Persons of story, by John Ostrander
Today is Thanksgiving and a hearty Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
As it turns out, it’s also the birthday of my late wife, Kimberly Ann Yale, who would have been 54 today. This is a day for stopping and giving thanks for the good things in your life and so I’ll ask your indulgence while I remember one of the best things in mine, which was Kim.
For those who don’t know her, never met her, how do I describe her to you? My god, where do I begin? Physically – heart shaped face, megawatt smile, big blue eyes. Champagne blonde hair which, in her later years, she decided should be red. That decision was pure Kimmie. She looked good, too, but she also looked good bald. More on that in a few moments. She was buxom and damn proud of it. Referred to her breasts as “the girls” and was fond of showing them off. She was about 5’8” so that when she was in heels we were about the same height. Basically had an hourglass figure although sometimes there were a few more seconds packed into that hourglass than maybe there should have been. We both fought weight problems and I still do.
All that, however, is mere physical description. Photographs could tell you as much and more and still tell you so little about Kim. Not who she was. Kim was an extrovert to the point of being an exhibitionist. She was flamboyant sometimes; I have described her at times as the world’s most innocent narcissist. She loved the spotlight but with the delight of a child. Yet, she also loved nothing better than to be in the corner of a tea shoppe or coffee house, drinking her cuppa, writing in her journal, totally absorbed into herself and the moment.
She also genuinely loved people. Loved being around them, hearing their stories, telling her own. She had one of the world’s great infectious laughs. If you were in a comedy on stage, you wanted Kim in your audience. She got the jokes, too, including some the rest of the audience missed.
She loved music, all kinds of music, and could talk knowledgably about it for hours. Hell, Kim could hold forth on almost anything for hours. She loved classical, the blues, rock and roll, soundtracks to movies everything. She loved movies, she loved books, she loved TV. She adored Doctor Who; we, in fact, met at a Doctor Who Convention.
She loved comics and she loved the idea of women in comics. At many different Cons, she would chair the Women in Comics panel and, in Chicago especially where she did it for several years, people learned to come because it would often be one of the most interesting, thought provoking panels at the Con. She was part of the early organizational meetings that resulted in Friends of Lulu and their annual award for the best new female comics creator is named for Kim. She would have been very proud of that.
How do I describe our relationship – what we gave to each other? One example – she brought cats into my life, I brought dogs back into hers. She made me more of a cat person; I brought out the dog lover in her.
Other things she brought to me – her love of Westerns and of the Civil War. I had dismissed Westerns as “oaters” and “horse opera” but Kim patiently took me through the best ones, showed me the difference from a John Ford western and a Budd Boetticher one. Without Kim, there never would have been The Kents or my Marvel westerns, Blaze of Glory and Apache Skies.
On our honeymoon, Kim wanted to go to Fredericksburg, Virginia, so we could walk some of the Civil War battlefields in the area. I was a little dubious at first but went along because it was important to her. My god, I learned so much walking those battlefields. I don’t know if you can understand those battles or the War without doing that. We would later add others like Shiloh and Gettysburg to the list. Amazing, bonding, illuminating moments.
Kim and I worked together as co-writers on several projects, notably Suicide Squad, some Munden’s Bar stories, and a tale of Young John Gaunt that ran in the back of GrimJack during its final year at First Comics. I think Kim was a finer writer than I am. I’m at heart a storyteller and I’m mostly about what happens next; I turn a good phrase and I know plot, character, theme and so on but Kim was also into the composition and the polish on the story. She would go over and over things while I’d push on. I wish she had written more on her own; at the end of her life, so did she.
Kim also introduced me to the fabled Bucket of Suds, a wonderful bar in Chicago that was the nearest earthly equivalent I know to Munden’s Bar and to which we, in turn, introduced many folks from the comic book community, especially during the Chicago Comic-Con. The owner, Joe Danno, was a mixologist and could invent a new drink on the spot in addition to creating his own cordials. The Bucket not only served drinks but, for many years, served home made pizza, burgers, breadsticks.
Joe also created his own catsup, mustard, bar-b-que sauce, and hot sauce. Want to see our esteemed editor, Mike Gold, both drool and cry at the same time? Get him talking about the hot sauce and the bar-b-que sauce, neither of which is available any more. (Oh, the humanity!) I set a scene in an issue of Hawkworld at the Bucket and got photo reference for our penciller, Graham Nolan, which he used wonderfully well. I later obtained the pages and gave them to Joe who proudly had them framed up over the bar.
Joe got older and the bar’s opening hours became more erratic. Kim by that point, was also sick with the breast cancer that would kill her. Joe finally announced that the Bar was closing and said there would be a party the closing night. Kim desperately wanted to be there – it was right around her birthday, as I recall – but she was too sick by that point to make the trip. The bar closed and Kim herself died the following March.
Kimberly wore her heart on her sleeve, both politically and personally, and it was an open and generous heart. She identified so much with underdogs. She was a PK – Preacher’s Kid – and her father was an Episcopal chaplain in the Navy as well, so she was also a “Navy Brat.” She would move every few years to another base somewhere else in the country. Sometimes it would be a great place and sometimes it was one where she was treated horribly but one thing she learned was not to form really close friends because, in a few years, she or they would move on to another base and would be gone.
Yet despite all that, her heart was not bitter or closed. She loved meeting people and she did make friends even though her heart did get hurt time and again. What people thought of her mattered to her and sometimes that could hurt. I tried to explain to her that, in fact, while everyone had a right to their own opinion, not everyone’s opinion mattered. Some people were just assholes. Some were nasty assholes. Some had agendas. Some were misinformed. Kim understood all that or at least her head did but it hurt nevertheless. It’s hard when you lead with your heart.
Kim died of breast cancer more than ten years ago. I won’t go through all the particulars of that time other than to note that it was mercifully swift and that she fought with her customary determination, elan and brio which she documented in a brave series of columns that she wrote for Comic Buyers Guide.
There are a few grace notes to tell in the space we have. As a result of her bouts with chemo, Kim’s hair did fall out so eventually she did shave her head. She considered using a wig but eventually opted for temporary tattoos at her temples. I remember the butterflies.
In her final weeks, she let go of more and more things that simply no longer mattered. She let go of old angers, she forgave, she reconciled. As her body failed, ultimately her spirit became more clear. I’ll not say she went quietly into that good night; she was very clear about wanting to die in her own home and when circumstances forced us to bring her back to the hospital for pain management, she rebelled. Drugged up, she still tried to take the tubes out of her arms. She wanted to go home and, finally, we brought her home.
Yet, all of these are also simply random facts about Kim and cannot capture her. There is only one way that I know to do that – through story. We had three memorial services for Kim after she died – one at our church, one in New York for those who knew her from the comics industry, one back in Chicago for family and friends there. Stories were told at all three and, for me, they were the centerpieces of the memorials. Mary and I still tell them, recalling Kim’s foibles as well as her virtues for, as I have said before, I prefer Kim’s foibles to many other people’s virtues. They make her human. They make her alive.
I think that’s important for anyone who has lost someone who was loved. Don’t just remember – tell the stories. So that’s what I’d like to do with the comments sections this week, if you have time – tell stories about the lives of people we are thankful we have known, those who are no longer here. If you have a Kim story to tell, that would be great – I’d love to read it. If it’s about someone else, that’s okay, too – Kim would have loved to hear it.
That’s who Kim was – a person of story.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Kim stories? Where to start? I remember going shopping with her, through SoHo before it was turned into a chain-store mall. Her taste was almost the complete opposite of mine, which meant I saw things in an entirely new way. She showed me how color and texture worked years before I picked up the knitting needles. Also, she laughed like no one else.
Kim DID love to shop wheras I buy. It was almost an early argument between us. I needed a white shirt and a tie so we went together to a store in a mall. I found the shirt, found a tie, and was done. "Wait!" Kim said, looking all perturbed, "Don't you want to look at the others?" I couldn't understand why. I had a short, I had a tie — I was done. She was upset — she had this whole scenario planned where we would look and compare ties, maybe check two or three stores, compare for better prices. That sounded ghastly to me — hunter had found meat. Hunter had secured meat. Hunter was going home.She also tried, before we were married, to get me to look at dish patterns. "Don't see it just now," she would say, "but also imagine seeing it ten years from now." I had trouble seeing anything; after my tenth pattern my eyes were more deeply glazed than any of the plates. We decided that Kim would winnow the choice down to a few and then we would decide together.That why I was so grateful that she had friends like you — people who, among other things, she could really go SHOPPING with. Thanks, Martha.
Johnny, the thing about Kim that I loved the most was her almost childlike enthusiasm. It was absolutely contagious. When she was excited about something, well then you were, too. I remember her always having that beautiful smile. Knowing my love for toys, especially that of the 'little pink cult' (TM Tanmmy Brown) she once told me of a trip you two had made to, I believe the Altantic City Antique show, where she bought a handmade Barbie dressed as Camen Mirada. Yup, I was jealous. After her passing I'd been at a press check in Montreal and when I returned to find a mystery shoe box in the chair of my office containing the doll. Just so you know, she sits proudly on a mini grand piano music box in my middle bed room. I think of Kim often when I see that doll. Not only was I happy to be one of Kim's friends and co-workers but I was happy for you, John. The love you had for each other was so obvious and I was glad you had found someone wonderful who I could count as a friend, too. I am truly thankful for her place in my life and her love and friendship. Happy Thanksgiving, Johnny.
Same back to you, Rick. Thing is — even when Kim bought that Carmen Miranda doll, she KNEW it was really yours. She was just "holding" it for awhile.
It's hard to believe Kim's been gone a decade. Her passing was difficult blow to my heart on the heels of losing about 20 friends to AIDS, then my best friend Kevin and then my Mother. The doll's a physical example of her love but Kim and all those who have passed live in our hearts as long as we cherish and homor their memories.Big hugz,.
Uhh..that's Carmen Miranda. Sorry, a little chocked up, here.Peace.
I don't know that I have any specific stories of Kim, other than a selfish one about me being glad I was able to articulate to her that she was my hero, but I just have all these wonderful memories of her at the early Lulu meetings held in the loft of the building in which I worked at the time. I would buy local refreshments and set them up before attendees arrived, and the store around the corner from the building was a 7-11 type place, which had blue-colored soda. I don't even remember the flavor, might have been cream, but I remember how much of a kick Kim got out of the blue soda, so it became a must for every meeting. She was that inspiring, she made people want to make her happy, because she made them so happy.
Kimmie stories, oh man, there are the stories she lived and the ones she told! I guess what I remember about Kim the most is her big heart and how courageous she was with it, even when she was afraid. She was my best friend, she was the best friend with so many because her friendship was never half way. Her friendship was so BIG it had to be spread around to the four corners of the earth, I think this was to keep spontaneous combustions at bay. It was a joy watching how friends and family and strangers would light up around her, and how her smile and heart would light a room.Kim was flamboyant which is actually too mild a word, but I can’t capture that lightening in a bottle ….Kim could, she was like that, she could define a moment with the right words but was herself a free born spirit that couldn’t be defined. It didn’t matter, she was Kim and she made the world a better place….even when she was driving us crazy doing so. How we laughed and loved with her.Our friendship was very special but it also was a whimsical experiment with so many opposites. Kim was flamboyant and I’m painfully shy. To look at our friendship from the outside, it didn’t make sense. But at the same time it made perfect sense, because Kim was like a sister. She shared her bright colored world and I shared my quieter hayseed ways. She would go hiking with me, in the wilds of the Delaware Water Gape. There is a small mountain stream there, that runs over rock bed down through the holler of two great hills…..after Kim shaved her hair off instead of letting chemo do it for her, we went to the stream because Kim wanted to dip her head in it. She wanted to know what it felt like to have clean mountain water on her scalp. It still makes me smile, that was Kim. Thank the Goddess there is a Kim! I still think of her in present tense, because how much she touched everyone she met, we still carry part of her big heart with us.
It is very strange. I was just reading an issue of Gunfighters yesterday. As I was enjoying the reprints of Kid Colt, The Rawhide Kid, The Two-Gun Kid, and a more recent Caleb Hammer tale, I noticed a full page ad for an "upcoming" western from Marvel (I use quotation marks due to the fact that the comic I was perusing was published in 2000) called "Blaze Of Glory." I have yet to read the book, but I have put a note into my mind to do so because of the western heroes starring in it (pretty much all of them, including ones I had never heard of) and the writer involoved. I am deeply sorry for your loss, but I am very happy that you have had such a wonderful person in your life. I wish you and your family and friends a Happy Thanksgiving and I hope the memories and the smiles they bring to you last for as long as can be.I wish I had the words to more accurately express myself, but I am afraid that I just cannot find them at the moment.Steve
Wonderful memories, John. Thank you.
Kim was the only woman I ever met who was honestly thrilled at the gift of a balisong.
It's hard to believe it's been more than ten years, John. I knew Kim from her work and from coming into the office. She was always delightful to be around. I can't help but think of myself in your shoes and how devastated I would be if I lost Carol. I wish you all the best and would love to catch up with you sometime. PS: Loved your prose Kolchak story. Really nicely written.
I'm seeing this a few weeks later, but I hope it is still okay to chime in with some Kim memories (and thoughts).Such as how much I still miss her (and specially remember her every November 22). Especially the lengthy phone conversations which would veer in so many directions, but so often would come back to women and comics.There are actually way too many cherished memories but the ones that stand out as images in my head are her showing off "Grimbear", and (if I have this right – everything occurred at the one San Diego when we shared a very small room at the Horton Grand) being resplendent in her skull and crossbones bustier as she met Jack Kirby during a birthday celebration for him.She was a wonderful lady and I am just thankful I was able to know her for the time I did.