Tagged: Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Emily S. Whitten: YOU Can Smell Like A Superhero With The Avengers Fragrances!

I’ve seen a few Internet commenters wondering why anyone would want to smell like a “sweaty robotic suit” or whatever, but really, it’s refreshing to see a comics-related tie-in that’s not a t-shirt or knick-knack made of plastic. I’m an adult, and sometimes it’s fun to buy adult things that are also totally geeky. And I like that this particular product line has at least one female-specific product. So I say hooray to Marvel for partnering up with JADS International, purveyors of geeky scents, to bring us some fun comics-themed colognes and one (and maybe someday more?) perfume based on The Avengers. Also, let’s be honest, I just really, really like things that smell nice. And these scents really do.

Colognes and perfumes are super subjective, of course, and it can be hard to know what something is going to smell like when worn, because it reacts with body chemistry and the scent varies from person to person (like that one time when my best friend had the most amazing perfume and I loved it and she got me a bottle and… it smelled terrible on me. I was so sad). But it does help to know what something smells like in the bottle and on at least one person; and to that end, I am here to help! By not only telling you what each cologne smells like in the bottle, but also what it smells like on my extremely patient friend and fellow Avengers fan, the very talented comic book artist Kevin Stokes. (Round of applause for good sport Kevin, folks. Also check out his fantastic work on things like Stan Lee’s The Guardian Project. Just for fun, before I read the descriptions of the fragrances, I also wrote up what I thought the characters would actually smell like. Let’s see how close JADS International got to my ideas of what superheroes (and one heroine, and one villain) smell like. (more…)

MIXED REVIEW: Glenn and Mike Geek Out Over “The Avengers”

We each saw The Avengers at fan-filled midnight screenings, separately but equally. We tried to avoid any spoilers here, but we can’t guarantee we hit that mark. And, being who we are, there are a couple of teasers in this dialog.

MIKE: Did you see it in 2-D, 3-D, or IMAX?

GLENN: 3-D.

MIKE: Me too. This was the first movie ever that I can recommend in 3-D.

GLENN: Which is amazing, considering it was upsampled to 3-D. The film was converted to 3-D during post-production for the theatrical release. But it certainly paid off.

MIKE: The 3-D imaging credits were as long as the Manhattan phone book.

GLENN: Someone asked me point blank if The Avengers is the greatest superhero movie of all time. I said I don’t know about that, it has some very tough competition. But hands down, it’s the greatest superhero battle movie of all time. Act Three in particular is just completely packed with the loving destruction of the New York skyline, and in 3-D it’s incredibly staggering. It’s also fast and fun, as compared to the smashing of Chicago in Transformers: Dark Of The Moon… that just felt drawn out and more akin to a disaster movie. Here, it’s battle, action, and a much better feeling of scope and scale.

MIKE: Yes. It was a real superhero battle in the classic Marvel sense: everybody fights each other then gets together to fight the bad guys. And I’ll never be able to look at Grand Central Terminal the same way again.

GLENN: Or the Pan-Am building. Or 387 Park Avenue South, or Marvel’s address on 40th Street. All of that and they didn’t blow up any of DC’s offices. Have we reached detente?

MIKE: Well, they blew up CBS’s first teevee studios. Which is funny, as this was a Paramount movie.

GLENN: Not really a Paramount movie, Disney bought ‘em out but they had to keep the logo on.

MIKE: And, of course, Paramount got a truckload of money and, I’ll bet, a piece.

GLENN: Exactly.

MIKE: Did you notice they hardly ever referred to anybody by their superhero name – other than The Hulk, who is obviously different from Banner, and Thor, who is, obviously, Thor.

GLENN: I think everybody got name-checked at least once.

MIKE: Yeah. Once or twice. Period.

(more…)

MICHAEL DAVIS Is Bringing Sexy Back

I am far from being a prude.

In fact, I’m so far away from being a prude the next level in my open mindedness would be to become a prude.

I’ve met a lot of prudes in my life and nothing makes a prude more prudish than their views on sex.

Me? As long as it does not include kids or animals I say what ever floats your boat sexually, have at it. You would have to be into some sick shit (kids, animals, Republicans) to disgust me.

I’m not quite at the point that I’m disgusted by the depiction of some women in superhero comics but I’m far from all right with it and have not been all right with it for a while now. It’s just a real turn off to me and it’s also one of the reasons a lot of people still think comics are juvenile fare at best.

The depiction of super titty women is not something I consider as important to be concerned about like some sicko who’s into gerbil love or some other crazy action.  I guess for the most part absolutely unrealizable depictions of women with breasts as big as a weather balloons is harmless, except for giving young men a bullshit unrealistic view of women and demeaning women in all sorts of ways. But other than that, it’s harmless.

But-that does seem to be what the audience wants, though it seems to me the 38 double-D tits, tiny waist and banging booty that appear to be the preeminent portrayal of women in comics is just silly in this day and age. Yeah, I can hear the decades old ridiculous argument “they are drawn that way for the 15-year-old boy audience.”

Really? So those 15-year old boys are not into the guys in tights that beat up on other guys in tights, which is the reason most superhero comics exist?  So doing away with the big titty women would result in those 15-year old boys no longer reading about the men in tights who like to pound other men in tights?

Oh, wait a sec.

Perhaps the reason for the big titty women is to insure that no conservative family value group complains that comics are nothing but guys in tights pounding each other.

That can’t happen. It would destroy the sanity of marriage.

So I guess we are stuck with the 15-year-old boy defense for the reason that big titty superhero women are on the rag…I mean all the rage!

Heh.

That defense is weaker than OJ’s but it’s working just as well I guess. It’s the cop out of all cop-outs and artists who spin that line are just wrong or really horny.

I mean really.

The only thing that’s possibly worst than comic’s big titty women are the big titty women in some video games. Have you seen Catwoman in Mortal Combat VS. The DC Universe? She looks like a porn star that has seen way too many one eyed monsters. I mean…damn.

I often wonder what the wives and girlfriends of the artists who draw big titty super women think. But then again, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe most of these guys have no wife or girlfriend. Maybe they just need to get laid.

Well if that’s the case I’m not here to judge, I’m here to help. Follow the steps below and your pent up frustrations will soon be a thing of the past.

Step 1. Go to a bar.

Step 2: Buy the ugliest or the fattest girl a drink or seven.

Step 3. Get real drunk yourself.

Step 4. Take her home.

Step 5. Tap that.

Note: for even faster action, buy a fat and ugly girl the drinks.

This works. Trust me. How do I know? It’s in the Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain handbook and just look how much tail those guys are getting.

On the very, very slim chance there is a woman artist out there drawing big titty women in comics the followings are steps that you can use to get laid.

Step 1. Go to a bar

Step 2. Look for the guy trying to get a fat or ugly woman (or both) drunk.

Step 3. Go up to him and just say “yes.”

Step 4. Let him take you home and “tap that.”

Step 5. In about two minutes after he is “tapped out,” leave and go home and work.

By the way, shame on you for being such a slut.

Look, kidding aside, I’m a big a fan of big titty women with tiny waist and banging booty as the next guy but I prefer real and not plastic.

That’s the problem with the way some artists depict woman. Their depictions just do not ring true.

Yes, I know that neither does a guy who comes from another planet and can bend steel in his bare hands and who, disguised as Clark Kent is tapping the ass of one of the few female characters who is not a big titty woman. I know that does not ring true either but that’s a non-truth I can live with.

The new guys would do well to take a page from some of the masters of comic book art. They took the time and effort to draw women with grace, style and attitude and those women were hot!

Gwen Stacy as drawn by John Romita Sr. is the hottest comic book woman character ever created bar none.

Who’s hotter? Nobody.

Gwen Stacy was not a superhero but she was still a piece of ass to beat any other piece of ass.

Female agents of SHIELD as drawn by Jim Steranko – hot!!! Nick Fury’s girlfriend Contessa Valentina Allegra de la Fontaine as drawn by Jim was sexy beyond words.

Jack Kirby’s Sue Storm was so fine that she was my second pretend girlfriend. The first was Gwen Stacy and the third was Laurie Partridge.

Yeah, I had a thing for white girls. I had to have a thing for white girls; there were no black women in comics or on TV for my 10-year-old self to develop a crush on.

I’m proud to say as a proud African American man, all my crushes now are of women of color…Asian.

What?

I don’t expect anything to change anytime soon with regards to super big titty woman but maybe some artist will read this and check out how the greats did women.

Give that a sec.

You know, if those comic book artists who draw those outlandish women  would simply draw less big titty women the big titty women they did draw would become that much more of a  sex symbol because she would be rare.

That would be sexy.

I miss you Gwen Stacy. I’m sad that the Green Goblin broke your neck.

That sucked.

WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold

MIKE GOLD: Marvel Comics Cuts The Crap

Hmmm. It’s been rather quiet, but over the past several weeks Marvel’s been cancelling titles steadily, one or two at a time.

What’s leaving? Let’s see… All Winners Squad, Alpha Flight, Black Panther The Most Dangerous Man Alive, Daken Dark Wolverine, Destroyers, Ghost Rider, Herc, Iron Man 2.0, The Punisher (MAX), Victor Von Doom, Villains For Hire, and X-23. A few of these titles were either mini-series, now castrated, or never released in the first place.

Many speculate S.H.I.E.L.D., Generation Hope, and Deadpool MAX are not long for this world as all three have direct sales figures in this same neighborhood – around 15,000 to 20,000 copies. More interesting (at least to me), Ghost Rider’s last issue will be released around the time the second movie comes out. That’s hardly a vote of confidence in their film division’s latest gem.

Separating the wheat from the chaff has long been a comics publishing tradition, and doing so in such a manner as to generate consternation and paranoia among both the creative community and the few surviving retailer outlets is standard operating procedure.

Twelve titles and counting is a lot, but I am certain it does not represent a decision to publish fewer titles. Fewer money losing titles, sure, and that’s an act of business sanity. But there are at least two very significant reasons why Marvel will simply replace them with other stuff come the spring.

The first is called “the fourth of May.” No, that’s not another X-Island Fear style event; that’s the release date for The Avengers movie. Note Marvel has yet to cancel any titles with the word “Avengers” in it, even though Avengers Academy and some of the current Avengers mini-series sell in that red zone.

The second is called “the third of July.” You guessed it; that’s when The Amazing Spider-Man movie is foisted upon an all-too-suspecting public.

If Marvel’s past habits remain intact – and by “past” I mean “2011” – we can expect to see a plethora of sundry Avengers and Spider-Man movie tie-ins… like, say, The Scarlett Spider.

Of course, most comics publishers would murder their aged grandmothers and their puppies for sales figures in the realm of those now-deceased Marvel titles. I look forward to their organizing an “Occupy Marvel Comics” encampment.

Historically, DC and Marvel go through this housecleaning OCD at roughly the same time, a remarkable coincidence by the standards of anti-trust law. This time, maybe not. DC’s only now beginning to sense which of their “New 52” titles are losing steam, although with the massive talent changes in that line it does seem they’re busy rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Nobody – certainly nobody in upper management at DC – expected all 52 to be successful, and if they maintain that “52” campaign they’ll just replace this fall’s losers with next summer’s losers.

This is the comic book food chain. Eat what you like while the food’s on your plate.

THURSDAY: Dennis O’Neil

Avengers, Assembled: First Looks of Mark Ruffalo as Hulk and Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill

Marvel Comics released a wide variety of posters at the San Diego Comic-Con this weekend with Chris Evans as Captain America, Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, Scarlett Johannson as the Black Widow, Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, Clark Gregg as Agent Phil Coulson, and Cobie Smulders as Agent Maria Hill, all in advance of the May 2012 release of the Avengers movie directed by Joss Whedon, and all making a giant poster after it’s all, ahem, assembled.

The images were created by Marvel Studios Co-Visual Development Supervisor Ryan Meinerding and Charlie Wen. Check ’em out.

The Point Radio: Michael Chiklis On The Return Of THE SHIELD

The Point Radio: Michael Chiklis On The Return Of THE SHIELD


Michael Chiklis loves the super hero life on ABC’s NO ORDINARY FAMILY, but could he ever slip back into the dark days of Vic Mackey and THE SHIELD? Michael tells us about the possibility of a SHIELD movie as well as remembering the first comic he ever read! Meanwhile they are talking about a JUDGE DREDD movie again? Really?

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What’s Next with Magneto & Iron Man

What’s Next with Magneto & Iron Man

No, not what’s Next, that’s opening up this weekend. It’s based on a Philip K. Dick story and starring Nicholas Cage, Jessica Biel, and Julianne Moore. To paraphrase Lawrence Peter Berra, it’s Deja Vu all over again.

No, I’m talking about what’s coming down the pike. First, from USA Today, here’s a new pic of Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark:

Second, from Cinematical, we see that the ever busy David Goyer (Blade, Dark Knight, Jumper, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD) has been tapped to direct the new Magneto prequel movie. While my immediate scary thought was Hannibal Rising with mutant powers, Patrick Walsh comes up with something even scarier: "Ashton Kutcher in a purple helmet and Seann William Scott in a bald cap. "

Hasslehoff in Vegas career move

Hasslehoff in Vegas career move

David Hasslehoff (Knight Rider, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, and some lifeguard show) has taken on the role of Roger DeBris in the newly mounted verson of The Producers at the Paris Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Broadway.com has opening night video and interviews with Hasslehoff, Mel Brooks, and other cast members.

Let’s see if the Germans still love him after this performance.