Why did they make him gay?" If you are looking for that kind of column — I’m not that guy!
To that end I think readers should know where I stand on some things up front. So here are a few. I like Asian girls, I like Frank Sinatra, I like Jay Z, I like stupid movies, I like Todd McFarlane, I like The History Channel, I like fast food, I like Hillary Clinton, I like John McCain, I like big butts (and I cannot lie), I like Karaoke, I like Tom Leykis, I like video games, I like to read, I like audio books, I like The Wu Tang Clan, I like the Beatles, I like Public Enemy, I like Bob Dylan, I like Archie Comics and I like Wayne Brady.
Now, I don’t like valley girls, I don’t like MTV, I don’t like Rosie O’Donnell, I don’t like gangs, I don’t like LAPD (except for one very cool cop friend of mine), I don’t like Animal Planet, I don’t like fish, I don’t like anyone in the Bush White House, I don’t like anyone who thinks that because they don’t eat meat that no one should. Mind your business, shut up and have a ham sandwich. I don’t like those who impose their beliefs on you so I don’t like ultra conservatives.
I don’t like The Crocodile Hunter’s Kid. Hey sweetheart — were you this happy when your Dad was alive? I don’t like Sony (but that can change the moment I get my greedy little hands on a PS3) I don’t like The Fox Network, I don’t like new American cars (however muscle cars from the 60’s are the move), I don’t like dickheads, I don’t like snotty rich people, I don’t like angry people who feel they have a right to make you angry also. Have a ham sandwich and shut up. I don’t like people who don’t eat pork and they think they have a right to tell you not to. Have a ham sandwich and shut up. I don’t like terrorists, but if you still feel the need to blow yourself up and there is no one else around, I would like that.
As far as topics here are a few I’m thinking about:
- DC Comics does the best books in the industry -but they take themselves way to seriously.
- Marvel seems to be having the most fun — which makes their books more fun to read.
- Those kids on the MTV show Sweet 16 should be dropped off in the hood and pimp slapped unconscious.
- The parents of the kids on the MTV show Sweet 16 should be pimp-slapped back in time so they don’t have kids.
- Sony’s CEO should be pimped slapped with a X-Box 360 for Sony’s asinine release of the PS3.
- Anyone who cares at all about the personal life of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, or any other "star" ask yourself what I ask myself: Does Tom Cruise want to see my baby? Is Paris Hilton going to come to my party? Does Britney care if I have on underwear? Are any of these people writing you a CHECK??
- Why Mike Richardson is the smartest man in comics.
- People who sue or threaten to sue because they are CRAZY!
- Also from time to time I will do movie reviews. My favorite movie is My Best Friend’s Wedding. Hey, smart guy, see how far you get with the ladies when you invite them back to your place for a romantic evening while you watch Saw.
Lastly I want some of this column to focus on empowerment. I feel those who have knowledge and access should share it. There is a real disconnect between those who have knowledge and those who seek it. There is an entire generation of young people who think it’s easier to become a pro basketball player than an artist. These young artists have no idea what to put in a comics portfolio. Whatever knowledge I have (or my friends have for that matter) I will share freely.
I’m bound to get in trouble and make people mad. But you know what? If they don’t like it they can have a ham sandwich and shut up.
Michael Davis is a comics creator, was a co-founder of Milestone Comics, is a television producer and writer, and is the founder of the Guardian Line series of comics. Michael Davis is also married to an Asian woman, lest you think his earlier comment uncalled for.