Sex In The City, by Michael Davis
No less than eight women and two gay men, all friends of mine, have asked me whether or not I was going to see the Sex And The City movie. I’m lucky (or unlucky depending on your point of view) to be able to see Hollywood films before their release. I have seen Sex And The City. Before you go on, I must tell you that I am going to reveal important plot elements as well as the surprise ending.
The plot of the films is this: four friends, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, are now all over forty and dealing with life at middle age. Carrie and Mr. Big are planning their wedding. Mr. Big finally tells Carrie what he does for a living and how he got his nickname.
The scene played out like this:
Carrie: Now that we are going to be married, don’t you think I should know your real name and what you do for a living?
Mr. Big: Yes, Carrie, but you better sit down.
Carrie sits down. She has a look of fear and anticipation on her face.
Mr.Big: I love you, Carrie. No matter what happens between us please know I love you.
A tear starts to roll down Carrie’s cheek.
Carrie: You… you’re scaring me Big.
Mr.Big: I’m sorry baby. Look, there is no other way to say this so I’m just going to say it.
Carrie is now shaking and the tears are flowing freely. She begins to sob.
Mr. Big: Carrie, sweetheart, love of my life, apple of my eye… I do hard-core porn.
Carrie’s mouth drops open and she starts to say something but Mr. Big silences her.
Mr. Big: Hard core gay porn, Carrie. Hard core gay porn.
Carrie is shocked, but she is determined to find out everything.
Carrie: Your name, what’s your real name?
Mr. Big: “Big” is my real first name it’s Black Irish. My last name is Richard. I use my nickname for my stage name.
Carrie: Which is?
Mr. Big: Dick.
Carrie: So I’m engaged to a…
Mr.Big: Big Dick.
Carrie wipes the tears from her face as she tries to remain calm.
Carrie: Black Irish eh? Wow, I never knew that. Do you have a middle name?
Mr.Big: Yes, I was named by my grandfather who was a fiercely proud Black Irish man he wanted to make sure I never forgot my Black Irish heritage.
Carrie: That’s sweet. What is your middle name?
Mr. Big: Black.
The ending of the film threw me for a loop. Samantha has developed a new type of sexually transmitted disease. So potent is the disease that you can catch it simply by answering your phone if she calls you. The government has identified her as Patient Zero and has issued a federal arrest warrant for her. Sam decides she would prefer to run away than be put away. Her friends, Charlotte and Miranda join her on the lam. Carrie does not join them she has decided to marry Mr. Big despite his profession. She came to this decision after taking a look at her biological clock and noting that the expiration date stamped on her little ass was about to expire.
The police have her three friends cornered in a shoe store. They would have gotten away but they saw a sale sign and they just had to stop to buy some “On the run wear.” Carrie and Mr. Big watch on television as the three fugitives shoot it out with the law. The store catches fire and the three friends decide not to come out but to die together.
They just can’t leave all those shoes.
Miranda reportedly screamed the last words heard from inside the store; “Samantha, I don’t care if we are about to die, I’m not licking anything!”
Watching the events unfold on TV, Carrie hugs Mr. Big tightly. She comes to the stark realization that her best friends are gone forever. Her pain is tangible, so much so it seems to rest like a giant cinder block on her head. As Mr. Big holds his soon to be wife, slowly touching and smoothing her hair, he says to her, “Think about the future Carrie, our future.”
Carrie realizes he is right. She decides she will honor her friends by living the best life she can. She will embrace the future. Slowly the scene and the movie fades to black as Carrie lifts her head to the sky and begins to whisper to her absent friends, “Goodbye girls. I will go on for you. I love Big Dick, but I will never forget you.”
Yeah, the above was a pretty juvenile ending to a long awaited film. I almost wonder how the movie really ended.
OH HELL NO, I have not seen or intend to see Sex And The City. It’s my own damn fault those ten people asked me if I would. Last week in my stupidity I told the world my favorite movie was My Best Friend’s Wedding. Yeah, I love that film, I love a lot of different kinds of films but liking My Best Friend’s Wedding does not enter me into the chick flick of the month club.
Now, if they include my above scenario or something as cool as that in the Sex And The City film then I would stand on line like gas was fifty cents a gallon to see that movie. Women will flock to Sex in the Citythen they will all go into trendy coffee bars and gush about what they saw. Some women will insist that their men go with them to see the movie. I am so tempted to stand outside the theater showing the movie and mouth the word ‘Pussy’ to each and every man who accompanies his lady.
OK, I know I’m being silly and I am a firm believer in to each his own but over the last week the hype surrounding this film from women has just made my head spin. This is the must see chick flick event of the year.
All this hype got me thinking. A film like this really deals with relationships, which women seem to really care about. Film and TV do a real great job-reaching women. Sadly, comics do not.
Sure there are some great independent comics that deal with relationships very well but the big boys Marvel and DC really don’t reach women. Look, do not throw Sandman or any other such abnormally in my face. I’m taking about comic’s bread and butter, superheroes.
We have all seen how superhero women are portrayed, tight spandex and huge… personalities.
So with all this in mind I’m here to help. I’m here to help Hollywood bring in more men to chick flicks and I’m here to help comics bring in more women.
For Hollywood, it’s simple. Like my Sex And The City plot twist, give men something to talk about when they leave the theater. No, not something like women talk about: “I really felt Carrie’s love when she looked into Mr. Big’s eyes.” With my plot twist men can come out and have something to talk about. They could say, “Wow Mr. Big did gay porn. Ugh.” Or, “Wow, Samantha was a Ho, but boy could see handle a Uzi.”
For comics it’s just as simple to bring women into our industry. Let’s say that Clark Kent and Lois Lane are talking about something, let that something be (wait for it) his feelings!
Chicks LOVE to talk about their feeling. Men? We like breasts.
Now don’t forget about the men out there. How about a story line where Wonder Woman has to go under cover or simply has to make a little extra money? To keep the men readers she can take a job as a striper. Man, I know I would lose some dollar bills watching Diana Prince on the pole! Now this storyline may be a problem with the new girl readers but I have a solution to that also, while she’s stripping she could be thinking about (wait for it) her feelings.
Look, I’m glad that women have something this summer that they can be excited about and to all you guys who go with their girls I respect that. Hey, don’t think I was serious about calling you names. I support your decision to see the film. Remember to talk about your feelings after the movie. You may want to say “I feel like I have wasted two hours of my life and I really feel you better put out.”
Speaking of “feelings.” I want to take a sec and thank all those people who looked out for me last week. I seem to be doing better. Truth be told I was doing great. Then I saw the new Indiana Jones movie. Don’t get me started…
Michael Davis works in Hollywood loves the movies. And that, friends, is Sex IN the City.
What? No comments? Vinnie did you go to that movie?? Alan, dude don't tell me you did to?? Russ, I thought we were boys now.Guys, Don't give in to the Dark Side!!!!
Um, I want to see the movie, in fact I may go tonight. But then again I'm a girl.Michael- will you be in Chicago for Wizard World? I would have emailed you privately but I've managed to lose you email address (again)xoxA
Not sure about Wizard World I would love to be there but it al depends. Get my email from Mike dear.
I have to admit I will be watching the movie tonight too!
Tatiana,That's cool. But N E V E R talk to me about it, unless there's a asian chick and/or gun battle scene then feel free. But other than that…zip.
Charlotte's daughter is Asian.
She's Asian?? Oh wait-she's also 2. That's a wee bit o the young side. Nice try.
Yeah, that's even too young for Woody Allen
Michael,I just moments ago read this. I'm thinking this is a good week to NOT be Michael Davis.And I won't be going to the theater to see this movie. I seldom see movies in the theater. I am lucky enough that the matinee price here in Smalltown, Michigan, is $5.75, but that still doesn't tempt me into the theater very often. Why should it? I can rent most movies for under $3 when they come out, and for $1 a year later.And I probably won't bother to see this movie at all. Doesn't interest me. I have no problem watching movies aimed at the other sex, though. I like good stories.
Alan,Truth be told when Sex And The City comes to cable I may have a drink (or 70) and watch it. That's how I saw Brokeback Mountain. I just happened to be channel surfing and came upon it. That was a very well done movie but not one that would have been on my list. That said I have made some major mistakes when it comes to the films I see in the theaters. I had no desire to see Galaxy Quest but when I saw it on video I watched it back to back 2 times. That is the only movie I have EVER done that with. The same happened with Iron Giant- the ads for that film just did nothing for me but when I saw it on Video…WOW!Who knows maybe there is something in the 'Sex' movie that will draw men in and I just don't know it yet. But the producers are not even trying to go after the men folk. I respect that-they know their core audience and that's good. BUT-man those trailers make me want to watch Rambo while drinking beer (which I hate) from a dirty glass.
Agree with you on both Iron Giant and Galxy Quest. Great films!
I doubt that I will see "Sex in the City." I've never seen an entire episode of the TV Show. I always assumed the name, "Mr. Big," was a reference to his endowment. I didn't realize that he didn't have any other name on the show. By that token, you can call me, "Mr. Average with a Slight Bend to the Left."I'm more interested in seeing Iron Man and Indiana Jones. But the movie I saw most recently was "Nim's Island." I highly recommend it, especially if you have daughters. Alan, you can wait for the DVD, it should be out very soon.Tomorrow I have plans to see "Ice Age 2." My bank is doing a free screening of the movie (with free popcorn and pop) to promote their Kids Savers Club. They show a movie like this on the last Saturday of every month. Cool beans!And I'm very glad that you are feeling better.
Thanks Russ,…with a slight bend to the side? TMI! But funny.
Iron Giant and Galaxy Quest are both fantastic, and the credits should have tipped you that they would at least be interesting. Same with Brokeback Mountain (also, it had sheep, making it extra interesting to the knitters in the audience). I won't see SATC this weekend because most of the shows are sold out. Maybe Tuesday afternoon. I liked the TV show okay, even though it was never my New York. Mr. Big's character was supposed to be based on Ron Galotti, and referred to his job as a big ad salesmen/publisher type at Conde Nast.
Some years back I was at my lawyer's house for a dinner party. She had SATC on and all the women at the party were glued in front of the TV. All the single guys were there also doing their level best to pretend they gave a hoot. I sat by myself in another part of the room when a real pretty lady sat by me. She asked why I did not join the party at the TV? I said because I was there for dinner not to watch a a group of women lose their minds over a TV show and a group of men trying to use that to their advantage to get some action. She asked me what I would like a to watch instead I said the Playboy channel. She then tried her best to tell me all about the characters and what the show means. This went on for 20 mins or so, then she asked if I would give the show a try, so I can get in touch with my female side. I said I do that by touching a female. She called me a sexist pig and walked away. This is a very long winded way for me to say I don't care what Big did for a living. I don't care what anybody on that show does. That show does a VERY GOOD job of reaching their core audience. I'm nowhere near who they want looking at that show and I respect that. My issue is why (not you) do some women want men to share stuff like this with them. I would never say to a lady " Hey-Come on over and let's watch some porn. No, really it will help you get in touch with your man side." Or how about this, " Hey play GTA 4 with me. IT will help you get in touch with your other men side." Men don't care if you ever pick up a controller. So why do some women try their damnest to get us to share in something we don't want to?Your NYC point is a good one. From the bits and pieces that I have seen of the show and how they depict NYC I can say it looks like a uppity little club that would never have me for a member. Those trendy little bars and 'hip' places make me want to pimp slap Carrie with a pair of Jimmy chew's or whatever the name of that shoe is.
Did you know Julie Rottenburg at DC? She was a writer on the show, and before she did that, she worked for Karen Berger. So imagine if Wonder Woman was written like SATC.My biggest problem with the show was the emphasis on the money and the stuff. The only guys they could consider to be hot had to have money, which is not my experience. And the clothes were stupid. Entertaining, but stupid.
You hit the nail RIGHT on the head with 'the money and stuff' comment. What I will say I liked about the show is the girls did not look like Super Models. Good casting, I'll give it that.
Julie wrote some really great episodes of the show. Some of the most thought-provoking stuff in a series that was essentially based on fluff.
My ex wanted me to watch X-Files with her. I didn't care for the show, even after watching several episodes. I've been reading comics and horror magazines, and watching horror films all my life. I found X-Files boring. And Gillian Anderson does nothing for me. I like brunette's, about 5'6" or taller, with a little meat on their bones. Fragile women are not for me.
I thought Mr. Big was a tribute to Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Well, it sounds like you didn't like the new Indiana Jones movie, that is something I would like to hear your take on. So, in order to improve that film and encompass the movie you spoke about earlier, I would like to present to you…Coming Soon…In May 2010…Harrison Ford…Sara Jessica Parker…in…Indiana Jones and Sex in the Temple of the City!Imagine Indy, while researching the correlation and origins of the Torah, Talmud, and Kabbalah, discovers that there is a "Top Secret" artifact that was hidden many centuries ago, that will provide the answer. This journey takes him around the world, during which he has many adventures, that include narrowly escaping from Nazis, and Jihadists. During all this, he meets a writer named Carrie, who has heard all about "The Box" and thinks she knows how to manipulate it open. So, she helps guide him along the way missing nary an opportunity to shop for foreign clothes, designer jewelry, and chronicling their journey and travails.He doesn't know why he is strangely attracted to her, all he knows is that he is. So, naturally he begins to fall in love with her, and she with him. Only to discover that the artifact they were searching for is kept under lock and key in a small unmarked Synagogue in the heart of New York. While on the airplane back to the states, Indy decides to "pop the question" to Carrie. Instead of being overjoyed, and happy Carrie begins sobbing uncontrollably. When asked what's wrong she tells him, that she can't marry him because he isn't Jewish. Which leads to them talking deeply about their feelings and agreeing that they cannot be together, even though they want to.Back in the states, Indy and Carrie make their way to the unmarked Synagogue in a taxi (we see their trip all across New York via city map with red lines covering their trek until it stops and a red dot segues into them exiting the cab). They enter the temple through a secret passage that takes them through the sewers and back alleys, avoiding death traps, and hobos asking for change. Ultimately, they reach the inner workings of the temple and find "The Box" that will unlock the secrets they seek. Before they get a chance to grab it…Flood Lights come on and they are briefly blinded and hear the cocking of guns all around them. Entering their vision now stands Baroness Paula von Gunther who gives the traditional villain speech as to why they aren't worthy of entering the sanctum of "The Box" as she introduces her cohorts Dr. Psycho, and Villainy Incorporated. Things look grim for Indy and Carrie, until…Crashing in from the glass ceiling is Wonder Woman, and over her shoulder is Dr. Henry Jones Sr. (Indy's father, and Sean Connery's return to the silver screen). Wonder Woman, the Jones boys, and Carrie dispatch the villains in a timely fashion. Introductions are made, and afterward…While receiving verbal barbs from his father about his patience, and lack of faith in him and "his friend" Wonder Woman, and how he saved his bacon yet again. He tells his father to shut up , and he asks Carrie to join him as he goes to the box, so they can inspect it together, since Carrie obviously knows how it to open it and knows how it works best. Before she opens "The Box", they look at each other, and say (at the same time) "I love you". They laugh and kiss…Then once Carrie opens it, Indy drops to his knee and again asks her to marry him. She begins to cry again and repeat that they can't get married, because he isn't Jewish, and it would go against her parents wishes. Suddenly, Dr. Jones Sr. bellows with laughter, loud, hearty, Sean Connery laughter. Indy and Carrie (who are in tears) are both pissed thinking he is laughing at them. As Indy is about ready to punch his father in the nose, he says…"First you name yourself after the dog…Then you stubbornly forged your own path disowning your old man in the process…Now, you're about to blow the biggest deal of your life…(he turns to Carrie)…Carrie, I know that you and I just met, but, I can see the love between you two. It reminds me of the love I had with my wife before she passed…(turning back to Indy)…You dummy…You are an archeologist, professor, scholar, and pretty much anything you have ever wanted to be. You'd think that you would have researched your own family first, before anything else…" Confused, Indy asks "What are you talking about you senile old man?". His father laughs again, and says to both of them…"You ARE Jewish, you dolt!!! We just never practiced religion in the house." At that moment Indy and Carrie run to each other and kiss passionately as she accepts his proposal. Dr. Jones Sr. smiles and winks at Wonder Woman. Carrie then asks when they should do it, and Wonder Woman intervenes saying, "You could do it now if you wish, I am an ordained Rabbi". They decide that now is as good a time as any, and take their vows as we fade to black.How is that for an idea Mike? What do you think?
DO NOT QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. Or turn it into a reality show and give Fox a call.You silly jerk you!
Ummm… I think that's Indiana Jones and Sex AND the Temple of the City!
Mr. Gold, if the title of the movie is the only editorial mandate, I'll take it…Let's get Lucas on the phone and get started.
I've never seen SATC, but I've got to believe its storytelling, at its worse, is far superior than most of what we've seen from Mr. Lucas the past 25 years.
Well, you gotta admit, it definitely touches all the bases.
I loved your film treatment. I tend to enjoy comments that are longer than the original article! But, I think "Crystal Skull" establishes that Dr. Henry Jones is dead. Is this a continuity problem? Probably not. You say he enters with Wonder Woman. That means this takes place in the DC Universe. Well, nobody stays DC-dead for long.
Thank you for your kind review of my "film" Russ. I like to have fun with ideas. As for "Crystal Skull", I didn't know that Dr. Jones was pronounced dead. I haven't seen the movie yet, (waiting for Mike's review and all, you know, the whole rental or theater thing) but, you are right. It shouldn't be that much of a problem with how things happen in the DC Universe. I am totally on board with that. Why can't dead, just stay dead? Hey…maybe Dr. Jones was possessed by Parallax and attacked Themyscira while searching for the "Lost Tribe of the Amazons" and killed during his onslaught, only to be resurrected once Parallax is purged. The Amazons nurse him back to health which is how he met Wonder Woman and………….Ok, I gotta stop. If I don't, I will have plotted out a whole series of prequels and sequels for a bastardized, nonexistent franchise. But, boy oh boy, do I have a few doozies running through my head.
Some people like, say, scrapbooking, birding, getting tatoos, arena football, professional wrestling or collecting stamps.OK, fine. Whatever floats your boat. We all have different tastes, and that's cool. Some people like films like, say, "Barry Lyndon," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (either one), "Dune," "King Kong" (1976), "Flash Gordon" (1980), "The Matrix Reloaded," and "Speed Racer."Hey, no problem. Different strokes for different folks.Others enjoy shows like "The Bachelor," "Lost," and "Sex in the City."No problem. Variety is the spice of life, so they say.But in that last category, despite many, many efforts to try and get through one whole episode of any of those shows, I've never succeeded. Something, at some point, just switched off my interest, and I just had to flip the channel. Either that, or the shows became painful for me to watch.That said, despite the fact that I go to the movies with my wife almost every weekend, we won't be seeing "Sex in the City." We might have, if she had really wanted to see it, but thankfully, she's just as blase about the TV series as I am. We opted to see "In Bruges" instead (great film, by the way — at least in MY opinion).