The Other Adrienne Colan
We are saddened to report the passing of Adrienne Colan, wife of Gene Colan, over this past weekend. Clifford Meth, pictured here at right with the Colans, adds this personal note for his friend.
The news hasn’t been great in the Colan home these last few months. If you’ve followed it, and if you’ve read between the lines, you’ve weeded out a kernel of truth and likely a whole cob of mistruths. And none of that really matters, now. It was all rubber-necking anyway.
But there are truths I’d like to share about Adrienne Colan, and chief among them was her and Gene’s love for each other. It read like an epic poem. The hardships and tragedies and obstacles were too numerous to count, but for half a century they remained at the center of each other’s universes. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health. For better or worse.
The Adrienne Colan you met at conventions was the real McCoy. She was tough and funny and uncompromising; warm and intelligent and spiritual. And her sense of humor was splendid. I think that’s where we met—at that dark crossroads where everything was tragic-comic. Our friendship existed outside of my friendship with Gene; we corresponded for decades, sharing dreams and fears.
And I guess I loved Adrienne. Now that the end has come amidst ashes and tears, I owe myself that honesty. I loved her attention, loved sending her a new story and when she got something I’d written and dissected it (and me with it); loved that she was intellectually curious about everything I shared and painfully honest with me…and with herself.
“Something I find fascinating about you is how you came to give yourself permission to live by your own standards without alienating those that love you and
you love,” she wrote to me last December, following a personal tragedy. “How and where does one go inside to know they have that right to live by their own truth? I’m so interested in this because I’ve always had a POV about how I need to live my life but continued to allow myself to be crushed by [others]… I’ve allowed their version of right and wrong choices to annihilate my world view. That’s what the weight is about. And I can’t begin to tell you dear Clifford how awful it is [for] one’s psyche to still be crawling my way out of that at the age of 67. At this age I feel I acquiesced to letting myself ‘die’… But I’m responsible, so I eat.”
And there it was—that dark humor inside the sadness. So I eat. You could hear her say it.
“I can take both sides of the debate,” she wrote later. “I believe in G-d and that Judaism, at its root, is the healthiest and happiest way for a Jew to live and safeguard oneself from dangerous, misleading…spiritually harmful things. But I also believe that there’s a sickness that overtakes ‘religious’ people. There are many paths to G-d.”
And we agreed. And we disagreed. And we laughed. And we shared Gene’s illness as he aged and his independence began to fade.
Of course there were things she did wrong. Me, too. You, too. Terrible things. Self-tragic things. Mother dumb things. I won’t tell you about hers. I won’t tell you about mine either.
But there were fine things, Adrienne. You did fine things. And not least among them, we may never have known Gene without you.
“When I read how well you express yourself, I often think of Gene’s first experience up at DC Comics, 13 years old, arriving with his comic-book size panels of little continuity drawings. Someone puts his arm around him and takes him inside to production. He shows Gene a sample of Bob Kane’s or Kirby’s or whoever was huge at the time. And Gene said to me, ‘I felt elated and diminished all at once.’ LOL!”
And then there was the diet. She was always going on a diet. “I’m a fat old lady!” she used to proclaim.
We aren’t what we eat, I’d tell her. We’re what we do. We’re what we do for others and we’re what we believe, whether it’s fantasy or reality. Or maybe she said those things.
“Those directives of taking the high moral ground and spelling it out,” she explained of her childhood, “Those lofty notions to strive above the most base human failings… I found them helpful because I wasn’t getting anything even close to that at home. At the same time, around the age of 12, I found the ‘live and let live, honor all of life’ philosophy of Buddhism very appealing and comforting. And so it has been that way for me since that age to this day. That, along with authors whose voice and struggles of the mind and heart I identified with, convinced me even further how one must guard against injuring another’s spirit. So those things have had the biggest impact on giving me direction… It spoke to me.
“[But] my Jewishness is something separate. My Jewishness is something I adore, feel enriched by. It makes me laugh inside and feel grateful for [it]. I feel like there’s prime steak unseasoned, and then there’s prime steak seasoned with salt & pepper and maybe a shmeer of fresh garlic! I bring to the table of life my Jewishness.”
Yes, I said, finally giving in. It really is about food, isn’t it?
And we laughed.
What a beautiful piece … I’m so glad I read this.
Like Cliff says, we don’t know the story, and a lot of us didn’t actually know Adrienne, but after reading this I feel just a little bit closer … and a little bit sadder at the same time.
RIP Adrienne – whatever happened, I hope you’re at peace now.
I hope that the good one does is not negated by the bad. I met Adrienne, and sometimes spoke to her at length, though the subject was almost always Gene. The picture you paint of her is true to my memory– smart, tough, protective, kind. If she lost her center somehow, under strain or illness that I (thankfully) cannot fathom, I want to remember her as she was when she was herself.
HARLAN ELLISON
Cliff’s piece speaks for all of us who knew her then, and who continue to love Gene. As a cleverer voice than mine once put it: “Death is a fence that won’t take whitewash.”
What a beautiful piece … I'm so glad I read this.Like Cliff says, we don't know the story, and a lot of us didn't actually know Adrienne, but after reading this I feel just a little bit closer … and a little bit sadder at the same time.RIP Adrienne – whatever happened, I hope you're at peace now.
I hope that the good one does is not negated by the bad. I met Adrienne, and sometimes spoke to her at length, though the subject was almost always Gene. The picture you paint of her is true to my memory– smart, tough, protective, kind. If she lost her center somehow, under strain or illness that I (thankfully) cannot fathom, I want to remember her as she was when she was herself.
HARLAN ELLISONCliff's piece speaks for all of us who knew her then, and who continue to love Gene. As a cleverer voice than mine once put it: "Death is a fence that won't take whitewash."
Okay, i haven’t been seeing any news, so i have no idea what’s referenced.
But i feel for you for the loss of your friend.
Okay, i haven't been seeing any news, so i have no idea what's referenced.But i feel for you for the loss of your friend.
Regardless of the situation, the loss of a human life is a sad one. My condolences to Adrienne’s family and friends, and my best wishes.
Adda-rabbah (ancient Hebrew for “quite the opposite”). The good one does negates the bad. Else we’d all be in serious trouble.
Adda-rabbah (ancient Hebrew for "quite the opposite"). The good one does negates the bad. Else we'd all be in serious trouble.
Regardless of the situation, the loss of a human life is a sad one. My condolences to Adrienne's family and friends, and my best wishes.
Thank you Cliff for your wonderful words about my friend Adrienne. I considered her my best friend and although I only knew her a short time, we became the best of friends from the first day we met. She was a very special person full of life and always giving and caring of others. I spent alot of time with A and Gene at their home in Sea Cliff. I know they had moments but they loved each other dearly. I could go on and on, but I will always remember what a great woman she was and the fun we had together. This is a great loss to Gene and the family, but I’m feeling it too. Thank you Cliff and everyone else who is helping to support and be there for Gene.
Wonderful piece, Cliff. This is the Adrienne I know too and the one I will always remember. I treasure her comments on my art in a much similar fashion. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks, Cliff, for this insightful, heartfelt tribute.
Thank you Cliff for your wonderful words about my friend Adrienne. I considered her my best friend and although I only knew her a short time, we became the best of friends from the first day we met. She was a very special person full of life and always giving and caring of others. I spent alot of time with A and Gene at their home in Sea Cliff. I know they had moments but they loved each other dearly. I could go on and on, but I will always remember what a great woman she was and the fun we had together. This is a great loss to Gene and the family, but I'm feeling it too. Thank you Cliff and everyone else who is helping to support and be there for Gene.
Wonderful piece, Cliff. This is the Adrienne I know too and the one I will always remember. I treasure her comments on my art in a much similar fashion. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks, Cliff, for this insightful, heartfelt tribute.
I am very saddened to hear of Adrienne’s passing. I only met her and Gene once at a convention several years ago, but I did trade some emails with her when I did an ‘Enjoy Gene Colan’ graphic, in the style of the Coke logo, which Adrienne had printed on t-shirts for a fan get-together a couple of years ago. She was really wonderful to deal with, and as a life-long fan of Gene’s art, it was a real honor to have done that graphic for them.
This is a beautifully written piece. RIP Adrienne.
I am very saddened to hear of Adrienne's passing. I only met her and Gene once at a convention several years ago, but I did trade some emails with her when I did an 'Enjoy Gene Colan' graphic, in the style of the Coke logo, which Adrienne had printed on t-shirts for a fan get-together a couple of years ago. She was really wonderful to deal with, and as a life-long fan of Gene's art, it was a real honor to have done that graphic for them.
This is a beautifully written piece. RIP Adrienne.
adrienne and pledged our undying love for each other as best friends in january of 2010 despite the 35 years that separate(d) us. one year later she is still sorely missed.
this lives on, at least. in honor of adrienne i’ve returned to my graphic autobiography. i felt her smacking me last summer when i gave up; the losses of my two truest loves last june and july, however, bogged me down.
now, though, it’s time to let the anchors become buoys. much love forever, adrienne.
I totally agree with Beth. I was fortunate enough to meet Adrienne in December, 2010 and Gene a short time later. While they were going through their rough patch A came and stayed with me. It was some of the best times I had in my life. We ate, watched old movies, philosophied, laughed till we cried, and cried till we laughed. To have such a vibrant personality taken away from me was a great tragedy. I still get the urge to call her, to share some joke, or just to chat at length as good friends do. I’m just sorry that I had her for such a short time and I will never forget her. I cherish our time together and feel fortunate to have known her, even for such a limited time. She will always be in my thoughts.
RIP A—Give ’em hell.
Love,
Barbara