Author: Marc Alan Fishman

Transformers… more than meets the eye. This, we know. But what happens when the mighty all-spark malfunctions and sends the Michael Bay Monstrosities to wage war against the Autobots and Decepticons of our shared youth? We’ve got a few battles in our back pocket ComicMixers… let’s let ’em duke it out, shall we?

Round Four: The BFF Brawl for it all!

Without the backdrop of Earth, would the battle between the Autobots and Decepticons be awesome? Yes. But because it is on our little blue orb in the cosmos, it’s that much cooler. Even cooler than that though, the heroic Autobots befriended one of our very own. Spike Witwicky was a plucky 14 year old hard hat wearing son of oil rig worker Sparkplug. When Sparky’s rig became a set piece for the war between those who were “more than meets the eye” Spike and his dad offered their friendship to the Autobots… to help them acclimate to our hip and trendy world. Optimus and his crew accepted, and soon, Spike was in our living room, capturing our heart. Sure Spike made some mistakes… he unwittingly brought Soundwave into Autobot headquarters. He later got captured and brainwashed… but hey, he was just a kid. To counter point it, he introduced the good guys to the concept of Dinosaurs, as well as provide companionship on the many adventures to Cybertron, Dinobot Island, etc. It was this companionship that most could argue that made Optimus the human-loving leader he is today. And without him, who would Bumblebee quip to? No one, that’s who.

In the movies, Sam Witwicky is this generation’s “Marty McFly” (according to TF 1 writer Roberto Orci). Sporting a crude ‘tude in the first movie, Sam was our POV man, quick with the wits, and quicker with the “run for your life” skill. This skill of course allows Sam, who is a marginally unathletic kid, the superhuman ability to outrun battle-trained transformers in an unending loop of flying debris and explosions. While he doesn’t sport a curly red mop and hardhat, he does sport todays hip equivalent: two tee-shirts on at once, cargo pants, and a bit of the life-giving all spark. Hell of a keychain kid.

So folks, let’s say a rift in celluloid occurs, and these Wikwickys are made to do battle. Sam has the age advantage, but Spike is wearing a hardhat. Sam has the all-spark… but, to make things fair, Spike has his brain placed into that cool Autobot X. That out to make it nice and even right? Only one way to find out… COMMENT!

… And don’t forget to vote in the previous rounds, for the Amalgamated-Assemblage of alloy…Devastator! Or for the Buzz-worthy Bumblebee! Or your favorite Vocoder-voiced-villain, Soundwave!

Transformers… more than meets the eye. This, we know. But what happens when the mighty all-spark malfunctions and sends the Michael Bay Monstrosities to wage war against the Autobots and Decepticons of our shared youth? We’ve got a few battles in our back pocket ComicMixers… let’s let em duke it out, shall we?

Round One: Satellite Scoundrel or Baneful Boombox?

We know him collectively as Soundwave. Always loyal. Always awesome. As the Decepticon Comununications Officer, he’s known as the vocoder-voiced master of sonics. Whether he’s deploying his evil tapes-in-diguise (Ravage, Laserbeak, Ratbat, Rumble, just to name a few…) or spying on unsuspecting Autobots in his tape-deck form, he’s always the evil bot in-the-know. A warrior thru and thru, Soundwave is never one to shy away from a fight. And with his shoulder mounted blaster, he’s packing enough punch by himself to lay waste without need for calling in backup. But let’s say he wants to bring a few friends to the party? Well then, Soundwave is the one-man band. His battalion of tape sized Decepticons can take to the skies, or shake the ground. They can hide in plain site, or join their Blue Boss for any fracas that he may take apart in.

Fans clamored that Soundwave didn’t make it into Bay’s movie in the first go-round. Deciding that he’d actually listen to the fans, Michael Bay made sure Soundwave would make it into Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. Given that Bay thought the “size-altering” Transformers of the cartoon was “too detached from reality” (So you can’t buy that they can’t alter their size Michael, but you’ve no problem with high school kids being able to outrun an alien overlord who fought Optimus Prime to a standstill? Just wondering.) Soundwave would be given a new form for the movie. Taking shape as a satellite, Soundwave hovers in Earth’s orbit… perhaps to jam communications? Maybe he’ll be influential in sending more Decepticons down to Earth to free his master Megatron? We’ll have to catch the flick to find out, but in the mean time… we might as well ring the bell!

Who would win in a battle to the end? Would it be the blue-hued tape-deck of doom (with small battalion of smaller-still tapes-of-doom)? Or would it be the Bay-born Satellite of Spite? Only you, the cosmically-conscious ComicMix commenters can conclude! Now cast your votes!