The Race Card, by Michael Davis
I’m writing a book on race and…hey, I’m serious. I’m writing the book with my boy Rusty Cundieff, whose long list of director credits include the films Fear Of A Black Hat and House Party 2. Rusty was also the director of The Dave Chappelle Show. I came up with the project three years ago and Rusty came aboard two years ago. Why has it taken so long? It’s one of those projects that just takes the time it takes (hear that, O?). The book is called Every Thing You Wanted To Know About black People But Were Afraid To Ask.
I had a fair amount of interest from some publishers over the last two years but lately there has been a flurry of interest from many publishers. I have no doubt the recent focus on race in the presidential campaign has made the book a lot more relevant.
The book is written by two black men and is based on our experiences.
Now, what does that mean? It means that two black men are going to talk about our experiences as black men. We do not speak for every single black person. Rusty and I are also professional television writers who LOVE to write comedy, so you KNOW what that means…fun, laughs and WHITE WOMEN!
If you have the ability to read and reason then you must feel like I do about racism and that is that racism is just plain stupid. I just don’t get racism at all. It’s stupid, stupid, STUPID.
I mean to dislike someone just because of the color of their skin is nuts. The only thing dumber is hating on someone because of his or her religious beliefs. What’s next, hating someone because they eat apples and you like oranges?
The rest of the world should take a page from the comic book world. We don’t see color. I have been to hundreds of comic book conventions all over the planet and never felt even the hint of racism. Now there were some times in the convention city where racism was a real issue.
Some years ago Denys Cowan and I were standing outside a hotel in Virginia watching a parade when a guy in a pick up truck showed us his confederate flag…and his gun. There was another time when Denys and I went to a restaurant in Rosemont Illinois across the street from the Chicago Con (this was years before Wizard took over, when the convention was in a Hyatt Hotel) when we got to the restaurant we were met by some bikers who kindly told us we were not welcome and it was not because we were comic fans. Lastly, I was at Dragon Con some years back walking from dinner with my then-girlfriend, who happened to be white, when a car filled with black women shouted to me that I should ‘Drop that white bitch.” I wonder to this day if they really thought by saying that I would have done it.
Rosie and I had just had a wonderful dinner at a fabulous restaurant in downtown Atlanta. We were walking back to our hotel hand in hand enjoying the night air. I smiled at her and she smiled back. Her smile spoke volumes. I loved her smile, I loved her. We walked for a bit more and we came across some street dancers. Rosie put her head on my shoulders and we watched together. How I loved our times together! When I was with Rosie I loved everything and everyone. I knew at that instant that we would always be together nothing would ever tear us apart… nothing.
I turned to Rosie and said “I will never leave you.”
I lifted my head to the heavens and swore silently “I will love this women forever.” Rosie looked at me and her eyes said the same thing, she would love me forever. Just then I heard the sounds of joy all around me! I heard the harps of the angels I heard…
“Drop that white bitch.”
I could not believe my ears! Someone was telling me to “Drop that white bitch.”
The car that those hated words came from had stopped a bit in front of us. I wanted to go over there and give them a piece of my mind when the car door opened and this man of a woman got out. To say she was ugly would not do her justice. Ugly would be a step up for this woman. A BIG STEP UP. Let me just say if she was the last women on Earth and I had the choice of being with her or a homeless man who smelled like pee I would be living on Brokeback Mountain.
She looked at me with what I assumed were eyes and said “What does she have that I don’t have?” I said “Teeth and hair, to start.” She said “I’m black – you should be with me.”
That was good enough for me I started to get into the car with Sasquatch Jones, simply because she was black.
“Michael!” Rosie shouted! “Where are you going?” “With my black queen!” I responded feeling my blackness more and more. “You said you would never leave me Michael!” Rosie cried in this disbelief. “ That was before I had a ride, I mean I just realized all my blackness! And stop calling me by my slave name. Call me… Mandingo!”
I got in the car on the passenger side. In the rearview mirror I saw Rosie standing there dumbfounded. So I loved that woman; so what? What’s love got to do with it? I’m a black man I need to be with a black woman… even one with a paw.
Who would do that?
The above scenario did not happen, but the following did. I was at a Hollywood party with my then-girlfriend Kamila. Kamila is simply stunning. Imagine a better looking Angelina Jolie and I’m not kidding. She’s Jewish and speaks seven different languages. Yeah, stunning and smart. You may be asking yourself how in the world could I score this 8th Wonder of the World? Simple…I got game. AND I happen to be Master Of The Universe.
So there I was at this Hollywood party when this really sexy black girl joins the group of people I was holding court with. Why was I holding court?
HELLO?!? M.O.T.U. here!!
This young lady was very attractive and started to laugh at whatever story I was telling at the time. Eventually she and I started talking and she asked if I wanted to leave and get a drink. I said only if my girlfriend could come. Clearly taken aback and perhaps a bit pissed that I did not make that clear the moment I started to talk to her she asked “Who’s your girlfriend?” I pointed to Kamila who was surrounded (what else was new?) by a group of men all vying for her attention. “That is not your girlfriend.” She said, a smile returning to her lips secure in her false knowledge that I must have been making a joke before. I yelled to Kamila “Kamila, are you my girlfriend?” Thus killing two birds with one stone, the guys who were drooling over her and the girl who did not believe me.
“Yes I am, Mishka, only yours!” She replied with her radiant smile.
Mishka was her pet name for me. I had (still don’t) NO idea what language that was nor did I care. I said; “Good, now go make me an egg sandwich.”
The black woman I was talking to spent the next few minutes just hating on Kamila and me. She insulted me by telling me that I was not black and that my girlfriend was just a ho I most likely was paying to be with me. Finally after three or four minutes of this she said “What does she have that I don’t have?” Now remember she had just insulted my girlfriend and me. I looked at her and calmly said. “She’s white and knows how to make an egg sandwich and when to shut up. But most of all, what I see in her is she’s not you.”
Black Armani suit: $2,500.00
Valet Parking Beverly Hills Hotel: $20.00
Tips to waiters at the open bar at the party: $40.00
Shutting up a bigot at a huge Hollywood party: Priceless.
There are some things in life that are priceless. For everything else there’s The You’re Not My Mastercard… bitch.
I am a very proud black man. I don’t care what color you are, you fall in love with who you fall in love with… period.
I love the vibe at comic book conventions. Ours is a world full of like-minded people who don’t see color. We see the world as it should be. We are content to be who we are and let others be who they are. We worry about important stuff, like whether Superman can beat the Hulk. He would beat him like his personal little BIC-TCH by the way.
When the movie Blade came out comic fans did not see a black superhero, they saw a superhero. I sawBlade at the Magic Johnson Theater in Los Angeles, the audience was 99.9% black.
That audiencedid see a black superhero. When Marv Wolfman’s creator credit came up on the screen I clapped like a mad man. No one else clapped and one guy turned around and asked me why I was clapping. I told him I knew Marv. He asked “Is he a brother?” I took a quick look around and saw most of the theater waiting for my answer. I said “He’s my brother.” That was met with heavy applause. The not to bright girl I was with (Ladies, I like smart women but sometimes you just don’t want to have a dialog, you just want to hear “Yes.” Hey! Fellas, she was FINE!) anywho – this genius turns to me and says loudly “You don’t have a brother.”
Spawn is the story of a black superhero and as far as I know there has never been any issue with the character being black. Some years ago at a DC Comics panel I asked Paul Levitz why DC had to make ‘The Invisible Kid’ black.” It was a joke and everybody in that room knew it to be such. DC Comics backed Milestone because they saw a business opportunity AND an opportunity to publish a black universe of characters. The funny thing about Milestone is we had just as many non-black characters as black characters.
I have not really talked about my time at Milestone. Maybe I will in my book, but for now just let me say this we were a true multicultural company. We were black owned but welcomed anyone in our doors. Heck, some of the best pitches about the Milestone characters came from white and other non-black creators. At our Milestone convention panels our audience looked like a group of polka dots.
The world could learn a lot from how comic book fans conduct ourselves. At comic book conventions if you see a black man walking with a white girl it means nothing. For that matter, if you see a white girl walking with a Wookie we don’t bat an eye.
My view of race is just that. My view. I’m sure that there are racists who go to comic book conventions just like they are everywhere else. There is probably some therapist reading this right now that can put a zillion holes in my extremely hopeful hypothesis. I know that there are ‘”experts” who will see this article as just another fluff piece about unity and give many reasons why the races can never be unified.
Really, smart ass? Tell that to my Asian lady or to the million interracial couples on this planet. I could care less that some experts will say I’m wrong, that comic book conventions are hate-free zones. I know how I feel when I’m at one and it feels good.
Too bad we can’t extend the reach of the convention to beyond its doors and make it last more than a weekend.
Michael Davis will be at the New York Comic Convention the week after next. He’ll be the black guy.
Well, the Occam's Razor answer to this is that when comics (or SF or horror) fans get together, the fact that they members of the group "comic fans" supercedes their sub-groups of black, Catholic, left-handed or star-bellied. Any time people can group together for a reason (a certain band, a certain politician) then that becomes the things they bond about.As for the folks outside the con… If you can make a person part of a group, you no longer have to deal with them as an indivudual. He's not worth worrying about, he's "only" a Themian.Marketing doesn't deal with individuals, it deals with demographics. And when they come up with a campaign (or a tv show or a product) that will appeal to "a certain demographic", and it fails spectacularly, or even stranger, gets embraced by a completely DIFFERENT demographic (remember those Tommy Hilfiger stories?), the marketing people will act shocked. Once you get further up the evolutionary chain than, say, lemming, trying to predict how a group will act or react gets harder to do. Trying to do it with humans is very difficult. That whole free will thing has been driving political science majors crazy for decades.
As always you make a good point. It's 40 years today since Dr. King was shot and I know that the world is still a place where racism exists. But today of all days I just want to do what John Lennon said in his song and imagine that we can all live as one.If just for today.
Why are comic conventions islands of racial tolerance in a racist world?Maybe it's because there is already a common bond between it's members that supersedes race. Comic books are still a maligned and misunderstood art. The assumption is made by much of the general public that comic books are meant for children or adult boys still retaining adolescent fantasies. The comics industry has done a lot to maintain that stereotype. Hey, there is nothing wrong with adolescent male fantasies of waking up one morning, after being bitten by a radio-active spider, and then later getting to hang out with huge-breasted women in skin tight clothes on roof tops, while every once in a while getting to save the world. It's a cool fantasy and a good story. It's not the only story being told in comics. But, the comics industry doesn't do enough to promote other really smart, literary works.I digress. My point is, comics are seen as childish and stupid. Comics fans have two reactions to that, "No, they are NOT!" and "So what if they ARE!" We know the truth: that comics can be as profound, literary, scholarly, meaningful and emotionally moving as any great novel, movie or painting. We also revel in the glorious, cotton-candy FUN of all the comics that are intentionally NOT profound. Cotton-candy has no nutritional value. That doesn't make it less fun to eat. Maybe that makes it MORE fun to eat. I would encourage all comics publishers to go ahead and make cotton candy, but to also provide for a well rounded diet of other types of comics. I think Comicmix is doing a pretty good job, especially considering the relatively few titles it has published, to provide that MIX of comics, a balanced diet!Maybe it's not just the bond of unity we share in our love of comics that brings us together. But also the bond of sharing the misunderstanding, mild scorn and yes, oppression of the masses for loving comics.Maybe it's because in a place where somebody can (no wait, where people are ENCOURAGED to) dress like a Wookie or Man-Faye, what you look like is obviously going to become secondary.
As a followup, I had to double check why I knew Rusty Cundieff's name. (My wife knows what I mean – we'll be talking about a character actor, and I'll try to recall why I know them. She'll name eight oscar-winning pictures…then say "He played the guy with the three eyes on Twilight Zone" and the penny will drop and I'm all "Oh, HIM!")Rusty did the sloppy wet kiss to the Amicus horror anthologies Tales From The Hood. A whamtaculuous piece of work. To this day we quote Clarence Williams III when we say "Ah yes…the shit." Please pass on my appreciation and praise.His IMDB writeup is hilarious. Chapelle's Show, Fear of a Black Hat…and one episode of The New Adventures of Spin and Marty. That hadda be one weird episode…
.Michael said:"I got game. AND I happen to be Master Of The Universe."On a similar tack, I am the Center of the Universe. The whole universe revolves around me. So I know how you feel. But if I also had game, I'd be dangerous.
I'm not sure which snarky comment to go with here:1. Rusty's your boy? If I called him "boy" I'd get clobbered.2. There's a black guy named Rusty?
Well, Marvel had a black guy named Bucky… As I'll be babbling in my column on Monday.And maybe Rusty IS his boy. Personally, I'd demand a blood test.
Yeah, but a black guy being named Rusty? It's like having a Jewish kid named Christopher.Maybe I should ask that well known Irishman, Dwayne McDuffie.
Must…resist…obvious pun…
I think Rusty is Michael Davis' son-in-law. SO, by many people's standards, he is Davis' boy.Speaking as a "Rusty," we are not all redheads. But I do happen to be pasty white.
Mike, did I ever tell you the story of what happened when Denys and I were at Marvel and saw that for the first time? We lost our minds! I yelled in the hallways as loud as I could ' WHO NAMES A 6 FOOT TALL BLACK MAN BUCKY?!" Denys and I waited for the answer but all we heard were many 'clicks' of locks being turned on office doors. To be fair I really don't think they got it. Don't forget Marvel also had a character called "The Mad Arab.' No joke.
Glenn-yeah I would stay away from the 'boy' reference when dealing with Black men. I like you and would hate to read about you.
It's not his son-in-law, just a very good friendFor further clarification of the term "My Boy" from http://www.UrbanDictionary.com :1. a close guy friend. or a guy that you really like."oh… yeah, i love charles, he's my boy""oh… John Kerry… that's my boy"2. A good friend aka homie."Hey Steve meet my boy Modzy"3. Code word for men to use when there is an extremely hot chick in the vicinity."So how about……"my boy"……that game the other night."
Tatiana got it right. "My Boy" means that he is a very good friend who is down. Oh sorry;'down' means he comes correct.-DAMN-"come correct ' means …oh forget it. Just go get yourself some black friends…bring chicken.
Rusty Cundieff is married to Trina Davis Cundieff. That was why I guessed son-in-law. But, my thinking was "son" or "son-in-law" as soon as I read the words, "my boy Rusty." (Long before I searched out Rusty Cundieff's Wikipedia entry.) Like I said, I am pasty white.
BTW-the art for this is not a scanned retouched "Peanuts' strip. Tatiana did it all from scratch, pencil, ink and color. She's my B… never mind.
Hey Michael — If we're going to write this book together we need to get on the same page! Racism is Over. Really. I swear, there is just nothing to talk about anymore. A memo was sent… Well, I won't get into it all here, but I wrote an article about this on my New American Negro Blog. Those interested can see it here:http://newamericannegro.blogspot.com/2008/03/raci…Then after that you can go fishing around for funny videos discussing the ethnic differences of vaginas. Then move on to other weird stuff that will make you laugh or piss you off. BTW – I am not related to Michael in any way that I know of. And to those who have enjoyed my work… THANKS!
The anal sports fan that I am has to point out that the first professional black basketball player was Harry "Bucky" Lew. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Lew
Maybe that's why they let him play…
I'd love it if ComicMix had a white columnist who could write columns about white people and being white every week, just to balance things out.Do you have any white columnists? Are they wasting our time writing about the comic book industry?They probably get you fewer comments."ComicMix: We've Got Race Issues."
I have written 60 of these things. I am Black man who writes about popular culture on comicmix so I write about race sometimes. Let me clue you into something-Black culture IS popular culture so race comes up from time to time. The only part of American popular culture which is not heavily influenced by African americans is comics-soooo that's why Im here to represent!As far as comicmix having 'race' issues that's like going into a record store where the vast amount of music is Rock and having issue with the one 'Rap' album. No my friend-comicmix is just that, a 'mix.' I welcome your feedback because it adds to that mix.
Seems to me Martha and Elyane write about being women often, will you be taking issue with that?
I'm white, and in my column tomorrow, I right about money. Is that white enough?
That's "write" not "right." White, write. Not white, right. Right?
I write about being white.
I write about being left.
I write about being.
Oh, great. Now you're going existentialist on us. Well, it was just a matter of time, I guess.
I write about three or four comments to stuff like this a day.
LOVE that you're so down on racism…and then proceed to call most of the women you mention in your column "bitch"–and that stuff about you liking women 'cause they know how to make you an egg salad sandwich and then shut up…no, dude, THAT is what's priceless. Bet you smack dem bitches around but good if there's not enough mayo on your sandwich, huh? Racism, bad. Sexism, good. Got it! Oh, and while you're at it, man–tell us some MORE about how much money you have and what everything you own costs. Doesn't make you look shallow AT all!
First to your 'bitch comment.' The Mastercard bitch reference was to ONE women. A woman who had insulted me and the lady I was with. How does ONE end up as 'MOST?' Also I said EGG sandwich not 'egg salad' so that's wrong too. As to how much money I have I never mentioned that. For all you know I stole that suit or cleaned out my bank account to buy it OR, here's a thought-it was part of the joke…duh. BTW I don't wear Armani I wear Hugo Boss. Me sexist? Nope. The girl in the theater was dim. That's not me being sexist it's her being stupid. Or maybe you assume I am sexist because I comment on the beautiful women I have dated and that makes me sexist-well as Yogi Berra once said 'It's not bragging if you can do it." I'm not shallow or conceited I'm convinced.
I don't think Michael Davis is sexist. If he is, I wouldn't look to this essay for the proof.Look, there are two places Michael uses the word "bitch" in this essay. In NEITHER instance does Michael Davis call a woman a "bitch."In the first (“Drop that white bitch.”), the person using the word "bitch" is seen as a stupid bigot. The use of the word emphasizes the stupidity of their casual racism. It's a vulgar term and it highlights the vulgarity of the situation.In the second ("He would beat him like his personal little BIC-TCH by the way.", Michael is referring to a hypothetical battle between Superman and the Hulk. BIC-TCH is a bastardization of the the word "bitch," but I don't think Michael is advocating ANYONE actually beating anyone else. The use of the term here is comic, does not refer to women and to take this remark as sexist is a huge stretch.Michael is right. It was, “Good, now go make me an EGG sandwich,” not egg salad sandwich. But, I think we can assume that the type of sandwich is secondary to T.T. Power thinking this was a sexist comment. Again, let's take this in context. Michael and his date are at a fancy Hollywood party. To prove his point, Michael shouts across the room, "Kamilla, are you my girlfriend?" To which she replies, “Yes I am, Mishka, only yours!”Now, I don't think it's sexist to ask someone if they are your girlfriend. And the possessive way Kamilla responds can be seen as sexist ONLY ifyou are REALLY splitting hairs. The problem T.T. Power had was with the phrase, “Good, now go make me an egg sandwich."This was OBVIOUSLY a joke. Michael did not expect Kamilla to drop what she is doing in the middle of a fancy party and go make him a sandwich in somebody else's home! It's OBVIOUSLY a ludicrous non sequitur. Again, when Michael angrily states, "She’s white and knows how to make an egg sandwich and when to shut up. But most of all, what I see in her is she’s not you," I think it's easy to see, he is being facetious in order to make the point that this other woman should mind her own business and just shut up.To imply that Micheal Davis has ever advocated hitting a woman or has ever hit a woman for not making a sandwich right is NOT funny, it's inflammatory and rude. There is NOTHING in this essay that could be construed or even misconstrued and lead much of anyone (except T.T. Power) to thinking that. Maybe Superman would beat the Hulk if there wasn't enough super-mayo on his hero sandwich. But that's another comic issue.The closest I can see to Michael being sexist in this essay is in the section with the woman in the theater. "The not too bright girl I was with (Ladies, I like smart women but sometimes you just don’t want to have a dialog, you just want to hear 'Yes.' Hey! Fellas, she was FINE!) anywho – this genius turns to me and says loudly. 'You don’t have a brother.'I told you she was dim…but FINE!!"All right, now the implication here is that a woman's other failings will be overlooked as long as she is good looking enough. Is this sexist? Probably. It it ironic, funny and in some ways very self deprecating for Michael to blatantly point out? Yeah. Finally, when Michael writes about hobnobbing at posh Hollywood parties with fabulous women, I think that's because that's the kind of life he leads. It's incidental to the story. He's a very successful guy. When he was enumerating how much different things cost, it wasn't an attempt to brag, it was a spoof on the Mastercard commercials. It was a JOKE. Lighten up, T.T Power.
Oops. THREE places Michael Davis uses "bitch." "For everything else there’s The You’re Not My Mastercard… bitch." This is the punchline to the Mastercard joke. Yes, it's vulgar. But it's intent is humorously shocking. Is it sexist? Does Michael consider women in general to be "bitches" or his "bitches"? I don't think so.
I am white and a woman and Michel Davis is a good friend. I have never seen him treat anyone male or female, white or otherwise with anything other than the respect they deserve. Deserve is the operative word here. The obviously rude, ill mannered woman in this story got exactly the respect she deserved.
First to your 'bitch comment.' The Mastercard bitch reference was to ONE women. A woman who had insulted me and the lady I was with. How does ONE end up as 'MOST?' Also I said EGG sandwich not 'egg salad' so that's wrong too. As to how much money I have I never mentioned that. For all you know I stole that suit or cleaned out my bank account to buy it OR, here's a thought-it was part of the joke…duh. BTW I don't wear Armani I wear Hugo Boss. Me sexist? Nope. The girl in the theater was dim. That's not me being sexist it's her being stupid. Or maybe you assume I am sexist because I comment on the beautiful women I have dated and that makes me sexist-well as Yogi Berra once said 'It's not bragging if you can do it." I'm not shallow or conceited I'm convinced.
The reason why you don't see color at the comiccon conventions is that there ISN'T any.Very few colored folks.
Depends on the City. I'm talking mostly about Comic Con International and other big city cons. There are THOUSANDS of people of color who attend those. I doubt if you will see a lot of people of color at Comic Con The O.C.
I did 15 (gasp) shows last year, many of them with Mr. Davis, and I'd hate to say there were a lot of non-white-males at most of 'em.What I haven't seen, however, is a whole lot of non-white-females. The vast majority of women fans (as opposed to folks behind the tables) I've seen at shows are white. We need to reach out more, the way the Shojo folks seem to have.
I went to comicon in San Diego… fairly big city…. certainly a lot of blacks that surrounding area, and I didn't see THOUSANDS of black folks. And, Mike Gold…You're right! NO chocolate sisters! None! What's up with that?
Can I just mention that this comment thread has descended into the "offended in others' name", or even "offense for offense's sake" stuff that Elayne talked about in her column last week?I swear, if we could build a generator that converted offense into electricity, we could power the country. Las Vegas could be powered by a single feminist made to watch 50's sitcoms.I volunteer to select the episodes.
Hi Michael, how can I get the phone number of the lady at the party you were at with Kamila?:) I figure since you're unavailable, she can direct her affections towards an available male, like myself!!! =) Hope she don't mind riding the "blue limousine" with me to our dates.:) Foe all that may not know the "blue limousine" is the glorious public transit bus.:) Wait…is she still single?:)
Hey-if I had the number dude I would give it to you. I assume you want the number of the woman who was in my grill (face) with the insults. If you want Kamila's number it's 818-OH NO U DID-ANT.She and I are no longer together (yep my fault) but she is still a very dear friend who I love dearly. So if that's your request I must use the traditional way of the man and declare the ancient ways of COCK BLOCK. Besides, Kamila still loves me as well and for my birthday my Asian lady has promised me anything…heheheheheheee..evil laugh.
LOL. Cool, thanks anyway.:) "Cock Block" is that some sort of rap group? Heh, heh, I kid there.:) Wish I coulda been at the party.:) If a lady came up to me and asked me out for a drink and I already had a lady in my life, and in turn the lady asks "What she got that I don't got!" Simple answer: "My heart." And if what you are offering is grand in your eyes, my dear, you would not need validation from me, to share it with whomever you desire. May your affections be returned in kind. I, on the otherhand, have my affections directed and reciprocated in kind with another. The lady standing over there. (points to Kamila) All the best to you my dear, and may you not go 'looking' for love, for you know love is something you carry with you all the time. May you have a great night my dear. Kamila awaits her "Mishka". and with that a slight kiss of the lady's hand and a quick departure to the love of thy life.:) Anger is so unflattering.:) Now this is where Ismail woulda come in (yes out of body experience here) and calmed the fired up "lady up in my grill" "Ma'am, you looking, I'm looking, how bout we stop looking and get together? I'm pretty thirsty tonight. I tend to avoid the alcohol and would rather have a cup of green tea with yourself." Sorry, sometimes I get carried away with hypothetical scenarios. Sounded like an exciting night.:) What's done is done.:) May your birthday wishes be fulfilled.:)