MARC ALAN FISHMAN: What I’m NOT Thankful For
I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving holiday was amazing. I myself hosted festivities for the first time in our new home. It was here, in 2011 where Marc Alan Fishman finally graduated from the kiddie table. Looks like all it took was making a meal for 10 people, in my own home. But with the assistance of my fantastic in-laws, and even more fantastic(ly pregnant) wife… we done pulled off a doosy. After last week’s lov-in, I unbuckled my belt, let my gut out, and took stock in those things that didn’t quite make me a happy camper. Sure, my initial articles covered some of those (The X-Men, Barry Allen, and Hal Jordon to name a few)… but here we are, nearing the end of the year. What exactly happened that cause my beard to stand on end? Let the hatespew begin!
Epic Events of Extremely Excessive Inanity
To be truly fair, I could spend the entirely of this editorial tearing DC and Marvel both for their predilection to create crappy crossover events. But let’s boil it down to the brass tacks, shall we? Simply put, these money-sucking whores create bloated wastes of ink and paper, all based on the idea that “everything you know will change.” This of course, preys on our fan-boy fear of being left behind. And it would seem over the course of the Aughts, such as they were, the Big Two have perfected their scheme:
Create a main book where all the bullet point action takes place. A few not so significant people will die. One or two major ones might kick it too. A great evil rises up. It looks insurmountable. Then a legion of the most marketable heroes get some brilliant form of upgrade, or a lost and forgotten hero comes back from the dead, or some other deus ex machina reveals itself in the nick of time for one last issue of double page Photoshopped explosions. What follows is generally seven to twenty seven epilogues setting up the next six months of editorial mandated character changes.
But it’s never just that one main title now, is it? These mega-loads of mega-suck bleed into the entire continuity of issues. Soon every book you’d normally pick up features the event-du-jour’s nom de plum across its masthead. What follows is generally exposition taken from bullet point A before bullet point B from the main series. Not reading that series? Well, I guess it sucks to be you. I was loving, L-O-V-I-N-G Matt Fraction’s Incredible Iron Man series until Fear Itself. And for four issues straight, all the world building he’d done was cast aside so I could follow Tony into Asgard to get drunk, swear, and make some action-figure-waiting-to-happen weapon variants for random heroes to use. Did I follow Fear Itself? No. Thanks for wasting my time, money, and love of the Iron Man book.
Don’t think for a second DC skates by here either, kiddos. Those cash-craving carnivores did one worse; they let the deus ex machina implode their entire line of comics. Flashpoint, by and large, will sit in my collection next to Countdown to Final Crisis as a testament to everything wrong with comic books today. “But why did you keep buying them, if you hated them so much?” Well… One – I’m a masochist. Two – the series promised to feature at least one or two characters I’d normally not get to read about. Three; – I didn’t want to come out of the other side confused as to why everything changed. Flashpoint even had the nerve to release wave after wave of mini-series to take us around this “Age of Not Quite Apocalypse.” And while Batman: Knight of Vengeance delivered an amazing Elseworlds tale, it was just that… An Elseworlds tale. Slap any title card you wanted on the cover, Dan, Geoff, and Jim. We all knew it should have said “Flash Point Over There and Distract The Fanboys While We Hit The Reset Button.”
4/5ths of the DCNu
And since we’re on the subject… the next thing that ground my gears was the rebooting of the DC Universe itself. I give credit where credit is due. It was a bold move that in fact did raise awareness, sales, and general levels of hope amongst the comic book readers of the world. But by and large, it was all smoke pellets and Mirror Masters.
Let’s face facts. Superman, Wonder Woman, the JLA, and Aquaman all got the reboots needed to make them matter again. Batman and Green Lantern may have gotten shiny new #1s on their books, but didn’t reboot a damned thing. Batgirl got to disappoint the handicapped community (not that the book is bad mind you, but still…), and a plethora of bad ideas were hurled out with hopes any of it would stick. What we’re left with is a mangled mess of a few fantastic books littered amongst total garbage. All the solid character-building moments that gave DC a strong legacy and continuity were thrown out with the bath water in hopes that a #1 and a power-cycle would somehow make comic books appeal to the masses who aren’t reading comic books. Guess what? Sales may have increased, but not by that much. Walk out on the street today, and ask a passer-by who OMAC, Voodoo, or Captain Atom are. Don’t be surprised when they need to Google it.
It’s still too early to say exactly what impact this reboot is going to make. Suffice to say, I hardly believe I’ll be telling my son “Oh yeah, in 2011, it all changed. DC created the new paradigm by which all comic books were created.” More likely? “Oh yeah, in 2011 DC rebooted everything, because they figured they’d move more issues if they had #1 on them. Superman turned out really good. I kind of forgot everything else.”
The Fallacy of Death in Comics
If 2011 has taught us nothing else, then we should all learn this: Death is meaningless in comic books. In the long-long ago, in a time and place far far away from here… dying meant dying. No mysterious body swaps. No time-bullets. No psuedo-science backtracking. Dead meant dead. In 2011, Marvel iced the Human Torch, Bucky Barnes (again…), and Thor (again, again). Human Torch didn’t even stay chilled long enough to be missed. With Fantastic Four #600, his mighty resurrection (as predicted by just about everyone) came to pass. In Fear Itself, Bucky and Thor each bit the dust. Who here is man enough to say they’ll stay that way for 365 days? With The Avengers movie hitting megaplexes next summer, I doubt Mr. Odinson will be resting for even a fortnight. Oh, and it looks like the Phoenix force is coming back too. As it stands, I can’t even tell you for sure who is alive and who isn’t. Only Ultimate Peter Parker seems to be the most likely candidate for a spot next to Gwen Stacy of the 616 in the land of the “neva’ coming back.” And thanks largely to Flashpoint, DC was able to kill off whole portions of their catalog, with the promise to thaw them out the second sales dip. Did someone say JSA?
Goodbye 2011. May 2012 boast less deaths and less events. See you next week, when my column resets back to #1.
SUNDAY: John Ostrander
Around here, Omak is a small town on the east side of the Cascades, Voodoo is a Caribbean religion, and the Captain Atom question is likely to be met with, “Captain Adam who? Is he Army, or Air Force?” :)
Sometimes I’m very happy that I can’t afford current comics. Although I’m going to find a way to get to a shop to pick up “Dark Horse Presents” this month, featuring “Skultar,” I’m eager to see a friend die in that. (It’s all very morbid, but not a bit sad.)
Agree, totally, Marc! To be honest, I have a lot of trouble reading comics these days. Very little has enthralled me as the comics of the 1980’s and 1990’s did.
Ah, well.
Well, that’s not to say there weren’t jems out in 2011. My last article was all puppies and rainbows. :) I don’t want to seem like “ALL COMICS NOW ARE POOP” cause they aren’t. But I truly believe the way in which comics are produced (by committee, with profits and merchandise sales in mind, with only established names who turn a predicable profit…) hampers so much creativity and depth of the talent pool.
“Simply put, these money-sucking whores create bloated wastes of ink and paper, all based on the idea that “everything you know will change.” This of course, preys on our fan-boy fear of being left behind.
…
Three; – I didn’t want to come out of the other side confused as to why everything changed”
And there in a nutshell is exactly why the DC and Marvel “money-sucking whores” will continue to create crappy crossover events. Because the majority of fans, just like you, lack conviction and will continue to line up to get sucked.
You really want to put an end to crappy crossovers? Stop. Buying. Them. When a book has the event-du-jour’s nom de plum across its masthead refuse to buy it. When the sales of issues with the event masthead start to plummet, when DC/Marvel start to realize masthead = drop in sales instead of increase, then they’ll have reason to stop with the perpetual crossover (non-)events.
Until then, they’ll continue to publish the dreck because you, sure, moaning all the way to the cash register, continue to buy it.
If 2011 has taught us nothing else, then we should all learn this: Death is meaningless in comic books.
Superman died. Came back.
Captain America died. Came back.
Batman R.I.P. Came back.
Flash died. Came back. (Although, granted, took a while.)
Wonder Woman died. Came back.
Reed Richards, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Supergirl, Aquaman, Jean Grey, Elektra, Dove, Green Arrow, Jason Todd, Lex Luthor, Jean Grey, Bucky, Daredevil, Norman Osborn, Human Torch, and hordes of others.
Took until 2011 for us to learn death is meaningless in comics? I think some of “us” are a little slow on the uptake.