Jonah Hex Trailer Debuts on the Web
Debuting on the interwebs just a few days ago (in case ya’ didn’t catch it, partner), the trailer for DC’s western wild-man, Jonah Hex, made it’s dusty digital debut. And dag-nabbit, if it ain’t a big ole pile of predictable horse puckey! After you give that link a lil’ ole’ click and watch the trailer for yourself, maybe you bounce right back here for our analysis of why it done got our britches in a bind!
First off, let’s just git this outta the way. Castin’ John Malkovich as yer’ villain these days is as inspired a choice as castin’ Matthew McConaughey in a romantic comedy. I mean, does Malkovich even get a script for pictures like this anymore, or does the director yell action, and just let him do that whole slow-quiet-evil-talking thing he does in every other movie he’s in?
Past that, how about we talk about Mr. Hex himself. Now I admit, I ain’t no historian of western tales from the funny pages, but a quick call to my friend (comic book historian) Alan Kistler proved my theory right. In his illustrious history as a comic book anti-hero, Mr. Hex ain’t never had no “bring-people-back-from-the-dead-for-a-short-period-of-time” power. And you think the folks on this movie could afford a little better makeup job for the ole’ scarface? I mean, the Dark Knight sure did a convincing job with Mr. Harvey Two-Face’s scars… and here? Jonah done look like they painted up a red vine flesh colored and glued it to Josh Brolin’s face… after letting him suffer from some major acne issues.
I seem to recall another movie that loved to play fast and loose with old west technology too. Anyone else recall that gem of a picture, Wild Wild West? Well it seems the fine folks behind Jonah Hex raided the prop closet from that nightmare, dusted it off, and are attempting to pass it off again. A dynamite launching crossbow pistol? Really? I might have been fine with the pair of gatling guns on Jonah’s horse. But where does he get all these wonderful toys? it seems Jonah’s befriended a well-to-do black man with a closet full of steam punk goodies! Perhaps Morgan Freeman wasn’t available?
Next up on the ole’ gripe list. Megan Fox. Now, I know, if a film has to suck (Transformers, I’m looking at you) the least the producers can do is toss in a little eye candy to ease the pain. And given Josh Brolin’s face in this picture, well, they coulda’ used some special effects to clone Megan a sister. But only if she was mute, cause dog-gonnit… everytime she opens her mouth to deliver a line, it saps the lightning outta my loins faster than a picture of Bea Arthur. I’m not saying Megan’s a bad actress… I’m saying she’s a terrible actress. And based solely on the trailer, I can tell she already talks to much. Where’s Megatron when you need him!?
And finally, let’s just touch quickly on the movie poster itself. Now, given my personal preference for movable type, I have to say, their choice for fonts are as ugly as my sorry ass after a night of drinking. If the bevel gets any bigger on the word HEX you might as well sell 3D glasses to the movie goers. And what in God’s good name is John Malovich holding in his hand? A dragonball? I’m all for purty special effects people, but seriously, why would Jonah be firing his pistol crossbow and hip mounted mini-gun? Malkovich is behind him! Seriously folks… this trailer has done got me in a tizzy, and I apologize for ranting and a’ railing all over this blog today. I think I’ma’ gonna’ take in the ole’ Iron Man 2 trailer now, just to settle my frazzled nerves.
Megan Fox sucks. She's a mediocre actress, at best and frankly, I'm sick of seeing her everywhere. I know everybody likes eye candy, but there are better actresses just as pretty who could play most of the parts she's cast in.I will see this movie, though. Not overly familiar with Jonah Hex, but the character seems interesting.
Man. This movie looks lame. They should have just animated it like that episode of Batman The Animated Series.
Megan Fox is from the school of "No method, no moment before." for acting. She seems to have very little understanding of her characters, and thus plays everything the exact same. In characters that she cannot research, she doesn't make an attempt to even create any type of history from the script, and your left with this awkward and horrible performance…which is a shame, because if she could act, she would be amazing. This movie reminded me of Constantine, which I actually enjoyed…but like Constantine, I will see this one on DVD.
Megan Fox seemed no better or worse than any of the other actors in this trailer. That's no great compliment to her acting, but her lack of acting chops is not a deal breaker for me. I do think "Jonah Hex" looks like it swirled down a steam-punk special effects toilet. The same toilet that sucked down so hard on Wild, Wild West and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.Anybody who has read good issues of Jonah Hex know that the character is more like the nameless man in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." He's more of a spaghetti western cowboy than this cross between the Ghost Whisperer and Mission Impossible meets the Super-Sci Fi Corral.I will probably wait for this to get to DVD before it becomes my "eh, maybe if there's nothing better" choice in the Red Box.
After Hollywood finally proved that sticking closer to the comic DOES give you an entertaining film that everyone will like (Batman Begins, Dark Knight, Iron Man), why why why have we gone back to the mindset that brought us Halle Berry's Catwoman? "Hey, let's give the character powers they never had, change the backstory, and then rely on special effects to make up for a lack of story." I'm not even entirely against Jonah Hex fighting supernatural menaces. In his time, Hex has fought the supernatural and menaces from the far future. But this movie looks like it has no stable theme or story. You've got WILD WILD WEST mixed with PUSHING DAISIES and set in the old West with lame jokes.Also, Thomas Jane should've been Hex. I always liked the visual of the older comics where you could see Hex would've been a very handsome, almost pretty man if not for the scars. Plus, Jane loved the characters so much he had a make-up job done on him that, frankly, looked better than this.This trailer and the interview Brolin did on SplashPage have both turned me off to this film. Lame.
in the DeZuniga days, i sometimes thought the unscarred half of Hex's face put me in mind of Robert Redford.
I might watch it on DVD or Blu-Ray, but I'll pass.
I must admit as a sometimes Jonah Hex fan (I read the first series and enjoyed the supernatural tinged mini-series) I had been looking forward to the film. I guess I expected a 'straight' western, possibly a bit dark. Unfortunately, the producers felt the need to 'camp' up the character, with weapons the Jonah we know would find laughable. When you look at the trailer, it appears that the director may have gone for a more classic western feel, but somebody decided to add some light touches. Jonah channeling James West perhaps.As for Megan Fox, I really could care less. I think she got the part because she does have her fans, but I think they could have had any attractive actress in the role with better results.