Articles by john-ostrander

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Thu Mar 13, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Sex and the Citizens, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #57

 

There are those of you out there who don’t regard politics as necessarily pop culture. And then there are those of us born in Chicago.

When you get down to it, is there anything more politically entertaining than a sex scandal? It appeals to our prurient interest; we get to be “shocked, shocked that this sort of thing is going on” while, at the same time, seeking out the really juicy details. They’re death to a politician’s career all around the world except, of course, in France where the lack of a mistress may be cause for impeachment.

The latest sex scandal, of course, is New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer’s consorting with prostitutes and paying big money to do it. He spent more money for two hours with one “escort” than a lot of us make in a month. (“Shocked, shocked.”) That loses him sympathy points right there, especially with a recession going on. Bill Clinton got his jollies for free from an intern but Spitzer paid big bucks via bank transfer, supposedly to keep from leaving a paper trail. That worked real good, didn’t it, Gov?

You know, of course, that as I write this there has to be a big hunt going on right now for that call girl, Kristen, named as the woman Spitzer spent over four grand for about two hours worth of whoopee. Whatever newspaper or book or magazine publisher that finds her had better have a checkbook because I guarantee she’ll have an agent by then because, damn it, the details she knows are the ones we all really want to hear. She sold her body to a privileged few for some big bucks; she won’t sell the story that everyone wants to hear for chump change. She’s a businesswoman; one high priced call girl in a TV interview called herself a “hofessional.” I like a woman who has a way with. . . words.

 

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Thu Mar 6, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Kim 2008, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #56

 
This week’s marks eleven years since the passing of my late wife, Kimberly Yale. The best way to remember people, I’ve found, is through stories – stories you know or stories you’ve heard. Story is what I do. So here are some of the stories by which I remember Kim.
 
Kim and I had known each other quite a while before we started dating or became a couple. In point of fact, before Kim and I started dating, I had given up on the ritual. It simply had gotten too painful. I was well into my thirties at that point and none of my relationships had lasted more than six months. The common variable in that equation seemed to be me so I just assumed I was never going to find someone. I had not gone on a date for maybe eighteen months prior to Kim’s and my starting up.
 
In fact, Kim had earlier been one of those who had shot down whatever overture I was making. I had gotten back from a business trip to England and picked up a Doctor Who tchotke or two that I thought she would like. I called her up, said I was coming over to her apartment, and headed over in vague hopes of maybe possibly something might happen. Kim and I were more acquaintances than anything else at this point.
 

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Thu Feb 28, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Other People’s Sandboxes, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #55

 
This column has its roots in Mike Gold’s column this week. While it’s not necessary to read Uncle Whizzy’s Wazoo this week,  it is recommended – as it is every week. Loves my UWW on Monday!
 
I’ve spent a lot of my writing career in other people’s sandboxes and, in general, have had a great time. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t spent a little too much time in those sandboxes. My career might have been better served with a few more original creations such as GrimJack (and I’m working on some that will appear here on ComicMix eventually) but, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Hindsight also often sounds as if one is looking out one’s butt – which certainly explains many of the utterings we hear from political pundits these days. However, that’s a different topic for another time.
 
Brother Gold’s column this week was about whether or not a strip or a character or a series should continue after its creator’s death (or their choice to discontinue work on said property). His point was that in many cases we would not have some very fine stories using those properties were that not the case. Nor would we have had some very notable careers. For example, Frank Miller first made his name taking over the very moribund Daredevil book at Marvel and making it the most talked about book in the industry. Alan Moore was known to those us who could get their hands on 2000 AD and/or Warrior (and thus first saw Miracleman, a Captain Marvel rip-off character that he performed surgery on and made into something very new) but his first big American title was when he took over Swamp Thing and re-invented not only the character but its whole mythology.
 

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Stranger Bedfellows, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #54

 

Forget whether or not Barack Obama is “black enough.” The newest wrinkle in the Presidential Campaign That Never Ended is whether or not John McCain is “conservative enough.” Evidently, according to two of the biggest conservative blowhards on the air – Rush “Dr. Feelgood” Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, She-Wolf of the Neo-Cons – the answer is “no.”
 
Limbaugh has been on a rampage about McCain, tearing the presumed Republican nominee a new asshole almost daily over issues like immigration and McCain’s voting against tax-cuts. Rush jokingly says he would endorse Barack Obama over McCain as Obama was “a blank canvas upon which anyone can project their fantasies and desires.” (Why am I not amazed that Limbaugh finds a black man to be a “blank canvas?” And you’re going to project your “fantasies and desires” on him? Oh, Rush – how Mandingo of you! Heavens, I feel all flushed! I swear I may have to swoon!)
 
Coulter has gone so far as to declare, on Fox’s Hannity and Colmes, she would campaign for Hilary Clinton rather than support McCain. That, if it came down to Hilary Clinton or John McCain, she would vote for Hilary Clinton as being more truly conservative. And on her site, she continues to champion “her Hilary.”
 

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Thu Feb 14, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Star Trek My Eye!, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #53

 
I spent part of last Tuesday getting a laser shot into my right eye. And how was your Tuesday?
 
It was for purely medicinal reasons. I have glaucoma; it’s a disease, can be hereditary, by which the fluid in the eyeball doesn’t drain out well. This increases pressure within the eyeball which erodes the optic nerve which can and does lead to blindness. Usually, you get it when you’re older but I think I was still in my twenties when I was diagnosed with it. It can be controlled with medication or sometimes with surgery.
 
And, yes, marijuana has a medical use here. Whether or not it would be of any help in my case and worth all the hassle that would come with it, I don’t know.
 
My case is advanced and I know I’ve lost some vision (my heat vision is shot all to hell and don’t get me started on my X-ray vision). In the past few months, I’ve started to develop an allergic reaction to my eye meds. It can happen. That can result in meds having to be dropped, eyeball pressure going up, and blindness coming sooner. 
 
So we go to plan B: surgical solutions. The most extreme one of these, and one I will face at some point, is having new surgical drains inserted in my eyes. Laser work, however, is less expensive and less intrusive and that’s what we’re trying now.
 

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Thu Feb 7, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Me Eat Meat, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #52

So there I was, in my car, tooling along, headed towards my eye doctor appointment, listening to my public radio station, WNYC, and one of their talk shows – the Brian Leherer Show. The segment was referred to as “Can Meat Be Ethical?” The guests were Joan Gussow, professor emeritus of Nutrition and Education at Teachers College Columbia University, and Gidon Eshel, Bard Center Fellow and a geophysicist at Simon's Rock College.

I could already tell we weren’t going to be on the same wavelength for this segment.

Here are my basic ethics about meat: if it hasn’t eaten me, I can eat it.

Professor Gussow seemed relatively reasonable. She said grass fed cows are eminently preferable to grain fed and that one should shop locally for everything – meats, grains, fruits, vegetables – as that reduces the amount of fossil fuel for transport. And that we should reduce the amount of meat that we consume and treat it more like a flavoring or a condiment as many cultures do around the world. That would be healthier.

Professor Eshel would have none of it. I should probably try to separate his snide, patronizing tone from his message. The tone probably comes with his turf; Simon’s Rock, up in the Berskshires in Maine, is – according to its website – “a small, selective, supportive, intensive college of the liberal arts and sciences” whose “400 students come to us after 10th or 11th grade in high school.” The few, the proud, the elite.

Professor Eshel maintained that grass fed beef is worse than grain fed beef. Why? Because, as bad as cow shit and cow farts may be for the environment, cow belching is worse not only in volume but in kinds of gases being released into the atmosphere. 

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Thu Jan 31, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Rant-O-Rama, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #51

 
Lots of different things pissing me off this week so let’s just make this one a grab bag of rant.
 
The Flordia Primary, Part One. Some time ago, Will Rogers, the noted American humorist, said, “I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” Still true. Given the state of the country today – mired in a war that we shouldn’t have gotten into, edging into recession, a housing shortage that bids fair to upend our financial apple cart – the Democratic nominee for President should be a shoo-in. I think the DNC – the Democratic National Committee – assumes that. Not me. I still trust them to find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. It’s a time tested Democratic tradition.
 
Cases in point – the Florida and the Michigan primaries. You’ve heard a lot this week about the Florida Republican primary but not so much the Democratic one. Why is that? Because the DNC has decided to punish those two states for moving their primaries ahead despite what the DNC told them. Furthermore, the DNC says they won’t be seating those states’ delegates at the Convention later this year. That’ll show ‘em! Naughty locals!
 
Question: what state lost the Dems the election in 2000? That’s right – Florida. There’s also plenty of votes to be had in Michigan. Mary’s family comes from Michigan and she knows some of them who have voted Democratic regularly before. This time they’ll sit it out or will vote Republican. Why? They’re pissed that the Dems have told them their delegates won’t be seated; that their votes in the primary don’t mean anything. If some people told me my vote didn’t matter, I’d find others who thought it did.
 

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Fri Jan 25, 2008 — by John Ostrander

This Is Not My Column, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #50


Editor's note: Due to a completely unrelated attack from the Ether Bunny, this column was supposed to run yesterday. It's just as swell today, but if you're looking for Michael Davis's column, well, it was run yesterday. However, when you're done reading this, go read Michael by clicking here. Thank you.
 
There are days when I hate writing, just hate it, and this day and this moment is one of them.
 
Why? Because nothing is working. Absolutely nothing. I have, as of this moment, five different versions of this column in the works including this one. I don’t like any of them. I’m presently reduced to writing about how the writing is not going well. Sad, Isn’t it? Not something in which I’m likely to get a lot of sympathy for, though. I mean, a lot of people have to get up and go into jobs that they may not care for. They do it day in, day out, week in, week out, month in, month out and so on. Maybe they don’t ever get to love their job. I mean, I make my living writing comics. That should be fun, right?
 
Not today. Today I’m in hell.
 
Most days I really do love what I do. I get paid pretty nice for it. I have a really quick commute, from the kitchen into the back bedroom, which serves as the office. We had friends who lived with us for awhile and, in the morning, I’d wave to them as they went to work and announce I was beginning my commute, too. And then I amble away. They recently allowed how they wanted to kill me at those moments. I knew that. It was part of the smug job satisfaction.
 

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Thu Jan 17, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Our Declining Years, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #49

And every fair from fair sometime declines
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d
 
That’s Shakespeare. Sonnet XVIII – or 18 to those of us who don’t want to bother with Roman numerals.
 
Will is talking about the inevitable decay and decline of beauty in the person to whom the sonnet is addressed. For me, however, it is a reminder that everything – EVERYTHING – declines. It’s the power of entropy, folks – everything that is fair and/or beautiful, that is strong, must inevitably lose what is fair, strong, beautiful. It arrives sooner – by chance, as Will says, by accident – or later – by the accumulation of days but it must arrive.
 
That includes nations and brings me to a principle consideration of mine about all the candidates, Democrat and Republican, now vying for the post of Chief Executive of these Unites States. Which one is best equipped to deal with its decline? 
 
Decline is inevitable, to begin with. Every nation, every empire, on top of the heap has fallen off that pinnacle. Every. Single. One. It is a historic inevitability that we will also slide as well. I’m betting on sooner rather than later. Here are my reasons.
 

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Thu Jan 10, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Oh God, if there is a god… by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #48

Every once in a while, when I disclose or discuss my agnosticism, I get pointed little messages and jokes along the lines of “Agnostics are atheists who like bingo.” I hear that more often from atheists than theists, interestingly enough. Some folks consider agnostics to be the bisexuals of religion – like we’re trying to have the best of both worlds. “They should stop straddling the Theological fence,” seems to be the attitude. Shit or get off the metaphysical pot. Pick a side, damn it! This is America and we pick sides.
 
The suggestion seems to be that I haven’t thought this through because, if I had, I’d be one thing or the other. Charlie Brown probably grew up to be an agnostic. Good ol’ wishy washy Charlie Brown. Or maybe it’s Hamlet – forever philosophizing and never really doing until it’s way too late. The thing is, I have thought about. I continue to think about it, to question it all, including my questioning.
 
I don’t usually get into discussions about what I believe/disbelieve. These things almost never end well. However, I need a column for this week and this topic comes to mind so…off we go! We’ll start with the usual caveats that one must issue in this civil discourse-challenged era. When I state my position, I’m not attacking your beliefs or unbeliefs, whatever they may be. I’m not trying to insult you, Jesus, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, Odin, Jupiter or whatever church you may belong to or shun. I’m not trying to convince, convert, or proselytize. I’m just stating my position.
 

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Thu Jan 3, 2008 — by John Ostrander

Solitary Pleasures, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #47

Well, foo.
 
I was working on this great C.O.M. (Cranky Old Man) rant for this week’s column about how technology was making us all more isolated. It was a nice rant, too – it started with the Luddite vision of how, in the old days, people sang together or told stories in order to entertain themselves. It was a group thing and it bound people together. The rant then traced how technology – movies to begin with – changed us from participants to observers and then radio changed it into small family sized units until it was replaced by TV. The rant went on – oh, how it went on – about how the dawning of iPods and cell phones and texting and the Internet was further fracturing us into isolated units and blah blah blah. Really, I was working up a nice head of steam. 
 
Then I looked at what I was doing. At this. At words such as these on the screen or printed on a page. Usually written by one person and then read by one person. What we’re doing, right now, you and I. Reading, in general, is an isolated act, a solitary pleasure. It made mincemeat of my rant.
 

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Thu Dec 27, 2007 — by John Ostrander

Zeus, In Passing, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #46

Having celebrated Christmas, we all now stagger towards the New Year. There’s no inherent meaning or importance to the fates of December 31 and January 1; nothing save what we invest in it. Part of the meaning is to look forward, to imagine what will be. The other is to look back and to remember what has happened in the past year especially if someone you know has died.
 
I experienced that late this year. On Saturday, November 17th, I received word from Phillip Grant that his father, Paul, has suffered a major heart attack and was not expected to live. Paul Grant died the following Tuesday.
 
I’d gotten to know Paul in my early Internet days online at the old Compuserve Information Services site, in their Comics and Animation Forum. I knew him at the time by his handle, Zeus, and his were the first online reviews that I read – Notes from Olympus, if I recall correctly. Paul, as Zeus, covered a wide range of comics and, while economical in length, each review was well written and well thought out. Paul could write. He was also an early and vocal supporter of GrimJack, for which I was and am extremely grateful.
 

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Thu Dec 20, 2007 — by John Ostrander

An Agnostic’s Christmas, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #45

It’s an odd time of year if you’re an agnostic. It’s especially odd if you’re a church-going agnostic like myself. Oh, I suppose it could be said that Christmas is an odd time of year for everyone one way or another. We rush around spending money we don’t really have buying gifts for people, some of whom we don’t really like. Amidst the desperate scurry, we try to convince ourselves that it really is the happiest time of year and, for some, perhaps it is.

Christmas isn’t just a “holiday” in the sense that the Fourth of July is a holiday. It’s a holiday in the sense of being a “holi-day” – a holy day. It celebrates the day Jahweh became Jesus; the day that, according to the story told, God came off His (Her) mountain and incarnated as a mortal child, a baby boy. That’s what underlines the whole Christmas concept. The mythology has that at its root.

The existence of Jesus (as a mortal) I can buy; the existence of Yahweh (or any other god), not so much.

Aside: before anyone starts chiming in about the pagan roots of Christmas, I know all about that. I don’t believe in your gods, either. And few if any folks are celebrating the pagan rituals; if they still have meaning, it’s only because the majority of people see them in a Christian or quasi-Christian context. Yes, the Church swiped your ideas and co-opted them. Get over it.

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Thu Dec 13, 2007 — by John Ostrander

I’m Dreaming of a Celluloid Christmas Part Deux, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #44

We now return to my list of Christmas movies, begun last week. And thanks to all of you for your responses and your own suggestions.

How better to begin this round than with How the Grinch Stole Christmas – the cartoon TV special, not the bloated movie that was a vehicle for Jim Carrey. I mean, do I really have to say that? Dr. Seuss, Chuck Jones, and Boris Karloff, Thurl Ravenscroft – the voice of Tony the Tiger – singing “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” which is one of the great modern Christmas songs. All in twenty-two minutes. Perfect.

Actually, let’s spend a moment’s meditation on both the Grinch and Scrooge. They are certainly cousins. And I think we not only identify with them at their curmudgeonly worst but we are meant to do so, especially these days. Yes, they are both monsters in some fashion – but we also identify with a good monster, do we not? They act out what we feel about the holiday season – Humbug! Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise! – and the gaiety that is being forced upon us, especially these days in the over-commercialization of the holiday.

Maybe we feel locked out of Christmas – by choice, by belief, by our own religion – and we rightfully feel resentful. Christmas time is also a time of depression for many people, especially if we think we should be feeling like something out of Norman Rockwell – and don’t. The Grinch and Scrooge both give voice to our inner misanthrope and God love ‘em for it. Even if they do change by the end.

Since we’re talking about TV specials at the moment, let’s add A Charlie Brown Christmas – the first Peanuts TV Special and the best one. The story is true to classic Peanuts which also makes it true to kids. Other Peanuts TV specials would be tied to other holiday times of the year and would twice more, as my memory recalls, return to Christmas itself. The later Christmas Peanuts stories, however, never seemed to have a central story as this first one does. At it’s heart in the original is Charlie Brown’s choice of a Christmas tree – a forlorn little twig that he thinks has character and the rest of the gang thinks is awful. By the end, however, with some love and kindness, it turns out to be a fine Christmas tree after all.

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Thu Dec 6, 2007 — by John Ostrander

I’m Dreaming of a Celluloid Christmas, Part 1, by John Ostrander

Tales From The O-zone #43

Having learned nothing from my last list of favorite films other than how to start a few fights, I’ve decided to go at it again, this time with a list of my favorite Christmas films. T’is the season to really annoy people, after all.

A few words as I begin. This is my list of favorite films. I’m not saying they are the best. Well, some of them are. They just may not be your favorites. Omission of a certain film doesn’t mean I don’t know it or don’t like it. It’s just not on my list. Anyone attempting to see more into the list will be drowned in eggnog and buried with a stake of mistletoe through the heart. Hostile? Sure. T’is the season.

Here we go.

A Christmas Carol – I’m something of A Christmas Carol-aholic. It’s an inspired combination – Dickens creates a ghost story not for Halloween but for Christmas. Brilliant!

I read the story as a boy, the scene around the Cratchit family table was read at my house every Christmas Eve when I was growing up, and it was the last play I performed (where I played such vital roles as Mr. Round, Fred’s friend #3, Dancing Man, and Ensemble) before giving up my sputtering acting career. So I have very definite ideas of what the movie version should be. I own three different versions on DVD – all of which I will have seen before Christmas Day this year.

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