MICHAEL DAVIS: Back To The Future
“Just when I thought I was out, they drag me back in.”
– Michael Corleone“This is a moment of history.”
– Jim Lee“ I told you so.”
– Michael Davis“Bitch better have my money.”
–Fly Guy
Michael Corleone was talking about not being able to escape the Mafia.
Jim Lee was talking about the DC Comics Reboot.
I’m taking about my return to ComicMix.
Fly guy was talking about a bitch having his money.
Don’t waste anytime trying to figure out why I used the Fly Guy quote. I’ll just tell you, I simply like saying, “Bitch better have my money.”
I’m told there are a lot more ComicMix users now then when I was writing here. Because of that I’m going to write a brief bio of myself in case you never heard of me.
My name is Michael Davis and I’m Master Of The Universe. I’m also a writer, TV producer artist and dealmaker. I work in mainstream publishing, comics, television and the music industry, yada, yada, blah, blah. When ComicMix started I wrote a wildly popular column called “Straight No Chaser”. I was fired from ComicMix because I was black.
OK, the black thing is just what I told girls at comic conventions when I wanted them to feel bad for me. Now I’ll tell them ComicMix brought me back because of pressure from the NAACP and President Obama.
My column WAS wildly popular. If you hear differently remember that’s the white man trying to keep me down.
As I mentioned my column was called Straight No Chaser. I can’t call my return to ComicMix that because I continue my weekly rants under that title at my WILDLY popular website, www.michaeldavisworld.com.
If anyone tells you it’s not wildly popular, remember,
White man.
Down.
Me.
I’m calling my return to ComicMix The Remix.
That’s a music term used to describe a hipper, hotter, version of a previously released song. Well, this is a hipper, hotter version of my previous ComicMix column. It’s also just so happens that Remix is a devilishly clever play on words.
ComicMix.
Remix.
Devilishly clever.
Speaking of Remix, DC Comics is about to do the mother of all remixing with their entire line of books. It’s being called the DC Reboot. I think DC Remix would have been a hipper, hotter name for the event but then I would have had to call this, The Reboot…ugh.
For new readers I think a full disclosure is in order regarding my relationship with DC before I comment on the reboot.
I have a long history with DC comics, which has been at times. GREAT.
Over the last few years, not so much.
How, “not so much” do I mean?
Let’s put it this way. Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom were Karaoke drinking buddies compared to my relationship with DC.
Why the drama?
Because I was blac…
Nope. I’m not even going to finish that sentence. I love the comic book industry and it’s fans, but you know as well as I do that out there somewhere is the one IDIOT fan boy who will NOT get the joke and then tweet, “Michael Davis said DC Comics said Static Shock would be a better character if he were a slave.”
JUST TO BE CLEAR, in case said asinine fan boy tweets that.
DC NEVER said that about slavery… that was Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum.
How’s my relationship with DC now? Believe it or not we are talking! Really! I’m as happy as an 8th grade boy with a copy of Playboy!
Just so no one thinks I’m about to suck up to DC just because I want to protect my new relationship, know this, regardless of my scrapes at DC I have ALWAYS said they were my favorite comic book company. When things were at the darkest between us I still loved their books.
Hey-I love Elton John’s music, even when I could not STAND Elton John.
I am looking forward to the DC Reboot like I have never looked forward to anything in comics except the launch of Milestone Media.
Think about it-DC is going to restart the universe. Hell, it’s like Dan DiDio, Jim Lee and the other architects of the reboot sat around just like fans do and came up with the sort of stuff fans would come up with.
Everyone reading this has at one time been involved in a reboot conversation about comics. Up until now no comic company has been bold enough to go there.
DC went there.
DC went gangsta on the comic book business. Jim Lee said, “F**K it! What if we just start the DC universe over?”
DC went angry God on the industry. Dan DiDio said; “Flood the DC universe, let the rain fall for 40 days and forty nights.”
Oh-wait a sec-DC went gangsta AND angry God.
“F**K it! What if we just start the DC Universe over?”
Gangsta.
“Flood the DC universe, let the rain fall for 40 days and forty nights.”
Angry God.
No Ark.
Gangsta and angry God.
Maybe just maybe Geoff Johns came to the meeting and said, “Let’s wipe everything out of the DCU like the Black Plague did back in the day!”
Gangsta, angry God AND medieval.
Yes, I know there are angry fans out there. I’ve heard some are even planning a protest at The San Diego Comic Con.
Really?
I’ve always amazed at people who protest something they have NOT even seen. My advice to these folks is that they wait and see. I’m sure they all have a valid point and are simply acting to protect the holiness, sanctity and purity of their favorite characters. But from what I’ve read about the protest they sure are angry.
Wow, holiness sanctity, purity and anger.
Angry God.
Get the F**K over it. These are Goddamn comic books.
Gangsta.
Give me a break-like I said- comic books. Yes, I love them just like you do but guess what?
NEW COKE.
You know what happened when New Coke didn’t sell? I’ll tell you what happened…
OLD COKE.
You know what happened when Conan O’Brian didn’t work out on the Tonight Show?
JAY LENO!
I’ve got around 50 more examples for you if the two above don’t get the point across. So you DC reboot angry protesters, let’s just see what happens shall we?
In the meantime have a Coke and a smile turn on Leno and shut the hell up.
I’M BACKKKKKKKKKKK!
WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold!
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Wait, you’re black? I thought you were just left out in the sun too long. My version explains so much more ….
Martha,
White man.
Down.
Me.
AND-I was left out in the sun too long. Long story, involves bacon…and apple sauce.
Hmmm…. bacon!
Yeahhhhhhhhh…bacon.
MOTU,
You forgot to tell them about the Death Ray!
And does the white woman also keep you down? And how much do you have to pay her for that?
Asian women Martha, Asian women.
Welcome back MOTU. And, trust me. I have your money. but I can’t give it to you. Turns out, I’m white, and my father is Mr. TheMan. Whoops!
“Bitch better have my money.”
–Fly Guy
I’m actually looking forward to the DCReboot. The basic problem with their Infinite Final Crises On Infinite Crossovers was that at the end of the day, they still seemed to feel beholden to messed-up continuity issues dating back to the 1930s. It’s reached the point where their only hope to tell fresh stories involves cutting loose of all that backstory and starting over.
It worked for Battlestar Galactica, after all.
And if this doesn’t work out, they can always blame it on Mr. Mxyztplk or Amalgam or somebody, and go back to the way things were…
And if this doesn’t work out, they can go the Patrick Ewing dream from ‘Dallas’ or the ‘Newhart ‘ dream or they can pull an Inception. There are so many ways to get out of this. OR-they can turn the Universe over to me and look for the Asian girl and bacon reboot!
So, you’d reboot with an emphasis on Doctor Light #2, and import Peter Porker, the Amazing Spider-Ham?
Sounds better than some of the ideas I’ve heard…
Any progress on the time machine, MOTU?
Too bad Denys Cowan got the role in “Death to the Pee Wee Squad” or you could have added actor to your credits.
Glad to have you back at Comic Mix!
Thanks Steve!
Jeremiah-email me on the Time Machine tip.
Get the F**K over it. These are Goddamn comic books.
Wiser words were never spoken.
I love comics, but let’s get some perspective here…
Chris,
I think it was Shakespeare who first wrote those immortal words,“Bitch better have my money” and those are wiser words still.
The thing that sticks in my craw about the “reboot” is that…
1. It should have happened LONG ago.
2. They needed to eliminate ALL the previous ties (ahem Morrison’s Batman and John’s Green Lantern, etc.) and not pick and choose according to “powerful” writers currently employed at DC that have too much stroke.
That just comes off as cowardly and ticks me off. If you’re going to have the “balls” to reboot the universe, have the “balls” to reboot the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!! (grumble, mumble)
Black boys are delicious
Taste like chocolate milk
Black boys are so damn yummy
They satisfy my tummy
Blackblackblackblackblackblackblack
BLAAAACCCK BOYS!
:-)
Great column, Michael!!!!
Wait.
DC is rebooting?
Again?