Lipstick Jungle Fever, by Michael Davis
Next week I have to be in Japan and I will most likely hate it there also. Why do I hate it here in Mexico? Well, beside the fact that my ability to get on the Internet is hit or miss and I may have to send this column in is by re-writing it from on one of those “Internet café” computers – better known as “suck the money from the American assholes” – there is the massive attack on my very being to buy a damn timeshare.
From the moment I stepped off the plane I was harassed like a freshman pledge during Hell Week. I was offered everything from free meals to cold hard cash just to “come to a short presentation.” Telling these people I was here on business did nothing to stop their assault. I could have been shot in the head and they would have asked me if I wanted to stop to take a look at some timeshare property on the way to the hospital.
Why will I hate it in Japan next week? Because I hate to travel and I hate being in any country where I know they hide some resentment to America. I know that some people in Mexico and Japan have issues with us. From what I see when I look around Mexico the people are friendly and helpful…but every so often I see daggers in their eyes. I was told the average wage here was six dollars a day.
We spend that much on a cup of coffee from Starbucks.
I don’t think that’s why some people here hate us. I think they hate us because of malls.
Yeah, I said malls. I needed to buy some stuff so I went to a mall. I’m thinking that at six bucks a day as a living wage there should be some great bargains at the mall. The mall I went to was no bargain, in fact it was crazy expensive.
Then I realized something. Those malls in Mexico are not for the Mexicans.
So here I sit in a country where most people make six dollars a day and I’m sure they hate me. I’m even surer that they think that Americans are idiots. We live in the richest country in the world and the two candidates are not talking about terrorism, or nuclear weapons or oil prices. No, they are talking about lipstick.
I overheard a rumor from three people from the States that Barack Obama was not an American citizen. I heard that and I began to laugh. I thought that was really funny. Who would not think that was funny? It is so damn ridiculous that it had to be a joke.
Then I realized the people who told me were NOT laughing. They thought, no, THINK, that it may be true. I’m amazed that there are people this freakin’ stupid in the world. I called Denys Cowan to check on the progress of a deal that we are working on and he told me about the “lipstick” comment, which blissfully I had no idea about. After talking to Denys I searched out a CNN network that was in English.
What the Chuck is wrong with the world? How is it possible that an off the cuff comment (the same comment that John McCain used weeks ago) about putting lipstick on a pig is worth any airtime?
I have come to the conclusion that we are not “The Ugly Americans,” the term used to describe our arrogance by the rest of the world. No, we are the STUPID Americans. This type of stupidity simply boggles my mind. There is no way that Obama called Sarah Palin a pig. He made a quip about McCain’s policies being the same as Bush’s. Only a complete idiot could have interpreted that quip as calling Palin a pig. Well, idiots or Republicans.
Wait a sec. Did Sarah Palin not call herself a dog? Did she not say “The ONLY difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom is lipstick?” So if Obama would have compared her to a dog, would this have been a problem? This is the stupidest thing to grace a presidential campaign in the history of presidential campaigns. Well, the Republicans want to make this a big deal and I cannot believe that there are some people who want Obama to apologize.
I don’t blame the Republicans, I really don’t. They are in an election and they have shown they will do ANYTHING to win. I know that. I know that the Obama “swift boat” attack is coming. I know what they are capable of and because I know this I can’t get mad. How can I get mad when I KNOW what to expect?
What gets me mad is how much like sheep some people are in this country. WHY is this important? WHY, WHY? WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS??
Let’s see since Sarah Palin called herself a dog and she’s a girl then can I call her bitch without getting in trouble?
I will get into a bunch of trouble because of the Republicans playbook. There was a GIANT leap on behalf of the Republican spin-doctors to say that Obama called Palin a pig. So it stands to reason that me calling Palin a bitch would just not go over well. However, she called herself a dog when she said (and proudly I must add) that hockey moms and pit bulls were only separated by lipstick.
Well here goes. I think that because Sarah Palin compared herself to a dog and a female dog is called a bitch so then Sarah Palin is a bitch.
There, I said it! Come after me right wing radicals! Come get me, Rush! Drag me through the mud, McCain! Come destroy my character, George Bush. Do a commercial about me and my tactics, Karl Rove!
What’s the matter? Did you not hear me? In my opinion because she compared herself to a dog I’m calling Palin a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!
Is it because this is such a stupid thing to even think about? Yeah. I agree. Making this an issue is simply stupid and even stupider because it’s taking place on the world stage.
This is as stupid as kids fighting over sneakers or a fight over a parking space that ends with someone shot. We all sit at home and marvel about how idiotic those people who get into these kinds of stupid squabbles are.
What really makes this stupid is the amount of people who pay attention to this crap. Time Magazine says that 80% of America thinks that the country is going in the wrong direction. We are a nation that spends six dollars on a cup of coffee and the main focus of the election this week is goddamn lipstick and whether or not Obama called Palin a pig.
What will the world think if 80% of the USA thinks the country is going in the wrong direction and we elect the very people who put us on that track in the first place.
What will they say about us in the rest of the world then? Will they say that we are a nation misunderstood? Or will they say “If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, the GOP thinks it’s a smear?”
ComicMix columnist and media mogul Michael Davis loves bacon. And, evidently, raw meat.
Heaven forbid an election is ever about the issues…The only positive thing about our recently-called election is the possibility that my lame-duck MP might actually show up on my doorstep. I've been complaining about him for two years, let's see if I have the balls to say it to his face.(translation for the Canadian-impaired: "our" = "Canada's", "MP" = "Member of Parliament")
I've said it over and over (and eventually it will get a laugh), if they cold invent an engine that ran on offense, we could tell the entire middle east to go screw.It's a standard tactic nowadays – hope and pray that your opponent says something offensive (or at least something you can twist into being offensive) so you can get people to obsess on that instead of the original discussion. The part that's so amazing is not that the Republicans did it, but that the media is acting so surprised. Obama and Clinton had been doing it to each other for almost a year. Every comment was reacted to with some iteration of "what do you mean by THAT?" and the comment would be quickly recanted. It's a classic feint, and it saddens (I was gonna say "surprises" but I realized that was just silly) me that there's still so many people still falling for it. Maybe next, one of them will throw salt in Brian Williams' eyes at the debate and take out a steel chair and waffle the opponent while Williams is out for three minutes.So why was it okay to lambaste Clinton and not Palin? Simple – people LIKE Palin. The gut-reaction first impression is "She seems nice". Whether she's got the experience to be the number two person in the country (second only to Brtiney Spe… I mean the President) is open to debate. But people seem to like her, and it's easier to come to the defense of someone you like. Any time you saw Hillary try and pull that "I'm only a woman" gag, it was usually met with laughing and pointing.The Republicans stand a 50-50 shot of beating the Democrats to the punch of putting a woman in the White House. And it's driving them CRAZY.
Have a good business trip Mr. Davis, well… as good as it can be. Couldn't agree more about the BS trough from which our politicians stuff their faces from. Simply put, we're a nation divided by sound bytes and marketing blurbs. We're a country that's only been united in the last half a century through fear. Our national minimum wage is such that those living off of it, aren't living. Our economy has been on the decline for years now, and on top of it all, we spend BILLIONS of dollars we don't have to fuel a war with a country that never attacked us. In a nation founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and should be able to live in peace and harmony… and worship how ever it serves him best. Instead, we're a nation that lives on greed, and the principle that only white christian men may prosper, and only they should live to be prosperous. It's enough to make me want to move. But 'chuck' that. This is my country as much as it's any body elses. There's no need to wonder why we look to foolish to the rest of the world. All I've ever said to those who listen to me, when it comes to politics… I just wish we could have 1 president and congress that cared more about the state of our country then themselves, or how we look to the rest of the world. We have the means to live entirely on clean energy NOW. We have the means to raise minimum wage, and redistribute taxes as such to help those who make the least STILL be able to afford to live. But instead, we'll fight about who said what when and how was it said. What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? The put bull is lucky it can sniff it's own @ss when it stinks.
"Instead, we're a nation that lives on greed, and the principle that only white christian men may prosper, and only they should live to be prosperous."PLEASE tell me you were only speaking in hyperbole to make a point. Please tell me you don't see the irony in that statement while commenting to a column by a successful and prosperous black man who is writing about a black man who might become President of the United States. Lie, if necessary.Say there's lots needing to be done, but don't fall back on that "until it's ALL fixed, nothing's fixed" mindset that drives me mad every time I hear it.
Yes Vinnie. Hyperbole to make a point. I know Mr. Davis and MANY other non-white, non-christian people to be very very successful. I figured if the right wingers get to fly off the handle and use hyperbole, by not us pinko-commie-lefties. :)
The arguing over asinine remarks rather than debating the issues just further cements the "style over substance" culture we have today. We're supposed to elect people to best represent us and it looks like we're doing a really good job at that.Come election day, I'll do a write-in vote for the M.O.T.U.
I just wish we could have 1 president and congress that cared more about the state of our country then themselvesHad one of those.His name was James Earl Carter.
Minor point – the "ugly American" is the Good Guy in that book.It's the handsome, plausible guy from the State Department who's the Bad Guy.
Very true — and something I was thinking about before I posted Michael's column. But the fact is, the phrase "The Ugly America" has come to take on its own meaning.Don't get me started on "The Thin Man."
Sarah Palin is a briliant distraction. Every news cycle spent on her is one not spent on McCain. And criticizing Palin is like punching the tar baby.
"punching the tar baby"Have we learned NOTHING from this column???
"Tar baby" references are almost but not quite as racist as "lipstick on a pig" references are sexist. That is to say, not at all. From the wikipedia:Tar-Baby was a doll made of tar and turpentine, used to entrap Br'er Rabbit in the second of the Uncle Remus stories. The more that Br'er Rabbit fought the Tar-Baby, the more entangled he became. In contemporary usage, "tar baby" refers to any "sticky situation" that is only aggravated by additional contact.
As literate as the reference is (I'm well aware of where it came from – My Japanese Laserdisc copy of Song of the South is still in heavy rotation at my house), it's just another one of those terms that you can't possibly expect to get away with using in today's looking-forward to-be-offended society, no matter how clearly you make the point that you don't mean "that".I recall a senator being chastised for using the word "niggardly" to describe behavior he didn't care for. And there was a councilman who referred to his local DMV (which tended to absorb paperwork and resources, never to be seen again) as a "black hole". I believe he's in the food service industry now.As wrong and stupid (and calculated) as such reactions are, they will undoubtedly happen. And for the time it takes to come up with a less "colorful" metaphor, it's not worth using the risky one. Yes, it's a restriction of speech, and limits one's ability to discuss a topic (to a small degree) but sometimes it's easier to walk around the land mine than to pull out the body armor and walk over it.I remember when politicians actually cracked jokes. Nowadays everything they say has to be so carefully vetted and foucs-grouped there's no opportunity for spontaneity. And in the few times such a chance appears, we get boners like this. Sad.
Tee hee! He said, "boner."
As for "boner" — check out "The Joker's Comedy of Errors," Batman #66, August-September 1951. If somebody could explain to me how this story ever got published… and to think of all the fuss about the All-Star Batman nonsense.
Different time, different meaning to the slang.
I don't think so. I think the word "boner" maintained both popular meanings in 1951. Check out the so-called party records of folks like Redd Foxx and Belle Barth from just a few years later.
Yep. That attack on the word "niggardly" was wrong. Completely. Same thing with "tar baby." Oh, and some people should check out the history of Nicolas Chauvin before they take a propriatorey interest in the term "Chauvinism."
Like I said, criticizing Sarah Palin is like punching the tar baby — and even when Obama is NOT referring to Palin, the Republican spin machine turns it around to make it sound like he is. Countdown (MSNBC) had a great segment the other night in which they played at least five clips of John McCain using the exact same pig/lipstick line, twice in reference to Hillary Clinton's proposed policies. No one on the Democratic side every accused the noble war hero of being sexist. While I agree that Obama has to be careful in what he says, I disagree that he made a boner (run the South Park laugh track). If he's too careful, he'll end up saying nothing at all.
"If he's too careful, he'll end up saying nothing at all."And at last the sublime perfection of the Republican master plan is drawn screaming into the light…
And there was a councilman who referred to his local DMV (which tended to absorb paperwork and resources, never to be seen again) as a "black hole". You know, the Russian term for a black hole is "dark hole", because, in Russian, "black hole" has a colloquial anatomical meaning…
The person who is getting ignored by the media is Joe Biden. Joe Biden takes the morning train. He works from nine to five and then, he takes another home again to find me voting for him.
Well, then, say hi to him for me.You can't shut Joe Biden up. There's a difference between getting entrenched and getting exposed.