Category: The Law Is A Ass

The Law Is A Ass #310: Avengers A.I.: Where Intelligence Really Is Artificial

So let me get this straight, in order to defeat the villain, the Avengers made a worse villain?

That first villain, Ultron, the living automaton with artificial intelligence and massive daddy issues about its creator Henry Pym, had made things pretty bad in the [[[Age of Ultron]]] mini-series. “Pretty bad” being a euphemism conquering the world, destroying major cities, killing people, and generally not playing well with others. In order to undo the Age of Ultron, Invisible Woman and Wolverine went into the past and visited Henry Pym before he built the first Ultron. They told Dr. Pym that Ultron would destroy the world in the future but also told him he still had to build Ultron so that the time line would stay the same until just before Ultron started the Age of Ultron. So Pym built Ultron, but put a kill switch into Ultron’s A.I. so that Ultron could be defeated at the right time in the future.

Cut to years later and the right time in the future: Invisible Woman visited Dr. Pym again. She showed Dr. Pym, whose memory of the earlier visit had been wiped, a video about Ultron which included instructions on how to activate the kill switch. This occurred just before the events of The Avengers v.4, # 12.1, where, you may recall, the Avengers rescued Spider-Woman from super-villain team the Intelligencia but inadvertently reactivated Ultron. (You may recall it. I had to look it up.)

Because he had been warned, Dr. Pym could change what happened after the Avengers reactivated Ultron. This time Ultron didn’t get away. Instead Pym had Iron Man upload the kill switch activation codes into Ultron. Then, after Ultron shut down, Pym used a computer virus to destroy Ultron. And they all lived happily ever after, no?

No.

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The Law Is A Ass #309: Reverse-Flash Belongs In The All-Whiners Squad

lawassI don’t know whether he was a super villain or a sommelier, because in his origin story Reverse-Flash served a rather poor whine.

(Yes, I said that.)

First, we’re not talking about your father’s Reverse-Flash, Eobard Thawne. Or your older brother’s Reverse-Flash, Hunter Zolomon. We’re talking the New 52 Reverse-Flash, Daniel West. The one whose secret origin, which appeared in The Flash 23.2, was the biggest batch of bad whines since Mr. Boone got himself a farm.

(Yes, I said it again.)

Daniel narrates his own origin and makes a real sob story out of it. His mother died in childbirth. Daniel’s father blamed Daniel for his wife’s death so hated him. Daniel hated daddy back. Daniel did, however, love his sister, Iris West; yes, that Iris West. Daniel pushed his father down the stairs and daddy became a paraplegic. Then Daniel’s relationship with Iris soured. (Can’t you just feel the tears welling up?) (more…)

The Law Is A Ass #308: The Superior Spider-Man Isn’t

Okay, Marvel, let me see if I’ve got this straight? The bad guy wins. That’s how you celebrate the 700th issue of your flagship character, by killing him and letting the bad guy win?

Assuming you haven’t been in a cave and know about the events of The Amazing  Spider-Man #700 and the subsequent issues of [[[The Superior Spider-Man]]] – and in case you have and you don’t: SPOILER WARNING – you know that Dr. Octopus put Peter Parker’s mind into his own dying body and his mind into Peter Parker’s body. You also know that Doc Ock’s body died with Peter’s mind still in it and that Ock, whose mind is in Peter’s body, is now proving that with his “unparalleled genius” he can be a superior Spider-Man. Well, I like a good redemption story as well as the next guy – and for me that’s the  only thing that makes this storyline interesting; can Doc Ock actually find redemption by being a better Spider-Man than Peter Parker was?

So how’s that working out for him?

Well, there is a little matter of murder. (more…)

The Law Is A Ass

The Law Is A Ass #307: Back In the Saddle Again

Let’s see now, where were we before we were interrupted?

Back in the Mesozoic Era, there was something called the print media. You remember the print media, don’t you? It was in all the papers. Well, one of the all the papers that print media printed in was Comics Buyer’s Guide; or CBG as those of us who didn’t want to type out Comics Buyer’s Guide all the time called it. CBG was a weekly trade paper about the comic-book industry. It wasn’t as big and important as Billboard or Variety or even as vital as that paper that gives positive reviews to every movie no matter how wretched, because studios have to get their pull quotes from somewhere. But CBG was ours and we loved it.

And I  loved CBG more than most, because for over two decades I wrote a regular feature called “The Law Is a Ass” for it; a column that combined legal analysis and comic books.

Legal analysis and comic books? How did that unlikely combination come about? (more…)