Radioactive Spider Invades Savannah Nuclear Plant!
According to Britian’s Daily Mail , authorities have discovered white cobwebs on nuclear waste at the Savannah River National Laboratory, located at (go figure) the Savannah River Site in South Carolina.
The Defense Nuclear Facilities Safety Board (did you know we even had a Defense Nuclear Facilities Safety Board?) says “The growth, which resembles a spider web, has yet to be characterized but may be biological in nature.”
Where did it come from? And… where have we heard this story before?
According to the omnipresent “experts,” any living creature inside in the pools of “safety” water would have been exposed to the nuclear fuel and could have evolved into a new species. It turns out there is a bacterium that scientists call Deinococcus radiodurans (normal humans really don’t care – thus far) that is so resistant to radioactivity that it has been reengineered for use in the treatment of radioactive waste. So, I guess it’s possible that the spider that weaved a web, if it indeed is a web, could have survived to… oh, say, bite a wandering science student.
Which, as we all know, could give him the proportionate power of a spider. Then again, it’s probably more likely it would simply kill the poor bastard.
Or… then again… the whole thing simply could be a really nuanced promotion for the upcoming Spider-Man reboot.
Either way, you can’t be too careful and ComicMix recommends our South Carolina readers invest in some bug spray.