The Snark Files: Beating the Betty White Horse To Death
Many days, we will find ourselves in heated debates with the uninitiated when it comes to the general quality of comic books. Yes, super muscular guys in spandex parading around in violent battles with other super muscular guys and overly boobed chicks in impossible costumes isn’t what we’re calling haute artistic visual fiction. But we’ve got those pocket references ready for the nay-sayers, don’t we? Watchmen. Sin City. Maus. Ghost World. Justice League International… And then they drop a bomb on our argument. They’ll reference a comic they heard about on the nightly news, or in the “lifestyles” section of the paper, or from some pinko-liberal-starbucks-blog they read on their iPads whilst they wait for a triple-grande-non-fat-latté. And with the mere mention of that book, our arguments are as potent as a pinch of salt in the ocean.
Now, gentle reader, what book could I possibly reference (without even reading it mind you) to encapsulate the entirety of how low we can go, when it comes to our sequential funny books?
Why, I direct you to Bluewater Comics’ Female Force: Betty White.
Yup. The fine folks behind the Justin Bieber, Sarah Palin, and forthcoming Fame: The Cast of Glee comic books is releasing a biographical comic book about America’s favorite only living Golden Girl, Betty White. Now, before you ignite your flaming arrows, let me be clear: I love Bette White. She was hilarious in the aforementioned ‘Girls, as well as numerous other sit-coms. Her recent turn as Facebook-demanded Saturday Night Live Host was one of the better shows of recent memory. Hell, even her cameo in last week’s Emmy show was adorable. But seriously… a comic book bio? Allow me to fire up the rant and raving engine.
Let’s lay out some ground work first. I love comics. I love kitsch.
Men in tights? I own thousands of books with ’em. Indie rags about real
people, with nary a ‘laser-gun’ in sight? I cherish them. Historical
fiction and creative non-fiction comics? Jew Gangster, Kings in Disguise, and Stagger Lee
are some of the finest books on my shelf. But aside from getting on the
band-wagon before her star fizzles faster than a can of pop left out on
the counter… Bluewater Comics, and their line of “pop-culture” books
are supposedly “bringing new people to comics” by touching on the pulse
of what people kinda think is relevant. Well, no offense, Blue Water…
but do you think my mother, a huge Golden Girls and Mary Tyler Moore
fan is going to walk into the local comic shop for a chance at reveling
in 32 pages of a career retrospect, when more words are probably sitting
on the Wikipedia? I’m not here necessarily to debate the sales figures
Bluewater might be enjoying by putting out a book like this folks…
I’m turning my hands up to the sky and asking what is it possibly adding
to either Bette White’s mystique, or comics in general? Like I said,
I’m all for kitsch, but this isn’t even close. This is milking the cash
cow before it dries up and dies. And I wag a big finger of shame for it.
You
want to capture the zeitgeist and actually make the use of the comic
medium matter? License The Golden Girls property, and launch a
mini-series… taking the senile squabblers and send them to space. Give
Bette a magical medallion and AARP card, and have her fight injustice.
Shoot her with the same Arnim Zola / Darkseid time bullet / laser eye
blast that sent Captain Batman into the past, and let her relive her
career in an epic graphic novel! Don’t just wrap up her life in 32 neat
pages, and collect your 4 bucks so the tragic hipsters who ironically
buy it just dump it in the back of their Honda Civic Hybrids, next to
the MGMT digital download cards, and organic cotton messenger bag
purchased at the last Burning Man.
The idea here is simple
enough: Comic books allow us an amazing amount of creative freedom in
both structure and narrative. When you’re gonna whack the pop-culture
piñata, I implore you to do so with a wink and a knowing nod… not with
your hand out for for the quick grift.
I think the important thing to remember is that this publisher has one of the most repulsive back-end work-for-hire contracts in the industry. And I wish the mainstream press would write about that and not blindly promote every crappy comic book they come up with.
Do tell Tony. I’m not familiar with this repulsion. Go on…
I don’t know specifics, but the gist of what I’ve read and heard online is that they hire unknown creators, or folks trying to break into the industry, with no real intention of paying them (while telling them they’ll be paid on the back-end) and then give them the bad news that the book they worked on didn’t make enough money for Bluewater to have to pay them. Or that the book won’t even be published due to (X) reason or (Y) reason, and sorry you won’t get paid or get the exposure.
As I said I don’t know specifics, so I don’t know how much of that is factual, but I would really like to hear them from someone who has either experienced it or from someone (Tony, I’m looking to you perhaps?) who has heard the info first hand from someone who has experienced it.
Here’s a link to The Beat’s story on Buewater’s vile practices:
http://www.whenmonkeysattack.com/blog/2010/01/26/bluewate…
Thanks for providing that. That’s a good resource. It makes me think even less of Bluewater now.
Is the problem really that they’re milking the cash cow for a quick buck? I wonder if your beef is really with the masses of people who buy their products. If there were no quick buck to be had, they’d stop, right?
No, my real problem is with the end product. 32 pages of “biography” quickly slapped together for a fast buck doesn’t elevate the medium. My rant could be applied to many producers out there in the marketplace mind you. Essentially, I see this “milk-the-cash-cow” mentality, when applied in the form of a basic by-the-numbers bio book, to be a waste of talent, paper, ink, and time.
Like I said, if their product was done with a wink, a nod, and a little zeal, maybe i wouldn’t be so angry. As far as the “masses” who buy their product? Well, each to his own, but I sincerely doubt there’s not a single BlueWater fan who went from buying Female Force: Sarah Palin, to being a 10 book a month subscriber, if you know what I mean.
Marc, for starters I think you meant that you “sincerely doubt there’s a single BlueWater fan….” OR you “sincerely believe there’s not a single BlueWater fan…” Semantics aside, you could just as easily ask yourself if a previous NON-comic-book reader suddenly became a “10 book a month subscriber” after buying the first of Marvel’s “The Dark Tower” books came out. Sure, King fans who’d not been buying comics might have added the adaptation of “The Stand” and maybe “Stephen King’s N” and even “American Vampire” and “The Talisman” but would they be all that excited about picking up the latest Bendis-scribed Avengers title or Morrison’s Batman works? Even 20 years ago, you might’ve been hard-pressed to say that a fan of Gaiman’s “Sandman” series would necessarily have transferred their love of that title to any 10 books being published by DC, Marvel or any of the other dozens of companies publishing at the time. I’ve been a fan of “Fables” since it started and have picked up every title related to it (“Jack of Fables”, “Cinderella: From Fabletown with Love”, even Willingham’s original prose novel, “Peter and Max”) but my enjoyment of that book and its relatives hasn’t led me to bother with Zenescope’s T&A-heavy “Grimm’s Fairy Tales” line, nor has it led to my buying all things written by Willingham. Confessional time here: I’m way beyond the “10 book a month subscriber” level by anybody’s standard. I’d also be willing to bet that most people who looked at my monthly pull list would find much of my choices to be very distressing but the main point is that these are books that appeal to ME. (Frankly I find Brian Michael Bendis to be waaay overrated as a writer and I really don’t understand his appeal. So, I don’t buy anything written by Bendis, and as long as he stays the hell away from the main X-titles–*especially* away from “X-Factor”–I’ll be happy.)
While BlueWater may represent little more than being the pustule of the comic publishing world, the fact that they DO reach SOME people who might not have been reading any comics is still a point in their favor. The company is obviously filling a need or niche that’s not been covered recently and that is a GOOD thing, regardless of whether the product itself has any relative merit. (If a product’s merit had any relation to its being published, bookstores would be utterly empty.)
Most Bluewater titles that make it to my LCS make it in 2s or 3s, and they end up in the 25 cent bin very quickly. Someone who works there once told me, when I commented on one of their Female Force books that I couldn’t imagine anyone who wasn’t already a comic fan even knowing they existed, saying that they get about 1 person a week looking for them.
I think the important thing to remember is that this publisher has one of the most repulsive back-end work-for-hire contracts in the industry. And I wish the mainstream press would write about that and not blindly promote every crappy comic book they come up with.
Do tell Tony. I'm not familiar with this repulsion. Go on…
I don't know specifics, but the gist of what I've read and heard online is that they hire unknown creators, or folks trying to break into the industry, with no real intention of paying them (while telling them they'll be paid on the back-end) and then give them the bad news that the book they worked on didn't make enough money for Bluewater to have to pay them. Or that the book won't even be published due to (X) reason or (Y) reason, and sorry you won't get paid or get the exposure.As I said I don't know specifics, so I don't know how much of that is factual, but I would really like to hear them from someone who has either experienced it or from someone (Tony, I'm looking to you perhaps?) who has heard the info first hand from someone who has experienced it.
Here's a link to The Beat's story on Buewater's vile practices:http://www.whenmonkeysattack.com/blog/2010/01/26/…
Thanks for providing that. That's a good resource. It makes me think even less of Bluewater now.
Is the problem really that they're milking the cash cow for a quick buck? I wonder if your beef is really with the masses of people who buy their products. If there were no quick buck to be had, they'd stop, right?
No, my real problem is with the end product. 32 pages of "biography" quickly slapped together for a fast buck doesn't elevate the medium. My rant could be applied to many producers out there in the marketplace mind you. Essentially, I see this "milk-the-cash-cow" mentality, when applied in the form of a basic by-the-numbers bio book, to be a waste of talent, paper, ink, and time. Like I said, if their product was done with a wink, a nod, and a little zeal, maybe i wouldn't be so angry. As far as the "masses" who buy their product? Well, each to his own, but I sincerely doubt there's not a single BlueWater fan who went from buying Female Force: Sarah Palin, to being a 10 book a month subscriber, if you know what I mean.
Marc, for starters I think you meant that you "sincerely doubt there's a single BlueWater fan…." OR you "sincerely believe there's not a single BlueWater fan…" Semantics aside, you could just as easily ask yourself if a previous NON-comic-book reader suddenly became a "10 book a month subscriber" after buying the first of Marvel's "The Dark Tower" books came out. Sure, King fans who'd not been buying comics might have added the adaptation of "The Stand" and maybe "Stephen King's N" and even "American Vampire" and "The Talisman" but would they be all that excited about picking up the latest Bendis-scribed Avengers title or Morrison's Batman works? Even 20 years ago, you might've been hard-pressed to say that a fan of Gaiman's "Sandman" series would necessarily have transferred their love of that title to any 10 books being published by DC, Marvel or any of the other dozens of companies publishing at the time. I've been a fan of "Fables" since it started and have picked up every title related to it ("Jack of Fables", "Cinderella: From Fabletown with Love", even Willingham's original prose novel, "Peter and Max") but my enjoyment of that book and its relatives hasn't led me to bother with Zenescope's T&A-heavy "Grimm's Fairy Tales" line, nor has it led to my buying all things written by Willingham. Confessional time here: I'm way beyond the "10 book a month subscriber" level by anybody's standard. I'd also be willing to bet that most people who looked at my monthly pull list would find much of my choices to be very distressing but the main point is that these are books that appeal to ME. (Frankly I find Brian Michael Bendis to be waaay overrated as a writer and I really don't understand his appeal. So, I don't buy anything written by Bendis, and as long as he stays the hell away from the main X-titles–*especially* away from "X-Factor"–I'll be happy.)While BlueWater may represent little more than being the pustule of the comic publishing world, the fact that they DO reach SOME people who might not have been reading any comics is still a point in their favor. The company is obviously filling a need or niche that's not been covered recently and that is a GOOD thing, regardless of whether the product itself has any relative merit. (If a product's merit had any relation to its being published, bookstores would be utterly empty.)
Most Bluewater titles that make it to my LCS make it in 2s or 3s, and they end up in the 25 cent bin very quickly. Someone who works there once told me, when I commented on one of their Female Force books that I couldn't imagine anyone who wasn't already a comic fan even knowing they existed, saying that they get about 1 person a week looking for them.
Well, Marc, I hope you had the same sense of righteous indignation regarding Revolutionary Comics when it was regaling us with the “biographies” of such great people as MC Hammer, Metallica, Queen, Madonna, the Beatles and the cast of (the original) 90210. That publisher was in business for about 5 years (or so) and gave us a dozen or so biographical comics series covering the stars of music, sports and TV (hell, the “Elvis Presley Experience” mini-series even told the story from the point of view of Elvis in Heaven).I also wonder how you feel about the bastardization of “great literature” through the “Classics Illustrated” series–whether the original line or the 1990s revival from First Comics. After all, could anyone REALLY adapt a book like Great Expectations or Moby Dick in a single issue and convey anything more than just the barest of bones? (And with the original line, how many of the artists, much less the writers, received credit for their work–at the time?)I honestly don’t bother with the Bluewater books (and I really would prefer they vanish, but that’s neither here nor there) but in the long run, your disdain is completely irrelevant to Bluewater. I would just as soon see certain “real” book publishers go out of business (especially those which pollute bookstores with the latest crapfests containing the “wisdom” of the likes of Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly and Palin) but it won’t happen until people wise up and quit buying the garbage. Eventually Bluewater will fold (with any luck, LONG before the rest of the comics industry is forced to quit printing monthly books).
Well, Marc, I hope you had the same sense of righteous indignation regarding Revolutionary Comics when it was regaling us with the “biographies” of such great people as MC Hammer, Metallica, Queen, Madonna, the Beatles and the cast of (the original) 90210. That publisher was in business for about 5 years (or so) and gave us a dozen or so biographical comics series covering the stars of music, sports and TV (hell, the “Elvis Presley Experience” mini-series even told the story from the point of view of Elvis in Heaven).
I also wonder how you feel about the bastardization of “great literature” through the “Classics Illustrated” series–whether the original line or the 1990s revival from First Comics. After all, could anyone REALLY adapt a book like Great Expectations or Moby Dick in a single issue and convey anything more than just the barest of bones? (And with the original line, how many of the artists, much less the writers, received credit for their work–at the time?)
I honestly don’t bother with the Bluewater books (and I really would prefer they vanish, but that’s neither here nor there) but in the long run, your disdain is completely irrelevant to Bluewater. I would just as soon see certain “real” book publishers go out of business (especially those which pollute bookstores with the latest crapfests containing the “wisdom” of the likes of Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly and Palin) but it won’t happen until people wise up and quit buying the garbage. Eventually Bluewater will fold (with any luck, LONG before the rest of the comics industry is forced to quit printing monthly books).
Well, Marc, I hope you had the same sense of righteous indignation regarding Revolutionary Comics when it was regaling us with the "biographies" of such great people as MC Hammer, Metallica, Queen, Madonna, the Beatles and the cast of (the original) 90210. That publisher was in business for about 5 years (or so) and gave us a dozen or so biographical comics series covering the stars of music, sports and TV (hell, the "Elvis Presley Experience" mini-series even told the story from the point of view of Elvis in Heaven).I also wonder how you feel about the bastardization of "great literature" through the "Classics Illustrated" series–whether the original line or the 1990s revival from First Comics. After all, could anyone REALLY adapt a book like Great Expectations or Moby Dick in a single issue and convey anything more than just the barest of bones? (And with the original line, how many of the artists, much less the writers, received credit for their work–at the time?)I honestly don't bother with the Bluewater books (and I really would prefer they vanish, but that's neither here nor there) but in the long run, your disdain is completely irrelevant to Bluewater. I would just as soon see certain "real" book publishers go out of business (especially those which pollute bookstores with the latest crapfests containing the "wisdom" of the likes of Limbaugh, Beck, O'Reilly and Palin) but it won't happen until people wise up and quit buying the garbage. Eventually Bluewater will fold (with any luck, LONG before the rest of the comics industry is forced to quit printing monthly books).
To my anonymous fans:
My articles are meant to be snarky, opinionated, and draw out people to debate and discuss the issues at hand.. and you’ve done a great job of that. Specifically to your questions: While you doubt Sandman fans picked up anything but Sandman… I know plenty of people out here in my neck of the woods that started in on Sandman, and ended up big Veritgo fans. I know a few choice people who were drawn into the comic shop the first time because of the Steven King books… and ended up buying 30 Days of Night, The Sandman, and a few others. Not “10 books a month” persay, but I think you get my point.
Concerning the “Classics Illustrated”… I actually don’t have any problem adapting a classic into a comic, versus a silly bio like MC Hammer or Bette White. An illustrated classic might be picked up by a kid who’d be less likely (and SADLY I might add) to pick up the actual literature first. But I’d be happy to see a kid at least be drawn into a classic because of a comic, then not read at all. But to be totally fair… what kid gives a crap about Femme Force: Hilary Clinton or Bette White.
The main point of this snark files was to show my disdain for BlueWater and their line of inane books, and I think that was pretty clear.
To my anonymous fans:My articles are meant to be snarky, opinionated, and draw out people to debate and discuss the issues at hand.. and you've done a great job of that. Specifically to your questions: While you doubt Sandman fans picked up anything but Sandman… I know plenty of people out here in my neck of the woods that started in on Sandman, and ended up big Veritgo fans. I know a few choice people who were drawn into the comic shop the first time because of the Steven King books… and ended up buying 30 Days of Night, The Sandman, and a few others. Not "10 books a month" persay, but I think you get my point.Concerning the "Classics Illustrated"… I actually don't have any problem adapting a classic into a comic, versus a silly bio like MC Hammer or Bette White. An illustrated classic might be picked up by a kid who'd be less likely (and SADLY I might add) to pick up the actual literature first. But I'd be happy to see a kid at least be drawn into a classic because of a comic, then not read at all. But to be totally fair… what kid gives a crap about Femme Force: Hilary Clinton or Bette White. The main point of this snark files was to show my disdain for BlueWater and their line of inane books, and I think that was pretty clear.