MARC ALAN FISHMAN: Flash Fact – Barry Allen Sucks!
Hello all you crazy-awesome ComicMix fans. For those who don’t know me (and when you share a space with guys like Mike Gold, John Ostrander, Martha Thomases, Michael Davis, Denny O’Neil, and Mindy Newell? I don’t blame you!) allow me to introduce myself by way of witty, snarky banter. I figured if I am to come out of the gate anew with a comic focused op-ed piece, I might as well start by swinging for the fences. So, let me point to the rafters over center field, and take the biggest swing I can.
Simply put: DC’s Flashpoint is a ten-pound turd in a five gallon bowl.
I use this nasty language, mind you, because I “covered” the event for a podcast I do from time to time… and have spent my hard earned dollars on this bloated excuse to sell toys, and piss off fans.
In June, DC boldly told the world they are “star-wiping” their universe to engage the next era of fans, by removing that pesky continuity. So, while those new and shiny number ones are getting printed, why not release yet-another-epic-that-will-change-the-universe-as-we-know-it™ event? “Flashpoint” was to turn the DCU on its ears. It chortles in every issue with its logo emblazoned on the title card, that it gives us a world where “everything you know has changed in a flash…” My ass. What they’ve done instead, is created an unnecessary mega-crisis for no better reason than “going out with a bang”. So for all us fans who don’t mind a little history to go with our comics… we’re treated to DC choosing to end their current universe’s life on yet-another-Crisis.
In a nutshell, Flashpoint is DC’s attempt at taking an obvious Elseworlds story and shoehorning it into continuity. I honestly don’t care how many well-produced interviews they have Dan DiDio do celebrating the ‘ground breaking’ idea. I don’t care how many Newsarama, Comic Book Resources, or Bleeding Cool articles are written kissing the ass of all the creators involved (and yes, all three have since reviewed many of the series’ minis very poorly). To tell the fans that this event will matter, is akin to the DCU toking up a massive joint, and blowing the Funion fumes right in our face in hopes we’ll get the munchies. I’ve not seen better hype for a dumber product since The Phantom Menace.
On DCU’s “The Source” blog, they asked some hard hitting questions to this effect:
“There’s been a lot of chatter, online and at conventions, about what kind of consequences will come out of FLASHPOINT. Why, in your estimation, will FLASHPOINT matter to fans?
Sean Ryan: Because I think at the core of FLASHPOINT, behind all the crazy changes and differences, the story has a very deep emotional center that I think will resonate with fans.”
Really, Sean? Have you been reading the same books I have? Because the emotional core of Flashpoint rests on the crimson-hued crotch of Barry Allen. The Fastest Man Alive, who spent more years DEAD in the DCU then he did ALIVE, is our emotional core? Barry Allen is a nilla wafer in a red unitard. His personality falls somewhere between “klutzy dork” and “guy in a bow-tie”. In his illustrious career as the scarlet speedster, his biggest contribution was offing himself in the first Crisis on Infinite Earths. Hal Jordan just oozes “cocky-arsehole.” Batman is the quintessential “smartest kid in the class who can kick your ass.” Superman epitomizes the ideology of “The Big Blue Boy Scout.” I beg anyone here to stand up and tell me who the hell Barry Allen is with or without his mask, aside from “dude who runs fast.” He’s a collection of banal factoids. He works in a CSI lab. He loves his woman, Iris. He’s kind of a momma’s boy. He likes to spout ‘Flash Facts’ when he defeats his rogue gallery of angry dudes with nifty laser guns. Yup… there’s a guy you can really sink your teeth into when you want to base an epic 14 mini-series tie-in crossover event. My guess is their second choice for the lead character would have been Snapper Carr… but Snapper had a personality to begin with. To weigh a crossover event on the shoulders of a guy this boring is like sticking with Lando Calrisian in the Millennium Falcon. On paper, someone thought it was cool… but damn it, Lando isn’t Han Solo. And Barry Allen isn’t… well… anyone interesting.
Flashpoint exists to squeek out the last dollars from those of us who fear that this may actually impact continuity. I know in my heart of hearts, this will be but a mole on the ass of DC’s ‘Evil-Aughts’, rather than something that will shine within our long boxes. Once again the editorial mandate machine has churned out book after book with predictable, lousy plots. I asked myself at the beginning of my review for Flashpoint #1 (available to read over at michaeldavisworld.com) what exactly I’d need to be satisfied by this series. Remember again folks, I LOVED “Strangers #1”. All I wanted was a few novel ideas, and some quality stories. What have I gotten in the handful of books I’ve since purchased? Abin Sur, sans personality trying to save the Earth from unseen black lanterns while Mark Strong, err, Sinestro looks sternly. Yet-another-Batman-who’s-a-douche. A Captain America turned Doctor Manhattan by way of silly psuedo-science and monologues that could dry paint on contact. And what of Barry himself in Flashpoint proper? He’s stealing cars, looking scared, and electrocuting himself in attempt to keep up with the breakneck plot. Oh, and Aquaman is a villain. Stop me if you care.
At this point, a bolt of mysterious lightning hit Marc as he was finishing his magnum opus on why Flashpoint sucks.
Whoa, sorry… Where was I? Weird. So yeah, like I was saying, Flashpoint is simply one of the coolest things to hit comic shelves in a long time. With bold new stories that have turned the DCU on its ear, you simply can’t go wrong picking up absolutely every issue on the checklist! I’ve no doubt in my mind this nefarious scheme by the evil Reverse Flash will completely overhaul the multiverse, and soon thereafter, DC comics will be totally different. How will Barry Allen save us this time? Can he run fast enough to reverse this slip in time before the weird and bold new universe is permanent? The editors have cooked up a real mind-bending epic for the ages guys. You better scoop up those issues of the Canterbury Cricket, Deathstroke the Pirate, and Citizen Cold while you can. I smell an Absolute Edition just around the corner.
For no apparent reason, shortly after finishing that sentence, Marc spontaneously combusted. Join us next week when a new Marc from another universe writes in!
SUNDAY: John Ostrander
Related articles
- Flashpoint: Project Superman #1 Review, by Marc Alan Fishman – Snarky Synopses #11 (mdwp.malibulist.com)
Great article. I want to point out that new characters poping up in flashpoint seem to be showing up in future solicitations of the post “starwipe” DC universe. So now more people can fall through the crisis cracks.
Yeah, and that alone makes me me want to vomit. The “star-wipe” is a chance to literally clean house, and start fresh. Instead, DC is pussing out, and just lifting bits and chunks of continuity to serve their needs.
I love star wipes.
Wow! With one column you have become my favorite Comic Mix columnist. Even though I gave up on the DCU in the middle of “Brightest Day”, I have had several folks trying to get me to pick up on this ‘event’. I’m glad that somebody with some sense has come forward to put me right.
Personally, I always liked Barry Allen, but do have to agree with you that thinking back it never really had much of a personality. It was Wally West (written by some very good creators) that made The Flash an interesting character. I think like Bucky Barnes & Jason Todd, Barry should have remained in the Great Comics Beyond and …what? Who came back???
I like Barry Allen BECAUSE, He works in a CSI lab. He loves his woman, Iris and he’s kind of a momma’s boy. That’s a real personality in a medium where ‘real’ personalities are never found on a superhero, only on their un-super supporting characters.
Barry Allen is a nice guy who gets a super power and decides to the right thing. Bruce Wayne-payback for his parents. Kal-El-his dead daddy from a superior planet tells him to take care of earth. Hal Jordan-is chosen, blah blah, blah.
Each of those DC Superheroes were LED to their paths AND they were already superior beings before their freakin lives changed.
Barry Allen was not super rich, not an alien, not a jet pilot who is shown the light of purpose for the greater good and decides he must do his part.
Nope-Barry Allen was a nice guy with a regular job who decides to do the right thing.
Like I said, I like Barry Allen he’s jut a nice average guy who can do fantastic things. THAT’S what make’s him super that’s what makes
a hero.
I’m not reading Flashpoint aside from the Frankenstein mini. Mainly because I have no interest in it.
However, I will argue the point on Barry Allen. I really like Barry Allen. I love his old stories. Silver Age stuff, Carey Bates stuff, Mark Waid flashback stuff. It’s all pretty good. He actually had Wally’s personality before Wally had Wally’s personality (don’t believe me, read a little of the Carey Bates stuff). However, they botched his return. First of all, it was a risk seeing as how so many people were okay with him being gone. Then, they ended up shuffling Wally off into limbo, upsetting the Wally West fans. Then, all the people who were actually happy to see the return of the archetypal old-school hero were disenfranchised when Barry got settled with some all-too-modern angst in his Rebirth mini. They did almost everything they could to not win with anyone.
MOTU,
Those traits that I mentioned, are some good ones to have. Barry at his best IS that momma’s boy who is just a good egg. But as Adam puts it so well: Since his return, he’s been milquetoast incarnate. If Johns could remember that, we’d have SOMETHING to latch onto. But Johns over time has waterered down his once pitch perfect characterization into sad generic archtypes.
I think we all know who the best Flash was. It’s time to de-age Bart Allen and make him the Flash again!
Bart Allen is and shall always be Impulse to me.
Here’s what I hate. The best thing I could say about Barry Allan is that he bravely and valiantly gave his life during the Crisis of Infinite Earths. That sacrifice becomes almost meaningless when DC revivifies him. Death has become just a trivial and forgettable plot point.
Okay, there seems to be this point of view that the only good thing about Barry was how he died. People tend to forget that a whole lot of the Flash mythos was built around Barry Allen. There wouldn’t be a Central City, a Flash Museum, a Rogues Gallery, a Gorilla City, a Cosmic Treadmill, the iconic red costume or any of that without Barry’s tenure as the Flash. Wally made good use of it, but it all stems from Barry.
Adam, that’s confusing “having interesting things” with “being an interesting character.” By that logic, every d-bag with a nice car is a person full of depth and interest, when often the opposite is true.
Once upon a time, that was enough. Barry comes from a time when “character development” wasn’t the highest priority on everyone’s list. The Silver Age was all about sci-fi concepts and mythology building. Aside from maybe the Cary Bates run, Barry really didn’t get much of a chance to be developed in the modern way. And now, in the Modern Age, all we get is Geoff Johns hamfisted addition of dead parents to his backstory.
Okay, maybe I’m a little easy on Barry. But that’s for two reasons. One, is because I really love Barry’s Silver Age stories. Two, is because he comes from the days before the “Flash legacy”. I’m really not crazy about the Flash legacy. I feel like it’s an excuse to follow old, familiar patterns and to force formerly unique characters (like Bart Allen aka Impulse) into preformed molds.
Marc,
I agree with all of this, and I’m really glad that some comic press is finally paying attention to the fact that Barry Allen is a super-boring, weak and lame character. My friend Craig likes to say he only has a personality retroactively; after he died in Crisis, some crazy editors decided that he was actually interesting, somehow, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. No matter how hard Geoff Johns tries to convince us otherwise, Barry will be nothing more than a giant piece of white bread around which the rest of the DCU happens.
That said, I DID really like his role in Blackest Night. Everything else he’s been in since the resurrection… no thanks.
Sinc I haven’t read much of Barry Allen’s past adventures (and what I have read wasn’t very good IMO), I still think he has better personality than Hal Jordan and Bruce Wayne have (both of which I can’t stand).
Well, I have many issues of Barry’s title (from roughly #145 to the end, #350, plus a bunch of earlier issues) and I was reading it from about 1976 to the end.
Yes, Barry was a nice guy. Yes, Barry was very, very clever about coming up with new ways to use his speed powers. But honestly, for most of his run, Barry just wasn’t that interesting a guy. He had a wife, he was always late, and oh yes, he was a comic-book collector (just like us!).
But he wasn’t that interesting.
Now, Wally West, he was interesting. He didn’t really become interesting, though, until Mike Baron and Bill Loebs and Mark Waid got hold of him. Even under Marv Wolfman, in The New Teen Titans, Wally had only slightly more characterization than he’d had in his earlier solo stories.
If Geoff Johns had spent some time trying to make Barry an interesting character instead of just setting up this latest event, I might feel better about bringing him back.
As a martyr to the cause of universal salvation (“Jesus of Central City,” I call him), Barry was useful. As a role model to Wally and Bart and the many, many other speedsters in the DCU, he was useful. Unfortunately, since his resurrection, he just hasn’t been that interesting.
Frankly, I miss Wally. I didn’t order the new Flash #1, primarily because I’m not aware that Francis Manapul has ever written any comics before, but y’know what? If Wally was gonna be at the center of the new book, I might have ordered it.
I liked Barry, Marc. Otherwise, I do agree with you about the whole FLASHPOINT thing.