Friday Night Fights: Man Vs. Machine!
It’s gonna be another knock-down drag out fight! Tonight, on Friday Night Fights, we have a full card for your blood lust… er… pleasure! Tonight it’s the long debated nerd battle to end all battles. Tonight we open the arena to answer the age old question… with no holds barred, and the time stream wide open, we bring you the fracas between Man and Machine! Will the Artificial Intelligence beat Homo-Sapiens back to the stone age? Will the human rebellion crush the bots under there beer fueled boots of glory? Will you consider buying a tee shirt at the concession stand so we can pay for the mess you all made at last weeks battle?!
Round One: The Manly Battle for All Time!
In our first bout, we pit two time traveling tusslers against one another. If you’ll move your attention to the entrance ramp, our first combatant is riding to the ring! Weighing in a solid 185 pounds… standing at 6 ft and ½ inches tall (in current time, of course)… wearing the gloomy military fatigues, carrying an M-4 Carbine with a look of determination on his grizzled face… He sent his own father back in time to conceive himself (The Novikov self-consistency principle, duh)… He’s known as the Rebellion Rabble-Rouser! The Clobberin’ Commando! The Terminator Trasher himself… John Connor!
And his opponent, making his way to the ring in the glowing time sphere… Wearing the snazzy red and green Time Suit, and sporting a mighty thick time-beard… He’s gone back in time to save his own father from the future, and in turn saved 52 parallel universes (ok, not 52 exactly, but who’s counting?)! He’s known throughout the land as the Linear Linebaker… the Fightin’ Forgotten Hero… the Zero-Hour-Man-of-Power… Introducing the Time Master himself… Rip Hunter!
This battle will be a clean fight, with free reign to use any time altering technology available to each combatant. Come out, shake hands, and let the battle begin! Oh… it seems they both went back in time before I started this introduction… Well, I’ll shut up now and let them continue pummeling each other.
Round Two… our main event: The Megabyte Dog-Fight!
Lowering from the sky comes our first combatant. Being represented by it’s army of Gubernatorial T-800’s, Liquidous T-1000’s, and Needlessly Sexxy T-X’s…It’s known the world round as the Self-Aware Super Computer bent on the destruction of you, our viewing audience! Please put your hands together, and quickly line up for obliteration for Skynet!
Coming in from the other corner of the sky comes Skynet’s opponent. Created by a wealthy orphan, fueled with hate by a low-level psychic, and represented by an army of it’s own viral-laden nanotech super soldiers. With the big-red-eye of doom, and a plethora of mohawks, please get out of the killing lines of Skynet, and in an orderly fashion get into it’s line for re-vaccination for Brother Eye!
If any of you survive this massive battle of awesome alloys, we’d sincerely appreciate if you leap off a cliff vote below for the winners of each bout. Bonus points for those who avoid capture.
Beard for the win all the way. And when he’s done with JC, I see some time twisting mechanized mascre mahem being dealt too
I'm going comics all the way, both fights. Rip Hunter has seen past/future tactics as well as having access to greater weapons. Plus, he has a beard. OMAC has way more weapons than terminator on one self. Now, if it was the classic kirby guy with mohawk OMAC, then they all die.
Seconded
here is how I see the first fight going:
John Conner: Am I going to walk around and rip your freaking time sphere down, in the middle of a fight? Then why the fart are you walking right through? Ah-da-da-dah, like this in the background. What the heck is it with you? What don’t you fluffing understand? You got any stinking idea about, hey, it’s smurfing distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the freakout fight? Give me a freaking answer! What don’t you get about it?
Rip Hunter: I was saving all of the time stream.
Connor: Ohhhhh, goooood for you. And how was it? I hope it was really good, because it’s useless now, isn’t it?
Hunter: The Time stream?
Connor: Crap sake man, you’re amateur. Marc, you got something to say to this prick?
Marc Fishman: I didn’t see it happen you guys were time jumping.
Conner: Well, somebody should be flipping watching and keeping an eye on him.
Fishman: Fair enough.
Conner: It’s the second time that he doesn’t give a crud about what is going on in front of the camera, all right? I’m trying to smurfing do a Fight here, and I am going “Why the smurf is Rip walking in there? What is he doing there?” Do you understand my mind is not in the fight if you’re doing that?
Hunter: I absolutely apologise. I’m sorry, I did not mean anything by it.
Conner: Stay out of the flubbing fight man. For fart sake. Alright, let’s go again.
Marc: Let’s just take a minute before the fight starts again.
Conner: Let’s not take a freaking minute, let’s go again.
Conner: I’m going to fracking kick your flipping ass if you don’t shut up for a second! All right?
T-800: John, John. It’s cool.
Conner: I’m going to go… Do you want me to smurfing go trash your lights?
Do you want me to smurfing trash ’em? Then why are you trashing my fight?
Hunter: I’m not trying to trash the fight I was trying to fight you dummy.
Conner: You are trashing my fight!
Hunter: John, I was only…
Conner: You do it one more blanking time and I ain’t walking out of this if you’re still standing. I’m flipping serious. You’re a nice guy. You’re a nice guy, but that don’t freaking cut it when you’re smurfing around like this on set.
Marc: And Rip just left… crying a little. So I guess John wins? But only because Rip had better things to do.
Pat you win. That was easily the funniest comment I've read on comicmix in a long long while.
For Round one I'm going to call it for Rip Hunter. John Conner never did any of the time traveling himself. So since Rip can travel forward and backward he can have the tools necessary that his future self will send back for him, just like Bill and Ted's excellent adventure.Round two I'm giving to omacs. The can fly, the can shift their arms into weapons without looking strange and you turned into one for getting a flu shot.