Stranger Bedfellows, by John Ostrander

Forget whether or not Barack Obama is “black enough.” The newest wrinkle in the Presidential Campaign That Never Ended is whether or not John McCain is “conservative enough.” Evidently, according to two of the biggest conservative blowhards on the air – Rush “Dr. Feelgood” Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, She-Wolf of the Neo-Cons – the answer is “no.”

 

Limbaugh has been on a rampage about McCain, tearing the presumed Republican nominee a new asshole almost daily over issues like immigration and McCain’s voting against tax-cuts. Rush jokingly says he would endorse Barack Obama over McCain as Obama was “a blank canvas upon which anyone can project their fantasies and desires.” (Why am I not amazed that Limbaugh finds a black man to be a “blank canvas?” And you’re going to project your “fantasies and desires” on him? Oh, Rush – how Mandingo of you! Heavens, I feel all flushed! I swear I may have to swoon!)

 

Coulter has gone so far as to declare, on Fox’s Hannity and Colmes, she would campaign for Hilary Clinton rather than support McCain. That, if it came down to Hilary Clinton or John McCain, she would vote for Hilary Clinton as being more truly conservative. And on her site, she continues to champion “her Hilary.”

 

All those who believe this is really about McCain’s depth of conservative principles, raise your hands.

 

Oh, you poor deluded fools.

 

This is about something of far greater importance than a Presidential race. This is about Rush and Ann protecting their turf. It’s not really that they think McCain isn’t conservative enough, it’s that they think he can’t win in November. That seems to be the common consensus – that the Dems will take the White House in the next election. According to the Common Wisdom, the Bush Administration’s miscues have so soured the country on anything branded Republican that Ronald Reagan could come back from the dead and the Dems would take the White House in November. Me? I’m not so sure the Dems won’t find a way to screw it up between now and then but that’s just because I’m a long time Democrat. Or maybe I’m just conditioned to expect the worst because I’m a Cubs’ fan.

 

Coulter and Limbaugh can’t back a loser or they’ll be seen as not having the influence they like topretend they have. They have a perceived “power base.” That’s why people outside their base pay them any heed at all. Well, that and their ability to be quotably deranged. Coulter has compared McCain to Hitler, and Hitler came off slightly better. Limbaugh memorably suggested that actor Michael J. Fox was faking or exaggerating his Parkinson’s symptoms. (Limbaugh has said that he regards himself primarily as an entertainer first and, I suppose, a demagogue second. Bile = entertainment in Rush’s book, I guess.) Their job security is based on them not seeming irrelevant to the political scene. So they don’t back no losers and they seem to think Senator McCain has a big “L” on his forehead.

 

Would they like Hilary Clinton as President? Oh, they would love Hilary for President – two terms, please! Coulter and Limbaugh are among those who made their names via Clinton bashing during Bill Clinton’s two terms. Loved to hate Bill and Hilary back then. A second Clinton presidency would allow them to air out all their “Greatest Hits.”

 

However, what if – as seems increasingly likely – Senator Barrack Obama wins the Democratic nomination instead of Senator Clinton? Senator Obama has got to be the most interesting political story in a long time and he’s won the last ten Democratic contests in a row. He has shown his ability to inspire people and to really bring diverse factions together. If I was simply a mean spirited jackass like Coulter I might suggest that Senator Clinton’s decline coincides with Coulter’s endorsement of her; the more Ann backs Hilary, the faster Hilary seems to lose. Yeah, it’s specious and unfair and probably not true but so are a lot of Coulter’s rants.

 

 So – what do Limbaugh and Coulter (Coltbaugh?) do if Obama is the nominee? I think they sit it out; they don’t endorse anyone. Given their own statements, they can’t endorse McCain without looking like “flip-floppers” and an Obama endorsement would toast any conservative creds they ostensibly have.

 

They then become totally irrelevant along with all the rest of the conservative pundits and right wing religious zealots who will also feel compelled to back no one because none of the candidates pass their conservative purity litmus test. Somebody wins without them. Their approval proves unnecessary. Their disapproval means nothing. Their moment passes. They become dinosaurs.

 

And wouldn’t that be a healthy thing for this country?