Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:07AM8 comments ›
Fri Jan 18, 2008 — by Michael Davis
The Michael Davis Network
Straight, No Chaser #49
It’s no secret I hate most reality television. I think shows like The Real World and The Real Housewives Of Orange County are real stupid. No, that’s not right, I like reality TV I just don’t like the “I’m better than you” attitude that some of these shows reflect. Take The Real Housewives Of Orange County for instance. This show is about these elitist bunch of middle age women who think that money and status are all there is in life. One woman on the show has a son who has serious problems so her solution is to kick him out of the house. OK, that’s tough love, I get that.
However…
The mom is then upset that her son (who she kicked out) moved into the home of her husbands ex-wife. She is very hurt that her son would do that to her.
What?
This “mother” throws her son out of the house and then she is hurt because her son moves into her husband ex-wife’s house. Forget the fact the kid had nowhere to go, she could not get over the fact that he would hurt her that way.
What kind of parent is this?
Does having money make you a heartless self-centered bitch?
She’s hurt? What’s going to happen when this kid commits a robbery? Will she be upset because he did not rob a better class of store?
‘How could he rob a liquor store?” Why not rob a Saks or Bloomingdales?” I’m so hurt. How can he do this to me?’
Well I think it’s time I unveil my reality shows and my network. I was going to do this on TV at a later date but the billion dollars I needed has been a bit a bit slow in coming.
So you want REAL reality TV? Well welcome to The Michael Davis Network (MDN) Fall 2008 programs.
Black Nanny
Episode 1.
I should have shot the little bastard
On the premiere episode Laquitta the Black Nanny is arrested for beating a child with a pipe.
The Real Stupid Housewives Of Orange County
Episode 1.
Those were the good old days
Meet the Real Stupid Housewives of Orange County! Brenda, a 40 year old with more plastic in her face than Mrs. Potato Head. Susan, a 49 year old so ugly that her church won’t let her worship inside. Denise, a 52 year old who thinks that because she lives in Orange County she is allowed to own slaves. In the pilot episode Denise does not understand why she can’t buy the black man who comes to her home to install cable.
Her friends come over to console her and suggest she buy a Filipino.
Compton Wife Swap
Episode 1.
Where you think you going?
Sharon, a black woman from the inner city of Compton California goes to live with the Whitmore family for 2 weeks in Brentwood California. At the same time Tiffany a white women from upscale Brentwood goes to Compton to live with the Washington family. Confusion arises when the Mr. Washington refuses to let Tiffany leave while the Whitmore family offers Sharon “any amount you want” to just get out.
African American Idol
Episode 1.
Bounce with me.
The MDN scans the world for the best black talent in the world, with a twist! Basketball! While they sing they must also play basketball. It’s the best of both worlds as they sing and dribble their way to stardom!
Extreme Makeover Homeless Edition
Episode 1.
Hey Buddy Can You Spare A Home?
Here’s a thought: what if we give new homes to people who NEED them? Watch the fun as we get people off the street and into the home of their dreams!
Eviction!
Episode 1.
Get Out Of Here!
On the heels of the hit series Extreme Makeover Homeless Edition we see what happens after we give a bunch of homeless people a home and expect them to pay for it. The fun never stops because they don’t have jobs and can’t pay the mortgage!
Ugly Bitch
Episode 1.
Why don’t you move to Newark?
Forget Betty! Fresh from the Real Stupid Housewives of Orange County! Brenda stars in her own show! In the premier, The Orange County Homeowners Association leads a old fashion torch lit march to Brenda’s home. The pitchforks fly as they demand Brenda get out of the “OC” because she does not fit he “community standards” or to put it another way, she sure is ugly.
The MDN. If you’ve not watching… you’re smarter than we thought!
Michael Davis is impressed that Oprah just got her own network. OWN, literally.
Jump to comments (8) 
More News from ComicMix
- 'Twilight Saga: New Moon' takes opening day gross record from 'Dark Knight', midnight record from 'Harry Potter 6'about an hour ago, 0 comments
- The Point Radio: 'Twilight New Moon' Exclusives1 day ago, 0 comments
- Review: 'Saga of the Swamp Thing Book Two'1 day ago, 0 comments
- Why continuity matters, dammit1 day ago, 4 comments
- Capcom Announces 'Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition'3 days ago, 0 comments
- 'Angel: After The Fall' fan film3 days ago, 0 comments
- ComicMix Six: Best Geek-Themed Games for the Holidays3 days ago, 1 comment
- Review: 'Logan's Run' on Blu-ray3 days ago, 0 comments
- ComicMix and IDW on the iPhone and iTouch4 days ago, 0 comments
- 'Global Frequency' back to TV?4 days ago, 3 comments
Comments (8)
Rick Taylor (8:33 AM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
You crack me up, sir!
Michael Davis (2:21 PM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
Rick, Thanks! Your comment reminds me of another show. The Crack hour! Join the fun as we visit Crack Houses around the world!
Rick Taylor (4:18 PM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
Oy!
Marilee J. Layman (4:57 PM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
There's an ad for a travel show on the page. You missed:
Black Cops!
Episode 1: You Black, Man!
Sgt. Ron El-Baba leads his team in treating black suspects worse than white suspects. The police mindset takes over the black man's pride.
Michael Davis (9:36 PM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
I like that! How about:
Black Cops!
Episode 2: You Black, to Sgt!
When Sgt. Ron El-Baba brings in his black suspects he is arrested also!
Elayne Riggs (8:09 AM on Sat Jan 19, 2008)
"Does having money make you a heartless self-centered bitch?" Uh, yeah. Your point? :)
Great column idea, Michael. I've had fantasies of watching an Extreme Makeover Homeless Edition show myself, that's what I think every time I see ads for the "real" thing.
On the heels of last Wednesday's column, here's my contribution:
You'll Eat It, And You'll Like It!
Episode One.
And no back talk, either!
Actual working people compete to cook semi-edible meals for their families using whatever's in the damn fridge and kitchen cabinets, no ingredients more expensive than the meat, no fresh herbs (I mean, are you kidding me? like these people have gardens?), and lots of stuff that features high fructose corn syrup. Winner is the first person who gives up and goes out to KFC instead. No, winner is, as usual, Sandra "Semi-Homemade" Lee, the millionaire who cooks like a poor person.
Anonymous (9:12 AM on Fri Jan 18, 2008)
Michael your articles make me laugh every week! How do you do it???? I'll be sitting by watching my local listings.....
NoneYo (3:15 PM on Tue Jan 22, 2008)
The genius never stops...lol. Never ever stop what you do, because you do it better than anyone else.