Author: Marc Alan Fishman

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 8

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 8

“If you need me, simply call me on my phone shaped like Mary Worth. I shall immediately leap forth and don my heroic garb and join you in battle. Shall I bring my Steve Allen Ultimate Pog? Perhaps I shall thwart the evil we face today in a rousing round of Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge!”

“When do I get my collectible Avengers Identity card with Holofoil Engraved Signature of Stan Lee?”

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 7

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 7

“Yeah, trust me babe. The Avengers need me. I’m a star! Simon? Theodore? Come on. They’re just like Tigra and Ant-Man… worthless filler getting in the way of the main attraction.”

“That’s right, toots. It’ll be me, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America. We’ll be ‘The Fantastic Four’!”

“Now, what number do we start with? I called Brother Voodoo, and told him I love you. Singing…Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah, fing-fang-walla-walla-bing-bang-foom.”

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 6

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 6

“I don’t know why you invited me here. I just want to be the best Pokémon Master I can be! With my pal Picachu, Bulbasaur, and Lickatongue I just know I can defeat all the gym trainers in the land. According to my Pokadex, my next battle is against Victor in the Latveria battlezone!”

“Since I’m here though, I would be interested in trading. How about Charizard for Falcon?”

(more…)

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 5

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 5

“Hi there. Fenton Crackshell here. Don’t let these feathers fool you. While it looks like I’m nothing but your average lightning fast bean-counter, I assure you, I am so much more. Thanks to my friend Prof. Gyro Gearloose, I’m the most well equipped Duck around!”

“Folks familiar with my work might think I only work for the private sector, but I happen to have plenty of experience working with heroic vigilantes as well!”

“I look forward to working alongside the Avengers to protect Duckberg from the likes of Flintheart Glomgold, the Beagle Boys, and Ultron.”

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 4

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 4

“Finally a universe free of homages! Hi guys, Mark Grayson here, and I’m sure glad to accept this invitation to join the Avengers. I just hope you’re not controlled by the government. I’ve had issues with them in the past. I looked through your previous roster, and it seems like you’re pretty alien friendly too. That’s a good feeling.”

“My buddy Robert didn’t want me to come over here. He said things would be “too easy…”. He said I should stick to playing in my own sandbox (whatever that means…). But he says a lot of stuff that I swear I’ve heard before.”

“Meh. Never mind all that. Show me where I should start punching!”

Mark Millar Wants To Make You Famous (By Making You A Bad Guy)

Mark Millar Wants To Make You Famous (By Making You A Bad Guy)

Scottish super-scribe Mark Millar has teamed up once again with Dynamic Forces to auction off a piece of comicdom. Just as he had auctioned off the name of the titular hero before on his creator-owned / Marvel published Kick-Ass, Millar again gave fans the opportunity (last week) to lend their name to his newly penned Nemesis‘ heroic main character via auction. With $8,400 raised and donated to his brothers school (a school for handicapped children, who are raising money to purchase a new school bus), Mark wants to help finish the job he’s started with another auction. This time though, the name won’t be for a hero… it’ll be for the secret identity of the title character from Nemesis, that being the book’s titular ‘first’ super villain!

Millar is both excited at the prospect of raising more money for his brother’s school, and truly appreciative at the outpouring of the fans’ hard earned cash.

“Can I just say a huge thank you to everyone who participated in the
first auction,” said Mark Millar. “The kids and staff at my brother’s
school were delighted and the $8,400 raised means a quarter of their
target has been reached already. I had chosen a good secret identity
for Nemesis himself, but it seems almost selfish not to auction this
now too and possibly reach the halfway line the kids need for this bus.
I’m amazed how much cash was raised the first time around, but am
hoping the auction to name the TITLE character raises even more. Dave
Lizewski loves the fact he’s the lead in the Kick-Ass comic, movie and
upcoming video-game and I’m hoping whoever wins this new auction is
equally delighted. A huge thanks to them for finding the cash in these
difficult times.”

Be sure to dig deep, and bid on your chance by visiting the auction.

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 3

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 3

“You know what? I’m sick of the DCU. Since being told I was “the Last Green Lantern”… I’ve had my first girlfriend chopped up and left in my fridge. I absorbed a gigantic amount of energy and toyed with godhood. I re-lit the central power battery and brought back the Guardians. I became the “Torch Bearer” after my second girlfriend exploded in space. I even let the cry baby Hal-fans take Earth back as his home sector; Now, I play second fiddle as an ‘Honor Guard Green Lantern’ with Guy. Guy friggen’ Gardner people.”

“I’m going back to New York, and joining a team and universe where I might stand a chance of being noticed. Soon, I’ll join the ranks of such memorable team members like Black Knight, Two-Gun Kid, Darkhawk and Slapstick!”

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 2

Now I’m an Avenger Too… Part 2

“I fight for truth, justice, and the American way. But I only fight for the Democratic Party. The Republicans? Well, there’s Superman Red for that!”

“No, no worries. I’m perfect for the team! Powers? Take your pick! I mean, it’s been a few years since I’ve been useful relevant popular a good decision around, but hey! I’m still ‘the Big Blue Boy Scout’! I can’t wait to zzzap us a few meta-human baddies!”

“Who the hell is Kang?”

Now I’m an Avenger Too…

Now I’m an Avenger Too…

“So there I was, about to embark on an amazing journey through time, when my bat-phone rang.”

“Bruce? It’s Steve. Rogers. Captain America? Oh come on! Kurt and George made us fight a ton back in JLA/Avengers! Say, listen… I heard you got your Bucky to fill in for a while? Good. Let me tell you about this opportunity we have over here at the House of Ideas…”

“Long story short? Sorry Grant… I don’t want to see how many creepy perverts you’ve got stored throughout time. I got a posh gig at a new mansion in New York. Bats-out!”

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Autobots don’t ask… don’t tell.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Autobots don’t ask… don’t tell.

I watched the Transformers growing up… and frankly, it never occurred to me what was going on. I mean, the signs were all there. The whole “fake war” over “energon”? C’mon people. How stupid was I? To believe that they were always at war with one another… Seriously! Look at the dang opening to the show. I counted no less than 7,423,209 shots of laser fire, and not one Autobot or Decepticon even gets so much as a scratch. They all just role play whilst the sexual tension builds on the battlefield.

Yeah. I said it. Sexual tension. Think about it. As long as there has been a Transformers television show, there has been the on-again off-again banter between them. The “hatred”. The “battles”. All this time, it was all just foreplay. It turns out Optimus Prime was in love with Megatron. No wonder no one gave two spark plugs about Arcee!

Need proof? Check out these deleted scenes filmed on location during the taping of the hit 1980’s television show.