Sat Dec 1, 2007 — by Martha Thomases

Baby, It’s Cold Outside, by Martha Thomases

Brilliant Disguise #33

Convention season is over.  The days are short, and dark, and cold.  I don’t have to leave the house very often except to get food, or yarn, or comics.  I have much time in which to brood.  Here’s a few thoughts …

*  Comics came out on Thursday this week instead of Wednesday, and threw off my entire sense of rhythm.  The reason, I’m told, is that UPS was closed on Friday because of the Thanksgiving holiday.  Was this a surprise?  Doesn’t Thanksgiving always fall on a Thursday?  Get it together, people!  I don’t know what day it is if I haven’t read (and cursed at) Countdown!

* I’m finding I like a weekly comic book as a format, just as I liked Hill Street Blues, St. Elsewhere, Homicide, Buffy and other soapy serialized dramas.  It’s a shame they have to wreck the comic with fight scenes, when we could just have sordid interpersonal scandals, instead.  Tamper with a few paternity tests, and you won’t need those pesky parallel universes anymore.

* Comic books stores can be great places to buy gifts.  Really, I’ve counted on them for years – not too crowded, unusual items you can’t find elsewhere easily.  However, either my friends and family have become significantly less geeky, or the market has left us behind.  There are DC Direct toys for comics I haven’t read, and I read almost everything DC does.  Who is buying this stuff?

* Thanks to our glorious leaders, the U.S. dollar is almost worthless.  Not only does this mean that the champagne I like is even more expensive, but it also means there are ever more tourists in my city.  Some of them are from foreign countries, like England or Oklahoma, where they think that when a street sign says “Don’t Walk,” they are supposed to stay on the curb.  They do this even when there are no cars coming.  If the Sudanese can flog someone for naming a Teddy Bear Mohammed, I should be able to flog people who don’t walk.

* With the Writers Guild still on strike in part because of disagreements about royalties on DVD sales, is it appropriate to buy TV shows for holiday gifts?  The writers often didn’t get paid a fair percentage, and they often have to provide extra material for the sets for free.  I want to do the right thing, but I’m not sure what that is in this case.  I’m looking at you.

* Not to pander to despicable stereotypes or anything, but there should be a rule against Hanukkah being so much earlier than Christmas.  I’m not ready.  The stores have not even begun their panicked mark-downs yet, and I face the prospect of paying close to full retail. 

* Even worse, I am somehow involved in a very long-term committed relationship, one which has now involved 30 Hanukkahs (not to mention birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines Days etc), which means we’ve bought each other well over 300 gifts.  Luckily, the universe has rewarded our fidelity with Amazon.

Dakota North creator Martha Thomases happily remains media goddess and designated adult of ComicMix.

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