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ComicMix Six: Sucktastic Super Powers!

Luana Haygen

Luana Haygen

Luana is an animated movie and superhero enthusiast with an eye for detail. She has been drawing and creating fashions since she was a child. She has been routinely helping here at ComicMix since 2009.

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15 Responses

  1. Russ Rogers says:

    Does Skateman count? He didn't really have super powers. He just dressed up in a roller-derby outfit with a mask and kicked criminals in the head with his roller skates. So, no super powers, just lame superhero. Maybe that's a different list. http://www.toonopedia.com/skateman.htmNightman, created by Steve Englehart, was a great hero. He had his own TV series that even had a cross-over episode with "Manimal!" (44 episodes! Where can I get the DVDs? … Oh! You can! But sadly, they are a tad spendy. http://www.warlockvideos.com/Nightman.html) Heck, Witchblade only ran for 24 episodes!

    • Marc Alan Fishman says:

      I am a closet Malibu fan Russ. I own the entire Night Man series. Ugh. Still, his super powers were lame, and frankly as a jazz musician he wouldn't be my first choice for "crime fighter". What would you say makes him a "great hero" really?

      • Russ Rogers says:

        OK, Nightman's powers are a bit sucktastic. The thing that kept Nightman from seeming to be too much of a Batman copy was that Nightman was always getting the crap beat out of him. For some reason I've always liked it when the hero would suffer.I never watched the TV show much. The lead and the direction was wooden. But I liked the Prowler that Nightman drove around. I thought it was cooler than if Nightman drove a PT Cruiser.

  2. Brian Sokol says:

    I agree that every single one of these guys has stupid powers. It should be noted though that having stupid or seemingly useless powers, they do still have the potential to be good heros.I think the highest concentration of stupid powers are in the X-Men, probably just by the shear volume of characters. Longshot, Jubilee and Spike come to mind. I'm sure there are more.I think in grade school we made up a guy whose power was that he could remove the paint from parking lots.

    • Michael Ryan says:

      I think that the Legion of Super-Heroes gives the X-Men a run for its money. They have an entire team of Super-Heroes with stupid useless powers (Legion of Substitute Super-Heroes includes Color Kid) and there are some members of that team (Polar Boy & Night Girl) with better powers than heroes on the regular squad – Bouncing Boy, Matter-Eater Lad. The Legion also had an entire squad of heroes whose powers basically forced the writers to create a new genre to use them properly – Legion Espionage Squad (Shrinking Violet, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Chameleon Boy)Not to say that the Espionage Squad isn't awesome, but it does indicate that the writers decided that the best way to use the characters was in the spy genre rtaher than the action suer-hero genre.

  3. Matt Wright says:

    I think Nightman and color kid are the best ones. They could be saved, I'm surprised Geoff Johns hasn't snatched up the Color Kid with Blackest Night coming on.

  4. Patrick Hughes says:

    Well I must say you picked quite a few duds there, I will agree that some of them in the right hands could be cool but there is no saving Fat Momma. None. At. All.

  5. Marc Alan Fishman says:

    Night Man to me, isn't savable. He's a low rent Batman at best. Color Kid is useful like Jesus at a party. You get a nice trick or two, but he's largely a puss in a leotard. @ Brian… I was tempted to choose Jubiliee for this list, but figured fireworks were a better power than being Fat. Spike's power is gross, but making sharp things isn't so bad in the hero game. The X-men do have some duds amongst their rank. Dazzler comes to mind. In fact… how is Dazzler different than Jubilee… a yellow rain slicker? And Longshot having the power of luck is plain retarded.

    • Jonathan (the other says:

      Well, as I understand it, Dazz just lights stuff up (and absorbs sound, an odd quality for a musician), while Jubes can actually blow stuff up – when she's not being a total wuss about her powers. (Kind of like that one Power kid, with the poorly-aimed explosive ability.)

  6. Paul1963 says:

    I don't believe Fat Momma actually won Who Wants to Be A Superhero?. The two winners were Feedback (whose prize was a cameo in some terrible made-for-SciFi-Channel movie) and The Defuser.

    • Marc Alan Fishman says:

      You know Paul, you're right. Yet Fat Momma was able to reach my 'elite-what-the-fish?' radar. Not to say either Feedback OR The Defuser were any better. Their "powers" were more of the "generic-everyone-has-these-powers-meh" category. At the end of the day, Fat Momma is just a silly message wrapped in completely idiotic powers. "Hey fat kids… don't be down on yourself because you're fat… Just do like Fat Momma, and eat donuts, and make extreme belches!" … or you know… Exercise a little and eat a salad once in a while. FAIL.

      • Matt Wright says:

        Now I never watched the "who wants to be a superhero" show, but I've met the Defuser. He's a nice guy. Really cool, even bought a book that me and my co-partners made at Wizard World. In reading his "superhero origin", it's not that original. But he has no powers beyond performing at peak human levels. He's the Punisher, no wait, he's the Punisher Lite. No, no, wait, he doesn't kill them and only use's non lethal weapons. Ok, he's the non alcohalic lite version of the Punisher.

  7. Kyle Gnepper says:

    I gotta say, this is a pretty morty list. I got a good laugh about Fat Momma, I'd like to know Skinny Byotches back story.As for who has a group with lamer power set, I'd have to give it to the legion of supes. there is a guy in the subs who doesn't do anything but turn into an inanimate stone statue.

  8. mike weber says:

    Dazzler converts sound to light of various types – stun-grenade flashes, laserbeams, etc.

  9. Eric Garneau says:

    I think Jubilee might win the contest for "lamest powered character that was shoved in the face of a generation of children," at any rate. Mr. Brownstone's power kinda sucks, yeah, but it definitely wasn't the worst part of Kevin Smith's Spider-Man/Black Cat! Unless he also had a power about repressed sexual abuse (I never knew that "Mr. Brownstone" was heroin though! I always thought Guns N Roses was singing about some kind of booze in that song. Hooray for learning).Finally, re: Flex Mentallo – A) that power is awesome. Flexing your muscles to affect reality? That is just sweet. And B) he was created as a parody of (actually, he was pretty much just lifted from) those Charles Atlas ads that promised to turn you into a hunk so you could get chicks on the beach. He's a joke through-and-through, unlike say Fat Momma, who is a joke to only MOST of us.