Tagged: Lone Ranger



We are all serious about our Pulp, be we writers, artists, publishers, or fans.  The goal of ALL PULP is to make sure you as a reader have all the insight and news we can provide you about All Things Pulp!  That includes, although not frequently, whimsy.  Yes, whimsy can exist within the stark black and white right and wrong world of Pulp.  And the best whimsy of all is that which brings Pulp authors and Pulp style to the forefront.  Enjoy the following whimsical, yet extremely valid Pulp post, wont you?

I posted this a few years ago, when I was plowing through pulp stories as if they were going to be taken away any minute. Finishing a Nero Wolfe story right after a Solomon Kane one gave me a whimsical idea.

These are fun to write, please feel free to add a few.

WHAT IF… Robert E Howard wrote a Nero Wolfe mystery?

It was ten o’clock on a dreary winter morning, and as Wolfe lowered his immense bulk behind his desk and rang for the first of his unending series of beers, I couldn’t take it any longer. “Another exciting day, I suppose. It’s fine for you. You’ve got those filthy orchids and pouring beer into your gut while you pretend to read some 700 page book on Hungarian politics. But what about me?”

Wolfe raised one eyebrow, which for him was a dramatic reaction and I exploded, venting all my long pent up rage. “I’m not a bloated product of civilization!” I snapped. “I’m six feet of lean muscle and rawhide, wide shouldered and narrow hipped. I burn to smash my fist into Inspector Cramers sneering mug, feeling his teeth splinter under my knuckles. By God, Im tempted to go down to Centre Street and litter that place with bleeding cops.”

“Archie, cease this flummery,” Wolfe said with that insufferable smugness that made a red haze of fury pass over my eyes. “Have you been reading those so-callled pulp magazines again? Every month when WEIRD TALES comes out, it has a deleterious effect on your demeanor.”

“Well, what of it!” I roared, leaping up with the speed of a starving panther. “When are we going to get a case where I can sink my blade deep in my enemys heart and carry off some buxom wench? A case with the stolen eye from some heathen idol or a death cult of slant eyed killers? I'm sick of these sissy cases where only one person gets killed!" Beneath my heavy black brows, my volcanic blue eyes burned hotly. <br><br>"Pfui," said Wolfe, marking his place with a bookmarker. "First, Archie, I must remind you that your eyes are dark brown and you are not Irish on either side. As we have discussed before, you are English and Dutch, with some Cherokee on your paternal grandmother's side. This Celtomania is fatuous, coming from a man who resembles Humphrey Bogart." <br><br>I barely restrained myself from pouncing upon him in a blur of savage motion. That accursed paycheck held my hand. <br><br>"Furthermore," Wolfe went on as calmly as if I were not poised to leap at him, my iron fists clenched, "Fritz is preparing lamb kidneys with dumplings, and blueberry tarts for lunch and you wouldnt want to miss that.”

He had me there. Fritz made dumplings with chopped beef marrow, duck eggs and lemon rind. I could easily keep up with Wolfe as far as dumplings went. And faint vapors of the blueberry variety were teasingly drifting into the office.

“Fine”, I gave in with ill grace, and returned to my desk where my copy of WEIRD TALES sat. Wolfe glanced at me and snorted almost inaudibly. “I should be grateful, I suppose, that you don’t read THE SPIDER”, he muttered.

WHAT IF… Don Pendleton Wrote a Nancy Drew Story?

Stepping away from her sporty red roadster with its running boards and rumble seat, Nancy felt the breeze stir her golden hair. Yeah, it was a good day to be sixteen and a little princess. It was just too darn bad that for Carmine it would be his last day on Gods earth. <br><br>She had parked high on the hill overlooking Makeout Point, where teenagers had been parking under the summer moon for years. Nancy remembered that moon and her face flushed red as she gazed coldly down at the figure waiting for her below. <br><br>How had she ever thought that Carmine Salvucci could help her in her solving of mysteries? And what was an Italian family doing in Bayport anyway? Nancys lovely eyes narrowed into slits as she saw Carmine leaning against the fender of his own jalopy, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. Enjoy it, she thought, you darned little ruffian.

For a second, she touched the tiny hole where a button was missing from her pure white blouse with the blue collar, and her adorable mouth tightened. Then she turned and from the rumble seat she drew the thing she had taken from the closet of her father, noted detective Carson Drew. The Scheissekopf 374 (with the folding stock and chrome lined barrel) was a heavy weapon, and it took all her strength to lift it, much less hold it steady. But a girl had to do what was right in a world that was going to heck, no matter what the consquences. Yeah, she was determined to live large and stay firm. Soft but firm.

Carmine seemed to sense his danger for he suddenly flicked his butt to the ground and jerked his head up to look right at her. His eyes bugged out with raw terror and his jaw dropped so hard she heard the thump it made. Then she gently squeezed the trigger and a huge copper jacketed slug sizzled through the summer air to plow through Carmines face as it it wasnt there. And in fact, it wasnt there any longer. <br><br>Her shoulder ached from the recoil of the massive Scheissekopf but she didnt even feel it. She looked down grimly at the cold clay that a minute ago had been a high school student. “No one cops a feel off Nancy Drew,” she whispered.

WHAT IF… H.P. Lovecraft Wrote a Lone Ranger Story?


Despite the irridescent luminosity of the Arizona sun, which rivalled Hyperion in the late summer afternoon, the air around the Kiva had somehow a cold, clammy chill which carried a faint odious vapor with it. Even the scrub grass which grows sparsely in that land was absent around the foreboding area; the ground was black and barren, and they seen no sign of any living thing for nearly a mile.

Seated astride their splendid mounts, the masked man and his aboriginal comrade regarded the bleak structure with misgivings. Unlike the typical Kiva, religious structures used by the Indians of the American Southwest for their ancient heathen rituals, this structure stood by itself, far from the cliff dwelings. Its opening, surounded by a low adobe rim, resembled nothing so much as the phantasmagorical maw of some antedilivuian beast, the bones of which normally are only seen in museums.

“Cant recollect Ive ever laid eyes on a Kiva like that,” mused the Lone Ranger in a hushed tone.
“How old would you say it is, Tonto?”

“Ugh, me not know,” replied his stoic coppery countenanced companion.

“Confound it!” the masked rider vented angrily. “I know you speak English, Spanish and half a dozen Indian dialects. How is it you cannot manage correct pronouns?”

As his friend turned his head in grieved silence, the Ranger regretted his outburst. Before moving to the wilderness of Texas, his family had been among the oldest and most prominent of the gentry in New England and his innate breeding should have given him the tact to avoid giving offense. “Walll”, he said after a silence, “Since three townsfolk have been missing after they expressed interest in the treasure allegedly buried in this pagan structure, it is our duty to investigate.”

Alighting from his steed, the Ranger uncoiled his trusty lariat from its hook on his saddle and fastened one end securely to a projection on the outer ring of the Kiva. As he placed one polished boot on the rim, he turned and said, “Tonto, perhaps you had best secure our steeds in the shadow of those rather withered and unhealthy trees, since the direct sunlight cannot be good for their health. Then wait for me to climb back up.”

The Indian brave took the reins of the great white stallion which was most appropriately named Silver, but there was apprehension on his lined face. By that, I mean Tontos face, not Silvers. “Kemo sabe, me think there is bad medicine in that hole. Me hear tales of the Old Ones who lived here in the long ago time, before even the red man. Maybe best you wait for me”.
“Balderdash,” scoffed the noble champion of justice, flashing his brilliant smile. “What evil spirit can stand against silver bullets fired by one whose heart is pure?”

With obvious reluctance, the redman rode his painted pony to the shade, towing the magnificent argent beast with him, as behind him the masked man clambered lithely down the foreboding opening. Even as Tonto secured the reins to the trees, which did indeed look as if they had long been exposed to a malign influence, he heard the crisp retorts of two Colt revolvers being fired.

Faster than he would have thought possible, the agitiated brave raced back to the Kiva and thrust his weathered face over the opening, In his hand was his own weapon, drawing without his realized it. For only a second, he listened and then he whirled in fled in a dire panic dreadful to see in a man of such proven courage. The horse Silver he abandoned where it stood, later to be taken by wandering Navajo.

Tonto himself was a broken man after that, losing much weight and babbling dementedly, taking to strong drink and staying behind locked doors the remainder of his life. When asked what could have wrought such a change in his formerly heroic constitution, he would only mumble, “Chewing….me heard CHEWING!”

WHAT IF… Norvell Page Wrote an Oz Story?


Dorothy reeled back in horror against the door of the summer palace. The Emerald City was in flames, crimson tongues of fire roaring upward but not drowning out the screams of pain. All around her,, hundreds of Munchkins were staggering in agony as red blood poured from their mouths and noses. As the Kansan gasped in disbelief, a dying Munchkin collapsed against her, lifes blood spewing from his face onto her blue gingham dress. "Ewww, gross," she said and pushed him off. <br><br>Horrified beyond words, the young girl turned back to where her best friends in Oz stood in the doorway behind her. The Tin Woodsmans cold
metallic face was unreadable, but Glinda……! On Glindas lovely ageless countenance was a scowl of pure hatred. <br><br>"These mishaps never happened in Oz before your arrival, she hissed at Dorothy. You must be responsible, Kansan! Kill her, Woodman!" <br><br>Even as the unliving horror drew back his mighty axe, Dorothy reacted. Her exploits in Oz had sharpened her wits and toughened her body, and for an eight year old, she was extremely dangerous. She knew Nick Choppers weakness. Even as he drew his axe high overhead, the Kansan leaped forward and shoved him hard in the chest with both hands. Taken off balance, the Woodman fell with a loud metallic clang and she knew from their past adventures together that he could not rise quickly.

Whirling toward Glinda, Dorothy cried out. “Have you gone mad? The citys on fire! Your people are dying from this strange affliction. Now is when we must work together to make things right." But there was a strange evil glitter in the Good Witchs eyes, and as she raised her star tipped wand, lurid red sparkles danced around it. In another instant, Dorothy would have been blasted into charcoal but quick as a litttle cat, the Kansan seized the Woodmans axe. The short tool was surprisingly light (it was made of tin after all) and she whirled it to smash the wand from Glindas hand. Even in her desperation, Dorothy was careful to use the flat of the blade, not the edge.
As the magic wand went flying, Dorothy spun to flee. She had to find out what was behind this. Could the Nome King have somehow cast a spell on Glinda?

Dorothy knew there was a farm just down the road with a scarecrow in its field. If she could reach it, she could disguise herself as her friend, the famous living Scarecrow, and be able to move around freely while she found out what was going on.

“Stop!” commanded Glindas icy voice. "Have you forgotten....Toto?" <br><br>Freezing where she was, Dorothy turned with reluctance to see Glindas servants wheeling out a large circus cage which was seperated into two compartments. In the smaller section was her beloved Toto, cringing in the corner, eyes rolling wildly. And in the other compartment, roaring and foaming at the mouth, was the Cowardly Lion. The great beast was too enraged to speak, its bloodshot eyes fixed on the tiny little pitiful beast
almost within its reach.

“Hah hahhh” laughed Glinda in hideous triumph. “The Lion has not been fed in three days and he is not Cowardly anymore only Ravenous. If I give the word, the barrier between him and your miserable little mutt will be lifted. Well, Kansan, wlll you surrender?”

In a few second, the young girl suffered terribly as she realized her awful decision. But Dorothy Gale came from tough pioneer stock and had never been one to give up. Quick as a bunny, she raced to the cage and brought the axe down as hard as her skinny little arms could weild it to snap off the lock on the cage holding the Lion. Even as she dropped flat, the great brute leaped over her to pounce full upon Glinda.

The hideous scene that followed does not bear describing (the editor said no). As Glinda met her fate at those leonine fangs, her spell broke. The Munchkins stopped spewing blood and the burning city began to return to normal.
Casting a wary eye on the feasting lion, the Kansan bent to pluck up the star tipped wand where its late owner had dropped it. A wry smile was on Dorothy`s lips. Killing witches was getting to be a habit with her.

WHAT IF… Shakespeare Wrote a Mike Hammer Story?

That very breath which inspires warmth and animation into this mortal clay fled her lips as doth mist off ice in the noonday sun. Still she found the will to speak.

“How couldst thou?” spake the virago and I in turn rushed to answer ere flesh and spirit were forever sundered.

“With ease,” I spake to ears which, alas, would never hear aught more.

Dynamite’s ‘Lone Ranger’ to End with Issue #25

Dynamite’s ‘Lone Ranger’ to End with Issue #25

Here’s the release and the details. A shame, really, since Brett Matthews and Sergio Cariello have been doing a pretty terrific job with the masked rider.

November 15, 2010, Runnemede, NJ –  Dynamite Entertainment and Classic Media, a global media company with a portfolio of the world’s leading family entertainment brands, today announced that Brett Matthew’s critically acclaimed run on The Lone Ranger® series will comes its historic end when issue #25 lands this January.  Expertly drawn by Sergio Cariello and with a cover by the amazing John Cassaday, this issue will be a must-read for long-time fans of this “Eisner Nominated” series and America’s favorite hero of the Wild West!

Is it the end of the line for The Lone Ranger when he and Butch Cavendish meet and do battle for the first and final time?  Will The Lone Ranger destroy Cavendish and himself, or will he find a way to save both?

“Bringing this unique and personal version of The Lone Ranger to life has been an incredibly satisfying experience for me on a lot of levels,” says writer Brett Matthews. “To collaborate with talents like John Cassaday, Sergio Cariello, Simon Bowland and Marcello Pinto over the last couple years has been a pleasure, and is a testament to both the character and their craft. I’m glad to call them my friends. My thanks to Dynamite Entertainment and especially the fans — old and new — for their support along the way. I’m proud of the story we told and the men John Reid and Tonto became while we rode along with them. Hi-Yo!”

“This is a bitter sweet moment for all of us at Dynamite Entertainment,” says Dynamite President Nick Barrucci.  “The Lone Ranger helped define Dynamite as a publisher who could produce commercially successful titles to one who could publish a comic with critical acclaim.  We knew that this day would come, and it’s almost upon us.  I cannot express enough the appreciation and respect that I have for Brett, John, Sergio, Dean (White), Marcello and Simon.  They helped make this great story the best it could be.  From the moment I first read Brett’s script, to when the pages started coming in and seeing John’s first covers, success or fail, this series would be a series to be proud of.  It surpassed all expectations.  All good things come to an end, and the journey to this great ending has been one of the proudest parts of our publishing history.  Issue #25 will be the end of this great series.  There will be more stories, but the creators who come next will have big boots to fill.  Hi-O Silver!”

“Dynamite Entertainment has been a fantastic partner and together we are excited to present the conclusion to this very successful story arc in The Lone Ranger series,” said Karyn Schneider, VP, Licensing, Classic Media. “As America’s favorite hero of the Wild West, The Lone Ranger has captured fans’ hearts and imaginations for generations, and this dramatic conclusion will be sure to inspire readers and new stories for many more years to come.”

The Lone Ranger premiered as a last-ditch effort to save a depression-wracked Detroit radio station.  Since the show’s premiere broadcast in 1933, no other fictional Western hero has proved so enduring.  More than 2,900 Lone Ranger radio programs were produced, as well as many movie serials, short stories, novels, feature films, phonograph records, newspaper strips and an astounding three million comic books.  The Lone Ranger television series, begun in the late 1940’s, consists of over 500 episodes. A new live-action feature film is currently in development with producer Jerry Bruckheimer and Walt Disney Pictures.

Akira Director(s) Set, and More!

Akira Director(s) Set, and More!

Howdy ya’ll. Seems I left the ole’ computer on, whilst I was doing my dishes… and wouldn’t you know it? While I was elbow deep in last night’s meatloaf pan, a smattering of windows were sitting on my desktop, collecting dust. Dust be damned! Being that I’m the generous sort, how about I share em’ all with you:

Thanks goes out to ICv2, Superherohype, iO9, and the comic-nerd-geek-bloggosphere for the assist!

Sneak Peek: ‘Lone Ranger’ Vol 2.

Sneak Peek: ‘Lone Ranger’ Vol 2.

Just in time for last minute gift buying, Dynamite Entertainment releases the second Lone Ranger trade paperback, Lines not Crossed, on Wednesday.  The book collects issues 7-11 of the well regarded interpretation of the classic radio hero.  The stories are from writer Brett Matthews with art by Sergio Cariello and covers from John Cassady.

From the solicitation copy:

The Lone Ranger is an unrelenting tale of the American West. Texas Ranger John Reid seeks revenge for the murders of his family and friends, only to find justice… and that he’s something greater than he ever thought he could be.

In "Lines Not Crossed" and "Downbeat" — the thrilling adventures of The Lone Ranger continue as he and Tonto find themselves caught between frontier justice and a condemned man. As the hangman’s noose draws tighter — and Butch Cavendish ever closer — The Ranger and Tonto must uncover the truth behind a violent shootout… and what course of action to take when the law and their morality fails to p¬rovide clear answers.


ComicMix Radio: His Name Is…

ComicMix Radio: His Name Is…

There are a lot of actors, even great ones, who struggle to get work. Maybe they need to take a page from the thick Book Of Bruce . From B movies to Top Rated TV, he’s made his name alone a cottage industry. So what is My Name Is Bruce?  Mr. Campbell tells us the back story and more, plus:

  • Move over High School Musical, here comes Twilight
  • A great gift for Lone Ranger fanatics
  • The Warriors come out to play in comics

It’s all packed behind that little icon – just Press the Button!


And remember, you can always subscribe to ComicMix Radio podcasts via iTunes - ComicMix or RSS!


Jerry Bruckheimer Updates ‘Pirates’, ‘Lone Ranger’, ‘National Treasure’

Jerry Bruckheimer Updates ‘Pirates’, ‘Lone Ranger’, ‘National Treasure’

Jerry Bruckheimer updated Coming Soon on the status of various film projects, debunking some rumors and providing timetables.

"We’re doing another National Treasure so we’re working on that, we’re preparing Sorcerer’s Apprentice right now—it’s going to be shot in New York—we have another picture that’s in post-production that we’re finishing called Confessions of a Shopaholic with Isla Fischer and Hugh Dancy, so that comes out in February," he told a gaggle of reporters on the set of Prince of Persia, due out next year.

National Treasure: The third film in the Nicholas Cage series is having a script written.

Lone Ranger: The new adaptation of Fran Striker’s radio hero is having a screenplay written.  Since the film was announced by Disney in September, people have swooned at the notion of who would play the Ranger opposite Johnny Depp’s Tonto. Bruckheimer debunked the most frequent suspicion that George Clooney would wear the black mask. "We haven’t decided who is going to play the Lone Ranger yet. Get a director first and then figure it out."

Pirates of the Caribbean 4:
Again, a script is being conceived and it’s little surprise that all three films are being written by the team of Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio who have written most of Bruckheimer’s blockbusters. He speculated about shooting the next installment in IMAX, saying, "Absolutely. I’d love to do it, so let’s just see if we can work it through the production schedule with everything else.

"I think they’re pushing towards 2012. Hopefully we can make it we’ll see."

‘The Lone Ranger’ gets 75th Anniversary DVD Set

‘The Lone Ranger’ gets 75th Anniversary DVD Set

Among characters celebrating anniversaries this year is the Lone Ranger and to commemorate the occasion, Genius Entertainment will release The Lone Ranger – 75th Anniversary Collector’s Edition on November 11. Season 1 and 2 of the classic Clayton Moore/Jay Silverheels television series will be collected on 13 discs.

Extras include three bonus episodes from the 1960s Filmation animated series, a classic episode of Lassie which features The Lone Ranger, an original Lone Ranger radio show broadcast from 1950, an 88-page Commemorative Book, a complete episode guide, reprints of rare comic books and photos, and limited edition collectibles.

The cost will be $119.93 but no doubt a must have for collectors.

The character, currently controlled by Classic Media, is enjoying renewed comics popularity with Dynamite Entertainment’s series featuring art from John Cassady.


The Shadow’s Web, by Dennis O’Neil

The Shadow’s Web, by Dennis O’Neil

With the kind permission of Anthony Tollin and Mike Gold, this week’s column is an adaptation and condensation of an introduction I’m writing for a forthcoming edition of Mr. Tollin’s repackaging of the original Shadow novels. No formal recommended reading this time, but the volume in which the much longer version of what’s below will appear – Shadow #19 – will be on sale in the latter half of June.

Let us, for just a little while, indulge our wish that the great mythic and fictional heroes did and do exist. We are told – and remember, we’re in believer mode – that a diligent historian named Maxwell Grant was privy to the life and thoughts of a mystery man who, though he was probably born Kent Allard often assumed the identity of Lamont Cranston, one of those gentlemen of wealth and leisure who seemed to proliferate in the 30s, the years of the Great Depression, and become almost extinct after World War Two. We are assured that many years ago, while traveling in the Orient, that he acquired certain extraordinary skills – they might even be termed “powers” – and that these aided him in the activities of another of his personae, the relentless and dreaded nemesis of crime known only as The Shadow.

Now, let us entertain a hypothesis. It’s possible, perhaps even probable, that our eastern sojourner, during his investigations, came across reference to Indra’s Net, perhaps while thumbing through a yellowing old volume he found in a bookshop located in a winding Calcutta alleyway. (Would the book have been written in Hindi? Likely. Would Mr. Allard have mastered enough of that language to read it? Again, likely.) Being the ever-curious investigator he had to have been in his salad days, Mr. Allard would have made further inquiries regarding this “Indra’s Net.”

Here is what he might have learned:

In Svarga, the realm of the god Indra, there is a network of gems arranged in such a manner that if a person looks at one of them he sees all the others reflected in it.


Dick Ayers Reveals More!

Dick Ayers Reveals More!

Weekend ComicMix Radio continues our look at the career of Dick Ayers and how a simple coincidence brought him to the office of Stan Lee and made him part of the birth of the Marvel Age Of Comics. Plus we toss out a few trick-less treats like:

• A new and VERY limited Lone Ranger comic book

• NBM and Lewis Trondheim turn a blog into a graphic novel

• How you can win prizes by playing the online "bidding game"

And much more including a look back at a year when one of the bigger songs featured a shout out to Kelly Bundy. Stop drooling at the art and Press The Button!