But have I talked about how much I love Cable & Deadpool (a.k.a. The Greatest, Most Insane and Slightly Twisted Buddy Story Ever Told)? Not enough, I haven’t! And I’m not just talking about Patrick Zircher’s or Reilly Brown’s excellent art (with a bit of Mark Brooks and other talented folks as well), although I do love that. I’m also talking about the superbly engaging and zany characterization, storytelling, and relationship that Fabian Nicieza developed during his time writing the book.

Before the series, Cable and Deadpool had met as adversaries and then as two guys who are having a tough time in their (super-powered) lives and end up sort of commiserating about it; but they hadn’t shared too much page time together. However, that all changes in the first few issues of Cable & Deadpool (2004-05). I don’t know if Nicieza pitched the idea, or if someone at Marvel was just like, “put together two characters for not much reason whatsoever except that their individual books both ended recently and they’ve met before? Yes, that’s what we’ll do!” but in the start of the series, Nicieza has to provide us with a viable reason as to why these two are going to hang out together for what ends up being a 50-issue run (well, mostly; Cable disappears from the last several for outside continuity reasons). And he does it with psychotic aplomb.

To make a long story short, there’s this virus called the Facade virus, and both Wade (Deadpool) and Nate (Cable) have been infected. The Facade virus is supposed to change everyone and make them blue, because the people using it (the “One World Church”) believe that making everyone the same color will somehow be the first step in stopping disagreements and fighting in the world. Well, the virus does turn people blue, but unfortunately there’s a pesky little side effect: it causes them to melt and die. (Ah, I love comics.) Since both Cable and Deadpool are not like ordinary people, it affects them a bit differently. In Deadpool, it still causes him to melt, but a lot more slowly because of his persistent regenerative powers. In Cable, it acts to block his telekinetic and telepathic abilities that control the techno-organic mesh that makes up part of his flesh (hey. that rhymed!), causing the T-O to start taking over his body and immobilizing him. Cable determines that the two have to swap DNA so they can pool their abilities in order to save themselves.

Once Deadpool is fully melted, Cable absorbs him through his pores (yes, really) and then, I kid you not, pukes him out (Deadpool: “You swallowed me!”). While doing so he manages to use his powers to fix the glitches in the virus which he’d figured out earlier on. He also manages to mix their DNA, which is Relevant To Our Interests because it explains a fair amount of why they are now stuck together. You see, after recovering, Cable reconstructs an old space station of his that includes a teleport matrix. The way the matrix works is that Cable says, “bodyslide” and the machine identifies his DNA and uses it to teleport him. He can teleport himself with a “bodyslide by one,” or a team with a “bodyslide by X number.” But now, when he says “bodyslide by one,” the matrix reads Cable and Deadpool as one person, due to their mixed DNA, and they are teleported together, as one mixed up entity with 8 arms and legs. (Aieeee!) After a couple of times accidentally teleporting like that and having to tear themselves apart into two people again (which they can do without dying thanks to the healing factor), Cable figures out that if they say “bodyslide by two” it will still teleport them both, but as separate people. The end result of this is that whenever one of them bodyslides, the other gets pulled along for the ride. Voila! Team-up explained!

And thank Odin, because they really are just so perfectly fun together. Deadpool, as we all (should) know, is funny as hell, and Nicieza writes him with a perfect mix of off-the-wall humor, outright insanity, and darkness. Cable on his own never did much for me until after Cable & Deadpool, after which I liked the character enough to keep up with his story due to leftover warm fuzzy feelings. But he works so well as Deadpool’s conscience, friend, and straight man that I can’t help but love reading about the two of them. Plus Nicieza writes Cable with a wry sense of humor that fits perfectly with his character but doesn’t seem to come out much around anyone but Deadpool. It’s like with Deadpool he can let himself go; which is probably one reason why he’s fond of him and indulgent of him.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t love this book because it’s all the sunshine and happiness of two bestest buds skipping merrily through a field together. When I say “engaging” and “fun,” sure, I’m talking about consistent laugh out loud jokes and moments. But I’m also talking about an interaction between two characters that, even when it’s sad and depressing (it happens), is intellectually and emotionally interesting. And while I love a good superhero fight, that kind of story and character interaction in a comic is what really draws me in.

So in that vein, (Massive Spoiler Alert. Seriously, skip to the end if I’ve convinced you by now that Cable & Deadpool sounds like fun and you want to read the book without spoilers) here are my top six examples of why Cable & Deadpool is such a great twisted bromance/buddy story:

***

1) When the X-Men seek to stop Cable from his plans to (peacefully) run the world as he thinks best, Deadpool, Outcast Extraordinaire who would desperately love to be a part of any team but is never invited, is asked to help them (well really because they need his ability to enter Cable’s domain at will). Deadpool, at the moment when he’s supposed to take Cable out, instead turns on the X-Men so he can warn and save Cable, even though he knows it means giving up the offer to be part of the X-Men. He does it because he really believes in Cable (even if he won’t admit it out loud).

2) After Deadpool follows Cable’s instructions and plugs him into a machine that lobotomizes him (which Cable knew it would do, but Deadpool didn’t) he spends the next several issues fighting his way through A.I.M. and a bunch of super-powered dudes to obtain an alien embryo that will bring Cable back (and Cable is so happy to hear Deadpool’s voice on his return, and Deadpool so happy to see Cable awake and whole again, that it might be one of the cutest woobie moments ever). Deadpool is even willing to use his own money to pay for Cable’s treatment.

3) When Deadpool, for no good reason, murders someone on Cable’s floating peace-and-goodwill island, Cable at first doesn’t get involved because he wants to give Wade the chance to make the right decision” about turning himself in. He really believes that Deadpool might be able to be a better person, which is something Deadpool can really use in his life, since even he has a hard time believing it half the time.

4) After Deadpool fights his way through several different realities to find a missing Cable, brings him back to Earth-616 as a baby, and attempts to “mentor” him as Cable is restored to his regular age and powers in an accelerated manner, Cable chooses to burn out much of his newly-restored power in fixing the most damaged parts of Deadpool’s brain. All that power and he just wants to help out his best bud. D’aww.

5) When Deadpool can’t get any mercenary work (the world is still pissed at him for lobotomizing their mutant savior earlier, among other things) Cable secretly hires him so he will feel useful without feeling like the jobs are handouts. Later on, Cable actually messes with Deadpool’s subconscious to try and get him to think about his past actions and recognize his remorse. Of course, this somewhat questionable move results in more Deadpool craziness, a fight between the two in a bar, and another parting of ways, but the point is, Cable can’t stop himself from trying to help Deadpool, because he genuinely cares.

6) In the ultimate act of friendship, after Deadpool hears about an attack on Cable’s island and goes to help (because of course he does; you can be mad at your friend and still want to help him), Cable, who knows he must detonate the island while still on it, which will kill him and anyone else still there, sends Deadpool off on a very important mission to stop information from falling into the wrong hands. When Deadpool reaches the statue holding the information, it turns out to be a teleport matrix, which lands Deadpool safely back in his apartment as Cable dies. Deadpool, of course, doesn’t think he was worth saving. But Cable did, and that’s what mattered. The issue ends with Deadpool swearing he won’t let Cable down.

***

If those six examples haven’t given you at least a couple of warm fuzzies about the nature of Cable and Deadpool’s crazy friendship (as well as making you (rightly) question whether it isn’t just a leeetle bit twisted) then get out of here, because I don’t trust robots. If they did, however, or the part before all the spoilery goodness made the book sound like fun, I suggest you send yourself back in comic-book time a few years by picking up the trades, because they’re all still available and really, if you don’t you’re just denying yourself a good time.

Either way, thanks for indulging me by reading my little love note to one of my favorite team-ups of all time, and until next Tuesday, Servo Lectio!

P.S. And check the comments on my last column to see if you won the Avengers cologne!

WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold Before Watchmen?

Here are the updated brackets… and remember, these are NSFW comics, so be careful when you click through to look and read them!

Go Get A Roomie 1955+100 to 471 Flipside	Go Get A Roomie 1861 to 612 Blooming Faeries
Blooming Faeries 752+50 to 375 Niels		Go Get A Roomie Game 25 Details Pictures of You
Chester 5000 XYV 864 to 247+10 Legacy Control	Chester 5000 XYV 1106 to 1121+115 Pictures of You		Winner of 25 Game 29 Details Winner of 26
Pictures of You 655 to 535+20 Locus Comic
I Am Arg 562 to 306+50 Gregor Comics	I Am Arg 1636+25 to 1389+200 KhaosKomix			Winner of 29 Game 31 Details Winner of 30
KhaosKomix 635 to 438+10 Ravens Dojo		I Am Arg Game 26 Details Chimney Speak
Devil Bear 689 to 296+850 Mallville Rules	Mallville Rules 253 to 1274 Chimney Speak
Chimney Speak 979+50 to 327 Busty Solar
Oglaf 1961 to 205 Spying with Lana	Oglaf 2526 to 913+65 Artifice
Artifice 739+40 to 541 Slimy Thief		Oglaf Game 27 Details Blur The Lines
Toonhole 520 to 313+300 Blur The Lines	Blur The Lines 480+1110 to 1404 Curvy		Winner of 27 Game 30 Details Winner of 28
Curvy 880 to 504 Exiern
Menage a 3 1822 to 194 Ship in a Bottle	Menage a 3 2097 to 390 Between Failures
Between Failures 559 to 494 TJ and Amal		Menage a 3 Game 28 Details Hatefarm
dead.winter 620 to 240 Super Haters	dead.winter 752+100 to 876 Hatefarm
Hatefarm 641+110 to 351 Bearmageddon

And once again, we’re giving you the option to put your money where your mouth is and buy additional votes for your favorite strips. Just click on the Donate button below, and during checkout, click on “Which comic are you donating for?” and detail who you’re voting for. We’re upping the price to 30¢ a vote for this round with a minimum of three votes purchased at a time, and all proceeds from paid votes will go to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, the organization that protects NSFW comics of all kinds from censorship. At the close of the round, we’ll add the paid votes to the totals and announce the winners who move on to the second round.

Hat tip: BracketMaker.com

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• Vote on the Mix May Mayhem 2012 NSFW Webcomics Tournament Nominees! (comicmix.com)
• Vote In Mix May Mayhem NSFW Webcomics Tournament First Round – Or Cheat For The CBLDF! (comicmix.com)
• Vote In The Mix May Mayhem NSFW Webcomics Tournament Sweet 16! (comicmix.com)

Yeah. Hell has indeed frozen over.

99% of my Facebook friends are real friends. I rarely “friend” people I don’t know. The overwhelming amount of people whom I’m a friend with are white. The overwhelming amount of people I’m in business with are white. I’m the only black guy on my block.

I like bagels and lox. I love The Beatles. I adore classical music.

I’ve dated many and almost married two white girls.

The first white girl I almost married broke it off because her family did not want her to marry me. Her family that she was very close to refused to let her marry me. I just assumed it was because they did not think I was a good enough guy. It was ten years later that the girl who broke my heart called me and said she was sorry for her actions ten years earlier and that’s when I found out the real reason.

It was because her father “Did not want his daughter marrying a nigger.”

That’s what I get for asking. “What exactly did he say” for over an hour.

She explained to me that her mother and father would disown her if she continued to even see me. How like a bad movie is that? Who the hell does that happen to in real life?

Me.

Up until then it never occurred to me that she broke up with me because I was black. I believed her when she told me that she just fell out of love with me. She contacted me because she had married some guy and it was he who suggested she make the call. She told him how terrible she had felt for all those years and he said to get it off her chest.

Man, that reminds me…how I loved that chest.

After the call she suggested we meet for lunch. At first I was hesitant, I had a hell of a time getting over her. I thought if I met with her my feelings may return and then I would never get over her again. But against my better judgment I went to have lunch with her. The moment I saw her I realized I was over her for good.

The bitch got fat.

I’m talking huge.

That was one fat bitch. How fat? I had four hundred dollars in cash and a Gold American Express card on me and I was starting to wonder if I could afford lunch.

That fat.

Yes, I’m well aware that “bitch” is a horrible thing to call a woman and yes I am over her but I’m still a wee bit bitter and I’m making a point but more on that later.

Today, I wish the fat bitch well. OK, maybe I’m more than a wee bit bitter. That moment with, let’s call her, oh I don’t know, fat bitch, was the moment when I started thinking about race in my adult personal life.

I grew up in a housing project that was 99.9% black. When I was a kid every person in my life was black.

All my music, friends and family were black and getting blacker everyday. And by “blacker” I mean my future seemed to me to be more of what my past was, black. There was nary a day when I did not think about race. That all changed when I entered the High School of Art & Design, the best high school in the universe. Trust me on that, I am the Master of The Universe so I know these things.

I went from hating gay people and not trusting white people and assuming I would always exist in a black only world to a person who just stopped seeing color. That was until that lunch with fat bitch 20 years later.

If you know anything about my work you know that the vast majority of stuff I do features African-Americans. Currently I’m working on projects about the Underground Railroad, Jackie Robinson and a book called, “Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Black People But Were Afraid To Ask.”

I also do non-black theme projects such as the book “The Littlest Bitch” with David Quinn (in it’s 3^rd printing and currently in development as a animated show…plug!) , that’s a real book; you can look it up on Amazon (another plug!) and see for your self.

For the most part I still do not see color in my personal life. I’m aware of it. I’m very vocal about it when I see racism but if you are a person in my life you are there because you are you not because of your race.

That’s my personal life.

In business I’ve always seen color and working in Hollywood I’m blinded by it.

In my opinion there is an abundance of racism in the entertainment business and, yes, that includes comics.

Now, this is not going to be a series of how the white man continues to fuck me because I’m black. I’m sure to some it will seem that what I’m going to write about with the way I went about setting this up.

Nope. This is the point I’m going to be making is this; racist decisions are being made by good people who have no fucking clue that their actions are racist.

What’s that I say? Try the following example on for size…

I’m convinced that I’m not disrespecting women by calling one a fat bitch because I’m bitter. I’m convinced that all women know that I’m not disrespecting them.

But, did I not just call a woman a fat bitch?

Get it?

End Of Part One.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Emily S. Whitten and that Deadpool Thing

WEDNESDAY MORNING: Mike Gold Snarls

By Khriztian León.

Um. Right.

In honor of all the wonderful women without whom we wouldn’t be here, today’s column is about moms. Specifically, a mom with a kid who happen to have X-ray vision, the power of flight, is invulnerable – you know.

This über-mom, is, of course, Martha Kent, nee Clark.

Martha was a country woman, wife to a farmer. She loved her husband Jonathan, but sometimes she wondered why she married him. The guy never wanted to go anywhere. He had been in the Army and already “seen the world.” Martha read the travel section of the newspaper and dreamed of Paris. They didn’t have any kids, so “the world’s our oyster,” she would tell him. Metropolis was about as far as he would go. Then one day, literally out of the sky blue, a baby boy crashed (also literally) into their lives. Martha’s husband wanted to take the kid to the police, but Martha took just one look into those baby blues and she was hooked. “Uh-uh, Jonathan,” she said to her husband. “We’re just going to mosey on down to the local orphanage, give the kid to them, and come back a few days later to take him home. That way nobody will question how we got a baby when everybody knows in this one-horse town I can’t have one. Sheesh, you can’t pass gas after Sunday dinner without old man Corsino telling everybody in church the next week.”

So that’s what they did. They were lucky nobody else wanted the kid.  (Now that would have been a whole ‘nother story – probably the “imaginary” kind.) In between they went over to the next town where there was a Babies ‘R’ Us and bought a crib and a changing table and boxes of Pampers, the start of going into parenthood hock. They decided to name the kid Clark, ‘cause that was Martha’s maiden name, and also they wanted the boy to be made fun of by all the other kids in school ‘cause Clark is such a dorky name.

A few months later Martha was vacuuming – Jonathan did the laundry, so it was a fair exchange – and went to move the couch, where all the dust bunnies lived. Baby Clark wanted to help mommy, so he picked the couch up. Martha went to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a stiff one.  When Jonathan came back from the lower 40 for lunch, he found an empty bottle of Johnny Walker Red and his wife in a drunken stupor. When she came to she had a hell of a headache and a hell of a story. Jonathan called Doc Newman who told him new mothers are under a lot of stress and to just take it easy with her. The doctor then hung up and called his wife and told her that Martha Kent was nuts.

Mrs. Newman called the Women’s Bible Study Group. At the next meeting Martha wondered if her Arrid Extra Dry had given out, ‘cause everybody was treating her like she had the bubonic plague or something. Except for Mrs. Lang. “I know just what you’re going through, Martha,” she said. “Sometimes I just want to take Lana and throw her out the window.” She gave Martha the number of her psychiatrist and some of her Xanax.  “Just to tide you over until you get an appointment with him, Martha. You’ll love him. The man is simply amazing.”

Martha went home and told her husband that he had a big mouth. Then she said, “I’m going to prove it to you.” Over Jonathan’s objections she woke up Clark, who started crying. She put him down next to the couch. Then she got out the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning.

“C’mon, Clark,” she said to the screaming infant. “Show Daddy how you helped Mommy yesterday.” Clark kept crying, dirtied his diaper and did not cooperate.

By the time Clark was in kindergarten Jonathan had apologized to Martha a million times for not believing her and had even taken her on a trip to Paris to make up for it – bringing Clark along of course, because where the hell could they find a babysitter for a kid who flew? Jonathan wanted to home-school Clark, but Martha said the kid needed “socialization.” Anyway, she got a job as a teacher’s assistant to keep an eye on him.

When Clark was in high school Jonathan didn’t want him to play any sports because he said it would be “unfair,” but Martha told him to shut up and told Clark to go ahead and try out for the football team. “Just don’t score too many touchdowns,” she said. “And let yourself get tackled once in a while.” When the other mothers wanted her to sign a petition banning football because it was “too dangerous,” she told them that football was as American as apple pie. Martha was very proud of Clark, but he had a crush on Lana Lang, who was the daughter of Mrs. Lang. Martha had never forgotten how Mrs. Lang had run around telling everybody that Martha refused to go to her shrink.

So Clark and grew up and became Superman, the Man of Steel, the hero of the world, the embodiment of the American dream of justice for all.

And he owes it all to Mom.

TUESDAY MORNING: Michael Davis Goes Black!

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Emily S. Whitten Loves Deadpool!

Sendak was famous for many books, especially Where The Wild Things Are, a favorite in our house. I got my Mary the full set of the McFarlane figurines and we saw and liked the movie version (many people didn’t but we did, nyah nyah).

He was infamous for books like In The Night Kitchen because its hero is a young boy named Mickey who falls out of his night clothes and runs around naked. As Lewis Black might put it, “Some people see pictures of a little boy’s wee-wee and it makes them want to cry.” It’s gotten the book put on the American Library Association’s “100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–1999.”

Banning In The Night Kitchen. Some people need to grow up. Still, if you’re not pissing some people off, you’re not doing it right. Sendak did it right.

Maurice Sendak had a diversity of styles. I have a collection of the two-volume set: The Juniper Tree and other tales from the Brother Grimm, translated by Lore Segal and Randall James. The illustrations are incredibly detailed and are often strange and reflect the source material magnificently. In the same style he also did The Light Princess and The Gold Key, both written by George Macdonald and they are beautifully realized as well. The latter is a particular favorite of mine. In the aforementioned In The Night Kitchen, the story proceeds from panel to panel like a comic book or, perhaps more aptly, like a comic strip: specifically, Little Nemo In Slumberland.

Sendak produced films, including the animated special of his work Really Rosie, and did sets for operas including Mozart’s The Magic Flute (Sendak cited Mozart as one of his great influences along with Walt Disney’s Fantasia.) He was part of the National Board of Advisors for Children’s television Workshop during the development of Sesame Street. He had a rich and prolific mind.

As I get older I get crankier, and so I can appreciate Sendak’s curmudgeonly side. He demonstrated it earlier this year in a wonderful two part interview that he did with Stephen Colbert and that you can watch here and here.

To note Sendak’s death, Colbert played a few additional pieces from the interview this week. My favorite was when Colbert compared Mozart to Donald Trump and Sendak instantly replied, “I’m going to have to kill you.” Funny, funny stuff and I think it was one of Colbert’s best interviews.

Sendak had a concept of mortality from an early age with his extended family dying in the Holocaust. I’ve also known about death from an early age with deaths in my extended family, attending wakes and funerals. Maybe there’s something in Sendak’s art and writing where that comes through and it speaks to me.

Sendak claimed that he didn’t write for children; he wrote for himself and that was part of his genius. As with all good children’s literature, the work speaks not only to children but the child in all of us. We see and we respond on a deep instinctive level. Everyone I’ve known has had a child alive inside of them – not always for good effect. In other words, our inner Max. I have several children inside of me and some of them are brats knowing only that they want what they want when they want it. Sendak knew and celebrated them as well.

Sendak may be gone but his work is there and so the best parts of him are as well. We can still meet our Wild Things and have a wild rumpus in the pages of his books. I wouldn’t be so bold as to say that Sendak would be pleased by that; Sendak was too much of a curmudgeon. I think he would nod and then go back to listening to Mozart.

Just don’t compare Mozart to Donald Trump because, then, Maurice Sendak would have to kill you.

MONDAY: Mindy Newell, R.N., CNOR, C.G.

Now I could suggest that, based solely on the sheer brilliance of Nolan’s Bat Films, our resident Master of the Universe (his phrase) isn’t exactly on the money… but why start a fire? Rather than blather for the sake of creating a phony flame war between the king of San Diego Con and this lowly Midwestern cracker, I’ll find my muse in Michael’s throwing of the gauntlet. It’s the idea we’re all thinking; DC could just copy Marvel’s blueprint and rake in the dough. But really, when we dissect that idea, this molehill quickly becomes a mountain. Where to begin? How about with the lynchpin – Superman.

Man Of Steel can set DC on the right path – or just nail the coffin closed. As many have seen with the various leaked set photos, and blurbs being dropped on the interwebs… the movie is assuredly in the vein of Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy, where realism is king. The men with the checkbook want results this time. No doubt that influenced all those in on the production to match the tone and soul of Nolan’s films. And the skeptics all agree, the blue Boy Scout should be as gritty as soft-serve and real as well… Superman!

Paul Dini, fifteen plus years ago, got it right. Based solely on some production stills, Zack Snyder isn’t paying attention. Granted I like Snyder a lot, but his last few cinematic efforts (Sucker Punch and the Watchmen) didn’t exactly incite waves of acceptance from the geek nation. It leads me to state the obvious: There’s only so much angst the fan base is willing to accept for the prodigal son of comic books as a whole. Simply put, Superman without a smile is indeed no Superman at all.

Think back, just a week ago, when you were watching The Avengers. Think how many times you laughed out loud, smirked, or just geeked out over a simple fight. Now think of Green Lantern. The proto-franchise out just one summer ago showed just how wrong DC “got it” when it came to the bridge between the pulp and the picture on the big screen. The movie was over-produced, under-written, and a pitiful invitation to celebrate the greater DCU. Don’t believe me? If that movie had lived up to its potential, mark my words, there would be no “New 52.” When Marvel launched the Avengers initiative, they did so with Iron Man. And that movie, nose to tail, was as good as Batman Begins. Hold that up to the boy in the green jeans? Don’t even try.

If DC intends to make their way into the arena to match The Avengers with a multi-franchise comic book based pantheon, they must be mindful of more than just the broad strokes. The House of Mouse was smart enough to hire genuinely good directors and writers to helm their pieces. They chose strong stars. Most important, they spent time developing stories that kept in mind plot, pacing, and fun… more than toy tie-ins. In order to match, or dare I suggest, beat Marvel at their own game, Warner Bros. needs to do more than throw money at the problem. At their very core, they need to trust DC with their product and presentation. That means when the screener gets a bad reaction, you don’t just write a check to increase the CGI budget and hope special effects cover up the plot holes. It means not demanding you gank a style of a successful movie and apply it to a wholly different franchise in hopes of snagging an unsuspecting public.

In other words… do what Marvel did.

DC has truly globally recognized properties in Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman. Second tier talent like Green Lantern and Flash have oodles of untapped potential. DC even boasts a far better villain list. The Chitauri were undeveloped screaming CGI props to be blown up. Darkseid’s parademons are too, but they serve a grander purpose. And Darkseid brings with him InterGang and a slew of lieutenants that add flavor to a generally one-note bowl of soup. The pieces are all on the table, it’s just a matter of taking the time to put them together instead of mashing and taping them. Here’s hoping DC takes the time to realize the potential they have – and make the choice not to squander it for a quick cash-grab.

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

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So let’s talk about sex.

Specifically, sex in comics. Alien sex.

Perhaps I don’t read as widely as I should, but very few stories about aliens and sex show much imagination. Most of the time, only two beings are involved. Sex organs and other pleasure centers seem to be located at the same places they are in humans. The exchange of bodily fluids is necessary for reproduction, unless the species is advanced enough to use science instead.

Biology, it seems, is destiny.

As I wrote here, there seems to be a need to put breasts on any females, whether they are mammals or not.

Even worse, rotting female zombies are often nothing more than flesh, bone, and gigantic mammary glands. If you don’t believe me, look at any random issue of DC’s Blackest Night. I suppose that it’s possible that every woman in the DC Universe had silicone breast implants which wouldn’t decompose at the same rate as their human parts, but if that were true, wouldn’t there have been a story somewhere in The Daily Planet? Wouldn’t Dr. Midnider have mentioned it?

Comics are graphic stories. That means they have art. It wouldn’t be too difficult to create characters who aren’t human, who require three or more individuals to reproduce, and whose reproductive organs are in places other than their crotches. Maybe they have to sit in a circle and hold hands, so the story could include graphic sex scenes that are G-rated.

Or there could be a society where sex is an involuntary (and not entirely pleasurable) physical reaction, like sneezing. Kleenex would be as provocative (and necessary) as condoms, and sold behind the check-out at drugstores.

Or maybe they could sneeze out of their gigantic breasts, which would sell a zillion copies of that particular comic. And also, drive up my screen views.

(Editor’s Note: Kleenex is a registered trademark of Kimberly-Clark.)

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman and Why Most DC Movies Suck

Yeah, yeah. I know it’s early in the summer movie season – I do have a calendar, after all – and two of the three big superhero flicks won’t be on screens for weeks yet. But for now, let us proclaim; Joss Whedon is king of the superheroes!

A couple of days ago, Mari suggested we go to the movies and I said no, I had work to do, and then, about ten minutes later I said yes, let’s go to the movies, and we did.

Marvel’s The Avengers, of course.

I don’t attend the 21-plex to criticize – to pry faults out of what’s intended to entertain me and maybe convince myself that I’m really a smart guy. I used to do that for money – the fault-prying part – and though it was okay for me then, it wouldn’t be okay now. I don’t want to criticize, I want to get out from under it. Not to have to think for a little while.

And yet… I don’t want my intelligence insulted, either. When that happens, the magic is gone and there I am, right back under it. So, for example, I loved the Indiana Jones flicks because they delivered the escapism I sought and didn’t expect me to forgive plot glitches, which tend to get in the way of enjoying the escapism. Anything that pulls me out of the story, that makes me question did he director and writer intend what I just saw or is it a mistake? – anything that does that sabotages the experience.

The Avengers verdict: not guilty.

Mr. Whedon understands the appeal of the early Marvel comics, the ones he read as a kid, and what made them work: the broad, extravagant action, the rough edges on the heroes, the occasional flashes of humor, the juxtaposition of larger-than-life characters with realistic settings. (That sure looks like the real New York City the villains are trashing.) He’s translated these from the language of comic books to the language of movies, filled in some blanks, provided some motivations, hired good actors who didn’t condescend to the material any more than he did, gave them decent dialogue and then put the special effects wizards to work and…

Presto! Behold what I think is the best Marvel movie yet (though the first Iron Man might also be worthy of that title).

Did I mention that Joss Whedon, of teevee’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Dollhouse and Firefly wrote and directed The Avengers? No, I didn’t – my bad – but you figured that out, if you didn’t already know it before you started reading this. Well, that same Joss Whedon had this to say to a Time magazine journalist: “I love fantasy…I love it because of the scope and the chance to talk about humanity that is very close to the heart but not wearing the same skin.”

Go buy yourself a movie ticket and see what he’s talking about.

FRIDAY: Martha Thomases On Alien Sex

Schaffer’s graphic novel was originally published in 2006 by Image Comics.  A new “director’s cut” of the graphic novel is being prepared by the recently re-launched First Comics™ for release in conjunction with the film’s opening. Schaffer penned the screenplay adapted from his graphic novel.

The thriller centers on Suki, a young woman confined in a mental institution and being treated with an experimental machine dubbed “The Siamese Burn, designed to eliminate multiple personalities.  As the “treatment” progresses, Suki starts to be haunted by the realization that if “The Siamese Burn” is successful, which one of her personalities will be the survivor?

Katie Cassidy, already with comic connections as Dinah Lance in the CW pilot Arrow, stars as the title character Suki.  The cast also includes Garret Dillahunt (Winter’s Bone), Michelle Trachtenberg (Gossip Girl), Eliza Dushku (Dollhouse), Gina Gershon (Killer Joe), Michael Imperioli (The Lovely Bones, The Sopranos), Billy Campbell (The Killing, The Rocketeer), Sasha Grey (The Girlfriend Experience, Entourage) Ashlynn Yennie (The Human Centipede), Kunal Nayyar (The Big Bang Theory), and T.V. Carpio (Limitless). NightSky Production’s Ken F. Levin is producing with New Artist Alliance’s Gabriel Cowan, with Cowan’s NAA co-founder and partner, John Suits, directing. Caliber Media’s Dallas Sonnier and Jack Heller will executive produce the film alongside NAA’s Kerry Johnson.

This is Daniel Schaffer’s seventh screenplay to be optioned, and the second to be filmed so far; the first, comedy/horror film Doghouse from Schaffer’s screenplay, was released in 2009 by Carnaby International and distributed by Sony Pictures (Jake West directing).   Schaffer is also known in the comics world for his comic series Dogwitch and his graphic novel Indigo Vertigo (with Katiejane Garside).   NightSky is a production / management firm which also reps Schaffer as a writer client.

The Scribbler is the first of four films in a co-production between New Artist Alliance and Caliber Media.  The two companies have previously produced two movies together, which are both currently in post-production: Static, a horror-thriller starring Milo Ventimiglia (Heroes), Sarah Shahi (Fairly Legal) and Sara Paxton (Darcy’s Wild Life), and 3 Nights In The Desert, starring Amber Tamblyn (Joan Of Arcadia), Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games, American Beauty) and Vincent Piazza (Boardwalk Empire), which Cowan directed.  NAA, known for making over 2000% profit on their first film Breathing Room, premiered their latest feature Extracted at this year’s SXSW.  Growth, another NAA film directed by Cowan, went to #1 on iTunes and has its worldwide television premiere this weekend on The Syfy Channel.

Schaffer has a 7-page preview of The Scribbler on his website.

Related articles

• ‘The Scribbler’ Starts Production With Katie Cassidy Starring (deadline.com)

Thanks to Marvel Custom Solutions and San Francisco-based Benefit Cosmetics, we now have SpyGal, which is available at Benefit makeup counters, and stars a “wise-cracking, pore-zapping persona… modeled after the POREfessional pore minimizing primer.”

To this, I feel I must say… ”Really? In the name of Odin, why??” (Or, in the always effective language of Internet memes, “what is this I can’t even.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for comics geared towards women and for reaching a wider female audience, but I’m pretty sure this is the wrong way to go about it.

Now, I’ve only seen teaser images, and no story text, so I’m willing to withhold at least a sliver of judgment until I’ve seen more, especially since SpyGal is being touted as a “witty” story with a “dynamic, nuanced hero” and “humor and intelligence.”  SpyGal’s job seems to be “helping powerful women spread their influence around the world,” which could be cool, and at one point it looks like she saves her date, and he’s all, “My heroine!!” which is kind of fun. And I am a sucker for a good, witty story (I love good art, but if the story can’t hack it the art never saves it for me), so it’s possible the text could make up for a bit of what I’m seeing. But from the images, it appears the main character… fights bad guys with weapons disguised as makeup? While zipping through the air in completely impractical-for-grappling-hook-use skirts and short coats? As Rorschach would say, “Hrm.”

While I loved the little gadgets in Alias – many of which were built into purses or lipsticks or jewelry – to have this be the main point of a comic (along with, apparently, a romance angle) rubs me the wrong way. I do realize this is meant to be advertising for the cosmetic company, and can’t fault them for wanting to team up with Marvel. And I get the concept of Marvel teaming up with other companies, because money is money, hooray. But I confess to feeling disappointed that this is what Marvel chooses to do for its female demographic. And even with the choice made, I have further skepticism about the execution.

Although the blurb talks about the hero(ine) being faced with “life’s modern problems,” the art and fashion are done with a “vintage female action figure” feel that to me (even with a flying car) reminds me of the ‘50s and an accompanying cultural attitude towards women that I do not need in a modern female-oriented comic. I hope Marvel doesn’t think this is really what female comics fans are looking for. And although I realize that the point of the comic is to sell makeup, what self-respecting crime fighter would use a grappling hook with a grip as tiny as a mascara tube?

Further, not to disparage either the artist or writer on the book, both of whom are talented, but couldn’t Marvel have gotten at least one female creator on this project? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t advocate giving someone the job just because they’re female (that’s just as bad as the opposite) but I know there are talented female artists and writers out there. Why not get one of them to work on a book pitched solely towards women and which deals with turning beauty products used by women into practical super-heroine gear? (Unless none of them wanted to work on it?) Maybe then at the very least Our Heroine would have better bangs.

I know it’s easy to criticize, and that this is geared towards a very specific purpose. But tell me truly, don’t you think there could have been at least a few better ways to execute this? Or that it would have been better not to do it at all?

Hrm.

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When I heard that gag back in the 1970s, it was attributed to the great artist Wallace Wood. Chillingly, it’s possible it predates Woody’s career by decades. What somehow became synonymous with the bland and the banal started off as the offspring of a cheesecake girlie strip, Fritzi Ritz. It turns out Fritzi had this niece named Nancy who came to live with her. Being a gag strip, I do not believe the details of the demise of the spiky-haired girl’s parents were ever revealed, but it would be uncharitable to assume the spunky, independent girl murdered them in their sleep.

Nancy’s best friend was a Dead End Kids wannabe named Sluggo. Had Nancy shaved off her hair, enjoyed a sex-change operation, and donned a striped t-shirt, she would look exactly like her friend. So perhaps it was Sluggo who did the parents in after uncovering the results of a blood test.

Fritzi and Nancy lived in the nice part of town. Sluggo lived in the slums. For quite a time in the 1930s and, less so, thereafter, clearly what separated those neighborhoods was Wackyland. Had those adventures been published in the hippie era, we would have assumed writer/artist Ernie Bushmiller consumed a prolific quantity of LSD.

In fact, I am surprised a Nancy underground comic wasn’t published during those paisley days. Publisher/cartoonist/freedom fighter Denis Kitchen was, and probably still is, quite a fan of the stuff. He even produced a line of Nancy ties; I once wore the subtle power-tie version to a big-deal executive meeting at Warner Brothers, much to the chagrin of DC Comics publisher Paul Levitz.

Nonetheless, I suspect the secret of Nancy’s success was the decision to “dumb it down” for the general audience, a trick that saved Blondie’s ass during the previous decade. Remember, the only reason the even more surreal Krazy Kat endured throughout the ridiculously powerful Hearst chain was the fact that it was William Randolph Hearst’s favorite feature… and he signed the paychecks.

Despite its homogenization, Bushmiller produced a funny and often clever gag strip. The proof of this lies in the strips produced by others after Ernie died: even recycled old jokes looked pale and pathetic compared to the original. At its dullest moments during the later Bushmiller era, Nancy was sufficiently entertaining to maintain its role in the readers’ daily ritual at a time when comic strips gave subscribing newspapers their competitive edge. You know, back when they actually had to compete with other newspapers.

Fantagraphics Books has released a hefty tome reprinting Nancy’s mid-forties run, fronted by an introduction from Daniel Clowes. Given the feature’s undeserved reputation and the plethora of fine newspaper reprint books, I fear their Nancy Is Happy might get lost in the shuffle.

Nancy was good enough to keep our elders laughing through the Great Depression and World War II. Nancy is certainly good enough to keep us laughing through the 2012 elections.

Nancy Is Happy by Ernie Bushmiller • Edited by Kim Thompson • Fantagraphics Books, $24.99

THURSDAY: Dennis O’Neil

Maurice Sendak, the world-famous children’s author whose books included “Where The Wild Things Are“, ”In the Night Kitchen,” “Outside Over There,” “The Sign on Rosie’s Door,” and “Higglety Pigglety Pop!”, passed away on Tuesday from complications caused by a stroke on Friday. He was 83.

Sendak wrote and illustrated more than 50 children’s books–including “Where the Wild Things Are,” his most famous, published in 1963.

The book–about a disobedient boy named Max who, after being sent to his room without supper, creates a surreal world inhabited by wild creatures–won Sendak the coveted Caldecott Medal, the equivalent of a Pulitzer Prize, in 1964. “Where The Wild Things Are” was adapted into a live-action film by Spike Jonze in 2009.

“Where The Wild Things Are” was not only revolutionary–but it was also wildly profitable, selling more than 17 million copies, according to Bloomberg.com.

via Maurice Sendak dead: ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ author was 83 | The Cutline – Yahoo! News.

Apparently, President Barack Obama made it something of a tradition to read from “Where The Wild Things Are” at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. Here he is reading from the book in 2009:

Click here to view the embedded video.

“I know every parent must be a little bit in mourning today and every child who grew up with that book,” White House press secretary Jay Carney told reporters aboard Air Force One on Tuesday. “It’s a sad day.”

Many people fondly remember the animated special from 1975, Really Rosie, and we’d like to present it here:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Our condolences to his friends and family.

Related articles

• RIP: Maurice Sendak (comicsbeat.com)

Colognes and perfumes are super subjective, of course, and it can be hard to know what something is going to smell like when worn, because it reacts with body chemistry and the scent varies from person to person (like that one time when my best friend had the most amazing perfume and I loved it and she got me a bottle and… it smelled terrible on me. I was so sad). But it does help to know what something smells like in the bottle and on at least one person; and to that end, I am here to help! By not only telling you what each cologne smells like in the bottle, but also what it smells like on my extremely patient friend and fellow Avengers fan, the very talented comic book artist Kevin Stokes. (Round of applause for good sport Kevin, folks. Also check out his fantastic work on things like Stan Lee’s The Guardian Project. Just for fun, before I read the descriptions of the fragrances, I also wrote up what I thought the characters would actually smell like. Let’s see how close JADS International got to my ideas of what superheroes (and one heroine, and one villain) smell like.

Colognes:

Name/Tagline: Mark VII - Armor up. Inspiration: Iron Man.

What Tony smells like in my head: Tony smells expensive but not cloyingly so. Like the smell of new clothes in the store, and soft car seat leather, and a touch of top-shelf whiskey. He smells like the open air, and sea breezes. But underneath all that he smells like engine grease and the heated air of complex metal-and-plastic electronics blown through a computer fan, with a whiff of WD-40, and an undercurrent of that comfortably warm bed smell that indicates he may actually have slept in the same shirt he’s still wearing today.

Mark VII Description: “A resolutely sophisticated cologne forged from the sea, the sun, the earth, and a touch of devil-may-care whimsy. Transparent, aromatic, and modern in nature, Mark VII combines mandarin, neroli, nasturtium and jasmine layered with light patchouli to create a contemporary expression of “I don’t play well with others” confidence; leaving you always ready for whatever a genius, billionaire, playboy-philanthropist might encounter along the way.”

Initial Expectations: I expected Mark VII to smell sweet but fresh, and a little heady.

In the bottle: Mark VII smells light and clean, citrusy, and a bit airy, like a sea breeze. The mandarin/orangey smell is definitely noticeable, including the slightly bitter/metallic tang of neroli, but it’s not unpleasant. It’s the undercurrent of the whole scent. It does smell sophisticated, but less rich and complex than I expected from the patchouli noted in the description.

When worn: Mark VII smells very light and clean and slightly citrusy. It is a sophisticated-type scent.

Thoughts: People I immediately picture wearing this could be businessmen in suits, dining out at a fancy top-floor glassed-in restaurant in New York. It’s not too overwhelming and could work in any situation. Overall I really like this scent and think it would work on most men.

Name/Tagline: PATRIOT - Your attack plan. Inspiration: Captain America

What Cap smells like in my head: Cap smells like green grass, the loam of the woods underfoot, and plain soap, mixed with old leather and a touch of the cigarette smoke of fellow soldiers, picked up in tents and tanks and other close quarters. He smells like motor oil, slightly musty canvas, warm skin, and Colgate shaving cream, with a vague hint of Listerine toothpaste and chalk.

Description: “A cologne that pays homage to the confident, stand-up-to-bullies, hard working average Joe in every man. PATRIOT Cologne is both reserved and sexy; like a symbol on a shield or a moniker on a motorcycle helmet. Fresh notes of green lime and white pepper are the first to hit with dry oak wood, sandalwood and tequila accords finishing the adventure. Perfect for any time or place, PATRIOT Cologne puts the Novus Mundus in your strong, sensuous hands for you to embrace and discover.”

Initial Expectations: I expected PATRIOT to smell fresh and woodsy, with a slightly sweet undercurrent.

In the bottle: It has a strong, clean, tangy, slightly sharp (peppery) scent, definitely a slightly outdoorsy smell. It smells a bit grassy, and you can smell the hints of lime and tequila. It’s a more forceful scent than the Marv VII.

When worn: PATRIOT is a very clean outdoorsy scent with a slight zing to it. It’s definitely a stronger scent overall than the Mark VII.

Thoughts: I could see athletic, no-nonsense guys wearing this. It’s another scent I really like, and I think could work for many men.

Name/Tagline: SMASH! - Be angry. Inspiration: The Hulk.

What the Hulk smells like in my head: Bruce smells like polyester and metal and ink, with a hint of antiseptic, overlaid with Brazilian spices (turmeric, cumin, oregano, cilantro, nutmeg and pepper) and slightly floral sandalwood incense. He also sometimes smells of rage, of course, but don’t ask me to describe that. You really have to be there.

Description: “Very unusual and rare materials have been brought together to create a woody aquatic cologne evoking both a serene sense of timeless freedom and a single-minded, unbridled passion for life. Yuzu, bergamot and tarragon create clean, clear top notes along with unexpected accords of water lily and nutmeg. SMASH! then carries an intense woody drydown enriched with Indian sandalwood, vetiver, musk and sharp cedar. Complimentary to a full range of emotions, it wears well no matter where—at work, the lab or an evening out on the town.”

Initial Expectations: I expected SMASH! to smell complicated, rich, and slightly spicy, with a fresh undertone.

In the bottle: SMASH! smells sweet and rich overall, with a pure water base scent from the water lily and cedar and tiny nudge of zestiness and spice. The cedar and sandalwood are noticeable, and the tarragon and nutmeg also come through. It’s lighter than PATRIOT but stronger than Mark VII, and it’s complex.

When worn: When worn SMASH! smells rich and slightly spicy, with a noticeable blend of the sandalwood and spices. It’s probably the warmest of the scents (except maybe for Mischief).

Thoughts: I could see this being worn by sensual men who sometimes just don’t give a damn. It’s a little unusual and might not be for everyone, but it’s very nice overall.

Name/Tagline: Worthy – Possess the power. Inspiration: Thor.

What Thor smells like in my head: Thor smells a touch metallic, like ozone, and a little bit like burning oak. Over that, though, he smells fresh, like a wide open space after a rainstorm, when there’s still a bit of water in the air and the whole earth is touched by it, releasing all the tiny natural scents into the air at once. His scent is complex in its simplicity.

Description: “This woody citrus cologne is a unique, meaningful combination of bergamot, frozen ginger and wheatgrass blended with a hint of fresh natural grapefruit and layered deeply with aromatic cypress. Basenotes are possessed with sensual, seductive tones of dark amber and cedarwood, protecting and enhancing a deep, dry masculine (dare we say almost God-like?) musk.”

Initial Expectations: I expected Worthy to smell fresh, slightly sharp and grassy, with earthy undertones.

In the bottle: Worthy smells earthy and woody, with an extremely obvious note of the cedarwood and possibly some cypress. In lightness it’s on par with Mark VII.

When worn: When worn, honestly, all I can smell is the cedarwood.

Thoughts: I could see outdoorsy types who like a clean and not overwhelming scent wearing this. However, of all of the colognes this one smells, to me, the least complex, and I wouldn’t choose it.

Name/Tagline: Infinity Formula - Activate the Initiative. Inspiration: Nick Fury.

What Nick Fury smells like in my head: Fury smells like sweat and cigars, worn leather, gun-oil, and generic aftershave. And yet, under all that turmoil, he smells calm, and cool like metal; which, is fitting for a man with the nerves of steel needed to mastermind and implement the Avengers Initiative.

Description: “Colonel Nicholas “Nick” Fury.

Paratrooper, Ranger, Weapons and Demolitions Expert, Aircraft Specialist and Pilot, Green Beret. Veteran of every US War and Military Conflict since WWII.

Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. “The single most powerful, most important organization on the planet Earth.” And the only human strong enough to bring together a group of remarkable people who would fight the battles no one else could.”

Initial Expectations: I don’t knoowwwwww. There’s no description of the scent notes; probably because Nick Fury classified them as top secret. Even JADS International and Marvel wouldn’t defy Nick Fury!

In the bottle: Infinity Formula has a musky undertone, overlaid by something sweeter. It smells very slightly metallic, and I think maybe I smell a hint of sandalwood, too. It’s a slightly heavier scent than the Mark VII and Worthy.

When worn: When worn I can smell a woody undertone that I think is sandalwood, and a hint of vanilla. There’s almost an outdoorsy campfire note to it too, though it’s very subtle.

Thoughts: I could see down-to-earth guys who like a subtle, comfortable scent wearing this. Overall it’s a warm and unusual scent, and smells outdoorsy, but in the realm of woods and outdoor camping rather than the airy or fresh scents often associated with outdoorsy scents.

Name/Tagline: Mischief - Made to rule. Inspiration: Loki (“Even the bottle is crooked, really!”)

What Loki smells like in my head: Loki smells slightly musty, like secret and infrequently used corridors, but also overpoweringly sweet, with a touch of something tangy.

Description: Possessed of Superhuman strength, Genius-level intelligence, Mystical powers, Telepathy, Flight, Clairvoyance, Therianthropy, and Teleportation… who could blame you for becoming the greatest trickster of them all?

So wear your crown of baleful maleficence with pride; let mirth and mayhem stand ready, anticipating your every command. Test their mettle knowing you have nothing to fear; you are Mischief and you were made to rule.

Initial Expectations: Loki is so mischievous that he didn’t let us know beforehand what scent notes might be in this cologne. Curse you, prankster!!

In the bottle: In the bottle the cologne is strong and sweet, with a clean light undercurrent like the smell of someone who’s freshly showered.

When worn: Mischief smells sweet and even slightly flowery, but also has a slight spice to it. It’s in the category of warmer scents, and is rich without being heavy.

Thoughts: I could see strong, confident, and slightly artsy guys wearing this. Overall it’s pretty different from the hero scents, and it’s very nice, although it might not work on everyone.

Perfume!

Finally, Marvel is making a high-quality personal product for geek gals! I’m happy about that, although I would have loved to see at least one more – a Pepper Potts perfume. I could have seen that being a great clean-smelling scent for gals. But hopefully we’ll get more girl-scents in the future…

Name/Tagline: Black Widow - fallaces sunt rerum species. Inspiration: Black Widow

What Black Widow smells like in my head: Black Widow smells rich and heady, with a mysterious undercurrent of something not quite recognizable. She smells sweet but not too sweet.

Description: Russian Spy, Trained Assassin, World Class Ballerina, Girl from Legal Department. Like changing clothes in the back of a chauffeured car, strip away the façade and live that life…and many more.

A clear shot of citrus and fresh berries create a statement which slowly gives way to a sensual caramel and honey note; but kept too sweet by a pairing of dry Australian Sandalwood. Then, like a spider spindling silently from above, Black Widow dries down to a deeply desirous gourmand delight of bitter chocolate, clear patchouli and praline. This is a fragrance for those who can navigate the high-tension tightrope of love and duty – and who knows what it takes to be called Black Widow.

Initial Expectations: This perfume sounds &*%$# amazing. I expected it to have a hint of a sweet and fruity scent, and overall rich and earthy but not overpowering thanks to the sandalwood.

In the bottle: In the bottle it’s extremely strong and rich, with a very complex sweet scent to it, almost a candied smell.

When worn: Black Widow is a complex scent, and definitely a stronger one. At first it seems almost overpowering, but as noted in the description it “dries down” pretty quickly to something slightly more subtle. I would classify it as a warm scent, and a primarily sweet one, with the patchouli and sandalwood making an interesting mix.

Thoughts: I could see sophisticated city gals wearing this for a night out. For me personally, I tend to do better with cooler scents (which is why I’d have loved to see a Pepper Potts perfume, as I could see that one being a cool, fresh, slightly tangy scent), but I did enjoy wearing this, and suspect that women who usually like warmer scents would love it.

Final notes:

Favorite Colognes: Mark VII is my favorite, followed closely by PATRIOT. I love both scents, and I also could see them working well on many men. I also enjoyed the unusual scent of Infinity Formula.

Least Favorite Cologne: Worthy – despite my being a fan of the character, I confess to being unimpressed with Worthy – to me, it just smells like cedar. However, perhaps on some men the other notes would be more prominent.

Overall: I loved or really liked all except Worthy, and could see several of them working for everyone, and the others definitely working for at least some guys. They are all definitely good quality colognes.

Coming soon: Spider-Man and DEADPOOOOOOOL colognes. I am infinitely curious to see what the Deadpool cologne smells like. Sweat, gun-oil, and dirty socks, with a faint hint of cheezy puffs and blood? Okay, maybe not. Knowing JADS, it will turn out to smell really good and I’ll eventually have to end up explaining to a significant other why it’s not creepy to ask him to wear cologne named after a mercenary killer.

Why not coming soon? More Perfumes! Hello, Marvel! This is your female fanbase speaking! Please give us more pretty-smelling things to wear now!

So, now that I’ve given you all the details, which cologne do you think you’d want to wear? Tell us in the comments, and you may be the lucky commenter who wins a bottle of Avengers cologne! And if not, you can always buy one, since they’re on sale now!

Hope you enjoyed this review, and don’t forget: I’ll be back next Tuesday, so Servo Lectio!

WEDNESDAY MORNING: Mike Gold Gets Hold Of Nancy!

Boy, I can’t wait to see what the search engines do with “NSFW Webcomics” and “Sweet 16″ in the same headline…

It’s Round 2! Your votes and your donations have narrowed the field down to 16 contestants (and you raised $160 for the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund) and now it’s time for to vote again. Here are the updated brackets… and remember, be careful when you click through to look at the comics!

Go Get A Roomie 1955+100 to 471 Flipside	Go Get A Roomie Game 17 Details Blooming Faeries
Blooming Faeries 752+50 to 375 Niels		Winner of 17 Game 25 Details Winner of 18
Chester 5000 XYV 864 to 247+10 Legacy Control	Chester 5000 XYV Game 18 Details Pictures of You		Winner of 25 Game 29 Details Winner of 26
Pictures of You 655 to 535+20 Locus Comic
I Am Arg 562 to 306+50 Gregor Comics	I Am Arg Game 19 Details KhaosKomix			Winner of 29 Game 31 Details Winner of 30
KhaosKomix 635 to 438+10 Ravens Dojo		Winner of 19 Game 26 Details Winner of 20
Devil Bear 689 to 296+850 Mallville Rules	Mallville Rules Game 20 Details Chimney Speak
Chimney Speak 979+50 to 327 Busty Solar
Oglaf 1961 to 205 Spying with Lana	Oglaf Game 21 Details Artifice
Artifice 739+40 to 541 Slimy Thief		Winner of 21 Game 27 Details Winner of 22
Toonhole 520 to 313+300 Blur The Lines	Blur The Lines Game 22 Details Curvy		Winner of 27 Game 30 Details Winner of 28
Curvy 880 to 504 Exiern
Menage a 3 1822 to 194 Ship in a Bottle	Menage a 3 Game 23 Details Between Failures
Between Failures 559 to 494 TJ and Amal		Winner of 23 Game 28 Details Winner of 24
dead.winter 620 to 240 Super Haters	dead.winter Game 24 Details Hatefarm
Hatefarm 641+110 to 351 Bearmageddon

And once again, we’re giving you the option to put your money where your mouth is and buy additional votes for your favorite strips. Just click on the Donate button below, and during checkout, click on “Which comic are you donating for?” and detail who you’re voting for. We’re upping the price to 20¢ a vote for this round with a minimum of five votes purchased at a time, and all proceeds from paid votes will go to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, the organization that protects NSFW comics of all kinds from censorship. At the close of the round, we’ll add the paid votes to the totals and announce the winners who move on to the second round.

Hat tip: BracketMaker.com

Related articles

• Vote on the Mix May Mayhem 2012 NSFW Webcomics Tournament Nominees! (comicmix.com)
• Vote In Mix May Mayhem NSFW Webcomics Tournament First Round – Or Cheat For The CBLDF! (comicmix.com)
• Sweet 16 of Mix March Madness 2012 Webcomics Tournament – Vote Now! (comicmix.com)

Disney just kicked Warner Bros’ ass.

Marvel just told DC “fuck the New 52!”

This all happened the moment The Avengers movie opened.

The Avengers is the best superhero movie ever made.

E.V.E.R!

Yes, this is just my opinion but consider this: I’ve had my problems with DC Comics but I’m a huge fan of the DC universe. I’ve always considered Superman The Movie the best superhero movie ever. I thought that because Superman works on so many different levels and it still holds up decades later. Superman The Movie is over 30 years old and it still works. It was made without the crazy shit that exists now in special effects and it still works.

In the movie, that mofo caught a helicopter in 1979 without CGI, without Industrial, Light and Magic, and it still works.

You get that? That mofo (Superman to those unhip out there) caught a helicopter without the 2012 computer magic that exists today and I was all in!

What does that mean really? It means a good superhero movie is not just about guys or girls in tights who fly and have lots of fights throughout the film.

Superman The Movie remade the character but kept the original story intact. The story was the story of Superman that everyone knew before they went into the theater to see it, yet it was also new. That’s hard to do.

I’ll say that again. That’s hard to do.

Don’t think so? Did you see The Punisher movie when the Punisher was not even in his costume? Did you see the Captain America movie when Cap walked from the North Pole? Those were horrible movies to be sure but Hollywood gets it right sometimes and still screws some of the comic book mythos for no reason. That’s no reason except some guy in the room with juice gives a “note” that he thinks is a good idea and the other monkeys in the room agree.

For instance, take what I consider a great superhero movie, Batman. That’s the 1989 version – but yes I still love the 1966 version! For some reason known only to whothefuckever came up with it they made the Joker the killer of Bruce Wayne’s parents.

I bet if the same guy worked on Superman he would have said, “I have an idea! Let’s make Superman from Compton instead of Krypton!”

Hollywood seems to think they know better than the people and the industry that created the property and that’s why doing a superhero film that respects the source material is so hard.

Just ask Alan Moore.

I’m lucky enough (or badass enough if you happen to be a pretty girl impressed by this type of bullshit) to work in Hollywood. If some studio wanted to make a movie out of one of my creations I would most likely let them do what they want even if they disagreed with my vision of my creation.

Why?

Because what I do is not art, it’s entertainment.

So as a writer who has three books coming out between late 2012 and mid-2013 (if the Earth is still here) I can say without hesitation: Hollywood, take my work and make it a movie. If you want my input, great! If not, then write me a big check and spell my name right in the credits.

As a writer I have to be smart about the way the business of entertainment works. I have to play the game. That said, I will not roll over like a little bitch if you want do something so stupid like making Static Shock a white kid (that was a suggestion by a studio executive) or you tell me some dumb 1950s shit like black superheroes don’t sell. Yeah, that happened as well.

So I will bend but I won’t break when confronted with real world scenarios when it comes to being a writer.

But as a fan? As a fan I won’t stand for any shit that does not fit my view of what a great superhero movie is and first and foremost is respect the source material!

The Avengers movie not only sticks to the comics, it adds to the brand.

Not easy to do.

Marvel Studios and Disney produced a superhero movie that rabid geek fan boys can take a girl and even if that girl hates all things geek she will love this movie.

Result? Possible tapping of some ass.

I’m watching The Avengers in 3-D. Live action IMAX 3-D. The Avengers!!! I’m watching the Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, The Black Widow and Hawkeye and they are the characters I know and love. This is what I want as a fan-this is what all comic book fans wants from their superhero movies.

That’s why, for my money, this is the best superhero movie ever done.

Warner Bros. can’t even get the goddamn Justice League movie made.

That’s why Tony Stark just made Bruce Wayne his bitch.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Emily S. Whitten Gets The Scent!

WEDNESDAY MORNING: Mike Gold Gets Nancy, Good!

Before I left I got into a discussion with Alex, one of the guys behind the counter, about summer movies. Well, specifically, about The Avengers. Alex told me that he had already seen it, having gone into Manhattan to get in line for the first showing at midnight. Which made me very jealous and pissy, ‘cause these days my life is about work, school, work, school, work, school, work, school… and oh, yeah, writing this column. I will probably be the last person in America to see it on the big screen. No, make that the world. Thanks to Denny’s column last week, I know that the movie has been open in the international market for nine days already.

So then Alex and I got to talking about other summer movies, and the first season blockbuster that made an impression on us. For me it was in 1975, the summer I saw Jaws.

I was at Camp Monroe in Monroe, NY – going to sleep away camp is a time-honored ritual for Jewish kids in the New York metropolitan area – and working as a nurse’s aide in the camp infirmary. I knew the camp was planning an outing to the movies, and with some wheedling I got to go on the possibility of some kid getting carsick. I didn’t know what it was about. I don’t think there were that many who did, except for some of the counselors and adult staff who had read Peter Benchley’s book, but I had a hankering to get “off-campus.”

That night the infirmary was busy with kids having nightmares and unable to sleep. The next night the pool was full of “great white sharks.” And me? I’m still way more comfortable in a pool than in the ocean.

Anyway, the conversation got me to thinking last night about summers and movies and how sometimes the movies and the summers become entwined in your life and make great memories.

For me that movie was Star Wars. I remember coming home from working that 1977 Memorial Day holiday and being incredibly pissed off at my then-boyfriend because he had gone to see it that afternoon with some friends instead of waiting for me. I immediately said, “Well, we’re going tonight,” Incredibly, instead of him complaining, he said, “okay.” Curious, I said, “You mean it? You just saw it a few hours ago.” All he said was, “You’ll see.”

Boy, did I ever! I can’t even describe the experience, even after all these years. I was so blown away by what was happening on the screen – the rolling introduction fading into a sea of stars, the endless Imperial battleship coming in seemingly over our heads, the Falcon jumping into hyperspace, Luke and Leia swinging across the chasm – that I didn’t really get the actual story until the second time I saw it. Which was the following Wednesday, ‘cause I was off from work and I went by myself to a matinee showing while then-husband was working.

I remember coming home and sending off for a subscription to Starlog. No more waiting for the next issue to appear on the newsstand. I wanted more. Lots more. I devoured everything Star Wars. When I found out there was going to be a sequel, I drooled and yeaned and read and reread every article I could find on it. I discovered NPR by accident one night and they were playing a “radio theatre” of Star Wars. (I’ve been a devotee of NPR ever since.) I sent away for the cassette (yeah, remember those?) so I could play it whenever I wanted to. I even saved the issue of Time magazine with Empire as the cover story – it’s still somewhere in the house.

Oh, I was a geek, and it was a great time to be a geek. I didn’t have to hide it anymore. Except around my family.

Which is why I had my daughter Alix. She was a great excuse to indulge myself.

By the time Empire came out my daughter Alix was nearing her first birthday. I remember buying her a full-scale model of the Millennium Falcon. For Hanukah, Christmas, and her birthday, I told my family. “Yeah, right,” they said. I remember that when she was two I brought her to the rerelease of Empire, buying a shitload of candy and soda so she wouldn’t be bored ‘cause I couldn’t find a babysitter. I remember seeing, in the back of Starlog, an ad for Luke’s Rebel jacket. Adult sizes. And kid’s sizes. I remember chickening out of buying one for myself. But I bought one for her. She looked so cool in it, even if it was kinda big. My family said, “what a great motorcycle jacket.” I said, “It’s Luke’s jacket from Empire.” Suddenly it wasn’t so great. (But she had that jacket for years, as she grew into it. And even kept trying to squeeze into it as she got older.)

And what was the effect on Alix? She’s 32 now, married, with a Master’s degree and a corner office with a window and responsibilities. She’s a serious adult.

Isn’t she?

Well, I just got off the phone with her. We’re going to see The Avengers at 5:00 p.m.

Tuesday Morning: Michael Davis