Fri May 8, 2009 — by Marc Alan Fishman

Webcomics You Should Be Reading: "Full Frontal Nerdity!"

I admit it. No need to twist my arm behind my back and make me cry “Uncle! Uncle! Oh Uncle, why would you twist my arm like this? What have I ever done but love you!!!”...Ahem. I admit to you I am a nerd. A dweeb. A dorkus-milorkus. I have from time to time sat at a table with nothing more than a pile of books, dice, pencils, and Mountain Dew, all to play an evenings worth of Dungeons and Dragons. I have from time to time, fired up a video game system to bring death and destruction with linked Ions Cannons. I even admit that I know that Ion Cannons are primarily used to destroy shields in the X-Wing vs. Tie-Fighter series... so saying I would use them to bring death was a false statement.   Nerdy enough? Thought so. My collective of FOMAFers... I return once again to tickle your faces, as I bring you another webcomic to toss into your web feeder gizmo-gadgets. I bring you “Full Frontal Nerdity”! 

Born as a sister comic to the popular Nodwick series by Aaron Williams, Full Frontal Nerdity takes the “Gamers at a Table” concept to fruition. Updated every week, Aaron delivers a ton of yuck-yucks to those of us who have spent an evening or two under the thumb of a wicked DM. For those of you who don't know what a DM is... you may want to wikipedia “Dungeons and Dragons”. Don't worry, I'll wait. Back? Good. You may have noticed that “Full Frontal Nerdity” doesn't have an entry on said online encyclopedia... so, consider the history lesson here over. How about instead we open up the floor to the humor.

FFN places us (generally) at the table of three live (plus one webcam dude) gamers. The jokes generally stem from traditional things we nerdy-nerds tend to deal with. From the DM who invents problems and can't out-think his players, to the players who simply swing their axe at any problem that comes to them. Aaron obviously knows his RPG jokes down pat. While certainly less accessible then some of my other picks, it didn't take long to scour through the archives of FFN to determine I had to share it with you. There's enough pop culture reference as well as ventures outside the gaming, that are too good to pass up. It also didn't hurt that my fellow Unshaven Comic creator (and my roommate, and one of my best friends of 15+ years....) told me about it, and even helped pick the list of examples to share with you. What list you say?

You walk down the dimly lit corridor. You notice cobwebs flickering in the torch light, in every corner. The dungeon smells of sulfer, rotting meat, and Calvin Klein's Obsession... And then from out of the darkness a horrible giant list of comics confronts you!!

Roll 2D20, and see if you make your will save before checking these out:

• It's so true, is it not?
• Gasp! Nerds out on the town. Smart Nerds.....
• I don't like Dragonball either, but this makes a point.
• 80's cartoons bring a certain death with them.
• -10 to everyone's CHA.
• I won't let you down, gentle reader, a comic about boobs.
• Synchronicity
• Give me some money, I want this now.

The Breakdown:

Drama: Have you ever been in a game where the DM is all super serious, and every time you tell the group that your character is getting drunk and farting, he just looks at you with cold, steely eyes... as if to imply you are somehow ruining the atmosphere?

Humor: In that same game, have you ever tried to use your character's horrible flatulence in an attempt to smoke out the Orks hiding in the forrest only to find out that the Orks are totally hot for you and your horrible funk?

Continuity: And in that same game, does your DM collect all the character sheets so you don't accidently “lose” your crappy level one half elf who took “Barding” on the skill tree instead of “Perception” leading you to suck like vacuum whenever it's time to fight something?

Art: Simple, effective, but nothing special. Did I just break my joke string to critique the strip? Damn.

Archive: D and D is on it's 5th edition. Full Frontal Nerdity has been going on since 2001, according to the date stamp on the first strip.

Updates: Every new book day. If you get that reference, +4 to your INT. -3 to your CHA if you call me out on making a comic book joke in an RPG webcomic article.

Risk/Reward: So, this one time, I made this dwarf with an INT of 7. On purpose. Every time the group gained XP and hero points, I would up my STR or my DEX. Never my INT. I loved this dwarf. Why? Because every opportunity I got, I would run at whatever the DM set in front of us, and just start swinging my axe. Bone Dragon? No problem. Stone Giant? The more the merrier. Destroyer? Bring him on! It pissed the DM off so much she threatened to kill off my character several hundred times, in a given quest. So, finally she put a huge staircase in front of us. My dwarf charged ahead. The staircase ended around a bend, and my dwarf fell to his doom. I told the DM when he got to Dwarf heaven, he would simply run for the gates and swing his axe at them. I was never asked to game with those people again.

So, have it nerds... go forth into the woods with your heads held high as you have completed another quest. For any who comment below, you will be given 1000 XP.

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