Ten New Laws On the Books in Arizona

So, it seems every day as we open our papers, turn on our TV’s, and fire up our computers… Arizona is adding law after law that makes our jaws drop. If Arizona were itself a TV show, it just jumped a shark, and added several new adorable “cousins” to liven up it’s image. From requiring President Barack Obama to present his birth certificate in order to run for re-election in the state, to it’s newest law allowing police the ability to pull over anyone they suspect of being an illegal immigrant… we’re not sure who’s writing the laws in the state. According to our sources though, it appears to be none other than state captive Norman Osborn. After his depantsing at the hands of the newly formed Avengers, our embedded agent at S.H.I.E.L.D. found documentation that as his back-up back-up plan to leading project H.A.M.M.E.R., Norman decided to get into villainous legislation writing. Who knew Arizona would be his biggest buyer! The following list was sent to us by our agent, laying out 10 new laws Normie has planned for the state to vote into law:

1.Police officials will be allowed to pull over anyone they suspect of owning Spider-Man merchandise. The detained will be searched, and if they have anything pertaining to the wall-crawler, they will be paddled in the bottom until they cry uncle.

2.Fast Food chains will have to present documentation with all nutritional information for their food on demand. Fast Food chains will also have to add at least 3 oz. of liquid ‘Globulin Green’ to all food products. For health reasons.

3.In addition to saying the pledge of allegiance every
morning, all public school children will also pledge allegiance to the
Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Demogoblin, and the Goblyn Queen.

4.The
state bird will be changed from the Cactus Wren to the African-American
Falcon. Because of this, the United States government employee Sam
Wilson will need to move to Phoenix, and live in a special cage where
he’ll be on display Monday through Friday 9AM to 5PM, excluding federal
holidays.

5.The official state gemstone will be changed from
Turquoise to the Power Gem.

6.The state minimum wage will be
reduced down to $5.15 an hour, but to compensate, all minimum wage
earners will be given 1 Iron Patriot action figure every week.

7.State
libraries will remove all copies of “Moby Dick” and will be replaced
with issue #121 of the Amazing Spider-Man.

8.It will be written
into state law that Willem Dafoe and Tommy Lee Jones are to be declared
official state heroes, with full diplomatic immunity. This is for no
other reason other than the obvious: They are both handsome men who
deserve national recognition.

9.All members of the Avengers, New
Avengers, Secret Avengers, Avengers Academy, and Pet Avengers, will be
subject to providing their birth certificates and or veterinary papers
in order to pursue villainy within state borders.

10.The legal
age for applying for a class C driver’s license will remain at 16.
However, the legal age for a class Z glider license will be lowered to
31.

So ComicMix’ers … got any other secret
intel we should know about? Tell us below!