Dennis O’Neil: Guns?
Sometimes I ask myself whacky questions. Like, do rhino teeth get filled? Are we just computer constructs inn some alien game and if so are there rules and how can I get a copy of them? Who cleaned up after Hannibal’s elephants? How did Noah keep all those animals in the ark from eating each other?
There’s been a lot of bangedy bang in the news lately and so what else is new and the answer is nothing, but this prompts another whacky question: why can’t somebody do something about the gun problem? Nothing draconian: despite the irresponsible claims of some political types, Mr. Obama doesn’t want to take your firearms away. If that was on the agenda, you’d think that the presidential minions would have at least begun the effort by now. Dude’s been in office more than seven years and so far he hasn’t confiscated so much as a cap pistol.
Making an effort to forbid guns to known criminals or mental patients would be a possible opener. So would a national registry of folks who want to buy guns. In other words, let’s clamp down on the gunnies as fiercely and mercilessly as we clamp down on those young snots who want drivers’ licenses!
But wait! Enough of this: we’re not in polemic mode today. What we are in is question asking mode – whacky questions – and so here’s another: if there were no firearms, if that ninth century Chinese alchemist had misplaced the recipe and hadn’t bothered to look for it, what kind of action stories would we be writing? I’m pretty sure that at least some of our stories would be of the action variety because that kind of stuff is packaged with our genes. I’m sorry, but a liking for action – oh, all right, a liking for violence – is part of our survival kit. Our mythologies are, from the very earliest recorded history until now, full of warfare and combat and those tales are the offspring of the impulses that gave our ancestors the gumption to lift weapons and protect the family and the tribe.
Gilgamesh, meet James Bond.
Occasionally, I’ve allowed myself to wonder if I could create a hero, a rip-snortin’ justice bringer (possibly wearing a costume) whose adventures did not include dealing with guns. As a science fiction or fantasy piece, sure, easy, no problem. But a story set in our time and world, or a close facsimile of our world – not so easy. Guns are all over the place, wielded by bad guys and good guys alike. What would our world be without them? Has the centrality of guns in our national narratives taught us that gunfire is what solves problems? No need to look any further than the nearest Glock, to deal with it, whatever it is, this time.
Oh yeah, did I mention that another shooting made the news today?
I can answer one of your questions! Each of Hannibal’s elephants likely had a team of handlers, at least one member of which was responsible for grooming and washing and pitch-forking any mislaid pitch. You can find photos on the web of elephant stables from 19th century and earlier India. I assume that in permanent military camps, Carthaginian elephants were kept in elephant stables. How well they were treated is less certain. They surely would have been kept fit and strong–though the elephants used for labor in Thailand aren’t always treated very well. I’ve seen photos of an elephant’s ankle, manacled while in its stable, that is in a brutal state you’d like to believe no self-respecting animal handler would tolerate. Though the reality is that these elephants aren’t treated differently than other labor animals.
On the topic of guns, I find it frustrating the “confiscation” hysteria that otherwise intelligent gun owners seem not only to embrace but transform into a life philosophy. I have a revolver (unloaded, no bullets stored with it) boxed somewhere in my house. I occasionally try to find it, because I feel that I ought to know where it is and I ought to secure it a little better (with a gun lock or even sell it at a police-buyback).
If I can’t even locate that blasted revolver in my basement, how do the gun enthusiasts believe the federal government could “confiscate everybody’s guns”?