Fri Aug 1, 2008 7:46AM23 comments ›
Fri Aug 1, 2008 — by Michael Davis
The Day The Earth Moved, by Michael Davis
Straight No Chaser
I had a particularly bad day after the San Diego Comic Con was over. I don’t feel like sharing nor do I feel like writing about it. There are times when I don’t trust myself with my Mac and I fear whatever I write at those times would come back to haunt me. It’s like they say, never go shopping for food when you are hungry. I’ve done that and come home with 60 boxes of Twinkies.
I will allow myself to write when I’m mad about some injustice or something stupid, but when I’m sad or remorseful I’d rather just go with something I have in the can. When I first got the ComicMix gig I wrote a bunch of random articles to be used in case I was on vacation, sick or in case I had to deal with something on a personal level that required my time.
So, yesterday there was an earthquake that hit 5.4 on the Richter scale here in Los Angeles. What follows is a now-timely piece I wrote over a year ago when Mike Gold first offered me the ComicMix gig…
Why in the Hell do I live in Los Angeles? I hate it here. I hate the restaurants, I hate the fake people, I hate the what do you do and how much do you make and what car do you drive mentality that seems to resonate in this city. I hate the fact that I joined a gym like a sheep and almost never went. What an idiot I am!
Me, Michael Davis, joining a goddamn gym?? AHHHHHH!! Why the Hell would I join a gym?? I’ll admit it I joined because everyone in L.A. belongs to a gym. I wanted to belong as well.
What the FISH was I thinking? I’m not in shape? Hell yeah I am, ROUND is a shape!
I don’t need a damn gym. If I want exercise I can simply do what any black man does in Los Angeles… run from the police.
When I realized that I was becoming like the very sheep I hated, I quit the gym. In the year I belonged I went MAYBE five times.
Some people think that the weather is what makes people stay in L.A. Let me tell you something: where I live, the temperature hit 116 last summer. It was SO HOT that my dogs don’t want to go outside. They said to me (YES, they actually SPOKE) “Let us use the bathroom inside. We will leave the seat down, we promise… woof.”
Another reason why I should just pack up and move is the stupid cult of celebrity that this stupid city inspires. People lose their mind when it comes to stars. I could give a crap about Brittney, Paris or Tom. Are ANY of these people writing me a check?? Or they writing YOU a check? Would Paris Hilton lose any sleep if YOUR sex tape were on U-tube?
A week ago I told a star to go to the back of a line when he and his date tried to use their clout to jump a movie line. The manager was about to let them in when I said “There’s a line, you know.” The rest of the crowd chimed in and the star decided to leave – but not before he shot me a look that was intended to… you know I have no idea what that look was supposed to convey. No idea, none. Wait, I know what it meant. It meant he was a little punk bitch, that’s what. The manager had the nerve to ask me; “Why did I say anything?” I asked him why should others and I stand in line while this guy is allowed special privileges. He called me a troublemaker; I called him an ass kissing little drip. He then told me he would have me removed from the theater; I went into my wallet and produced the card of my lawyer, gave it to him and said. “Please do.”
I won. Or so I thought. The movie was Open Water. IT SUCKED.
Why DON’T I MOVE??? I’m an idiot!!!
Even if I excuse all of the above I’m still faced with another HUGE reason I should just pack it up and move.
You have not lived until you have felt the EARTH move. To be fair, I have made the Earth move a few times with the ladies. BUT this is different. One moment you could be walking along minding your business then WHAM a tree bitch slaps you into the next block.
I KNOW it’s going to happen again. EVERYBODY knows it’s going to happen, BUT WE STAY! What is wrong with me?? Why don’t I just pack up and LEAVE?
I have no excuse. I sit here like the idiot I am waiting… waiting for my house to fall on my head.
Oh well it could be worse, I could live in Baltimore. Hey, have you seen The Wire?
Media mogul Michael Davis and his best friend Denys Cowan are conspiring up something …
Jump to comments (23)
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Comments (23)
Vinnie Bartilucci (9:24 AM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Hope you're feeling better. I look forward to hearing your take on the return of Milestone to DC.
Michael Davis (5:31 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Yeah-I guess one day I will have to chime in on The DC Milestone deal. One day...
MARK WHEATLEY (9:44 AM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Michael - it was fun seeing you at SDCC. Also - I was very impressed that on Saturday you still had enough of a voice to shout and be heard across several booths and aisles. I'm lucky to be able to talk at all by Saturday. And even at my best I can't get my voice to carry like that.
Now - Baltimore has some bad areas. I avoid them. I know that LA has some bad areas. Hopefully you avoid them. For over 25 years INSIGHT STUDIOS was located just on the edge of Baltimore. But these days I live the life of luxury in "horse country" near Baltimore. When you are in the area we would love to have you visit. You'll like it.
And I hope today is a far better day for you!
Russ Rogers (12:50 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Baltimore and L.A. were both immortalized in Randy Newman songs.
Michael Davis (5:44 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
I lost my voice Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon I was hit with a event that made me speechless anyway so it all worked out I guess. I'm sure there are some very nice places in Baltimore and the next time I am there (which is fairly often) I will take you up on your kind offer to visit.
However, I will be strapped...
Adriane Nash (12:39 PM on Sun Aug 3, 2008)
Baltimore ComicCon 2008 is Sept 27th & 28th *hint hint*
Alan Coil (9:51 AM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
What do you do? is a fair question. How much do you make? is NOYB.
What does Alan Coil do? Nothing. He is a deadbeat.
Mike Gold (1:18 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Is that a union gig?
Alan Kistler (3:10 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
As a Union Rep, I can confirm that the answer to that is "YES."
But does being a deadbeat pay like it used to? Man, don't even get me STARTED ...
Mike Gold (8:59 AM on Sat Aug 2, 2008)
Hey, look. I used to be a Wobblie.
Alan Coil (9:00 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
I used to have a Union gig, but the Republicans took over. Now, the car companies are failing even as Big Oil is making record profits. Exxon made $90,000 profit every minute in the second quarter.
Martha Thomases (10:14 AM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Los Angeles can be fun, for a few days, if you think of it like theme park. However, if I lived there, it would eat me alive, because it feels like high school and I'm not one of the cool kids.
New York, on the other hand, is full of people who were never, ever cool and moved here to fool themselves.
Mike Gold (1:20 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Nice job plugging your Saturday column.
Rick Taylor (1:35 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Isn't that part of her job?
Alan Kistler (3:15 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
"I don’t need a damn gym. If I want exercise I can simply do what any black man does in Los Angeles… run from the police."
This instantly became my away message today. And it reminded me of the days when I was growing up around D.C. and anytime a cop siren went off nearby, everyone looked at me (granted they had reasons to, but that's not the point!).
It's hard being an Irish-Latino who looks semi-Asian. So many stereotypes to choose from. :-)
Michael Davis (5:33 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
'Irish-Latino who looks semi-Asian' Damn Alan-you must NEVER get a cab!
Mark Behar (3:31 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
I always enjoy reading your column when you throw in a little day-in-the-life action, Michael. From reading this one today, as with your trip to the spa, I take it that you enjoy these awkward interactions with theatre managers, spa owners, etc. I LIVE for those moments!
Michael Davis (5:30 PM on Fri Aug 1, 2008)
Thanks Mark, I just really hate people who think they have a sense of entitlement.
Mark Behar (4:03 PM on Tue Aug 5, 2008)
You're welcome, Michael. I, on the other hand, enjoy putting people in their places.
E.g. I get an adrenaline rush when I find an error on my cell phone bill, because I know that I will call in and get an apology (even if I have to brow-beat someone into it), a bill credit, and the warm-and-fuzzy feeling that accompanies TRULY exercising one's rights as a consumer. If the first receptionist who gets me on the phone give me attitude, you'd better believe I'm gonna demand to speak to her manager.
Bring it, I say! Bring it!
Reg Gabriel (11:11 AM on Tue Aug 5, 2008)
"Thanks Mark, I just really hate people who think they have a sense of entitlement."
Errm, uhhh...Who? Me?? What'd I do except ask for a way to contact you? I asked nicely and all, didn't I?? ;-/
Seriously tho...Sorry for the 'event', and props for exercising restraint. I'm sure that with the implied magnitude, that act of discipline twern't easy. However, I highly recommend going to the gym to burn off the anger. :-))
And oh yeah....Loooove your response to the theatre manager. You punked him! Elegantly. :-)
Michael Davis (5:36 PM on Wed Aug 6, 2008)
Sorry Reg,
I had a new email account set up but have had no time to activate it. I would simply give you one of the the ones I have now but then all those boyfriends who have been looking to talk to me about their girlfriends would have access. I can't have that.
Hehehehehehee...hee...evil laugh.
I will contact my web person and get back to you soon.
Michael Davis (6:08 PM on Wed Aug 6, 2008)
Here you go Reg: michael@dreamcitymgt.com It may take a sec to get back to you because I just set this up with my management company and I'm sure I will be swamped with people sending me naked photos...I mean people interested in what I'm doing.
Reg Gabriel (9:47 PM on Wed Aug 6, 2008)
Many, many thanks to you Michael!! You sir, are a man of integrity and grace. I greatly appreciate the trust and confidence. It will not be misused. Trust.
Blessings and peace.