MICHAEL DAVIS: It’s a real mad mad mad world part 2
Last week my article started with what I see is an obvious trend among comic book companies. That trend was the ‘mad angry look” that many comic book superheroes spout when they are looking out from a cover or poster. While writing the piece I came upon an idea to create some “Happy Heroes.”
So I created a super group called Happy Heroes! (Happy Heroes tm & copyright Michael Davis 2007 any unauthorized use will result in a harsh letter from the firm of Starve And Die, Attorneys-at-Law.)
When last we left the Happy Heroes, The Grin, Smiley and Gay-Man were being attacked. By the way that’s Gay as in:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Gives great dinner parties
As I was saying, when last we left the Happy Heroes The Grin, Smiley and Gay-Man were being attacked by their archenemy Dark Comedy. He had already blasted The Grin in the chest and had turned his attention and ray gun to Smiley. Gay-Man was hiding…eh, I mean seeking refuge in a closet so he could plan his next move.
Page 4.
Panel 1.
Dark Comedy is now pointing his weapon at Smiley. Smiley is looking around for Gay-Man and by Gay I mean:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Likes Dick…Tracy
Dark Comedy: Where’s Gay-Man?
Smiley: I’ll never tell.
Panel 2.
Dark Comedy shoots Smiley in the kneecap.
Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHGGGG! GAY-MAN IS IN THE CLOSET!!!
Panel 3.
Dark Comedy is standing above Smiley who is rolling around on the floor holding his knee.
Dark Comedy: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
Smiley: (Though gritted teeth) The black ones steal your watch?
Panel 4.
Dark Comedy has pointed the gun at Smiley’s forehead.
Smiley is not smiling.
Dark Comedy: That’s Funny…
Panel 5.
Close up on the Dark Comedy’s hand as he pulls the trigger.
Dark Comedy:..not.
Page 5.
Panel 1.
At the last moment Gay-Man leaps out of the closet! He manages to deflect Dark Comedy’s shot so that it misses Smiley by a micro inch! Oh, and by gay I mean:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Impeccable timing
Panel 2.
In the background The Grin is getting up from the floor, he is looking at Gay-Man. Clutching at his chest. He looks very weak. Gay-Man has drawn his hand back and is preparing to hit Dark Comedy who has been momentarily distracted. Smiley is still on the floor holding his knee but he is smiling up at Gay-Man, and by gay I mean:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Full of righteous fury!
The Grin: Get him Gay-Man!
Smiley: Yeah punch his lights out!
Panel 3:
Gay-Man has swung his hand at Dark Comedy. The Grin and Smiley are grinning and smiling as they wait for the mighty blow to strike!
The Grin: How you like us now, Dark Comedy?
Smiley: Yeah, sucker! Who’s your …
Page 6. (Full Page Spread)
Gay-Man’s hand has reached Dark Comedy’s face with a…slap. Both The Grin and Smiley are shocked!
FX: SLAP!
Smiley:…Daddy?
The Grin: (To Gay-Man) YOU SLAPED HIM??
Gay-Man: Take that!
Page 7.
Panel 1.
Gay-man is looking at The Grin and Smiley with victory in his eyes. The Grin and Smiley are looking at Gay-Man like he is crazy. Dark Comedy is holding his face and also looking at Gay-Man like’s he’s crazy. And when I say gay I mean gay as in:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Loves Wham!
The Grin and Smiley together: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Dark Comedy: Yeah, what the heck was that?
Gay-Man: THAT was my bitch slap!
Panel 2.
Dark Comedy, still with one hand on his face raises his ray gun. The Grin and Smiley are still looking at Gay-Man like he is from outer space. Gay-Man is beaming with delight.
Dark Comedy: This ends now!
Dark Comedy 2: How do you start a black parade?
Panel 3.
Dark Comedy (still holding his face) is now pointing the gun at the 3 heroes who have now reluctantly turned their attention to him.
Dark Comedy: Answer me! How do you start a black parade?
The Grin: Roll a 40* down the street?
Smiley: Free fried chicken at the end?
*For the uninformed (Republicans) a 40 means a 40 ounce beverage in a glass bottle. In this case the beverage would be a beer, more specifically a malt liquor such as Colt 45. If by chance you are ever in the “hood” and you want to appear “down” or “cool” then by all means order a Colt 45 in the bag. That’s a plain brown paper bag. Do NOT order a Sam Adams or some such weak ass brew. That would most likely result in a beat down…yours.
Panel 4.
Dark Comedy still holding his face is becoming visibly shaken as he prepares to shoot. The Happy Heroes are looking for an opening.
Dark Comedy: No you fools! How do you start a black parade? An hour late!!!
Page 8.
Panel 1.
Without warning Dark Comedy’s face explodes in pain! He drops the gun as he grabs his face with both hands. The Grin and Smiley are looking at each other incredulity. Gay-Man has his hands on his hips and is smiling in triumph! And by gay I mean:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Democrat
Dark Comedy: AGGGGHHHHH! My face!
The Grin: What happened?
Gay-Man: That was my bitch slap. It’s like a conversation with some women, it starts out seemingly harmless and then out of nowhere for no apparent reason it becomes a bitch.
Panel 2.
Dark Comedy is sitting on the floor with his hands bound in back of him. The Grin and Smiley are congratulating Gay-Man on putting Dark Comedy away.
Smiley: Good going Gay-Man!
The Grin: You had us worried there for a while. We didn’t know about your bitch slap power.
Gay-Man: There’s a lot you don’t know about me.
Panel 3.
Gay-Man has put his arms around Smiley’s shoulder. Smiley is looking at him like he just fart and asked him if he would like a whiff. (Yeah, that’s quite a description I know but that’s how he looked) The Grin is looking at them both like…heck, make up your own description if you didn’t like the last one.
Gay-Man: Why don’t we grab an appletini and talk guys?
Smiley: Well I…
The Grin: Wow! Look at the time!
Panel 4.
The Happy Heroes all look at the front door as the door bell rings. Smiley takes this moment to rip Gay-Man’s hand off his shoulder.
Smiley: I’ll get it!!
The Grin: No, no. I’ll get it!
Panel 5.
Standing in front of the Happy Heroes is one of the most beautiful women in the world. She is stunning. Simply fantastic looking. So fine that you would drink a tub of her bathwater. She is so sexy that Stevie Wonder would see her.
The Grin: Oh my…
Smiley: …goodness.
Gay-man: Hi honey.
Page 9.
Panel 1.
The Grin and Smiley whip their heads around and stare at Gay-Man. The woman has put her arms around Gay-Man.
The Grin: You Know her?
Smiley: She knows you?
Gay-Man: Guys meet my wife, Denise.
Panel 2.
The Grin and Smiley are as surprised as America would be if another Republican won in 08.
The Grin: THIS IS YOUR WIFE?
Smiley: But we thought…
Gay-Man: You thought I was gay.
Panel 3.
Gay-Man has placed his hands on his hips and stepped on a soapbox. The lights have dimmed and all eyes are on him as he begins his speech.
Gay-Man: In this world of assumptions, it’s time that we stop assigning labels to people. I am called Gay-Man, because I am:
1. Full of light-heartedness and merriment
2. Brightly colored
3. Having or showing a carefree spirit
4. Politically savvy
Not because I choose an alternate life style. But even if I did that would be my choice and it would be mine to make. I joined the Happy Heroes because there are to many people who MARVEL at the angry hero. When I say Marvel, I am not talking about Marvel Comics. No, why would I talk about them? I mean they may have some angry heroes but I have seen a smile on some of their heroes…once. So I’m not talking about Marvel, I’m not. Really. There are to many people who think that DC heroes are simply way too mean these days. And by DC I mean those heroes living in the District of Columbia. Not DC Comics who has mean looking heroes but I’m not talking about them. No I’m not. Really, I’m not. All I’m saying is we need some more happiness in our heroes. I’m so happy I’m gay!
Panel 4.
All the heroes and Denise are looking at the reader as if they are trying to take a photo. In the background we see Dark Comedy trying to wiggle into the shot.
The Grin: Our work to spread happiness to other heroes has just begun!
Smiley: Yes. The Happy Heroes are here to stay!
Denise: (To Gay-man) I love a happy ending!
Gay-Man: Not as much as I do baby!
Dark Comedy: Hey, A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who’s driving?
Dark Comedy 2: ANSWER ME! WHO’S DRIVING?
Panel 5.
The heroes are leaving as Dark Comedy continues to yell.
Dark Comedy: ANSWER ME! A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who’s driving?
Dark Comedy 2: The cops! The cops are driving!! Come back here. You have not heard the last of Dark Comedy!!
Fin.
Michael Davis is a comics creator and the founder of the Guardian Line series of comics as well as being a television producer and writer. He was a co-founder of Milestone Comics and his artwork has appeared in Wasteland, Green Arrow: Shado, Green Hornet and The Question, among others.
Michael,Suggest you switch attorneys to Dewey, Cheatham and Howe. They've done great work for me.